<love2bike2live@...>

I am hoping to get some fresh perspective on a stuck spot for me. My oldest is a big nose picker (actually picker and eater). It grosses me out a bit, but I know it's a pretty normal thing, so I've worked on relaxing around it. He has suffered from several bouts of impetigo around his nose and mouth which the doctor explained is from his habit. For a long while I tried to get him to stop, but he seemed to become anxious and embarrassed around it, so I stopped about six months ago. I am finding myself unhappy with the nose picking again, mainly when I see him picking his nose and using the family computer (or iPad, or my phone...things that we all touch and I'd rather not directly be touching someone else's snot). It *really* bugs the other adults in the house. I have asked him to wash his hands before using the computer, and he will if I remind him, but then his finger is up his nose again within minutes. His brother has now started as well, and I can feel tension building inside of me around it again. He has told me that it's just a habit, that he doesn't think about it. I have offered kleenexes when I see him picking, I even convinced him to try rinsing his nose everyday (which really helped) but he HATED it so quickly stopped. How can I approach this in a way that reduces everyone's stress around it?

Sandra Dodd

-=-My oldest is a big nose picker (actually picker and eater). -=-

How old is he?

-=- It *really* bugs the other adults in the house-=-

It's bugging me just reading about it. :-)

One of my kids' friends used to wipe boogers on the wall when he would visit.  But one of my kids said it was another of MINE doing that, to entrap the other kid.  Gross in any case.  

-=-He has told me that it's just a habit, that he doesn't think about it.-=-

Tell him to find another habit.
Tell him to think about it.

-=- I even convinced him to try rinsing his nose everyday (which really helped)-=-

Sounds gross and physically invasive.

-=-How can I approach this in a way that reduces everyone's stress around it?-=-

Marty used to eat boogers when he was little.  Four, five?  We had a friend who worked at the zoo, and I someitmes offered to ask Bill to bring us some exotic boogers Marty could try.  It was a way for me to say it was gross without ragging on and on about Marty's own boogers.  I would say "I wonder if they taste like monkey boogers," or "I wonder how big an elephant booger is."  Just conversationally, like I was talking about anything else.  It was kind of funny, but kind of gross, and it probably helped him not do it.

I also said to each of my kids at some point when they were pulling boogers out or eating with their mouths open or whatever, that there are holes in our bodies, and there's stuff in there, and it's not nice to show any of that to other people.  Wiping boogers on the wall is something like rubbing poo on the wall—something that should be inside us, or cleaned out privately.

MAYBE (depending on personalities) you could put little marks on a piece of paper—not the calendar on the wall, but just a little chart that can be thrown away easily, and put a line when you see him with his finger in his nose.  One day might have six marks.  The next might have eight, or only two.  There might come a day when there are no marks.  It might help him AND you to see progress that way.

Tic marks, like 1, 1, 1, 1 and cross it to make five.   

Sandra


Vicki Dennis

I agree that he "should" think about it.   And it should be done ONLY privately.   Of course, if you "know" of his habits, then it does not solve your issue of feeling contaminated at the computer.  Perhaps have a bottle of hand sanitizer at the computer that EVERYONE uses before using the mouse or keyboard?  After all, you cannot know where else anyone's fingers may have been that day.  It is services cleaning public buildings are supposed to pay close attention to disinfecting doorknobs and light switches.

I disagree that it is sufficient to just say Stop It.

Since you say that daily rinses helped I wonder if much of the need is environmental. Especially since his brother is also cleaning out his own nose.   Full out rinses might be more invasive and uncomfortable than he is willing to do but there are milder things to try.   I just returned from 10 days in frozen New England where I stayed in a residence using a wood pellet stove.  Left me with itchy dry skin, dry cracked lips,  and dry nasal passages clogged with dry boogers.    Although I am not usually a fan of nasal sprays I found that using saline nasal spray (like Ocean or Ayr or various generics) several times a day cut down on how much dried blood came out when I would blow my nose.   Since I normally live in Austin, which is Allergy Central particularly  in the winter, I also need to deal with dryness brought on by frequent antihistamine use.   Besides saline water sprays to moisturize, a barrier ointment rubbed inside the nostrils can be both soothing and long lasting.  If nothing else it softens boogers so that "mining" them is not as necessary since they aren't "stuck".   I am surprised the doctor did not prescribe him ointment suitable for mucous membranes when he had bouts of impetigo.   That is a staph infection and highly contagious and probably harbored inside his nose.  Special ointments are nice but over the years I have used "regular" Neosporin or Bacitracin.  Or even lip ointments, or baby oil. 

In my opinion, digging out dry boogers is akin to scratching chigger bites.  Sometimes not very attractive but often having a "reason" to happen.  

vicki



On Thu, Feb 13, 2014 at 11:32 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
 

-=-My oldest is a big nose picker (actually picker and eater). -=-


How old is he?

-=- It *really* bugs the other adults in the house-=-

It's bugging me just reading about it. :-)

One of my kids' friends used to wipe boogers on the wall when he would visit.  But one of my kids said it was another of MINE doing that, to entrap the other kid.  Gross in any case.  

-=-He has told me that it's just a habit, that he doesn't think about it.-=-

Tell him to find another habit.
Tell him to think about it.

-=- I even convinced him to try rinsing his nose everyday (which really helped)-=-

Sounds gross and physically invasive.

-=-How can I approach this in a way that reduces everyone's stress around it?-=-

Marty used to eat boogers when he was little.  Four, five?  We had a friend who worked at the zoo, and I someitmes offered to ask Bill to bring us some exotic boogers Marty could try.  It was a way for me to say it was gross without ragging on and on about Marty's own boogers.  I would say "I wonder if they taste like monkey boogers," or "I wonder how big an elephant booger is."  Just conversationally, like I was talking about anything else.  It was kind of funny, but kind of gross, and it probably helped him not do it.

I also said to each of my kids at some point when they were pulling boogers out or eating with their mouths open or whatever, that there are holes in our bodies, and there's stuff in there, and it's not nice to show any of that to other people.  Wiping boogers on the wall is something like rubbing poo on the wall—something that should be inside us, or cleaned out privately.

MAYBE (depending on personalities) you could put little marks on a piece of paper—not the calendar on the wall, but just a little chart that can be thrown away easily, and put a line when you see him with his finger in his nose.  One day might have six marks.  The next might have eight, or only two.  There might come a day when there are no marks.  It might help him AND you to see progress that way.

Tic marks, like 1, 1, 1, 1 and cross it to make five.   

Sandra



Sandra Dodd

-=-In my opinion, digging out dry boogers is akin to scratching chigger bites.  Sometimes not very attractive but often having a "reason" to happen.   -=-

True.  It's been really dry here lately and I'm boogery myself, but I wouldn't pick them at the table.  And chiggers and fleabites stay, on me, for months.  But I don't pick them at the table.  I've had more years to practice than kids have, but the principle is the same for me as for anyone.   :-)


<love2bike2live@...>

Thanks for the great ideas. It is hard for me to think about how to approach behaviors that I really dislike with my kids without falling right back into a mindset of coercion, lots of habits of my own to notice and unwind! He is 6.5 years old, and does a lot of chewing and mouthing on things, and touching things around him in general (this combination is a bit unnerving in airports and other very public places!). I am thinking back to when he wore a "chew bracelet" all the time, and I think he may not have picked so much; I'm going to get another and see if it helps. His little sister (19 months) has been suffering from horrible ear infections and we met with the surgeon who will put tubes in her ears after this current infection clears up, and she wants us to do saline sprays twice a day with her. I remembered how my daughter wanted to do the nasal rinses when her brother was doing it. She actually did it repeatedly! The ENT said that the sprays are totally different and gentle. I am going to see if my son would be willing to try them; he is her sun and stars, and knowing that it might make it easier for her could be all it takes for him to try. He has said that he doesn't like using Kleenex because his boogers are "too stuck", so this might be really helpful. Thanks again! Jamie

Pam Sorooshian

You are afraid of sinking back into the frame of mind of control and coercion, but think more terms of giving him accurate information and support for learning how to get along well in the world. 

When you take him to public places or other people's houses are you watching him every minute and cleaning up immediately behind him? On playgrounds? Movie theaters? Everywhere? 

You sound like you might be so afraid of being coercive and controlling that you're not being clear and helpful to him. He needs to know this is a bad habit that impacts what he can do. You don't send him off to other people's houses for playdates without you, right? Does he realize that that is why? Don't withhold information that he needs. I'm not saying shame him or threaten him; I'm saying give him appropriate feedback.

-pam




On Fri, Feb 14, 2014 at 12:51 AM, <love2bike2live@...> wrote:


Thanks for the great ideas. It is hard for me to think about how to approach behaviors that I really dislike with my kids without falling right back into a mindset of coercion, lots of habits of my own to notice and unwind! He is 6.5 years old, and does a lot of chewing and mouthing on things, and touching things around him in general (this combination is a bit unnerving in airports and other very public places!). I am thinking back to when he wore a "chew bracelet" all the time, and I think he may not have picked so much; I'm going to get another and see if it helps. His little sister (19 months) has been suffering from horrible ear infections and we met with the surgeon who will put tubes in her ears after this current infection clears up, and she wants us to do saline sprays twice a day with her. I remembered how my daughter wanted to do the nasal rinses when her brother was doing it. She actually did it repeatedly! The ENT said that the sprays are totally different and gentle. I am going to see if my son would be willing to try them; he is her sun and stars, and knowing that it might make it easier for her could be all it takes for him to try. He has said that he doesn't like using Kleenex because his boogers are "too stuck", so this might be really helpful. Thanks again! Jamie


<semajrak@...>

>>>>I have asked him to wash his hands before using the computer, and he will if I remind him, but then his finger is up his nose again within minutes.<<<<<

Maybe having a box of wipes beside the computer would help.  You could give the mouse and keyboard a little wipe before you use it.  Perhaps seeing you do that will remind him.  I wouldn't make a spectacle of it though.   

Karen

<lorna.laurie@...>

My son did not nose-pick but had terrible conjestion for years until we eliminated cheese which cleared his perpetually troublesome nose in one day! Just a thought...check for allergies?

Sandra Dodd

-=-Just a thought...check for allergies?-=-

I've never heard anything suggesting that boogers were a symptom of an allergy.  Definitely they can have to do with playing or working out in the dirt, or by being where it's very dry or dusty.

Showers might be hepful—not water up the nose, but steam.  He could pick his nose in there very happily, perhaps.   

Maybe a humidifier would help, too, in general.

Getting older will help, and he's getting older. :-)

Sandra

Shannon Stoltz

  -=-Just a thought...check for allergies?-=-
 
Second this. I'd definitely watch for patterns with food and stuffiness or excess mucus.  A couple years ago, my younger son and I started watching how he felt after eating casein (especially cheese). We found by eliminating cheese and other foods containing casein from his daily diet, his perpetually runny nose immediately ceased being an issue and his periodic phantom stomach aches disappeared.  Now he  chooses to only eats cheese and other casein products when it's something he really wants and if he's willing to "not feel good" the next day. Pizza is pretty much the only cheese-related food he chooses to eat. The rest of the time he reminds us, "remember, I'm allergic to cheese." 
 
 
 

Sandra Dodd

-=-The rest of the time he reminds us, "remember, I'm allergic to cheese." -=-

It might be nicer for him to say "I would rather not eat cheese."  People throw "allergic" around too much.  And his digestive system could mature or change, and it might not be just cheese alone, but other factors that won't always be present.


chris ester

The "allergy" to cheese could actually be a reaction to something else, like the bacterium that makes the cheese.  My husband developed an allergy to penicillin and was warned to avoid blue cheeses because the blue veins are pencillium and so could cause him to have an allergic response.  

I used to think that I was allergic to grass because I would get red, runny, swollen eyes when I mowed grass or was near grass being mowed.  One year, after a 3 year drought, I noticed that I wasn't being bothered by mowed grass, a friend with multiple allergies (due to immune issues) suggested that it has more to do with my mold allergies and the fact that the drought killed off most of the mold in the grass.  

Just pointing out that correlation of events (eating cheese and runny nose) doesn't prove causation and that if the effect is serious enough, testing isn't always bad.
chris 


On Sat, Feb 15, 2014 at 11:02 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
 

-=-The rest of the time he reminds us, "remember, I'm allergic to cheese." -=-


It might be nicer for him to say "I would rather not eat cheese."  People throw "allergic" around too much.  And his digestive system could mature or change, and it might not be just cheese alone, but other factors that won't always be present.