<fishbeensnail@...>

X is five and has thick curly long hair and she finds anything in her hair unbearable so it is loose and tangled most of the time.  When hair brushing started to be a battle I took a huge step back.  I was getting frustrated and that was making me handle her hair impatiently.  We do all the things that have been mentioned.  And we use a type of brush called a tangle teaser which is the best type we have found.  All those things have helped.  What made the biggest difference was me shifting my feelings about it.  I make sure that when I am touching her hair I am being soft.  I brush gently and with love.  I stroke her hair and enjoy the opportunity for connection.  When I accidentally hurt her I stop for as long as she needs me to.  I put the brush down and massage her scalp.  I kiss it better.  And I only carry on when she says I should.  I do not brush impatiently.  Never with frustration.  And we don’t fight about it any more.

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