tandos mama

Please don't think, that because learning how your own crying is useful, that your children need to cry in the same way. One of the biggest assumptions that most philosophies, theories and methods make, is that it suits all people equally. The beauty of radical unschooling is that it insists upon recognizing the uniqueness of each individual in supportive, rather than corrective relationships.

Tori

Sandra Dodd

-=-The beauty of radical unschooling is that it insists upon recognizing the uniqueness of each individual in supportive, rather than corrective relationships.-=-

Nicely put, Tori.
When there is some "correcting" to do, it's more like coaching—helping a child see WHY it's good to be more polite.

I used to say my husband had said "We wanted them to grow up undamaged." Later I found the exact quote, which was "We wanted our children to become thoughtful, intelligent, undamaged adults." — Keith Dodd.

Compared to what my mom used to say, the idea that crying is beneficial is a step toward goodness. She used to say "Stop that crying, or I'll give you something to cry about." I heard some variation of that dozens of times.

Compared to what Keith and I said and did and were to our children, planning on what to do when they cry doesn't make much sense, because we decided early on NOT to give them something to cry about. Frustrations were few, and soothed by parents. Crying was fine, but there wasn't much sorrow.

I cried myself to sleep many times, hungry, afraid. If one of mine did, it was probably over a problem with a friend, or having broken something they really liked. And I'm only thinking of two likely possibilities out of the lifetimes of three children. (Late teens, for Holly, when unrequited love and boyfriends came along, that's different.)

Sandra