Sandra Dodd

Lori Odhner wrote:
"Marriages sometimes lose things. Spontaneity, flirting, unconditional forgiveness come easily in the beginning, and as time drones on we absentmindedly forget that kindness was fun. We trade them in for feistiness and the need to have things our own way.”

http://archive.aweber.com/marriagemoats/EuKSH/h/Marriage_Moats_Looking_for.htm

It’s not just in a marriage that it’s easy to forget the joy and patience.  “Kindness was fun,” Laurie wrote.  Please don’t forget that with your own loved ones.

Sandra


To: "Sandra Dodd" <sandra@...>
From: "Lori Odhner" <lori@...>
Date: December 12, 2014 at 3:01:28 AM MST
Subject: Marriage Moats- Looking for Something

Marriage Moats- Looking for Something
 
Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage
Looking for Something
Image
Photo: Jenny Stein  
There is a residence for the elderly in Minnesota that is reducing the amount of antipsychotic drugs they dish out. For people with dementia, hard core pharmacy is one way to stop behaviors that the staff find problematic. Yet the medications have side effects. Patients become lethargic. Others stop talking altogether. My mother swallowed a small mountain of those pills on her path of mania, and the way it flattened her made me cry. 

The nursing home mentioned in the article I read made a goal of lowering their use of strong drugs by 15%. They dropped by 97% without a struggle. 

People who forget things tend to go looking for them. The trouble is they don't always remember what they are looking for. The staff set up drawers with all manner of recipes, old hats and trinkets that would be interesting to find. The patients were charmed. With fewer drugs, they talked more, and were less agitated. 

Marriages sometimes lose things. Spontaneity, flirting, unconditional forgiveness come easily in the beginning, and as time drones on we absentmindedly forget that kindness was fun. We trade them in for feistiness and the need to have things our own way. 

I like the idea of hiding things around the house for John to find. For the month of December I am doing it with the twins. Each day I hide a pair of angels and they hunt for them. Their memories are intact, so I don't need to remind them of the prize. With John it may work to hide things he is not expecting. 

But to do that I will need to reclaim those attributes that once came easily. 
Love, 
Lori

Caring for Marriage
www.caringformarriage.org
Follow: Follow Me On Facebook
Caring for Marriage, 600 Tomlinson Rd Box 277, Bryn Athyn, PA 19009-0547, USA

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K Pennell

This was so interesting, in terms of the nursing home lowering meds without hardly trying, and in the kindness thing. And I love the idea of hiding things. I'm gonna grab an ornament downstairs and have him find it each night.Then, you have to find it on the tree next day! Fun at both ends of the day between now and Christmas.


From: "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]>
To: Always Learning <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, December 12, 2014 7:35 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Mindful kindness



Lori Odhner wrote:
"Marriages sometimes lose things. Spontaneity, flirting, unconditional forgiveness come easily in the beginning, and as time drones on we absentmindedly forget that kindness was fun. We trade them in for feistiness and the need to have things our own way.”


It’s not just in a marriage that it’s easy to forget the joy and patience.  “Kindness was fun,” Laurie wrote.  Please don’t forget that with your own loved ones.

Sandra


To: "Sandra Dodd" <sandra@...>
From: "Lori Odhner" <lori@...>
Date: December 12, 2014 at 3:01:28 AM MST
Subject: Marriage Moats- Looking for Something

Marriage Moats- Looking for Something
 
Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage
Looking for Something
Image
Photo: Jenny Stein  
There is a residence for the elderly in Minnesota that is reducing the amount of antipsychotic drugs they dish out. For people with dementia, hard core pharmacy is one way to stop behaviors that the staff find problematic. Yet the medications have side effects. Patients become lethargic. Others stop talking altogether. My mother swallowed a small mountain of those pills on her path of mania, and the way it flattened her made me cry. 

The nursing home mentioned in the article I read made a goal of lowering their use of strong drugs by 15%. They dropped by 97% without a struggle. 

People who forget things tend to go looking for them. The trouble is they don't always remember what they are looking for. The staff set up drawers with all manner of recipes, old hats and trinkets that would be interesting to find. The patients were charmed. With fewer drugs, they talked more, and were less agitated. 

Marriages sometimes lose things. Spontaneity, flirting, unconditional forgiveness come easily in the beginning, and as time drones on we absentmindedly forget that kindness was fun. We trade them in for feistiness and the need to have things our own way. 

I like the idea of hiding things around the house for John to find. For the month of December I am doing it with the twins. Each day I hide a pair of angels and they hunt for them. Their memories are intact, so I don't need to remind them of the prize. With John it may work to hide things he is not expecting. 

But to do that I will need to reclaim those attributes that once came easily. 
Love, 
Lori

Caring for Marriage
www.caringformarriage.org
Follow: Follow Me On Facebook
Caring for Marriage, 600 Tomlinson Rd Box 277, Bryn Athyn, PA 19009-0547, USA

Unsubscribe | Change Subscriber Options






Sandra@...

Sorry!  K Pennell wrote later and asked me not to approve that post, but I already had.  Sorry for people who got the Lori Odhner post twice, but if it helps one family have a sweeter week, it's okay. :-)

If you don't subscribe to Lori's Marriage Moats blog, maybe you should.
If you don't subscribe to Just Add Light and Stir, you DEFINITELY should!

Just Add Light and Stir: Peace on earth

 



Peace on earth

In a longer discussion, Joyce Fetteroll wrote that people should be focused on helping a child "peacefully co-exist with the rest of the planet." 

Meredith Novak added: photo DSC08907.jpg
I think this is really key. If you're focused on who's "right" or which "side" to take, that's going to narrow down both your perception of the situation and the options you can envision.
Helping maintain peace within families is a direct contribution to peace on earth.

hvnbnd5351@...

I have a short story that posed a question to me that I haven't been able to answer.  But today, in reading the "Mindful Kindness" post, it came to me.  I hope someone can learn from my blindness.  I have an 8 year old daughter and we often play this "pretend game" where my play friend "Angie" comes to visit and she always brings her million kids along and we spend the afternoon chatting while I make lunch. I love to play this game with my daughter because I see parts of her that I've never seen before, like these beautiful acts of kindness that she displays so often.  HOWEVER, it saddens me when we stop playing because all those acts of kindness are gone when the game ends.  Obviously, I haven't mentioned it to my daughter. But I often think of why she likes to play that game so much.  TODAY...while reading this, I believe I learned why....BECAUSE like " Angie"  I ( meaning mommy) am also full of mindful kindness while I play, that I PROBABLY....No...DEFINITELY do not display on a regular basis....SO...Thanks to this post, I am going to try be mindfully kind to my children in real life...amazing.  I think I know NOW why she likes to play so much!! Sometimes I can be nicer to friends than I do my own kids.