fundayeveryday

I would appreciate help with something. I'm wondering how to explain unschooling to my in-laws. I don't feel comfortable talking about it and neither does my husband, so I am thinking about sending an e-mail.  I don't want to write 'We are unschooling now. You can google it." or "I have a Big Book of Unschooling in case you are interested."

 Our four children have spent precious time with my in-laws since they were born. They live within 10 miles, have always loved being with our kids and vice versa. Our kids spend time with them once a week either by themselves or during a family gathering where my husband and I are there, too. While we were deschooling, we didn't say anything to them b/c we weren't sure if unschooling was going to work for us or not. Once we felt unschooling was a perfect fit for us, we still didn't explain our choice because we didn't feel comfortable bringing it up.

 I know they are curious and concerned about what we are doing with our kids educationally speaking. They have an idea we are not 'schooling' because the kids and I have told them that we don't use a curriculum and our outings to museums and areas of their interest are learning experiences aside from fun. They know we are very close with our kids and that we find great joy in going fun places with our kids. We are pretty sure that they, however, do not know about the learning philosophies of unschooling. We would like to explain this to them.

My mother-in-law is a music teacher at a Christian school and my father-in-law an English and history major who works as a pastor's assistant at the same Christian school.   Very recently during visits at their house, they ask my 9 y.o. son 'So, do you know your multiplication yet? do you know fractions yet? It's almost time for you to start your schoolwork, right?. Our 7 y.o., and very direct, daughter says 'we don't do school'. They have asked my 10 y.o. daughter if she wants to go to the Christian school where my mother-in-law works. My daughter replied 'no thank you'.   My mother-in-law has mentioned to my 7 y.o. ' you know, the teacher at my school is really great at what she does. You would love it there, but you have to know how to read.". (She knows my 7 y.o. daughter isn't reading yet). My brother-in-law is a new 5th grade teacher at the same Christian school who asked my son the other day 'do you think you're playing those computer games too much?". I wasn't there and my son said he responded with 'umm...no..not really."

 My in-laws are concerned because they care and they haven't been told what the heck is going on, so I get their concern. My kids have answered yes to the 'do you know how to...' questions because they have the skills that are being asked about, but they do, rightfully, feel uncomfortable  The quizzing makes their visits not as much fun recently. I told my kids that I don't want them to feel uncomfortable and I will explain our learning style to Grandma and Grandpa.

We are having trouble coming up with a way to explain unschooling to our family. Is this unusual or are we unusual in not knowing what to write?

Thanks-  Kristen

 

Sandra Dodd

-=- I don't want to write 'We are unschooling now. You can google it." or "I have a Big Book of Unschooling in case you are interested."-=-

My book is for people who really, truly want to unschool.  Don't send them that.

Buy a paper copy and send them Pam Laricchia's first book, Free to Learn.
Don't say "This is what we're going to do forever."  Say "We're going to try this for a while."

I don't think there's anything better anywhere than that book, for a first introduction to grandparents.

There are ideas here, too (link below) but they were all written before "Free to Learn."  :-)



Sandra

kgharriman1@...

May I also suggest Pam's latest book which I was just reading on this very issue last night where she addresses how to be with and prepare for visits with extended family who are less than positive very specifically in two separate sections (I have all Pam's books on my phone. They're superb and I am particularly enjoying this last one). 

Sandra Dodd

Pam Laricchia's third book, Life Through the Lens of Unschooling, is a collection of her already -published writings, so if it's for purposes of helping parents understand, the first book would be the one to give them, and this article (also in the "Life through the Lens..." book) would help the unschooling parents in the meantime.

http://livingjoyfully.ca/blog/2012/12/when-negative-relatives-wont-let-go/

Deb Lewis

If you do get Pam Laricchia’s book, get a copy to keep, too, if you can. It
will give you something to refer to if your in-laws ask questions. Maybe one
day there will be an app for unschoolers... for quick help in responding to
questions or criticisms. I can dream.

It’s good that you plan to put it in writing. That will give you a chance to
think carefully and find the right words. Don’t expect it to be the last
time you’ll explain your ideas. Don’t expect them to understand and be
comforted right away, or ever maybe, but it will help you to not feel so
furtive. And when they have questions, don't feel pressured to answer right
away. It's ok, and sometimes safer, to say that you'll think about their
question and give them an answer in a few days.

***My brother-in-law is a new 5th grade teacher at the same Christian school
who asked my son the other day 'do you think you're playing those computer
games too much?".***

Maybe you can coach your son about responses to questions like this. Dylan
became a master at finding the unasked question. My mother was a hedger.
Your brother might not be pointing out too much game play so much as he is
wanting to engage with your son. Though new teachers can be as zealous, if
your son took the question to mean something like *I’d like to talk with you
but don’t know how if you’re playing your game* he might have some ideas
about what his uncle expects or wants. Then it would just feel like good
manners to set the game aside and play with the uncle, or to invite the
uncle to play, too.

If those kinds of questions persist you can talk to your brother in law and
reassure him that you're aware of your son's game playing and that you
approve for whichever reasons you want to give. It can be useful to pull the
parental trump card, but be cautious. If you think it would increase the
likelihood of your brother-in-law criticizing you in front of your son, then
it's not worth it.

***The quizzing makes their visits not as much fun recently.***

Maybe for awhile the visits could be a little shorter. Or, give your kids a
phone so they can call if they want to come home earlier than scheduled.
It's possible that the questions don't bother your children as much as they
bother you.

Keep in mind that your in-laws questions and doubts come from caring so very
much about your children. That might help you stay patient and calm. It can
be hard, but time will help. Your kids will eventually be the proof that you
weren’t (too) crazy.

Deb Lewis

Sandra Dodd

-=-If you do get Pam Laricchia’s book, get a copy to keep, too, if you can. It 
will give you something to refer to if your in-laws ask questions. Maybe one 
day there will be an app for unschoolers... for quick help in responding to 
questions or criticisms. I can dream.-=-

I think if you buy it in paper, you get an e-copy download for free.