Sandra Dodd

Recently there has been a repeating theme, and that is how unschooling is imrpoved by clearer thought, and that thoughts become clearer from writing carefully.

It doesn't mean great writers are better unschoolers. Some people can write about unschooling and not do it very well.

What it means is that from looking at the way writing or speech can show confusion, or fallacy, or problems in thought, an individual can reach a new level of understanding.

I'm going to respond with some examples, and I invite others to do so, too.

Here's a message I got this morning:

-=-Hi Sandra i need to ask you if you have some writings about procrastination and children...thanks a lot-=-

I responded one way (below) but to seed this topic, I want to look at the wording of the question.

"I need to ask you if you have..."
If it had said "Do you have some writings about procrastination and children?" I would've responded the same way.

Looking back at it, though, the writer assigned herself to ask me, or she termed it "a need"—something she needed to do.
Perhaps, then, asking me took it off her checklist of things she had needed to do.

If so, perhaps in her thinking there are things her children need to do.
And she sees them not doing those things.

Perhaps (MAYBE, it'a s guess) the procrastination is failure to meet a paternal expectation she's not even aware of having created, within herself. Maybe I should send this: http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/2011/03/how-important-is-your-child.html (If your child is more important than your vision of your child, life becomes easier.)

My actual response was this:

No, but if you tell me more about what your problem is I might have writings to help parents stop thinking children are procrastinating.
http://sandradodd.com/choice maybe The Value of Choices

http://sandradodd.com/control

http://sandradodd.com/finishwhatyoustart

Will a person change from reading those things? Only from changing.
Reading a little (trying a little....) is a necessity. But learning to be clear in one's own questions and concerns can help all by itself.

http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
http://sandradodd.com/clarity

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

Using other people's phrases can show lack of clarity.

http://sandradodd.com/phrases

If someone says "my kids are fussing and fighting," for example, it's clear to me that they are looking through the dyes of an older relatives, and criticizing themselves for not being better disciplinarians, perhaps, or judging their children to be "misbehaving" (another odd term people use sometimes).

If they can look directly at their children and tell us what they are actually doing (rather than summarizing it as "fussing and fighting."

Another example is telling us (or anyone) what a child would do "if left to his own devices."
Rephrasing that might lead the parent to figure out the answer herself. If she finds she's unable to rephrase it, that's even MORE important to know. :-) But if the rephrase is "If I don't tell him what to do," or "if he's left all by himself" then they can think of what more experienced unschoolers might say about either of those. :-)

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

Watch the words you use when you speak, because they're probably the words you use when you think. (I wrote that a few years ago, somewhere)

Watch the words you use when you write, because you already thought them. :-)
If people are choosing their words carefully, and yet writing unclearly, they need to think more.
If people are NOT choosing their words carefully, why are they not? Why would people fling words they hadn't considered well into an international discussion?

http://sandradodd.com/clarity has bits from previous conversations.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

Parents who want their children to write sometimes are not (themselves, the parents) writing.
That should set off alarms of "Deschooling Is Not Complete!" if they think writing is a thing children should do.  

I could say a lot about writing (and I have), but it's therapeutic and clarifying for parents to write, and carefully.

There's the transcript (edited, so shorter :-)) of a recent chat.  The advance description:

"Writing: blogging, discussions, facebook, letters to parents and in-laws, Chat rooms. Considering the purpose and the audiences and the benefits to the children of the parent(s) writing sometimes."

Sandra


semajrak@...

<<I might have writings to help parents stop thinking children are procrastinating.>>

Doug, Ethan and I were watching an episode of a National Geographic series called "Brain Games" last night.  In one part of the show one of the speakers was talking about why humans enjoy being spectators.  He said that it turns out that when we watch someone do something, our brain is convinced that we are doing it too.  In essence, the brain is actually practicing a skill just by watching it.

This was particularly interesting to me because our son, Ethan, has often said to both Doug and I that he learns best by watching for a long time first, then doing.  He feels by watching someone do something over and over, he convinces his brain that he can do that something too.  Then, when he knows he's ready, he just does it. He says it's like magic.  :-) 

One example of where this comes to mind for me was when Ethan learned to ride a bicycle.  Until he was seven or so, Ethan did not want to ride his two wheeler.  He wanted one, so we got him one. He tried it a couple of times, couldn't get it, got very upset, decided he wasn't ready, and left it. He would ride his tiny trike or scooter along side us while Doug and I rode our bikes.  He would ride a tag-a-long on my bike.  But, even with training wheels, he did not want to ride his bike.  He said wanted to watch.  

I remember discouragingly saying to him, "You can't learn to ride a bike by watching".  Yet, he remained happily true to his way, and continued to watch and ride along side us.  One afternoon he asked me and Doug to take him and our bikes to a parking lot in a nearby park.  He asked to have the training wheels taken off his two-wheeler.  I told him I didn't think it was a good idea because he had hardly ridden the bike with the training wheels on.  I was convinced he was going to fall and hurt himself, or at least be discouraged again when he found out he couldn't ride it as easily as he thought he could.  

He insisted.  So, Doug took the hardly used training wheels off his bike.  Ethan asked Doug to give him a push and then stand back.  With that initial push, a couple wobbles, and a few rotations of the foot pedals, he was confidently riding his bike. When he got back, he said to me "See?"

I learned that day that Ethan is pretty clear about how he learns best.  As I watched him ride away, I recalled him walking when he was ready, talking (at 2) when he was ready, reading when he was ready, and now riding when he was ready.  All accomplished by patiently watching first, then doing later.  To me, from the outside and with all the historical chatter in my head, it looked like Ethan was putting off wanting to do the work to learn to ride his bike.  It looked like he was hoping to simply think himself into doing it.  I, critically (and wrongly), thought that was a lazy, misguided approach.  Turns out it was the best approach for him.  

What looks like procrastination to an outsider, might be something entirely different inside the learner's mind.  And, there is probably a really good reason for it.  My husband works best and brightest when he's closest to a big deadline.  He does a great deal of thinking and pausing along the way.  Then, a few days before everything is due, he goes into overdrive, burns the midnight hours, and creates a masterpiece. He, himself, calls that time before his final push procrastinating.  Maybe it is.  But, I don't see it as detrimental.  I see it as a very integral part of his process of pushing his creative mind to it fullest expression.  It's not how I do things, but it is a strategy that has worked very, very well for him over the years.

Karen James

Sandra Dodd

-=-My husband works best and brightest when he's closest to a big deadline.-=-

I do that too.  I always have.  
I can't figure out how the people who finish projects a week early could not see that in that last week they could have a great idea or discover something new and better.

Sandra

chris ester

On Thu, Aug 28, 2014 at 11:29 AM, semajrak@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

<<I might have writings to help parents stop thinking children are procrastinating.>>

Doug, Ethan and I were watching an episode of a National Geographic series called "Brain Games" last night.  In one part of the show one of the speakers was talking about why humans enjoy being spectators.  He said that it turns out that when we watch someone do something, our brain is convinced that we are doing it too.  In essence, the brain is actually practicing a skill just by watching it.

This was particularly interesting to me because our son, Ethan, has often said to both Doug and I that he learns best by watching for a long time first, then doing.  He feels by watching someone do something over and over, he convinces his brain that he can do that something too.  Then, when he knows he's ready, he just does it. He says it's like magic.  :-) 

Karen James

This made me think back to when my son was very young.  I am a very visual person, to the point that hearing something without looking at it, or the source of it (such as looking at the person who is talking) usually means that I fail to actually take in the information.  If I am listening to something, I have to really concentrate on what I am hearing or I don't particularly hear it.  
My son, I have learned over the years (he is 18) is a very auditory person.  He absorbs information through sound.  If he can hear it, then he is "getting it".  When he was younger, we did a lot of reading out loud.  While I read to he and sister out loud, he would often be wandering the room, playing with other things.  I would often be frustrated by this because I didn't think he was listening.  Finally, I got so irritated that I said, "Sebastian, if you're not listening, then why am I reading out loud?"  He then answered, "Mom, I am listening, my ears are hearing you...." 

I realized that I was expecting him to listen and learn the same way that I did.  Why would I expect my child to be a duplicate of me, or my husband, or of anyone?  Thankfully, my children were very clear when they were younger about what did and did not work for them and would tell me.  Even more thankfully, I had a mother who taught me to listen to my children because she listened to me when I was a child.
Chris

Jo Isaac

Karen said "My husband works best and brightest when he's closest to a big deadline.  He does a great deal of thinking and pausing along the way."

I'm absolutely that way. Today it looks and seems like i'm 'procrastinating' - I 'should' be working on a newsletter, but i know i'm waiting for one more piece of information from someone else before it can be completely finished. So, i'm putting it off - but I know as soon as that piece of information comes in, i'll be ready to work flat-out until it's done.

Really, it's not procrastinating, it's actually better time management...i could work a bit on it now, but it still won't be finished, or I can wait until the 11th hour, when my last piece of information comes in, and finish it all in one go - which will take less total time away from helping and being with Kai.

Also, while supposedly procrastinating and writing this email, i've learnt a great deal about what philosophers think about procrastination, and read some interesting articles I would never have found had I been ignoring this and working on my newsletter.



(apologies about my formatting - outlook gone crazy)


Sabine Mellinger

Thank you for these thoughts - it just hit me that this style of learning is exactly how my son learns. I kind of knew it and developed some trust into him doing things when he was ready, but I never really made the clear and strong connection your post gave me.

My son Lukas didn't speak until he was 2.5 years old. He understood and communicated non-verbally very well but he did not speak. Luckily we had a pediatrician who was not alarmed and very confident that Lukas was just fine. At 2.5 years old Lukas started speaking in 2 languages (my husband is American and I'm German) in full 3-4 word sentences, had quite a vocabulary and mostly used correct grammar. It was literally over night - like he had waited to speak until he could do it right. He had patiently listened and probably practiced in his mind. Looking back he learned many other skills the same way.

As I said I kind of knew this but I'm very glad for the conscious, clear understanding I got about this learning style. It will prevent me from hindering my son to learn the way he knows to be best for himself. I realized again that Unschooling is a lot about providing an interesting, full environment but also about getting out of the way when learning happens. This seems to be an important learning process especially for young Unschoolers (like my family). I'm still sometimes worried about "falling behind", especially more recently since many of my son's friends have started school (he is turning 6 tomorrow). On the other hand I have more and more experiences to look back at when learning happened best without my interference which makes me more confident about our unschooling journey. So while the difference in how learning happens gets more obvious as my son gets older (in comparison to schooled children) at the same time our conviction that this is working for our family grows since we have all these amazing learning moments to look back at. It makes me worry and compare less the longer we go.


Sabine


Sabine


Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

From: Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]>;
To: <[email protected]>;
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Improving unschooling
Sent: Thu, Aug 28, 2014 3:45:27 PM

 

-=-My husband works best and brightest when he's closest to a big deadline.-=-


I do that too.  I always have.  
I can't figure out how the people who finish projects a week early could not see that in that last week they could have a great idea or discover something new and better.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

-=- It makes me worry and compare less the longer we go.-=-

That's the big thing.  Gaining your own confidence and experience keeps it from being vague trust in the accounts of strangers.

Stay in this discussion, or some discussion like it.  There will be times you hit a bump, and we can help you keep your confidence.


Sandra