bragdontina@...

I would be interested in discussing the harm as an unschooler of labelling children outside of a school situation, and of dealing with the aftermath of having done so.  


As background, I have one child (12) who recieved a formal diagnosis at quite a young age, and was in therapies for a time, which we withdrew, as we could see how he was being pigeonholed into school readiness, and that he was realizing he was being held to meeting a standard/feeling bad about himself.  His older sister (15) has no diagnosis formally (we were more perplexed by her brother initially years ago, with his more obvious challenges) but who certainly has traits that would be labelled if in school, and ones that have continued to be sometimes challenging for her over the years in certain situations as she has gotten older.


I know that it is often said that labels are harmful in unschooling, and, irrelevant due to the fact that in unschooling there is not the situation of having "this..." and needing to do "this..." to remedy it so you can develop on the timetable that school expects.  (I so wish that when I was a new unschooler and we put ds in speech/physio/OT that I would have truly grasped it when experienced unschoolers said that!). Of the harm when one labels a child, they are pigeon holed and lumped in a category...then everything they say and do consequently is seen through that lens, and they are not seen as truly-them, in their own uniqueness. 


I know also there are some unschoolers that say one can read, and "take what works", for their own individual child, and leave the rest....getting a better understanding of and then going back to their own individual child...without necessarily taking them in for a formal diagnosis. For example, reading of ideas from the occupational therapy world of say how to deal with sensitivities in the environment/consequent meltdowns. 

I know that I certainly have done some of that with (reading) with my older child, off and on over the years, when I have been perplexed and looking for ideas.  The main problem is I have been previously exposed to the insinuation that there are "experts" who know better than the average parent, due to my previous involvement in the early intervention world.  To be honest, I find at times that creates doubt in me.


However, is that reading, asking questions or advice of say other unschoolers (my child does this....does anyone have ideas?) even POSSIBLE without SOME layer of labelling that then occurs (in your own mind) then?  How do you seek ways to help your child, without fears? 

I would certainly not "take my dd in" for any testing or diagnosis at this point.  I saw what harm that did to my younger kid.  I know what she would likely be pegged with.  She herself does not need that baggage.  I think, based on some questions she has had for me sometimes about situations, discussions she has had with others etc is that she knows she finds some things challenging.  Just not a "name" for things overall.  Over the years have strived to help her be more comfortable as she experiences the world (like some life skills, recognizing she is getting in someone's space or reading their cues, or finding an escape or deep breathing if it is suddenly getting too noisy or overwhelming, or just not going back to a group that isn't making you happy for example). 

Also, not getting caught up in the rabbit trails that some of that reading leads down....!!  So much of that reading seems to have such a.....how shall I say....DIRE underlaying....that there are "experts", that you need to do "this" right now. That if you don't do "this" they will have a hard time getting a job, functioning in the future, or they are manifesting such a behaviour because of "this...". How do you do a bit of reading, take what works, and not get caught up in all that "what if? or that one is putting their "head in the sand" if one does not DO SOMETHING (and that "something" usually being some program/intervention promoted by experts)  

I feel some being caught up in this right now at the moment, I think due to some critical family, and the "stage of life" my older one is at (a teen/getting toward what is usually viewed as adulthood)...sort of like when someone has a kid who is now "school age" and they realize they have another layer of deschooling to do.  Keep having to breathe and reverse the negative thoughts with positive ones...focus on today and not borrow from tomorrow, tell myself there are no "deadlines", she does not have to leave home at 18, there are some areas she has grown in and is becoming more capable on her own, it's OK if she couldn't sit in a class or isn't in groups and classes anymore and she seems content at home, etc


Those thoughts that I share here about overthinking, beating down fears and experts....that is the hugest regret I have and side effect I see on myself of obtaining a label. Basically, the mind-f*&k that it has created at times in my head. 


I came across the statement once to the effect of ....once you label, there is no taking it back.  So, I would love to discuss this...in order to help other unschooolers be aware of the pitfalls I have experienced, and to where to go from here.

Alex & Brian Polikowsky

It seems you are answering your own question!

If you know it will not help and only harm and there are no advantage ( unless you telling your family member she is --------- to get him/her off your back, which can backfire big time by the way) why are you even considering it?


I see it is all about your fears  and not about your child. Everyone has something they are not really great at or need more time then others to get it.

Like you said there is not deadline your child needs to be doing X or Z in life.

Look at your daughter and make her life full of joy and connections. Focus on her strengths and not what you or school think she lacks.

Sure help her when she needs and asks but set her up for success not failure. If she does not do well with groups then don't make her go to those hoping she will learn to do better in them.
Don't try to fit a square peg Ina round hole ( is that how the saying goes?)

My son is happy to be home and do his own thing. It took me and my husband some letting go of ideas we did not even know we still carried.
More deschooling and  mindfulness was needed in our part. I think we are finally to the point where we embrace him with no fears.

We needed to look more towards out son. Was he happy, engaged and doing what he wanted and loved? 
More focus on him and letting go of fears. More unschooling and I find that if fearful moments arise and I ask myself : "What are my other choices." "Would school be better?" 
I can see it clearly that what we are doing is the best choice for him!

Some people go to school, have special Ed for many years , have labels and they still cannot do things they way they are "supposed to".
Those will still cary all the harm from feeling less than and broken. I would not want that for any child.
I saw that happened to my older brother and it really damaged him greatly. I don't think the scar ever healed in his soul.

All the best.

Alex 

PS- I met your girl and I think she was great! 

On Jan 15, coal 2016, at 11:37 AM, bragdontina@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
Hunk telling 
 

I would be interested in discussing the harm as an unschooler of labelling children outside of a school situation, and of dealing with the aftermath of having done so.  


As background, I have one child (12) who recieved a formal diagnosis at quite a young age, and was in therapies for a time, which we withdrew, as we could see how he was being pigeonholed into school readiness, and that he was realizing he was being held to meeting a standard/feeling bad about himself.  His older sister (15) has no diagnosis formally (we were more perplexed by her brother initially years ago, with his more obvious challenges) but who certainly has traits that would be labelled if in school, and ones that have continued to be sometimes challenging for her over the years in certain situations as she has gotten older.


I know that it is often said that labels are harmful in unschooling, and, irrelevant due to the fact that in unschooling there is not the situation of having "this..." and needing to do "this..." to remedy it so you can develop on the timetable that school expects.  (I so wish that when I was a new unschooler and we put ds in speech/physio/OT that I would have truly grasped it when experienced unschoolers said that!). Of the harm when one labels a child, they are pigeon holed and lumped in a category...then everything they say and do consequently is seen through that lens, and they are not seen as truly-them, in their own uniqueness. 


I know also there are some unschoolers that say one can read, and "take what works", for their own individual child, and leave the rest....getting a better understanding of and then going back to their own individual child...without necessarily taking them in for a formal diagnosis. For example, reading of ideas from the occupational therapy world of say how to deal with sensitivities in the environment/consequent meltdowns. 

I know that I certainly have done some of that with (reading) with my older child, off and on over the years, when I have been perplexed and looking for ideas.  The main problem is I have been previously exposed to the insinuation that there are "experts" who know better than the average parent, due to my previous involvement in the early intervention world.  To be honest, I find at times that creates doubt in me.


However, is that reading, asking questions or advice of say other unschoolers (my child does this....does anyone have ideas?) even POSSIBLE without SOME layer of labelling that then occurs (in your own mind) then?  How do you seek ways to help your child, without fears? 

I would certainly not "take my dd in" for any testing or diagnosis at this point.  I saw what harm that did to my younger kid.  I know what she would likely be pegged with.  She herself does not need that baggage.  I think, based on some questions she has had for me sometimes about situations, discussions she has had with others etc is that she knows she finds some things challenging.  Just not a "name" for things overall.  Over the years have strived to help her be more comfortable as she experiences the world (like some life skills, recognizing she is getting in someone's space or reading their cues, or finding an escape or deep breathing if it is suddenly getting too noisy or overwhelming, or just not going back to a group that isn't making you happy for example). 

Also, not getting caught up in the rabbit trails that some of that reading leads down....!!  So much of that reading seems to have such a.....how shall I say....DIRE underlaying....that there are "experts", that you need to do "this" right now. That if you don't do "this" they will have a hard time getting a job, functioning in the future, or they are manifesting such a behaviour because of "this...". How do you do a bit of reading, take what works, and not get caught up in all that "what if? or that one is putting their "head in the sand" if one does not DO SOMETHING (and that "something" usually being some program/intervention promoted by experts)  

I feel some being caught up in this right now at the moment, I think due to some critical family, and the "stage of life" my older one is at (a teen/getting toward what is usually viewed as adulthood)...sort of like when someone has a kid who is now "school age" and they realize they have another layer of deschooling to do.  Keep having to breathe and reverse the negative thoughts with positive ones...focus on today and not borrow from tomorrow, tell myself there are no "deadlines", she does not have to leave home at 18, there are some areas she has grown in and is becoming more capable on her own, it's OK if she couldn't sit in a class or isn't in groups and classes anymore and she seems content at home, etc


Those thoughts that I share here about overthinking, beating down fears and experts....that is the hugest regret I have and side effect I see on myself of obtaining a label. Basically, the mind-f*&k that it has created at times in my head. 


I came across the statement once to the effect of ....once you label, there is no taking it back.  So, I would love to discuss this...in order to help other unschooolers be aware of the pitfalls I have experienced, and to where to go from here.

Sandra Dodd

Alex wrote:

-=-Some people go to school, have Special Ed for many years , have labels and they still cannot do things they way they are "supposed to".
Those will still carry all the harm from feeling less than, and broken. I would not want that for any child.
I saw that happened to my older brother and it really damaged him greatly. I don't think the scar ever healed in his soul.-=-

I edited two tiny things (a spelling and added a comma) because I want to put it on a page about labels.

It’s as true a thing as has ever been written in this discussion.

Sandra

tarsha.email@...

We are currently at some cross-roads with labelling in our family. Reading about the OP’s concerns and Alex’s responses has been very insightful and thought provoking.

For several years I have been aware that my eldest, now 13 would have been labelled with something if she were in school, as the years go on, I would lean toward that label being Aspergers.

I avoided a formal diagnosis and worked around her needs – staying home a lot, supporting her interests which are all on a PC, including researching many topics and especially digital drawing, she gamed most days for several years as well, still games now, just far less, avoiding loud and crowded places for long periods of time and pre-planning most outings. I didn’t really realise initially that she may be ‘eligible for diagnosis’ as living our Radical Unschooling life, respecting the child was in the forefront of our decisions. As the years went on, I started to see that she had difficulties that weren’t the norm and that was ok, especially as she wasn’t at school and could do things at her own pace.

Recently she has been expressing that she feels ‘not good enough’ and questioning her own behaviour, she sees herself as being different from most others, likely has for a long time if not since the get go, it’s just becoming a concern for her now. I’d never considered that the label/diagnosis may help her understand herself emotionally. What I see/feel is that for the longest time not labelling her was beneficial as we avoided outside pressures and extra support as it’s called yet over the past few months since Pema has been questioning herself, it seems that not seeking a diagnosis is possibly going to cause her harm.

It made me recollect 20 years ago when I thought I was crazy. It turned out, after another anxiety/panic attack and trip to the doctor that I had acute manic depression/bipolar and ocd tendencies… I never attached myself to those labels and worked personally to overcome my challenges, but I did have a huge sigh of relief in knowing that there was something explainable happening within me and I wasn’t actually going crazy after all. I could understand myself and then I could help myself. A few trips to psychologists and medication didn’t take and I was fortunate enough to be able to work through it all (albeit over several tumultuous years) myself. (Coming back to this/psychologist option further on as this has made me think of something else).

We have visited our doctor to get a referral. Our doctor is someone I know personally and trust and has referred us to the psychologist, another lady who she feels would be a good fit knowing our family. The appointment has yet to be scheduled when the psych is back for early February.

I explained to our doctor that I was concerned primarily for Pema’s emotional well-being, she understood that and chose an avenue apart from the government options which I think are more closely linked to the type of support they look at when children are in school.

Over the years I have always reassured Pema and accepted her quirks, most of which aren’t ever even mentioned within our family as most are aware or at least accept that I don’t fuss over things so they don’t/won’t as I’m not generally the one in the family they would try and force their opinions onto, knowing I would do things my way anyway.

I would love to hear from other parents, Alex again as well with thoughts on what I have shared and how I could best help Pema.

Pema seemed to handle our discussion of her possibly being on the spectrum quite well. She even said she was curious and felt knowing would make her feel better. Perhaps this is where I jump back to the psychologist point. Is it enough to read some books and take what I feel will help? As I did with my own personal challenges. Currently I’ve read very little, just enough research to know where I feel we are, I haven’t really needed to up till now. I have though ordered 3 books on Aspergers, 1 specifically aimed at girls and one titled ‘All Cats Have Aspergers'. Pema adores cats, always has, always will. J

The small research I have done I have sourced from Tony Attwood and online from women with Aspergers. Many of these women have said they present quite differently to their male counterparts and although professionals know about Aspergers, they don’t always understand it as well as needed at times to be of sufficient help. So I am looking forward to reading more from these women.

Perhaps a psychologist is unnecessary. I know that I want to stay away from intervention, I just want Pema to know that there isn’t anything wrong with her, that there are reasons for why she can behave in certain ways and that we can seek help if needed in coping and strategizing perhaps with things she feels she needs assistance with or where I see may need help with. I feel quite ill-equipped to do this solo presently and that could be because I haven’t researched much…

On a side as well, I do feel it will help with her family relationships, especially her sister, so her sister knows that Pema doesn’t like cuddles etc… for a reason, that it isn’t her, no matter how many times I tell Bella it’s not her, that Pema is Pema and we are all different, she still internalises it to some degree as it will come up 6 months even a year or 2 later after a particular incident… I also feel it would help with other extended family as well as they have been critical over the years and find it hard to accept Pema at times for how she can be. I am also curious to know about what adverse effects sharing a diagnosis has had with family etc… as I can see that it could backfire as was stated… I’m just hoping that because of Pema’s age, we are out of that danger zone whereby they could try and force some form of external ‘help’…

This is quite long winded, my apologies. I also hope that it is line with helping someone else on this list, at least the feedback. I hope I’m conveying my thoughts and again would greatly appreciate further input into this subject.

Natarsha

 

 

 

 

Sandra Dodd

For one aspect of general discussions of the differences in people’s talents or perceptions, maybe you could print out and play around with her with a list of Gardner’s intelligences.
Talking about which family members, or friends, or fictional characters, seem to have a lot or a little of which ones might be a way to keep it from seeming “wrong” or clinical or pathological.

https://sandradodd.com/intelligences has lists and chitchat about it, my descriptions as might apply to unschoolers, but the basic list is

Visual/spatial intelligence
Musical intelligence
Verbal/linguistic intelligence
Logical/mathematical intelligence
Interpersonal intelligence
Intrapersonal intelligence
Bodily/kinesthetic intelligence

Plus Nature intelligence (categorization of nuts and bolts, parts, similarities and differences—not just birds and trees, but heraldry, or trucks)
Plus maybe Spiritual/Metaphysical/Religious (people are still looking at that)

Kid-friendly version (I didn’t write it, but I like it):

word smart
logic smart
music smart
body smart
picture smart
people smart
self smart
nature smart

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

-=-Is it enough to read some books and take what I feel will help? As I did with my own personal challenges. Currently I’ve read very little, just enough research to know where I feel we are, I haven’t really needed to up till now. I have though ordered 3 books on Aspergers, 1 specifically aimed at girls and one titled ‘All Cats Have Aspergers'. Pema adores cats, always has, always will. -=-

I think it would be great to totally personalize it for her, yourself, gradually and just as much as she wants.

When you ask whether a psychologist is necessary, think of what a psychologist could do for her. Is there “therapy” for Asperger’s? I think just attempts to untangle messes made by school and mean friends and failure to compete (in school, or werever). If you’re shielded her from damaging environs, maybe that’s not what she needs.

To me it seems that Asperger’s creates a long, long runway for those kids to get non-verbal social information. It doesn’t mean they never will, but they might get it at 16, 18 years old instead of at 10 or 12. Treating it as a lifelong “disability” doesn’t help, and I think it’s false. They might not ever be as facile as someone born with the maximum possible social potential. But few people have the maximum. I don’t. Kirby is the best in our family for social skills, and yet he doesn’t see much value in dressing well or shaving. :-)

When Marty was younger, I said many times in discussion like this (behind his back) that he would’ve been dyslexic, on a school schedule. When he was older, 16 or so (?) he overheard me mention something and asked about it. I said yeah, but so was my dad and so was HIS dad (Keith my husband), and it came very often with whatever causes left-handedness and an ease with math and spatial. With puzzles, Marty’s a whiz–those nine-piece puzzles where all the edges need to match, that I can NEVER do (I give up after ten or fifteen minutes), Marty has always worked in less than a minute. He liked them, but they were too expensive to get for him, since he played with them for 30 seconds and was done. :-) :-)

So by the time he knew there was a label he would have had in school, he already could read and write well, which he figured out in his own way. EVERY SINGLE PERSON does it in his or her own way. So with unschooling, if “behind” or “slow” are not factors, then everyone’s feeling confident, ideally, sometimes, when we’re lucky. I would aim for that.

Sandra

tarsha.email@...

Thank you for the link to the intelligences. Pema and I spoke today about them and also about our options, whether to attend the psychologist or not. What would we 'get' from seeing someone. Other than an official diagnosis, after further thought and consideration not more than we could do ourselves in our own home, time and capacity. Pema would prefer to explore this personally for now. She is curious if she has Asperger's or not, but after discussion we came to the conclusion that she knows herself best, that I know her and we would know better than anyone else as well.

It brought up that occurrence whereby we look to outward sources to validate ourselves, when intrinsically we already know. I'd like her to retain that sense of trust in herself and confidence she has already be developing over the years. I'm glad this topic came up prior to attending an appointment and being able hear and ask for more feedback. Why hadn't I asked here in the first place?

On further thinking about my choices, I did see that there was a part of me that wanted an official diagnosis so that I could tell extended family and they could finally understand without judgement (in a perfect world). As if it were a ticket to 'see, you should have been more understanding', but therein lied another issuer as Sandra mentioned whereby she could be treated then for the rest of her/their lives through the disability lens.

For now, we're going to side step the psychologist and continue as we have, but now with an understanding all round that there is nothing wrong with her, just somethings provide challenges for her over her lifetime and that just like reading, may not be challenging in the future. Which also leads back to the intelligences, that has really helped put this in perspective. Thanks.

cheri.tilford@...

just a side thought about psychologists:

many psychological theories look to make people conform in their culture, not necessarily embrace their own unique quirks.  the parameters of mental health are culturally defined, ever shifting (aspergers isn't even a diagnosis anymore) and can be quite narrow.  there are very close ties between the psychologists of the 50s and 60s (who developed cognitive and behavioral theories) and the think tanks involved in mind control, mass media propaganda, and social conformity.  I would be very careful in choosing a psychologist (personally I'd stay away from psychiatrists entirely as I'm not fond of drugs, and that's all they do these days) and would question their theories of mental health and illness and be sure they were not going to make my kid fit a prescribed mold. I've known many people who are quite damaged by their experiences in therapy, especially the kind that reduce people to tests and checklists. 

the list Sandra has of counsellors that get unschooling would be a good bet, if necessary.


cheri

Sandra Dodd

-=-the list Sandra has of counsellors that get unschooling would be a good bet, if necessary.-=-

If it would help, but I don’t think it’s needed in this instance.
http://sandradodd.com/issues/therapy

Sometimes I think of a career, and of what “intelligences” it needs, and whether I (or someone else I’m thinking of) would be qualified or good at it. Like… Driving a large truck. Not me. It takes kinesthetic intelligence (facility with one’s own body and strength) and spatial reasoning (backing a trailer up right to a loading dock, in the dark/rain/snow; looking at an intersection and calculating how wide an arc it will take to turn that corner, in that truck, without going over a curb or hitting a pole or something).

Similarly, some jobs need the ability to read people, to be patient, to be flexible in mood and response. Receptionists, sales, organizers of large events—hotel managers, funeral directors, grocery store managers. Some of those also require business sense (math) while others don’t.

But each job has some needs. Each person has some areas where he or she is better and others where it’s not probably good to drive a truck, or manage a disaster.

When I was a kid people were always saying “You can be anything you want to be!”
That doesn’t even begin to be true, so it’s nice when people consider apititude and interest!

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

-=-many psychological theories look to make people conform in their culture, not necessarily embrace their own unique quirks. the parameters of mental health are culturally defined, ever shifting (aspergers isn't even a diagnosis anymore) and can be quite narrow. -=-

What’s it called now, what was once called “Aspergers Syndrome”? I didn’t know it had been undone.

Many psychological practices are to help people fit in. And people NEED to fit in, in order to function with others. A person’s parents can’t guarantee they will live long enough to let the child stay with them his entire life.

But if and when a person decides to look for a psychologist, one thing to listen/look for is “cognitive therapy.” Rather than tell your life’s history and “be in analysis” for years (which is also falling out of style or practice, I think), a cognitive therapist will help you see how your thinking is tripping you up.

It’s what we do in this discussion all the time, but we’re aiming it at what ideas and language get between someone and unschooling.

As it turns out (in retrospect it’s clear, though 20 years ago, it wasn’t foreseen), becoming a better unschooler involves becoming a better person. Becoming a better person (more analytical, compassionate, patient) helps people in areas of life besides unschooling. But that’s all about the parents, and not the children. Parents can’t “teach” a child to be a good person. But they can become good examples, and better guides, partners and advisors, so that over ten or twenty years, the children have access to the parents’ clarity.

Becoming the sort of person you hope your child will be, or that your child will respect, is more valuable than years of therapy. And it’s cheaper. :-)

If a child needs physical therapy, that might be different, though some parents learn those skills, too, when they have a child who needs special care or specialized skills.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

I shouldn’t have asked a question so easliy searchable. Sorry.
I had asked: -=-What’s it called now, what was one called “Aspergers Syndrome”? I didn’t know it had been undone.-=-

Wikipedia says:

"The diagnosis of Asperger's was eliminated in the 2013 fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) and replaced by a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder on a severity scale.[3]”

This will make it difficult for classically, severely autistic children, it seems, perhaps. Dilution. Though “a severity scale” will identify them. Sheesh…

Anyway. I think with age, and patience, a child in an unschooled family will make progress in social skills by the time he’s a teen, or late teens. Moreso than if he were in public school, in special ed, or in regular classes being bothered by the others, and confused by the constant social interactions of teachers and students around him.

Sandra

gibsondeis@...

Hello. (This is my first post here.) I am also very interested in this topic of diagnosis and labels and disabilities. The discussion here brings up some questions for me:



I have read that many adults feel a great sense of relief when they receive a diagnosis of Asperger’s in their adult lives because they always knew there was something very different about them and that the diagnosis helps to explain what they knew intuitively. It seems that for some of these adults the diagnosis helps them finally make sense of things that had perplexed them their whole lives, as if the pieces were finally fitting together. So is this a result of the effects of schooling (assuming these adults probably went to school as children)? If they had been unschooled, is it likely these perplexing feelings would not exist or would be minimized?



And some people do look at Asperger Syndrome similar to the more obvious physical disabilities. So, for instance, some would say that access to social skills training would be no different than access to sign language or Braille – to aid in accessing the world around you. Does this approach hold true for unschoolers? From an unschooling perspective, how do you navigate through all these options for intervention for something like Asperger’s and social skills deficits? Do you wait until the child expresses a desire to work on improving these skills? Do you let the child know this training it out there as a possibility if they ever want to explore it?



Also, in terms of sharing information, how would it work in an unschooling family to let a child know that something called “Asperger Syndrome” exists? Would you let a child know that there is information out there and a label that some people would give to persons with this particular constellation of traits? Would you let the child know that some people might say they have qualities that could be described as Asperger’s? What does an unschooling parent do with this information? Anything?



Thanks, in advance, for your thoughts on all of this.



Warmly,

Beth

Sandra Dodd

-=-f they had been unschooled, is it likely these perplexing feelings would not exist or would be minimized?-=-

Of course that’s a large part of our idea here—to minimize the damage of labelling, and to provide absolutely individualized assistance and partnership with each unschooled child.

Please read here and the links at the bottom of them.
http://sandradodd.com/labels
http://sandradodd.com/words/without

-=-And some people do look at Asperger Syndrome similar to the more obvious physical disabilities. So, for instance, some would say that access to social skills training would be no different than access to sign language or Braille – to aid in accessing the world around you. Does this approach hold true for unschoolers?-=-

WHAT approach? There is no braille or sign language. There are cards with facial expressions, and high-paid special ed teachers who are trying to ameliorate the damage being done just before and after the child reports for this speical “social skills training.” HOW would you think that would be better than unschooling itself, or something that unschoolers would want to do?

-=-Do you wait until the child expresses a desire to work on improving these skills?-=-

Please read this and take it in. The question is very basic to what unschooling is, if you’re thinking about waiting for a child to express a desire to learn ANYthing.
https://learninghappens.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/unschooling-is-not-child-led-learning/

In a rich unschooling life, your questions wouldn’t likely arise.

-=-Would you let the child know that some people might say they have qualities that could be described as Asperger’s? What does an unschooling parent do with this information? Anything?-=-

It depends.

ALL questions must be “it depends.”

Before you can see anything in an unschooling light, you must have an unschooling light to see by. :-)

http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com
Subscribe here if you haven’t already. Thanks.

Sandra