Boundaries
ubertulip@...
I have been reading a lot about teens, as my daughter, at 12, is coming into adolescence and cocooning a lot right now. I've been reading unschooling resources online about teens, but I've also been reading some non-unschooling stuff, gathering information. A really common suggestion on mainstream sites is, "Boundaries allow teenagers to feel safe. Decide what the limits are and then stick to them." This caught my attention on this page in particular, because I think all the rest of the advice is pretty sound, despite a little bit of pejorative language ("coping" with your teenager")-- http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/family-health/Pages/coping-with-your-teenager.aspx
Sandra Dodd
Good questions!
-=-This line about boundaries is common advice for mainstream parenting in general. I don't really know what it means. What does that mean, "decide what the limits are"? Does it mean, "don't be wishy-washy"? Does it mean, "make arbitrary rules"? I'm wondering about this item because, even as unschoolers, I want to think about this and make sure I'm not missing something. -=-
It's rare for me, after so many years, to see a new question, or an old question very nicely thought out and presented, so THANK YOU ubertulip.
Because when we use other people's phrases it's easy to do it as a plug-in that we haven't fully examined—that doesn't have our own thoughts and knowledge behind it—the thing to do (I think) when you come to a phrase like "teens need boundaries" is to rephrase it.
Are the boundaries to keep them in, or to keep dangers out? Sometimes both. Does it mean teens need security? Probably.
Does it mean teens need arbitrary rules? Probably not, though many families see that as the way the parents exercise and display their "power" and authority. The power to thwart. The power to forbid.
So for unschoolers, what DO parents have the power and authority to provide or to prevent? That's where to look, I think.
Principles.
http://sandradodd.com/phrases
This is only off topic insofar as "teens need boundaries" isn't in there. But the problems remain. It's the recitation of someone else's "rule" or put-down.
Sandra
-=-This line about boundaries is common advice for mainstream parenting in general. I don't really know what it means. What does that mean, "decide what the limits are"? Does it mean, "don't be wishy-washy"? Does it mean, "make arbitrary rules"? I'm wondering about this item because, even as unschoolers, I want to think about this and make sure I'm not missing something. -=-
It's rare for me, after so many years, to see a new question, or an old question very nicely thought out and presented, so THANK YOU ubertulip.
Because when we use other people's phrases it's easy to do it as a plug-in that we haven't fully examined—that doesn't have our own thoughts and knowledge behind it—the thing to do (I think) when you come to a phrase like "teens need boundaries" is to rephrase it.
Are the boundaries to keep them in, or to keep dangers out? Sometimes both. Does it mean teens need security? Probably.
Does it mean teens need arbitrary rules? Probably not, though many families see that as the way the parents exercise and display their "power" and authority. The power to thwart. The power to forbid.
So for unschoolers, what DO parents have the power and authority to provide or to prevent? That's where to look, I think.
Principles.
http://sandradodd.com/phrases
This is only off topic insofar as "teens need boundaries" isn't in there. But the problems remain. It's the recitation of someone else's "rule" or put-down.
Sandra