Tara & Sky

I can't find whether it was here or on the Radical Unschooling Info page, but Sandra was asking the origin of the term "self-regulate". Someone responded that it was used to reference biological functions. 

I came across this today while reading the 2nd edition of Summerhill by A.S. Neill, in the chapter entitled Play and Self-Regulation:

"I had never heard the term self-regulation until my friend Wilhelm Reich [psycho analyst] used it, and if he did not invent it, he, more than any other man, has understood and used the method. Homer Lane spoke of self-determination and others described self-government; these were not the same as self-regulation, for they referred more to children governing themselves than to self-determination of the individual child. 

Self-regulation implies a belief in human nature, a belief that there is not, and never was, original sin. Self-regulation means the right of a baby to live freely without outside authority. It means the baby feeds when it is hungry; that it becomes clean in habits only when it wants to; that it is never stormed at nor spanked; that it shall always be loved and protected.

Self-regulation means behaviour coming from the self, not from some outside compulsion. One does not need to be educated or cultured to self-regulate a child."

Very interesting to read the perspective of self-regulation as a parenting method, expressed as someone one can "do" to a child, rather than the more medical extrapolation we often hear in regard to food choices, sleep, and video games/tv.

It's very comforting to make these connections, bridges from one source or topic to another, and experience them as normal, daily joys rather than the anomalies they were in schooling. Today, we were listening to Anne of Green Gables in the car, and the narrator compared Marilla to "the Duchess in Wonderland" for loving to discuss morals. We'd just finished listening to Alice a few days prior, and watched the old 70's movie on Google Play, so the image really came to life for us. <3 

~Tara


Sent on a Sprint Samsung Galaxy S® 5

Sandra Dodd

-=-I had never heard the term self-regulation until my friend Wilhelm Reich [psycho analyst] used it, and if he did not invent it, he, more than any other man, has understood and used the method. -=-

Thanks!

I want to add what you've written to my page.  I am behind on plans and stated intentions, so if it's not there in six months or a year, I hope someone will remind me.  (Seriously... I'm pretty sure I will never catch up with my own imaginings.)

This seems to be something an editor should have caught.  It seems absolutely contradictory:

-=-Self-regulation means behaviour coming from the self, not from some outside compulsion. One does not need to be educated or cultured to self-regulate a child.-=-

Either it comes from the self, or a non-educated, non-cultured person can do it to a child. (!?)  Maybe they mean a parent who wants to employ that method doesn't need to be high class or well educated.

Then again, though, Summerhill is not about the parents anyway, right?  It's about kids being away from parents?  (I could be wrong.)

That was great to read, Tara.

I am glad for close of where it came from and when.  
I still stand by the advantage of thinking of choicemaking, rather than regulating.

-=-It's very comforting to make these connections, bridges from one source or topic to another, and experience them as normal, daily joys rather than the anomalies they were in schooling. Today, we were listening to Anne of Green Gables in the car, and the narrator compared Marilla to "the Duchess in Wonderland" for loving to discuss morals. We'd just finished listening to Alice a few days prior, and watched the old 70's movie on Google Play, so the image really came to life for us. <3 -=-

Yes!  In school it would be trivia—time waste.
In the real world they are beautiful and glorious connections.  "Bridges," as you say.  Nice.

Sandra

Tara & Sky

-=-Maybe they mean a parent who wants to employ that method doesn't need to be high class or well educated.-=-

Yes, that was the context Neill intended, as he went on to speak about a mother who indeed lacked status or formal education but whose parenting he admired. I agree that it's oddly contradictory. I just googled "Wilhelm Reich self-regulation" and disappeared briefly down a [another Alice reference!] rabbit hole of bizarre, Freud-inspired early 20th century psychology. There were uses referring to biological function of the auto-nervous system, but also some similar to Neill's: "raising their child in the manner of self-regulation". There are several mentions that Reich himself felt the term was distorted.

-=- Then again, though, Summerhill is not about the parents anyway, right?  It's about kids being away from parents?-=-

True, the book is about a boarding school - so it's far from the *BE with your child* principle of unschooling! : ) The updated edition that I'm reading, though, is edited by an American who was a former student there. I think both editions, but the 2nd in particular, attempt to present Neill's writing and anecdotal evidence about kids being whole, capable beings as encouragement to parents that school-ing is harmful to kids, families, and society, and that there's a more peaceful way. 

I made an error in my original post; it needed an ellipsis where I omitted a few sentences that didn't seem relevant. Thinking about it some more, though, the part I omitted does round out his point: he makes mention that "self-regulation" - in the sense of parenting philosophy - must be combined with "common sense" for it to work, and that it's dangerous otherwise. It reminds me of your cautions of all the places unschooling can't work, and the confusion caused by "throwing out" all the rules. In a sense, he could be saying, "BE with children", while you let them be. 

-=-I still stand by the advantage of thinking of choicemaking, rather than regulating.-=-

Agreed. The connotation of regulating is very cold. It's oppressive and reactionary, like *should* and *have to*. Like John Gatto's imagery of mass schooling's purpose being to turn people into machines. But choices are warm, liberating, powerful and human.

This is supposedly a buddhist quote, although I've never seen the primary text: "as the sea always tastes of salt, so does enlightenment always taste of freedom."

~Tara 

Sent on a Sprint Samsung Galaxy S® 5


Sandra Dodd

-=-This is supposedly a buddhist quote, although I've never seen the primary text: "as the sea always tastes of salt, so does enlightenment always taste of freedom."-=-

I like the thought. I can explore the analogy!

The sea is not salt. It has to do with salt. Salt is present.

I think the part of enlightenment that feels like freedom is probably the awareness of choices, options, of being a small part of a larger world filled with beauty.

Unschooling can lead to a kind of enlightenment (a philosophical or spiritual "new plane" and awareness). But unschooling doesn't require that, nor does finding enlightenment from the ideas any guarantee of making one a good unschooler. :-)

Part of being a good unschooler is learning to be free of childhood hurts and of school traumas, gradually. Part of being a good parent is helping your child have more leeway, options, choices. That will taste of freedom for both of you.

Just as the sea does not equal salt, unschooling does not equal freedom.

Sandra