Sandra Dodd

I’ve lived and learned through many phases of “information delivery” about unschooling.

in another topic, I posted this:

-=-Some of those pages aren’t good on a phone. Readers view will give you 150 words or so, but there’s much more there. People who want to use this group as a resource for REALLY learning lots more about unschooling will probably do best to use a computer, rather than trying to rely on a hand-held quick-reference version.-=-


When people complain to me that it’s hard to use this group or my site from a phone, it’s insulting. It’s like wanting the library to deliver exactly what you need, and pick it up when you’re done. Get up and go to the library. :-)

That’s not the best analogy, but I’m not sure what is. Maybe like starting to sign up for a sixteen-week class, but then asking the professor to just tell you briefly what’s to be taught because you don’t have time to take the class. And then looking at the time and the looking out the window.

Somehow, it pisses me off, when people say “I don’t want to read links; just tell me.” Or “I’ve read your whole site, and…”

SO here is my question:

Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by. And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?

What’s the best way these days for people to move from “What!?” to “Oh!” about unschooling?

What has worked or failed for you, informationally speaking?

Sandra

Clare Kirkpatrick

I think the only thing that *is* an issue is the phone/PC thing. Personally, I don't get a look in with our laptops. I read on my phone in bed, in the bath, in spare moments here and there when my children don't need me. If I had to get to a laptop all the time it would be a pain and I'd read about unschooling and discuss it very rarely nowadays. But your pages, although not perfect on a phone, are not impossible to read on a phone. I just turn mine sideways and expand the text - it's not a big deal.

However, the links are fantastic. If people say 'I don't want to read links, just tell me', well that seems just lazy and demanding and time-consuming and re-inventing the wheel. It's like saying 'I don't want to do the work, you do it for me'.

Clare

On 1 March 2016 at 16:00, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

I’ve lived and learned through many phases of “information delivery” about unschooling.

in another topic, I posted this:

-=-Some of those pages aren’t good on a phone. Readers view will give you 150 words or so, but there’s much more there. People who want to use this group as a resource for REALLY learning lots more about unschooling will probably do best to use a computer, rather than trying to rely on a hand-held quick-reference version.-=-

When people complain to me that it’s hard to use this group or my site from a phone, it’s insulting. It’s like wanting the library to deliver exactly what you need, and pick it up when you’re done. Get up and go to the library. :-)

That’s not the best analogy, but I’m not sure what is. Maybe like starting to sign up for a sixteen-week class, but then asking the professor to just tell you briefly what’s to be taught because you don’t have time to take the class. And then looking at the time and the looking out the window.

Somehow, it pisses me off, when people say “I don’t want to read links; just tell me.” Or “I’ve read your whole site, and…”

SO here is my question:

Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by. And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?

What’s the best way these days for people to move from “What!?” to “Oh!” about unschooling?

What has worked or failed for you, informationally speaking?

Sandra


Rachel

I have this saved in note form on my phone.  I'm not sure how it will look for others on a phone or otherwise, but this is my go to when I need to remind myself and just take a minute or two to relax and refocus.

I'm not sure where I've taken it from, maybe from Sandra's site, or add light and stir or maybe copied from a string of emails, so if it can be attributed to a person or people, please let me and others know.

I hope it will help others as much as it helps me :)

Be nice to your kids.
Be nice to your spouse.
Don't take things your children and spouse do as attacks on you - because it's probably not about you, what they're doing :-)

Even if you don't see the glass half-full at a particular moment, keep that to yourself and let your child go right along being happy as a (proverbial) clam.

If a complaint occurs to you, before you issue that complaint to your spouse or child, pause for a moment, and be sure it's something that really needs saying.

Don't call things or people Stupid. Don't Hate something or someone when a simple "I don't like that" will do :-)

Assume your kids and your spouse are doing the best they can at any given moment.

Play with your kids.
ENJOY your kids - they're only going to be little once!

You don't *Have To* do anything - but you can choose to.  And you can choose not to.

Feed your kids food they enjoy before they're melting down from being hungry.

Help everyone in your house, including yourself, get to sleep peacefully when they are tired.

Value the fact that your kids value something, even if the value in that thing escapes you.  Don't call their stuff or their interests crap.  

Recognize and appreciate the learning that comes from making your kids' lives full and exciting - and the learning that comes from living *in* the world.  Be part of the world - explore, enjoy, and learn as a result!

Be your child's partner and their friend - not their teacher, their dictator, their punisher, or their adversary.

Work to make your home a place where the needs of all family members are respected and met to the greatest extent possible.

Don't repeat mistakes - apologize, move on, and do better!

Don't hold the mistakes of others against them - forgive, help them move on, and help them do better.

Keep an eye on tomorrow, but Be today and make today special because today is what you have, and you are together and your life is good 

The words you use to talk to yourself and to the world have meaning - choose your words carefully and thoughtfully, so what you say will be what you mean :-)

On Tue, Mar 01, 2016 at 7:00 pm, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:

I’ve lived and learned through many phases of “information delivery” about unschooling. 

in another topic, I posted this:

-=-Some of those pages aren’t good on a phone.  Readers view will give you 150 words or so, but there’s much more there.  People who want to use this group as a resource for REALLY learning lots more about unschooling will probably do best to use a computer, rather than trying to rely on a hand-held quick-reference version.-=-


When people complain to me that it’s hard to use this group or my site from a phone, it’s insulting.  It’s like wanting the library to deliver exactly what you need, and pick it up when you’re done.  Get up and go to the library. :-) 

That’s not the best analogy, but I’m not sure what is.  Maybe like starting to sign up for a sixteen-week class, but then asking the professor to just tell you briefly what’s to be taught because you don’t have time to take the class.  And then looking at the time and the looking out the window. 

Somehow, it pisses me off, when people say “I don’t want to read links; just tell me.”  Or “I’ve read your whole site, and…”

SO here is my question:

Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling.  And what do you recommend to new people who come by.  And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?

What’s the best way these days for people to move from “What!?” to “Oh!” about unschooling?

What has worked or failed for you, informationally speaking?

Sandra



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Erin Waterbury

I found unschooling when my oldest was about 6 months old.  I immediately loved the idea and tried to dive in.  Reading the websites (Sandra's, Joyce's, Pam's) was where I started.  Particularly Joyce's, the scattered you'll-never-read-it-all nature of Sandra's site frustrated me for a long time (I'm the kind of person who actually reads user agreements...).

My big trip up was that reading the static words made it really easy for me to gloss over and skip the things that I really needed to think about.  It wasn't until I joined the Radical Unschooling Info facebook group and this list a few years later that I really started to confront the patterns of thought that were holding me back.  

Seeing other people flail and fight the wisdom in the responses helped me think more deeply about the importance of a healthy relationship with food (and helped me repair my own seriously disordered eating and relationship with my body).  It's helped me really examine what it means to be a good partner for my children and my husband.  I was stuck acting as though being their partner meant pointing out where they go wrong instead of setting them up for success.

Examining and removing the negativity from my marital relationship has been the hardest and most rewarding part of this journey for me.  It's easy for me to view my children as whole beings who need a partner to help them understand and navigate the world they live in.  It's been more challenging to avoid treating my husband as a broken person who needs to be fixed.

With the help of this list I've made huge progress in shifting how I look at my husband and how I treat him.  Our relationship was in a really bad place for a while but things are sweeter between us now and getting better still.

My boys are 5 and 2, I still have a lot of learning to do but with the vast improvements I've seen in all my relationships since reading this list I'm confident I'm on the right track.  I'm so grateful to have this amazing resource available as I start unschooling.

On Tue, Mar 1, 2016 at 8:00 AM, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

I’ve lived and learned through many phases of “information delivery” about unschooling.

in another topic, I posted this:

-=-Some of those pages aren’t good on a phone. Readers view will give you 150 words or so, but there’s much more there. People who want to use this group as a resource for REALLY learning lots more about unschooling will probably do best to use a computer, rather than trying to rely on a hand-held quick-reference version.-=-

When people complain to me that it’s hard to use this group or my site from a phone, it’s insulting. It’s like wanting the library to deliver exactly what you need, and pick it up when you’re done. Get up and go to the library. :-)

That’s not the best analogy, but I’m not sure what is. Maybe like starting to sign up for a sixteen-week class, but then asking the professor to just tell you briefly what’s to be taught because you don’t have time to take the class. And then looking at the time and the looking out the window.

Somehow, it pisses me off, when people say “I don’t want to read links; just tell me.” Or “I’ve read your whole site, and…”

SO here is my question:

Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by. And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?

What’s the best way these days for people to move from “What!?” to “Oh!” about unschooling?

What has worked or failed for you, informationally speaking?

Sandra


Sarah Thompson

I get a lot out of discussions, *and* a lot out of links. Much of my time available for reading happens when I'm out-waiting for the kids at dojo, waiting for someone in the car, stuck in a long line at the store, and while my kids are using our computers, so mobile is more convenient for me but I prefer the computer interface when I have the option.

Sarah

semajrak@...

<<Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling.>>

One thing that didn't work for me was reading too much about too many things from too many different places early on.  I was reading conventional ideas alongside the newer (to me) unschooling ideas, and I was getting entirely overwhelmed.  I stopped reading at all for a short while.  (I'm not recommending that.  It's just what I did to help myself get more centered, I think.)  

During that time, I paid close attention to Ethan.  Once I felt I had a more solid understanding of what he was needing and experiencing, I read a little about unschooling, tried a little, waited a while, and watched some more.  Sandra's recommendation "Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch" did work perfectly for me, but I needed to *not* to go back to reading conventional material at all until I could more clearly see the strengths and benefits of unschooling.  

I stayed away from conventional writing for a few years, actually.  People would send me articles, and I'd mostly ignore them (the articles, not the people ;-) ).  I read almost exclusively here, at Always Learning, after trying a couple other places.  This was the clearest, most focused place for me.  I seemed to need that.  Too many different messages were not helpful for me.  Too much fluff didn't fill me up enough.

Honestly, I hardly read the links at first.  (I'm sorry Sandra!  Again, I'm in no way suggesting this route for others.  It was just my own way, and I don't always take the best route.)  I benefitted more from the back and forth of the discussion at first.  That dialogue was kind of like trying to get something in focus under a microscope, going too far one way, then back again, iterating back and forth until it was clear enough for me to begin to identify what I was looking at.  Then, when I went to the links, I understood the writing better.  

I'm like that with building things in general.  I can't read the instructions and understand them well.  I need to go through all the bits and pieces and imagine how it all fits together.  Once I have a clear-ish picture, I can look at the instructions and see how they make sense.  I'm not suggestion the unschooling links are instructions, but that my own reading comprehension seems to need something solid to build it's model from, and the discussions facilitated that for me at first.  The one thing I really love about the way Sandra has her pages set up, is that so many of them are built off of the discussions.  That was really helpful to me.  It was a perfect extension of what was becoming familiar to me.

Another thing that didn't help me was my own arrogance.  That probably was (and still can be) my biggest obstacle to learning.  Once I became a little more humble, the reading was clearer and easier to digest.  I began to see little nuances that I just couldn't see when I was looking at things as black and white, right and wrong.  I really did need to empty my cup before I could successfully begin to learn about unschooling.  That was likely the most important thing I did for myself.  Perhaps it's what I was doing while I was taking a break from all reading.  I'm not sure.  I don't remember. I wasn't intentional about it, but I'm glad it finally happened.  Now, I make a habit of doing my best to make sure there's always room in my cup for more.  :-)

Karen James 

Sarah Peshek

Everything I have learned about unschooling, I have learned in the last 4 months.  I gave myself 2 months of reading and thinking time and have been actively unschooling for 2 months.  Here's the information I have taken in so far:  I started by reading print books (first Peter Gray and John Holt, which eased me out of obsessively schoolish thinking, then Sandra's Big Book of Unschooling).  Next, I read most of the information on Joyfully Rejoicing.  Then, I subscribed to this list.  Now, I read the discussion here every day and often follow the links, sometimes immediately but often not until days later.  (I can't imagine having a problem with the links - Sandra shouldn't have to repeat what she's already written so well on her site.)  I have also listened to Amy Childs' podcasts and read one of Pam Laricchia's books (so far) over the last couple of weeks.

As far as devices are concerned, I use a little MacBook Air laptop that is really portable but gives me access to the full version of websites.  I do most of my reading of the Always Learning list and Sandra's website on this device, most often while I am watching movies I've already seen with my kids and am ready to do some thinking of my own.  It allows me to be partially present with them (cuddled up on the couch), even once I reach my own mental point of having seen too many movies for the day!  I noticed that this information isn't as accessible on my phone or tablet so I don't use those for reading this list or Sandra's site.  

I didn't have this laptop, I don't know that I would often have a good time to sit down at the "big" computer, away from where the family usually hangs out, to read and think about unschooling.  My kids are young (7 and 4) so it would be difficult to give them the attention they need and also give myself the time I need to read/think without this laptop that gives me the best of both portability and access.  My world and my kids' have grown so much as a result of the reading I have done...my deepest thanks to all who contribute.  :-)

Peace,
Sarah Rae


On Tuesday, March 1, 2016 1:21 PM, "Sarah Thompson thompsonisland@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:


 
I get a lot out of discussions, *and* a lot out of links. Much of my time available for reading happens when I'm out-waiting for the kids at dojo, waiting for someone in the car, stuck in a long line at the store, and while my kids are using our computers, so mobile is more convenient for me but I prefer the computer interface when I have the option.
Sarah


Sherry Franklin

i very much enjoy and need the links.  What I usually do is read the entire message first skipping the links to save for a later date.  If I try to read the link right away I get deterred from the initial back and forth.  But, having the links gives me the opportunity to go back and click on them later when my mind has cleared from the initial discussion and is ready for more input on the topic.

Sherry

 

Aroha Hawkins

Hello Sandra,

We are old and outdated:) and have laptops so cutting and pasting links is easy peasy (and I actually feel quite technologically advanced doing it being a neoLuddite:).  Your responses to my questions and reading the discussions on Always Learning have been eye-opening and I am grateful. 

My introduction to unschooling was through Pam Laricchia's books from the library.  Then I received by email her intro to unschooling newsletters which always seemed to arrive right when I needed them.  I haven't gotten around to reading her free ebook, although I have downloaded it, for 2 reasons, I prefer paper books and my kids are usually on the computers.

Finally, I am very excited that I finally got in touch with the UnschoolersNZ group and just today received an email from a woman an hour away who is unschooling 2 boys who are 7 & 9 (mine are 5, 8 & 10).

Hope this is what you were after,
Aroha


From: "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: Always Learning <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, 2 March 2016 3:00 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] How to learn about unschooling

 
I’ve lived and learned through many phases of “information delivery” about unschooling.

in another topic, I posted this:

-=-Some of those pages aren’t good on a phone. Readers view will give you 150 words or so, but there’s much more there. People who want to use this group as a resource for REALLY learning lots more about unschooling will probably do best to use a computer, rather than trying to rely on a hand-held quick-reference version.-=-

When people complain to me that it’s hard to use this group or my site from a phone, it’s insulting. It’s like wanting the library to deliver exactly what you need, and pick it up when you’re done. Get up and go to the library. :-)

That’s not the best analogy, but I’m not sure what is. Maybe like starting to sign up for a sixteen-week class, but then asking the professor to just tell you briefly what’s to be taught because you don’t have time to take the class. And then looking at the time and the looking out the window.

Somehow, it pisses me off, when people say “I don’t want to read links; just tell me.” Or “I’ve read your whole site, and…”

SO here is my question:

Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by. And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?

What’s the best way these days for people to move from “What!?” to “Oh!” about unschooling?

What has worked or failed for you, informationally speaking?

Sandra



sukaynalabboun@...

I found Radical Unschooling inadvertently, on a laptop :-) There were a lot of other sites I skipped over, and I had never even heard of unschooling when I found you....I was very lucky, and used some discretion, some judgement.

I read voraciously for quite some time, because what I recognized initially was what I knew to be true- about humans and learning. You really *do* have the most comprehensive and highest quality groups and sites! There were lots of new ideas, too, and I began to mull them over and see what would work in our lives. It was particularly helpful to read real stories, real accounts of what unschooling might look like.

I made the mistake of not changing gradually (so eager to help with deschooling and moving towards joy). I posted here too early, but it was good in that it forced me to quietly read some more in another format, another style. For much of these last few years, I have read frequently at Always Learning, on my iPad  when I got one, and I follow links when I have time, or if they seem super relevant, or based on interest. It depends, but definitely if I have asked for help, I would follow the links. 

Maybe new people would benefit from slowing down and digesting what is already here. Like Karen said, we each have our own learning style and pace, so maybe taking some time to adjust to a new way of thinking, to this group, etc would help.
I think it is very reasonable to refer people to links and not give personalized advice if the questions have been asked ( frequently!) before. Unschooling means you sometimes have to work! Hard! Luckily, some kind people have strewn our paths with a lot of collected information about what does and doesn't work, and all we need to do is click and read. If it is hard to do on a phone then make it a priority on another device, be flexible :-)

Jo Isaac

<Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling.>>

Honestly, time is what has worked for us, mostly. In the beginning, I was lucky enough to join a local group with lots of older unschooled kids, when Kai was 3, and that was really helpful too. As for reading, I only read on my laptop - so I can't comment on how pages look on a phone. I don't like reading on my phone at all.

Early on, I also found Sandra's site overwhelming - possibly because it covers so many topics that, at that time, just seemed crazy to me (food, video games, etc). I read a few books - John Taylor Gatto, Alison McKee, and I read bits and pieces elsewhere. I think, when people don't want to read links, it may be because of some inner idea that *their* situation is different? Unique, somehow? They just don't understand in the beginning that they are asking the same question that has been asked over and over, so they don't want a standard response, they want a personal one? Not sure...I'm not articulating that idea very well.

I joined (and left a few times in a huff!) Sandra's facebook group...but honestly it was just time, and having access to other radical unschoolers in our life that mostly helped. By the time Kai was 6 or so (he's almost 10 now), I was in a place where I LOVED Sandra's website - I was ready to take all that information on board by then. I re-joined the facebook group, and began to write more on there and on here. Responding to others has also helped our unschooling, though it took a good few years before I was in a position where I thought I could respond helpfully, and I'm still working on my writing [😊]

Jo



________________________________
From: [email protected] <[email protected]> on behalf of Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]>
Sent: 01 March 2016 16:00
To: Always Learning
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] How to learn about unschooling



I've lived and learned through many phases of "information delivery" about unschooling.

in another topic, I posted this:

-=-Some of those pages aren't good on a phone. Readers view will give you 150 words or so, but there's much more there. People who want to use this group as a resource for REALLY learning lots more about unschooling will probably do best to use a computer, rather than trying to rely on a hand-held quick-reference version.-=-

When people complain to me that it's hard to use this group or my site from a phone, it's insulting. It's like wanting the library to deliver exactly what you need, and pick it up when you're done. Get up and go to the library. :-)

That's not the best analogy, but I'm not sure what is. Maybe like starting to sign up for a sixteen-week class, but then asking the professor to just tell you briefly what's to be taught because you don't have time to take the class. And then looking at the time and the looking out the window.

Somehow, it pisses me off, when people say "I don't want to read links; just tell me." Or "I've read your whole site, and..."

SO here is my question:

Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by. And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?

What's the best way these days for people to move from "What!?" to "Oh!" about unschooling?

What has worked or failed for you, informationally speaking?

Sandra





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

nada.sheppard@...

<<Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by. And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?>>

I went to public school all my life and it wasn't until I was in my 30s that I finally figured out how I learn something -- writing.  I write down everything.  No matter what it is, I write it down.  So now, with unschooling, I write down everything and anything I want to sink in.

I've also taken Sandra's "read a little, try a little, wait a little, watch" motto to heart.  I get information overload, so I read a little pertaining to whatever particular situation comes up in our household, and as I read it, I take notes.  I try some of the suggestions, wait a while to see if the suggestion has the desired result, and then watch to see if I need to make changes.  Just adopting this has slowed me down and allowed me to really let go.

Another thing that I have adopted was the "big 6" of unschooling that someone here coined a few years ago at an unschooling convention (whomever it is, I'm sorry, I don't remember your name).  But this has allowed me to focus on one area of the situation at a time.  I have let go of restrictions around television, clothes, food and am working on sleep and hygiene now.  

What has not worked for me was giving up total freedom all at once.  When you're driving a car, you can't just let go of the wheel and throw someone else in the seat and say, "You take it from here".  You have to gently and safely show them how to drive and guide them on the road.  That's what I did the first time I tried unschooling a few years ago -- I let go of all rules and my whole house just collapsed around me.  I was getting full on anxiety and panic attacks from it.  It was horrible and totally threw me off from unschooling for over a year.  

There are also a lot of voices out there telling you "You're doing it wrong".  I find it's best to stick to one voice telling you how to figure it out that makes sense to you, without a bunch of input from others.  I've had to leave other unschooling groups because of the "unschoolier-than-thou" way of thinking.  I've seen things from 7 year olds who dress like prostitutes to people who refuse to tell their kids to clean up their dog's poop all over the house.  Sandra's methods and philosophy makes a lot more sense to me than a lot of others.  

I guess what's worked best for me is to look at the learning process like eating a pie.  You take a small slice and eat it bite by bite -- you don't throw the whole pie in your mouth and be done with it.  That will make you sick.  For me, the idea of either absorbing a lot of information at once or of letting go of all my limits too quickly was too much.  So I'll eat my unschooling pie slowly, enjoy the process and document it on the way.  :)

Marta Venturini Machado

Somehow, it pisses me off, when people say “I don’t want to read links; just tell me.” Or “I’ve read your whole site, and…”

I've been reading on this list for 5 years now, I believe. I've written to the group more than once, asking for advice, and I remember feeling, in the beginning, that the answers I got didn't address my questions 100%. I never acted out on that feeling and I'm glad I didn't. ;) I now know it meant that I needed to better understand how the group worked (that once we post something, it's no longer *our question* and the answers are not exclusively directed at us -- it's unschooling-discussion material and the number of people who can benefit from it is huge) and that I needed to read more, try more, wait more, watch more. 

I also remember feeling a sort of urgency to know the right answer to my question so I could do something quickly and fix the problem at hand (so I thought). Thing is, this state of emergency doesn't help with clear thinking and emotional calmness. Quite the contrary, I believe it only muddles our thought processes and maintain a feeling of restlessness and uneasiness. And behavioral patterns that might be causing said problems don't change overnight, that has been my experience. Change takes time, it happens in tiny bits and pieces, here and there.

Anyway, as I continued to read and observe people's reactions, and the moderators' answers to those reactions, explaining why the group worked the way it did, I started to see patterns. That's when I started to really understand that the way Sandra's group worked was exactly what made it so efficient. I wouldn't want it any other way now. :)

The way I see it, the group isn't here to *deliver* specific answers to questions that are brought by specific people. It's here to discuss the radical unschooling principles behind those questions. And even if sometimes the principles don't apply to that situation in particular (which I think hardly ever happens), a ton of other parents will benefit from reading about it, for sure. I certainly have, in many discussions that I've followed here.

And the only way I was able to see those principles and learn more and more about unschooling was by reading here, on Radical Unschooling Info (facebook) and on Sandra's website, following the links that were shared in these discussions.

Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by.

Something that clearly didn't help, and that Karen has already mentioned, was reading about unschooling in a lot of different places. That didn't work for me, it confused me. What worked for me was to decide early on to choose the groups where I had already been reading for a while and that seemed to offer clear, trustworthy information in a very time-efficient way -- Sandra's groups.

What also worked for me was reading, reading and reading some more. I'm not talking about reading twenty links on your website in a day. Instead, reading something about unschooling and peaceful parenting everyday, even if just a little bit. Even if it's only a post from Just Add Light and Stir as I wake up or listening to part of a talk at a conference or a podcast while I cook or clean the kitchen.

It still happens that sometimes I slowly start to feel like I'm derailing and getting more stressed or doubtful when I haven't read for a while (it happened recently, when my father was very ill and then passed away), so reading a little something everyday reminds me of what's important and where I want to go. It usually also uplifts me and gives me confidence and that feels so good.

More things that have worked for me -- actively trying things that I've read about. Watching what happens, with me, with my child, with my husband, with my family and friends. 

And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?

I'm 41 and I prefer to read these discussions and the links to your website on my computer, so maybe I'm old and outdated too? :) Yes, sometimes I do read on my cell phone but it's usually when I'm still in bed and Conchinha is sleeping (she won't sleep as much if I'm not there) or when we're out and about and she's ok playing with a friend or with her grandmother. Funny thing is that usually I tend read on facebook in those moments and I think it's because I know I won't concentrate as much on what I'm reading.

To me, using a full-screen computer means that I'm reading when I know I'll have a bit of time to really focus on reading and thinking, even if I know that I might need to stop at any moment to help Conchinha or Bruno, my husband. I do have more time now because Conchinha is really into minecraft and skyping with friends, but even when she was younger, I chose to read a bit every night, after she fell asleep. 

Because I want to know how to unschool well, and because I know firsthand that learning about and living by unschooling principles is life-changing on so many levels, I have made it a priority to have time to focus and read, to think and have a chat with friends/with Bruno about it. This meant gradually letting go of other things, like an unschooling discussion group that I helped moderate on facebook or an unschooling book that I was going to help translate or having a really clean and spotless house or cooking homemade nutritious meals every day of the week. As Conchinha grows and her needs shift, I know I will have time to get back to all of that.

What’s the best way these days for people to move from “What!?” to “Oh!” about unschooling?

I'd say reading calmly, thinking a bit about it, trying out some of the suggestions, waiting as a situation unfolds and we can use those ideas, watching to see what happens when we do something different and how it feels. I think it takes patience and perseverance but it's so worth it. It has been for me.

Marta 

Sandra Dodd

-=-I guess what's worked best for me is to look at the learning process like eating a pie. You take a small slice and eat it bite by bite -- you don't throw the whole pie in your mouth and be done with it. That will make you sick. For me, the idea of either absorbing a lot of information at once or of letting go of all my limits too quickly was too much. So I'll eat my unschooling pie slowly, enjoy the process and document it on the way. :)-=-

Nada Sheppard wrote that. I like it.

She also wrote something less clear and not as useful. :-)

-=-What has not worked for me was giving up total freedom all at once. -=-

Not giving up total freedom? Did you start to say “control”?
Not giving *them* total freedom?

“Freedom” isn’t a good goal. “Total freedom” doesn’t even exist.
Step back away from that cliff. It won’t build peace or clarity, to think about “freedom.”

Think about choices and options.

http://sandradodd.com/freedom

Sandra

P.S. One pie won’t be enough. When people think they’ve got it, and they’re really unschooling, they’ll eventually come to a place where another whole area opens up that they hadn’t considered before (because they didn’t know enough, yet, to perceive it).

Laura Zackery

I'm still new to unschooling; not quite 2 years in. One of my favorite ways to learn about unschooling was a podcast series by Amy Childs. I listened to each episode multiple times, and found it especially helpful when I was feeling anxious about my decision to unschool. I also subscribed to Pam Laricchia's intro to unschooling email series. I joined this group and the Facebook group, and I try to keep up with reading the emails and posts daily. I pay attention mostly to the responses of Sandra, Joyce, Clare, Alex, and a few others who have been the core group of unschooling guides since I've been a member. I did buy a couple of books on unschooling, after failing to find them in my local library, however, I find little time to sit and read these days. I follow other unschoolers on social media. I get most of my information through social media platforms. The one that failed me was Pinterest. There was just too much going on there, and too many "eclectic homeschooling" things mixed in with unschooling ideas. As for the phone vs computer: I almost never sit down at my computer at home. I read on my phone, listen to podcasts on my phone, and check Facebook and email on my phone. It works for me. 

Laura 

On Mar 1, 2016, at 11:00 AM, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:

 

I’ve lived and learned through many phases of “information delivery” about unschooling.

in another topic, I posted this:

-=-Some of those pages aren’t good on a phone. Readers view will give you 150 words or so, but there’s much more there. People who want to use this group as a resource for REALLY learning lots more about unschooling will probably do best to use a computer, rather than trying to rely on a hand-held quick-reference version.-=-

When people complain to me that it’s hard to use this group or my site from a phone, it’s insulting. It’s like wanting the library to deliver exactly what you need, and pick it up when you’re done. Get up and go to the library. :-)

That’s not the best analogy, but I’m not sure what is. Maybe like starting to sign up for a sixteen-week class, but then asking the professor to just tell you briefly what’s to be taught because you don’t have time to take the class. And then looking at the time and the looking out the window.

Somehow, it pisses me off, when people say “I don’t want to read links; just tell me.” Or “I’ve read your whole site, and…”

SO here is my question:

Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by. And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?

What’s the best way these days for people to move from “What!?” to “Oh!” about unschooling?

What has worked or failed for you, informationally speaking?

Sandra

Nada

<<She also wrote something less clear and not as useful. :-)

-=-What has not worked for me was giving up total freedom all at once. -=-

Not giving up total freedom? Did you start to say “control”?
Not giving *them* total freedom?

“Freedom” isn’t a good goal. “Total freedom” doesn’t even exist. 
Step back away from that cliff. It won’t build peace or clarity, to think about “freedom.”

Think about choices and options.>>

Yes, you're correct Sandra -- I wrote the wrong word.  Giving up total control was definitely NOT helpful to my experience of unschooling whatsoever.  Giving them total freedom all at once was not a good idea.  It's no longer my goal.

Many blessings!
Mrs. Nada Sheppard

On Tue, Mar 1, 2016 at 10:48 PM, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

-=-I guess what's worked best for me is to look at the learning process like eating a pie. You take a small slice and eat it bite by bite -- you don't throw the whole pie in your mouth and be done with it. That will make you sick. For me, the idea of either absorbing a lot of information at once or of letting go of all my limits too quickly was too much. So I'll eat my unschooling pie slowly, enjoy the process and document it on the way. :)-=-

Nada Sheppard wrote that. I like it.

She also wrote something less clear and not as useful. :-)

-=-What has not worked for me was giving up total freedom all at once. -=-

Not giving up total freedom? Did you start to say “control”?
Not giving *them* total freedom?

“Freedom” isn’t a good goal. “Total freedom” doesn’t even exist.
Step back away from that cliff. It won’t build peace or clarity, to think about “freedom.”

Think about choices and options.

http://sandradodd.com/freedom

Sandra

P.S. One pie won’t be enough. When people think they’ve got it, and they’re really unschooling, they’ll eventually come to a place where another whole area opens up that they hadn’t considered before (because they didn’t know enough, yet, to perceive it).


joyauxjo@...

>>Please, in this topic, in whatever way you want, share what has worked or not worked for you, learning about unschooling. And what do you recommend to new people who come by. And do you think people really should use a full-screen computer or am I just old and outdated?<<

Yes, I think that thinking people should use a full-screen computer is "old and outdated." I can see the value in using a desktop or laptop (right now I am taking the time to do this on my Surface, because I can type faster on my surface, our morning activity was canceled, my kids are gaming together, so I have the time to do it), but if you want to reach people who are still sending their kids to school or who are still doing school at home or are just still thinking that they and their kids have to "do, do, do," then you are wanting to reach people who are very busy and probably use their phones for almost everything they need technology for. Even for me, I've been unschooling for 10 years, my oldest is 11, and now that my youngest 2 want to be so active, I am too busy to sit at my computer to read and post online. However, I can take my phone everywhere and do find myself keeping up with unschooling ideas and communities and continuing to learn and grow by reading on my phone while I am waiting for my kids or while I am on the toilet. I haven't had a problem with your website on my phone, but perhaps this is because I have an iPhone 6 Plus, a large phone.

As for links, I appreciate them and usually go read the links of topics I'm interested in or feel I need help with.

What has not worked: reading too much from various sources, thinking that there is a "right" way and trying to be a "perfect unschooler," thinking I had to cater to my child's every whim in order to unschool correctly, not knowing how to take care of my own needs while trying to be everything my children needed, feeling offended and taking responses to my posts personally.

What has worked: taking a break when I felt overwhelmed, trusting myself, letting our life unfold without judging it as unschooly or not, being okay with telling my kids "no" sometimes ("yes" came easily for me), being okay with my kids' wide range of emotions and not feeling like I had to "fix" something just because they were upset, focusing on one thing at a time, meeting other real-life unschoolers, understanding my own childhood pain and then being able to see how it affects my parenting choices and my personal needs today (ie. having an alcoholic parent caused me to take way too much responsibility for others emotions... I found that I really needed and benefitted from time and space to myself, without anyone around, including my children... understanding my needs also gave me permission to just lie on the couch and breath and tell the kids I needed 10 minutes before I could attend to them again... and I think it has been good for them to see me taking responsibility for my emotions and needs while also learning to respect my boundaries)

Kind regards,
Anjelika