Pre-teens/early-teens and cocooning
kirkpatrick clare
I'd like to ask if anyone would be willing to share stories of their pre-teens/early-teens cocooning? I'm starting to wonder if it may actually be very normal for children of 11+ to need extensive time snuggled up in their rooms either socialising online with their friends or listening to music or whatever. I'm seeing this with my oldest and I'm not seeing any of the negative outcomes mainstream parents worry about. In fact, I'm seeing the exact opposite the more I support her need to be cocooning like this. I'm seeing more animation, more joy, more confidence, more maturity. But my daughter is only 11. I know other parents with children of similar age doing similar things but I'd be really interested to hear from parents of older children who did this and who are now through that stage - what did it look like for them? What kind of things are they doing now? I think I'm just intrigued by this need that appears to be normal and yet mainstream culture tries to deny or block and I'm interested in what it looks like for children who are supported in meeting that need in a positive, loving way instead of either being prevented from meeting it or emotionally neglected and/or doing it due to unhappiness.
Many thanks in advance
Clare
Many thanks in advance
Clare
Sandra Dodd
-=- I know other parents with children of similar age doing similar things but I'd be really interested to hear from parents of older children who did this and who are now through that stage - what did it look like for them?-=-
Are you sure it's "a stage"? I think adults do it, too.
Are you sure it's "a stage"? I think adults do it, too.
kirkpatrick clare
I do it for periods of time, but not for months and months and months (I guess this could extend to years...?). I feel as though it's completely normal for me personally (and my friends have similar feelings) as I move through my monthly cycle and also through the seasons - lots of outsideness in the summer and very little in the winter. Maybe I need to give her a few more years to see a pattern! One season in a very young person's life feels like so much longer than one season in an adult's life!
Also, my daughter is certainly very, very busy in her cocoon! It seems less of a 'hiding' and more of a 'this is just where my sparkly stuff is done'. When sparklier stuff happens to happen outside of her cocoon, she emerges and is delighted and delightful :)
Clare
Also, my daughter is certainly very, very busy in her cocoon! It seems less of a 'hiding' and more of a 'this is just where my sparkly stuff is done'. When sparklier stuff happens to happen outside of her cocoon, she emerges and is delighted and delightful :)
Clare
On 4 April 2015 at 22:37, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:-=- I know other parents with children of similar age doing similar things but I'd be really interested to hear from parents of older children who did this and who are now through that stage - what did it look like for them?-=-
Are you sure it's "a stage"? I think adults do it, too.
Sandra Dodd
Why look for patterns?
Sometimes it might have to do with opportunity to chill and get quiet because of schedules. It might follow on a big project. When I got back from Australia last year, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I was exhausted. But a lot of good thinking came out of that month or so that I was so happy to just BE, just sit, just Not Go. But another trip might not do that. It wasn't the season of the year. It was a combination of factors and opportunity.
Sandra
Sometimes it might have to do with opportunity to chill and get quiet because of schedules. It might follow on a big project. When I got back from Australia last year, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I was exhausted. But a lot of good thinking came out of that month or so that I was so happy to just BE, just sit, just Not Go. But another trip might not do that. It wasn't the season of the year. It was a combination of factors and opportunity.
Sandra
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
I live in a farm 8 miles from town and I can go many days trying really hard not to go anywhere.
I also love travelling and used to travel a lot. But I need my down alone time at home hiding from everything.
Seems like my son is a lot like me. He likes his privacy of his room, like I did at that age.
I remember at 13 just doing my own things and mostly sitting and reading my books. Sometimes I would hike next to my house and sit on a big rock and just daydream. I loved being alone and daydreaming . Or in my bed daydreaming or curled up with a book.
If there were computers back when I was my son's age I would most likely be on it a lot exploring, as he does, many things, and living on my own fantasy world.
Interesting is that I am a person who is not , as they say, up in the clouds. I am very realistic and solidly with both feet planted. Not a dreamer in a sense.
My son is like that too. I am glad he feels happy at home and does not need to get away , like many kids do, from their home environment!
I also love travelling and used to travel a lot. But I need my down alone time at home hiding from everything.
Seems like my son is a lot like me. He likes his privacy of his room, like I did at that age.
I remember at 13 just doing my own things and mostly sitting and reading my books. Sometimes I would hike next to my house and sit on a big rock and just daydream. I loved being alone and daydreaming . Or in my bed daydreaming or curled up with a book.
If there were computers back when I was my son's age I would most likely be on it a lot exploring, as he does, many things, and living on my own fantasy world.
Interesting is that I am a person who is not , as they say, up in the clouds. I am very realistic and solidly with both feet planted. Not a dreamer in a sense.
My son is like that too. I am glad he feels happy at home and does not need to get away , like many kids do, from their home environment!
On Sunday, April 5, 2015 10:19 AM, "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:
Why look for patterns?
Sometimes it might have to do with opportunity to chill and get quiet because of schedules. It might follow on a big project. When I got back from Australia last year, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I was exhausted. But a lot of good thinking came out of that month or so that I was so happy to just BE, just sit, just Not Go. But another trip might not do that. It wasn't the season of the year. It was a combination of factors and opportunity.
Sandra
Sometimes it might have to do with opportunity to chill and get quiet because of schedules. It might follow on a big project. When I got back from Australia last year, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I was exhausted. But a lot of good thinking came out of that month or so that I was so happy to just BE, just sit, just Not Go. But another trip might not do that. It wasn't the season of the year. It was a combination of factors and opportunity.
Sandra
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
<<<<Sometimes it might have to do with opportunity to chill and get quiet because of schedules. It might follow on a big project. When I got back from Australia last year, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I was exhausted. But a lot of good thinking came out of that month or so that I was so happy to just BE, just sit, just Not Go. But another trip might not do that. It wasn't the season of the year. It was a combination of factors and opportunity.>>>>>>
Gigi is usually my on the go child. The interesting thing is that when she is very busy and has many days on a row that we are out and about doing things she will tell me she needs a few days at home without having to go anywhere .
I am glad we can do that for her. We can stay home for a few days while she rests or/and recharges!
She also asks not to have too many things planned in the same day , spreading out is easier for her.
On Sunday, April 5, 2015 11:29 AM, "BRIAN POLIKOWSKY polykowholsteins@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:
I live in a farm 8 miles from town and I can go many days trying really hard not to go anywhere.
I also love travelling and used to travel a lot. But I need my down alone time at home hiding from everything.
Seems like my son is a lot like me. He likes his privacy of his room, like I did at that age.
I remember at 13 just doing my own things and mostly sitting and reading my books. Sometimes I would hike next to my house and sit on a big rock and just daydream. I loved being alone and daydreaming . Or in my bed daydreaming or curled up with a book.
If there were computers back when I was my son's age I would most likely be on it a lot exploring, as he does, many things, and living on my own fantasy world.
Interesting is that I am a person who is not , as they say, up in the clouds. I am very realistic and solidly with both feet planted. Not a dreamer in a sense.
My son is like that too. I am glad he feels happy at home and does not need to get away , like many kids do, from their home environment!
I also love travelling and used to travel a lot. But I need my down alone time at home hiding from everything.
Seems like my son is a lot like me. He likes his privacy of his room, like I did at that age.
I remember at 13 just doing my own things and mostly sitting and reading my books. Sometimes I would hike next to my house and sit on a big rock and just daydream. I loved being alone and daydreaming . Or in my bed daydreaming or curled up with a book.
If there were computers back when I was my son's age I would most likely be on it a lot exploring, as he does, many things, and living on my own fantasy world.
Interesting is that I am a person who is not , as they say, up in the clouds. I am very realistic and solidly with both feet planted. Not a dreamer in a sense.
My son is like that too. I am glad he feels happy at home and does not need to get away , like many kids do, from their home environment!
On Sunday, April 5, 2015 10:19 AM, "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:
Why look for patterns?
Sometimes it might have to do with opportunity to chill and get quiet because of schedules. It might follow on a big project. When I got back from Australia last year, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I was exhausted. But a lot of good thinking came out of that month or so that I was so happy to just BE, just sit, just Not Go. But another trip might not do that. It wasn't the season of the year. It was a combination of factors and opportunity.
Sandra
Sometimes it might have to do with opportunity to chill and get quiet because of schedules. It might follow on a big project. When I got back from Australia last year, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I was exhausted. But a lot of good thinking came out of that month or so that I was so happy to just BE, just sit, just Not Go. But another trip might not do that. It wasn't the season of the year. It was a combination of factors and opportunity.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-I remember at 13 just doing my own things and mostly sitting and reading my books. Sometimes I would hike next to my house and sit on a big rock and just daydream. I loved being alone and daydreaming . Or in my bed daydreaming or curled up with a book.-=-
Me too, or sitting up on the barn drawing or writing, or hiding from my sister and cousins so I could be alone.
I could daydream and be alone during school, when i was lucky. Or escaping into a book. In a good year, my school schedule was to finish my work in ten minutes and spend 40 minutes reading, bells, next room, do my work, read... But for kids at home, the luxury of not having those irritating bells and movement from one uncomfortable desk to another is one of the gloriously best parts of unschooling! So if the parent still has an overlay of hours, school-days, units, semesters and is measuring a child's "down time" or desire to stay home by any of those measures, that's the parents' lack of deschooling.
Me too, or sitting up on the barn drawing or writing, or hiding from my sister and cousins so I could be alone.
I could daydream and be alone during school, when i was lucky. Or escaping into a book. In a good year, my school schedule was to finish my work in ten minutes and spend 40 minutes reading, bells, next room, do my work, read... But for kids at home, the luxury of not having those irritating bells and movement from one uncomfortable desk to another is one of the gloriously best parts of unschooling! So if the parent still has an overlay of hours, school-days, units, semesters and is measuring a child's "down time" or desire to stay home by any of those measures, that's the parents' lack of deschooling.