Sandra Dodd

In the chat on Wednesay the 15th, we were talking about words that can cause problems.  We were discussing "just."   I want to take a tangent, thought, from something I wrote:

Sandra Dodd: So treating children as whole people and not "just kids" is good. 

Sandra Dodd: That's one of the cruelist minimalizations: He's just a child."

Sandra Dodd: But then… when I got used to being more respectful of children, I bristled when an adult told another adult "you're being childish."

Sandra Dodd: 


I'm reading Alan Cumming's memoir Not My Father's Son.  He and his brother were abused and terrorized, growing up, by a mean and physical dad.

Nearly halfway through the book (page 124) he talks about the relief he felt after he and his brother, when they were in their 30's, I think, finally  meeting and talking with their dad about that childhood.  it didn't go well, and for sixteen years after that, there was no contact.

I'll quote most of a page:
_______________________

...the ensuing silence and absence of him from our lives because of this confrontation enabled us both to move on.  We both felt a freedom from his legacy, and a clarity, that we had never before experienced.

For me, I found myself embracing the childhood I felt I had missed.   My flat began to fill with games I had either played as a boy or lusted after.  I discovered I loved the color yellow and so I had all my walls painted in a bright shade of it.  I saw a large floor lamp in the shape of a daffodil, and I had to have it. I bought action figures from TV shows of my youth and placed them in pride of place on my mantlepiece.  i started to collect marbles again.

I realized that I was living my life backwards.  I had to be a grown-up when I'd been a little boy, and now I was tending to the little boy inside who'd never had the chance to properly play.  I didn't question it.  I went with it.  I liked it.

I am referred to often as having a childlike quality, or being pixielike.  At first, when these sorts of descriptions began to be attributed to me, I didn't like them.  Childhood for me had such negativie connotations that the idea that I was in some way overly connected to that time in my life was a cuase for concern, not celebration.  Why was I so childlike?  Was I in some way emotionally retarded, trapped, trying desperately to reconfigure my past before I could move on?

Eventually I began to feel more comfortable with it all.  Childlike, I realized, tends to mean open, joyous, maybe a bit mishievous, and I am happy to have all those qualities.
_________________________________

Some adults have an inability to play—to be playful, or light-hearted.  Unschooling parents need to be able to play.

Some might go too far, and want to quit their jobs and not take responsibility for providing well for their family—that's not what I'm recommending.  

I suppose "childish" can be a deserved warning.  
Childlike, though, has the potential to be a very good thing.

Do you know quotes or stories about benefits of adults maintaining attributes usually considered 'childish'?

A couple of links on my site that come to mind (not for quotes, but for anyone new to these discussion who might want to read more):

Sandra

chris ester

I was a very serious college student, mostly because of abject poverty and
being desperately tired all of the time because of working at least one job
and going to college full time.

Then I went into a very serious profession- social work.

The greatest gifts of my life was first meeting my husband who managed to
re-ignite my sense of fun and then my children who helped me resuscitate
that sense of wonder about the world that children have.

When I looked at them as older toddlers/young children, I did NOT want
them to be forced to put that sense of wonder and curiosity away so that
they could conform to the arbitrary standards in a classroom. From there,
I discovered unschooling and finally radical unschooling. So I guess it
was (at least in part) my urge to keep all of that fun at home in the
family that lead to homeschooling. Huh!

chris

On Fri, Oct 17, 2014 at 10:45 PM, Sandra Dodd Sandra@...
[AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:

>
>
> In the chat on Wednesay the 15th, we were talking about words that can
> cause problems. We were discussing "just." I want to take a tangent,
> thought, from something I wrote:
>
> *Sandra Dodd*: So treating children as whole people and not "just kids"
> is good.
>
> *Sandra Dodd*: That's one of the cruelist minimalizations: He's just a
> child."
>
> *Sandra Dodd*: But then… when I got used to being more respectful of
> children, I bristled when an adult told another adult "you're being
> childish."
>
> *Sandra Dodd*:
>
> I'm reading Alan Cumming's memoir *Not My Father's Son*. He and his
> brother were abused and terrorized, growing up, by a mean and physical dad.
>
> Nearly halfway through the book (page 124) he talks about the relief he
> felt after he and his brother, when they were in their 30's, I think,
> finally meeting and talking with their dad about that childhood. it
> didn't go well, and for sixteen years after that, there was no contact.
>
> I'll quote most of a page:
> _______________________
>
> ...the ensuing silence and absence of him from our lives because of this
> confrontation enabled us both to move on. We both felt a freedom from his
> legacy, and a clarity, that we had never before experienced.
>
> For me, I found myself embracing the childhood I felt I had missed. My
> flat began to fill with games I had either played as a boy or lusted
> after. I discovered I loved the color yellow and so I had all my walls
> painted in a bright shade of it. I saw a large floor lamp in the shape of
> a daffodil, and I had to have it. I bought action figures from TV shows of
> my youth and placed them in pride of place on my mantlepiece. i started to
> collect marbles again.
>
> I realized that I was living my life backwards. I had to be a grown-up
> when I'd been a little boy, and now I was tending to the little boy inside
> who'd never had the chance to properly play. I didn't question it. I went
> with it. I liked it.
>
> I am referred to often as having a childlike quality, or being pixielike.
> At first, when these sorts of descriptions began to be attributed to me, I
> didn't like them. Childhood for me had such negativie connotations that
> the idea that I was in some way overly connected to that time in my life
> was a cuase for concern, not celebration. *Why* was I so childlike? Was
> I in some way emotionally retarded, trapped, trying desperately to
> reconfigure my past before I could move on?
>
> Eventually I began to feel more comfortable with it all. Childlike, I
> realized, tends to mean open, joyous, maybe a bit mishievous, and I am
> happy to have all those qualities.
> _________________________________
>
> Some adults have an inability to play—to be playful, or light-hearted.
> Unschooling parents need to be able to play.
>
> Some might go too far, and want to quit their jobs and not take
> responsibility for providing well for their family—that's not what I'm
> recommending.
>
> I suppose "childish" can be a deserved warning.
> Child*like*, though, has the potential to be a very good thing.
>
> Do you know quotes or stories about benefits of adults maintaining
> attributes usually considered 'childish'?
>
> A couple of links on my site that come to mind (not for quotes, but for
> anyone new to these discussion who might want to read more):
> http://sandradodd.com/wonder
> http://sandradodd.com/playing
>
> Sandra
>
>
>


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