Megan Valnes

Hi all,

We started radically unschooling mid-February of this year, so about 2 1/2 months ago. Very recent! Most everything has been going very well as the kids (and parents) deschool.  

I'm having a problem with how late my oldest son (nearly 10) is going to bed.  The past few nights, he's been downstairs watching TV and playing video games until 3am.  He is a growing boy, so he has been waking up daily between about 1pm and 3pm. 

This going to bed so late makes me uncomfortable and I'm not sure why.  I think it's because I worry about his health.  He woke me up with the TV last night around 2:50am and I had a mini-freak out, telling him (not so sweetly) to get upstairs and go to bed and that he was going to start a midnight curfew on the TV use.  He didn't argue with me at all and jumped up, turned off the TV and lights, and came upstairs.  When I woke up this morning, I knew setting an arbitrary curfew was not the answer.

My feeling is that he is binging out and even though he wants to go to bed, he just isn't ready to shut down the TV/games.  I think that's why whenever it ends up being me to tell him to get in bed, he does it so obligingly.  My son is not the type to do what he is told if he doesn't want to do it.  

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and comments. 


Warmly,
Megan




Greg and Kirsty Harriman

Hi Megan, we are very new to unschooling too. Our eldest daughter did that a couple of times on her ipod. I woke up at 1 am to find her still on the couch researching on her ipod. We have never adhered to a strict bedtime as such but we have faciliated bedtimes when it became apparent they have needed to go to sleep. This is just an extension of attachment parenting. For us that meant reading the tired signs in our babies and either babywearing or breastfeeding (or driving about in a car!) to help sleep happen. I feel the ipod or computer or television continues to stimulate and enable our daughter to ignore her tired signals and stay awake much longer than she would if she wasn’t watching something. She’s ok to have us help her to just turn the tv or the computer or the ipod off and go to bed. It’s a process of facilitation, is the best word I can think of to describe it. Sometimes its 9 or 9 :30, sometimes its 10:30. She’s much happier that we are with her in this bedtime process than for her to be left alone to figure it out by herself.
Kirsty

D. Regan

We started radically unschooling mid-February of this year, so about 2 1/2 months ago. Very recent! Most everything has been going very well as the kids (and parents) deschool.  

I'm having a problem with how late my oldest son (nearly 10) is going to bed.  The past few nights, he's been downstairs watching TV and playing video games until 3am.  He is a growing boy, so he has been waking up daily between about 1pm and 3pm. 

This going to bed so late makes me uncomfortable and I'm not sure why.  I think it's because I worry about his health.  He woke me up with the TV last night around 2:50am and I had a mini-freak out, telling him (not so sweetly) to get upstairs and go to bed and that he was going to start a midnight curfew on the TV use.  He didn't argue with me at all and jumped up, turned off the TV and lights, and came upstairs.  When I woke up this morning, I knew setting an arbitrary curfew was not the answer.

My feeling is that he is binging out and even though he wants to go to bed, he just isn't ready to shut down the TV/games.  I think that's why whenever it ends up being me to tell him to get in bed, he does it so obligingly.  My son is not the type to do what he is told if he doesn't want to do it.  


Be his partner.  Help him to make decisions which work well.  Perhaps there is a focus on 'freedom' or 'no limits' or even an idea of 'radical unschooling', rather than on supporting him as he learns about himself and the world. 

Instead of guessing what's going on for him, share his experience of life more.  Come to understand how he sees things, what's important to him, what's working, what's hard, what he'd like more of.  Be someone he'll look to, for help, and to share joys and troubles with.   Support him as he grows, especially while he's young.

Unschooling can't be placed upon a family through a decision of the parents.  It doesn't really have a start date like mid-February.  It needs to grow awhile before it's recognisable as unschooling.  What will help unschooling to grow, is parents being there for their children with kindness, understanding, creativity, engagement, resourcefulness.   Obstacles like arbitrary limits can be gently lifted along the way.  After some time, years maybe, unschooling will be there, no longer a seed or a seedling, but a strong tree.  Grown from small beginnings, nurtured by moment to moment openness to learn, to be present, to be helpful, to be kind; a source of joyful, interesting things...

Debbie.

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My daughter (10 years old) was going to bed much later than she ever had after getting her own iPad. After a few days of going to bed around midnight,she asked me if I could get her a wall clock for her room. I did & that made her happy. I thought that was a good way to help her since she said the clock on the iPad wasn't an obvious place for her to look.

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