harrisjen41@...

I have a question about having no food restrictions with a child with food insecurities.

 

First,  a little history so everyone will know how to help me with what to do and not to do.  We are raising and have been awarded custody of our great-nephew, 4,  until he is 18 due to the fact that his parents are on drugs and stay in and out of  jail or prison.  My sister, his grandmother, did not want to raise him because she didn't want to repeat past mistakes as she did with her son, his father. 

 

My concern is that in his past he has been hungry due to neglect.  Now that he is in our home he has free access to a food supply.  However, he will eat until he becomes sick or vomits and takes food off the other children's plates. This is through out the day...asking to eat up to four times an hour.  I will give him a snack or hand him an apple.  Sometimes he will ask for a certain food and if we have it I get it for him.

 

Here is what I am doing:

1.  giving him money to go shopping for his own food

2.  have taken him to the store and shop with me then go home and help put the groceries up to show how full the pantry, frig and cabinets are

3. help me cook

4.  help me cut coupons (reassuring him of future grocery trips)

5.  fix dads lunch with the left overs

6.  Tell him "stop"  when I see him take food off others plate - usually it is my 2 year old he takes from

 

Mistakes :( (Learning about Unschooling and a new life experience)

1.  I have asked,  "Are you sure you're hungry?"  I felt bad after because the voice of Sandra Dodd rolled in my head. I said sorry and went about fixing him another snack. 

 

I need some advice or resources on how to help him from the Unschooling and peaceful parenting view point.  I am kind of new to Unschooling, we have been deschooling for 18 months and now I see and feel the difference and the transfer of my family to an Unschooling family.  We have been homeschooling a total of 14 years (using very relaxed methods, but never full Unschooling like we are now).  11 of my children have never been to public school, but my first and oldest went for 4 weeks in Kindergarten.  She is now in her second year of college. 

 

Thanks,  Jen

 

 

 

 

Sandra Dodd

-=-My concern is that in his past he has been hungry due to neglect.  Now that he is in our home he has free access to a food supply.  However, he will eat until he becomes sick or vomits and takes food off the other children's plates. This is through out the day...asking to eat up to four times an hour.  I will give him a snack or hand him an apple.  Sometimes he will ask for a certain food and if we have it I get it for him.-=-

http://sandradodd.com/monkeyplatter

If there’s food out, he won’t need to ask.  
Choose things that are less likely to cause him to throw up.  

Maybe smoothies or milk shakes would help fill him up.
He won’t eat until he’s sick forever.  And it’s understandable if he’s doing it for a while.

You’re seeing the effect of paucity.  More paucity won’t cure it.

If he likes popsicles, there are some that are mostly water, and there are juice things (not sure where you are—ice lollies, Otter Pops).

If he likes lettuce, you can wrap things up in lettuce leaves.  Tuna salad, or egg salad, just a bite of it, rolled up like a dolma/stuffed grape leaf.

There are lots of ideas at the link above, and here’s a list of foods that might give you ideas.  
They’re vegetarian, protein-rich things for picky eaters, but even non-picky eaters might like them. :-)
If your grand nephew likes meat and chcese, go with less spicy, plainer things.  Vienna sausage is easy for young kids to digest.  Chicken hot dogs, cut into bits, presented with other things, maybe.

If he eats until he feels sick, that’s way better for him that having your voice in his head telling him what will happen.  Let it be a real thing that he learns to avoid, instead of a nagging voice to hide from, or a person to be sneaky around.

Sandra

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

I agree with Sandra. Make sure there is always food available to him. Don;t make him stop. Don;t hide food. Make is abundant. Once he knows he will not longer starve and that food will be there for him things will get better. Don't do more of the same.

I also think that it is great for him to have money and buy whatever he wants BUT not as in a lesson. Not as in teaching him the value of it. He is also 4 years old. He is a baby.
 IF he is taking food from the 2 year old tell him no and hand him some of the food he wants.. Say no and here are some for you.
Let him have a box with non perishable food in his room  in a cooler to keep bugs out. That may make him feel secure to have a stash. Make sure you have his favorite foods  and if you run out of something he wants make sure you do remember to get it when you can. Don;t promise you will get more only to forget. Make a list with him to put on the refrigerator. It can be a picture list.

Alex P
 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 


On Tuesday, December 9, 2014 9:34 AM, "Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:


 
-=-My concern is that in his past he has been hungry due to neglect.  Now that he is in our home he has free access to a food supply.  However, he will eat until he becomes sick or vomits and takes food off the other children's plates. This is through out the day...asking to eat up to four times an hour.  I will give him a snack or hand him an apple.  Sometimes he will ask for a certain food and if we have it I get it for him.-=-

http://sandradodd.com/monkeyplatter

If there’s food out, he won’t need to ask.  
Choose things that are less likely to cause him to throw up.  

Maybe smoothies or milk shakes would help fill him up.
He won’t eat until he’s sick forever.  And it’s understandable if he’s doing it for a while.

You’re seeing the effect of paucity.  More paucity won’t cure it.

If he likes popsicles, there are some that are mostly water, and there are juice things (not sure where you are—ice lollies, Otter Pops).

If he likes lettuce, you can wrap things up in lettuce leaves.  Tuna salad, or egg salad, just a bite of it, rolled up like a dolma/stuffed grape leaf.

There are lots of ideas at the link above, and here’s a list of foods that might give you ideas.  
They’re vegetarian, protein-rich things for picky eaters, but even non-picky eaters might like them. :-)
If your grand nephew likes meat and chcese, go with less spicy, plainer things.  Vienna sausage is easy for young kids to digest.  Chicken hot dogs, cut into bits, presented with other things, maybe.

If he eats until he feels sick, that’s way better for him that having your voice in his head telling him what will happen.  Let it be a real thing that he learns to avoid, instead of a nagging voice to hide from, or a person to be sneaky around.

Sandra


chris ester

The only thing that i would add to what the others on this list have said is to be patient.  This is very common among children who have suffered from neglect and scarcity.  I have seen children (I was a foster care social worker many years ago) engage in food insecurity fueled behaviors for several years after they have been out of the situation that caused the behavior.  

Of course, those children were still in an insecure environment because they were in foster homes, not a permanent family home.  

In some ways, it is much like de-schooling, he is healing from bad experience.  All of the things that you have mentioned doing seem good.  

Providing abundance in the child's life in every possible way will make things better.  Just realize that it took 4 years of terrible to bring the child to this point in life, it will take time to get to a better, happier place, but he will most likely get there.
chris



On Tue, Dec 9, 2014 at 9:37 AM, harrisjen41@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

I have a question about having no food restrictions with a child with food insecurities.

 

First,  a little history so everyone will know how to help me with what to do and not to do.  We are raising and have been awarded custody of our great-nephew, 4,  until he is 18 due to the fact that his parents are on drugs and stay in and out of  jail or prison.  My sister, his grandmother, did not want to raise him because she didn't want to repeat past mistakes as she did with her son, his father. 

 

My concern is that in his past he has been hungry due to neglect.  Now that he is in our home he has free access to a food supply.  However, he will eat until he becomes sick or vomits and takes food off the other children's plates. This is through out the day...asking to eat up to four times an hour.  I will give him a snack or hand him an apple.  Sometimes he will ask for a certain food and if we have it I get it for him.

 

Here is what I am doing:

1.  giving him money to go shopping for his own food

2.  have taken him to the store and shop with me then go home and help put the groceries up to show how full the pantry, frig and cabinets are

3. help me cook

4.  help me cut coupons (reassuring him of future grocery trips)

5.  fix dads lunch with the left overs

6.  Tell him "stop"  when I see him take food off others plate - usually it is my 2 year old he takes from

 

Mistakes :( (Learning about Unschooling and a new life experience)

1.  I have asked,  "Are you sure you're hungry?"  I felt bad after because the voice of Sandra Dodd rolled in my head. I said sorry and went about fixing him another snack. 

 

I need some advice or resources on how to help him from the Unschooling and peaceful parenting view point.  I am kind of new to Unschooling, we have been deschooling for 18 months and now I see and feel the difference and the transfer of my family to an Unschooling family.  We have been homeschooling a total of 14 years (using very relaxed methods, but never full Unschooling like we are now).  11 of my children have never been to public school, but my first and oldest went for 4 weeks in Kindergarten.  She is now in her second year of college. 

 

Thanks,  Jen

 

 

 

 


jen harris

I have read some great suggestions.  I have been thinking on them and been applying them.  The principles of patience and love will help him and I know time is not on a schedule with his becoming secure with his living situation.  I don't want to put an artificial time on his needs.  As a matter of fact, on my other children as well..or even mine.  I talked to my sister, his grandmother, about it and she doesn't fully agree with everything; but, I said  if he asks for something to eat, please make it available or get it for him.  She picked him up for a ballgame tonight for a visitation and she said he eat a cheeseburger, a hotdog, a slice of pizza, a candy bar and an ice cream while there. He then asked for a frosty on the way home; which he eat in the car.  He was gone for a total of 3 hours. He was so sick and we were in the bathroom for about 30 minutes after he got home.  He started crying and asked if someone could eat so much they could "bust".  I could hear that come from my sister's mouth. :{   I asked why he would ask that and he said he was worried.  I told him no; but, people can get sick...he said, "I am sick".  I told him sorry and he looked in the mirror and said, "I am green".  I said, "yes, like a ninja turtle...you like ninja turtles". We giggled a little. Then I asked,  "Would you like to wear your ninja turtles night night...the one I got for your birthday?"  He did. I then read, "Christine Katrina and the Box" for everyone that was home.  He was ready for bed after that... and he didn't ask for a snack.  First time. 
 
 
 


On Wednesday, December 10, 2014 1:34 AM, "chris ester chris.homeschool@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:


 
The only thing that i would add to what the others on this list have said is to be patient.  This is very common among children who have suffered from neglect and scarcity.  I have seen children (I was a foster care social worker many years ago) engage in food insecurity fueled behaviors for several years after they have been out of the situation that caused the behavior.  

Of course, those children were still in an insecure environment because they were in foster homes, not a permanent family home.  

In some ways, it is much like de-schooling, he is healing from bad experience.  All of the things that you have mentioned doing seem good.  

Providing abundance in the child's life in every possible way will make things better.  Just realize that it took 4 years of terrible to bring the child to this point in life, it will take time to get to a better, happier place, but he will most likely get there.
chris



On Tue, Dec 9, 2014 at 9:37 AM, harrisjen41@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 
I have a question about having no food restrictions with a child with food insecurities.
 
First,  a little history so everyone will know how to help me with what to do and not to do.  We are raising and have been awarded custody of our great-nephew, 4,  until he is 18 due to the fact that his parents are on drugs and stay in and out of  jail or prison.  My sister, his grandmother, did not want to raise him because she didn't want to repeat past mistakes as she did with her son, his father. 
 
My concern is that in his past he has been hungry due to neglect.  Now that he is in our home he has free access to a food supply.  However, he will eat until he becomes sick or vomits and takes food off the other children's plates. This is through out the day...asking to eat up to four times an hour.  I will give him a snack or hand him an apple.  Sometimes he will ask for a certain food and if we have it I get it for him.
 
Here is what I am doing:
1.  giving him money to go shopping for his own food
2.  have taken him to the store and shop with me then go home and help put the groceries up to show how full the pantry, frig and cabinets are
3. help me cook
4.  help me cut coupons (reassuring him of future grocery trips)
5.  fix dads lunch with the left overs
6.  Tell him "stop"  when I see him take food off others plate - usually it is my 2 year old he takes from
 
Mistakes :( (Learning about Unschooling and a new life experience)
1.  I have asked,  "Are you sure you're hungry?"  I felt bad after because the voice of Sandra Dodd rolled in my head. I said sorry and went about fixing him another snack. 
 
I need some advice or resources on how to help him from the Unschooling and peaceful parenting view point.  I am kind of new to Unschooling, we have been deschooling for 18 months and now I see and feel the difference and the transfer of my family to an Unschooling family.  We have been homeschooling a total of 14 years (using very relaxed methods, but never full Unschooling like we are now).  11 of my children have never been to public school, but my first and oldest went for 4 weeks in Kindergarten.  She is now in her second year of college. 
 
Thanks,  Jen
 
 
 
 



Sandra Dodd

Jen your story was sad, and touching, and hopeful.

-=-e looked in the mirror and said, "I am green".  I said, "yes, like a ninja turtle...you like ninja turtles". We giggled a little. Then I asked,  "Would you like to wear your ninja turtles night night...the one I got for your birthday?"  He did.-=-

You were so sweet to him!

I’m glad your sister got the food for him and I’m sorry she scared him about it, and I’m glad you shared it with us.

He wants reassurance, probably, that he’s real.  A real boy.  And that he has some power over his life.

Some kids choose to refuse to eat and that’s worse.  A friend of ours starved himself into the hospital, when his dad took away all his options and shamed him into a corner.  Your nephew is in a safer, better place than that.

Sandra