terryyoesting@...

I am a single mother of a 13 year old girl.  We have never unschooled.  I have been reading this site for many years.  I have wanted to unschool my dd once I learned of unschooling when she was 4 years old.  But dd always wanted to go to school with her friends from ballet class.  Now 7 years later she is asking to leave school.  The last year, she has started disliking several aspects of the school environment plus we had a change in our living situation.  Because I have always agreed with the unschooling concept, I embraced mindful parenting, I have tried to use the concepts of life long learning at home.  Clearly she has always had to do her homework from school but we have always explored her interest and desires at home and with travel.

 

My concern is that that now I have to work.  My dh left us 1 year ago.  I work as a school nurse. My hours are 8-3 M-F.  Off during the summer and holidays.  My question is it wrong to leave my daughter at home all day without an adult?  My job is 10 blocks from our house.  

 

Unlike many of you that I love to read, I am not good at putting the thoughts in my head down in writing. And I have read and reread this post trying to make my words as specific as possible.  I know that unschool is the best for my daughter.  Her mind works outside the box.  Outside the structure of school and curriculum.  But I have to work.  Any words of wisdom/suggestions are appreciated.  My dd says I think to much with my heart and worry too much. She said "we both know this is best (unschooling).  Lets not think about it anymore and just do it.

Sandra Dodd

-=-My question is it wrong to leave my daughter at home all day without an adult? My job is 10 blocks from our house. -=-

It depends.
Don't let anyone answer you with a flat "yes" or "no." Questions with factors are ALWAYS an "it depends" situation.

It depends on the laws in your area, about what age someone can be home alone.
It depends whether you're allowed to text or talk on the phone while you're at work.
It depends whether there are near neighbors she can go to for help.
It depends whether the near neighbors like you and would not call social services and say "this girl is home alone."

It depends what your ex husband thinks, and his parents—not that you need their permission, but if they're against unschooling and are vindictive, you could have a problem. It only takes one single social worker or judge to declare it NOT "okay."

What some people have done is for the at-home teen to sleep most of the day. Some teens can do that. :-)

For me, I would want a child that age to stay in the house. If she's out, it could look like truancy. And worse, someone might figure out that she's going home alone, and follow her. That wouldn't be good.

When I was home, if my kids were out at a mall or someplace that kids their age were not expected to be, I sent a note (like a hall pass, like a real-world pass :-) ) saying the kid was homeschooled and had my permission, with my name and phone number. Nobody ever asked for that, but I felt better that the child had it. By the time they were 15 or so, I stopped doing it. They were confident and articulate enough to explain it themselves by then.

She'll only be 13 for a year, and the older she gets, the less problematical it is.

As to the time spent learning or interacting with you, if you add up all the hours you ARE home, that's going to be lots more than "school hours."

Sandra

terryyoesting@...

Thank you Sandra.  Those were questions I needed an unschooled brain to ask me.  Yes, we can text and call all day. Yes, there is a neighbor across the street that works from home that will help her.  She had already thought of the fact that she can stay up all night and sleep all day.  She is such a night person!  : )  Right now her father is on board with it.  I know that can change.  We have discussed the fact that she must stay at home while I'm at work (again she reminded me she wants to sleep all day!)  : )  The laws in my State states that age is not a factor it is the maturity level.  She is very mature.  She is an old soul. : )  Thank you for your insight.  I know this is not a counseling site, etc.  But I really needed to hear thoughts from an unschooled mind.

CASS KOTRBA

I don't know you or your daughter but if my 12.5 year old daughter said this to me -=- My dd says I think to much with my heart and worry too much. She said "we both know this is best (unschooling).  Lets not think about it anymore and just do it.-=-  I would tend to think she was onto something - given our history together and how well we know each other.  She often has insights that I miss.

I was thinking this as well:
-=- What some people have done is for the at-home teen to sleep most of the day. Some teens can do that. :-) -=-

Given her age and history of getting up early for school I would suspect that it won't be long until she's sleeping until noon.  

Are you able to run home for lunch?  Stay in touch via text?  I have a friend who recently started working as a school nurse and she takes her dog with her during the day (she leaves him in her car, weather has permitted it so far) so she can go out and walk him during her breaks & lunch.  Given your proximity, are you able to run home at lunch or during breaks?  How flexible are they if your daughter should need something?

I think that if you have a good relationship and she is generally a responsible girl that you could work it out, with lots of communication and forethought.  You'd want to factor in neighbors, family, etc. - as Sandra pointed out.

-Cass
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