Social Media
Marina Moses
This group and the Facebook group are really helping my deschooling process so thank you. I have been breaking the "rules" a bit. I still read a lot, try a little, wait a little and watch! Things are continually moving in a good direction with our 14 year old previously child led, eclectically homeschooled, youngest son. I think that my husband and I getting unschooling little by little is improving our relationships with each other and all three kids (the other two are 18 and 23) and I sure wish we would have been more open earlier. Such is life. Here we are and from here we'll move forward!
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Love and Prayers,
Marina
I do catch myself slipping. My son is wearing his pants low and I laugh or tell him to pull them up or whatever when I know that a 14 year old boy's fashion choice isn't going to end the world. Same with the music-sometimes very vulgar rap. I'm working on this stuff and it really has come a long way.
My current dilemma is with social media. Twitter, Instagram, Ask FM, etc. Stevie is a VERY popular kid. People love him. He has a very magnetic personality so he has a lot of people "following." "retweeting" and "sharing" his posts and pictures. Stevie is also VERY 14 and he has always enjoyed a bit of the shocking (think Daniel Tosh) and risky. My 18 year old (very modest) daughter, my husband and I all follow him. Chelsea (his sister) thinks I should censor about 80% of his posts! I ask him to pull down around 5% of what I see. We talk about why and he rarely agrees with me but doesn't fight pulling it down. This stuff is out there forever. Even the stuff he pulls down is already reposted. I don't envy kids right now as I was also VERY 14! If this technology was around then I expect my trail wouldn't be so pretty!
My husband is far more relaxed about this than I am. By the way, he is very supportive about unschooling and reads Pam's intro emails little by little as I send them. He's actually doing the "read a little" part as advised!
Does anyone have any insight on what I could do to continue moving towards radical unschooling? I understand it so well that I am very hungry for it in its fullness. Oh if understanding concepts were as valuable as really getting it!
Love and Prayers,
Marina
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
A couple years ago when my son was having some heated discussions on youtube ( and people can be really cruel and crash on youtube) he wrote some things that I don;t think were something anyone should be writing. He was just using the same "attacks" others were using towards him.
He said back to this really nasty person something like : "I hope you go to prison and then you are raped there " or worse.
So I brought those kinds of things I was reading and talked about rape, discussions, personal attacks , arguments and more.
Today he is the first one to say those are no valid arguments or a way to prove a point and that those people that discuss like that are just not worth getting into it with them.
I also told my son that everything he writes out there is out in the world probably forever and he won't be able to do anything about it once it is posted on the internet.
I did not make him take down anything. I did not censor him. He took it down himself. He stopped arguing with people like that and doing the same those people were doing.
Now I do not know what you are censoring your son and what you think it is not something he should be saying.
There are things that I would have a conversation with my child about. Rape is not something you wish on anyone , even someone in prison.
Hate speech is hate speech. Personal attacks when in an argument are not valid ways to prove a point.
Now my daughter has had some fights with her friends over Skype and they have written to each other things like "I hope you die in a big fire".
That was written back and forth.
Again I talk to my daughter about friendship and that saying things like that, even without really meaning them, can hurt a friendship and are not nice things to say to someone you are friends with. I told her about my best friends who I have known for over 40 years and how we may have had fights but we never said things like that to each other.
She listened. They have had a few more fights. I hope it has made a difference. MY daughter just turned 8 last Friday so it is never too early to talk about things like that with your child.
He said back to this really nasty person something like : "I hope you go to prison and then you are raped there " or worse.
So I brought those kinds of things I was reading and talked about rape, discussions, personal attacks , arguments and more.
Today he is the first one to say those are no valid arguments or a way to prove a point and that those people that discuss like that are just not worth getting into it with them.
I also told my son that everything he writes out there is out in the world probably forever and he won't be able to do anything about it once it is posted on the internet.
I did not make him take down anything. I did not censor him. He took it down himself. He stopped arguing with people like that and doing the same those people were doing.
Now I do not know what you are censoring your son and what you think it is not something he should be saying.
There are things that I would have a conversation with my child about. Rape is not something you wish on anyone , even someone in prison.
Hate speech is hate speech. Personal attacks when in an argument are not valid ways to prove a point.
Now my daughter has had some fights with her friends over Skype and they have written to each other things like "I hope you die in a big fire".
That was written back and forth.
Again I talk to my daughter about friendship and that saying things like that, even without really meaning them, can hurt a friendship and are not nice things to say to someone you are friends with. I told her about my best friends who I have known for over 40 years and how we may have had fights but we never said things like that to each other.
She listened. They have had a few more fights. I hope it has made a difference. MY daughter just turned 8 last Friday so it is never too early to talk about things like that with your child.
Alex Polikowsky
Marina Moses
It really isn't threats or anything in anger. The stuff he and his friends say are I guess what you would call sexually explicit joking and swearing. They think they are funny and I guess a lot of their teen friends agree. It really isn't far from the stuff my friends and I said at that age but we were not sharing it with the world. He likes explicit rap music and we have a lot of conversations about what they are talking about but Stevie is a musician and he loves the beats and the word play. I realize that when I was a kid people blamed suicides and all other evils on my music and I won't do the same even though I find it distasteful. I do see the language leaking into his language though and I think it is yucky. My opinion doesn't sway him away though. He is getting better at choosing which rap songs to share with me and I am becoming more open and learning and talking about different rappers and even finding the ones I liker most. It is really hard for me to enjoy though and I can't hide that I don't like it. I am a bit of a rock and roll snob but I'm working on it.
On Tue, Jan 28, 2014 at 11:44 AM, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
A couple years ago when my son was having some heated discussions on youtube ( and people can be really cruel and crash on youtube) he wrote some things that I don;t think were something anyone should be writing. He was just using the same "attacks" others were using towards him.
He said back to this really nasty person something like : "I hope you go to prison and then you are raped there " or worse.
So I brought those kinds of things I was reading and talked about rape, discussions, personal attacks , arguments and more.
Today he is the first one to say those are no valid arguments or a way to prove a point and that those people that discuss like that are just not worth getting into it with them.
I also told my son that everything he writes out there is out in the world probably forever and he won't be able to do anything about it once it is posted on the internet.
I did not make him take down anything. I did not censor him. He took it down himself. He stopped arguing with people like that and doing the same those people were doing.
Now I do not know what you are censoring your son and what you think it is not something he should be saying.
There are things that I would have a conversation with my child about. Rape is not something you wish on anyone , even someone in prison.
Hate speech is hate speech. Personal attacks when in an argument are not valid ways to prove a point.
Now my daughter has had some fights with her friends over Skype and they have written to each other things like "I hope you die in a big fire".
That was written back and forth.
Again I talk to my daughter about friendship and that saying things like that, even without really meaning them, can hurt a friendship and are not nice things to say to someone you are friends with. I told her about my best friends who I have known for over 40 years and how we may have had fights but we never said things like that to each other.
She listened. They have had a few more fights. I hope it has made a difference. MY daughter just turned 8 last Friday so it is never too early to talk about things like that with your child.
Alex Polikowsky
--
Love and Prayers,
Marina
Sandra Dodd
-=-Does anyone have any insight on what I could do to continue moving towards radical unschooling?-=-
You have that knowledge already. Make decisions based on where you want to be. Make decisions based on what you (claim to) understand. Make decisions that take you toward it, rather than away from it.
SEE your decisions. Think before you speak. Think and choose. Think before you act. Think and choose.
-=-People love him. He has a very magnetic personality so he has a lot of people "following." "retweeting" and "sharing" his posts and pictures.-=-
Why the quotation marks?
People are actually following, retweeting and sharing his posts, just as they would with anyone. It's real.
-=-Stevie is also VERY 14 and he has always enjoyed a bit of the shocking (think Daniel Tosh) and risky.-=-
What is his risk? Why is it "risky"? For Daniel Tosh, the risk would be losing his gigs or being sued. Your son doesn't have those risks, does he?
-=- My 18 year old (very modest) daughter, my husband and I all follow him. Chelsea (his sister) thinks I should censor about 80% of his posts!-=-
Probably you would have more peace in your family if Chelsea stopped reading them and stopped complaining to you about her brother's writing, and your failure to control him.
-=- I ask him to pull down around 5% of what I see. We talk about why and he rarely agrees with me but doesn't fight pulling it down. -=-
"Fight"? Why the word "fight"? What would he lose if he "fought"? Would you take the internet away from him? Withdraw affection?
Maybe there would be more peace in your family if you stopped reading them, or at least stopped picking fights about them.
About rap and fashion, you wrote "I'm working on this stuff and it really has come a long way."
Don't work. Work is hard. Work is effort expended. You can't possible put in enough "work" that rap and fashion will go away.
Don't work. Relax. Breathe. Smile. Turn away. Think thoughts of abundance and gratitude.
-=-My husband is far more relaxed about this than I am. By the way, he is very supportive about unschooling and reads Pam's intro emails little by little as I send them. He's actually doing the "read a little" part as advised!
-=-
So you believe he is more relaxed because he took advice you see working? And you're asking us what you can do to continue progress? :-)
I'm being picky, but partly to help you see how to do it yourself, for yourself, in response to your own thoughts, so you can continue moving towards radical unschooling. Others here can see and consider those kinds of adjustments, too.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=- I find it distasteful. I do see the language leaking into his language though and I think it is yucky. My opinion doesn't sway him away though.-=-
It sways him in ways you can't control. It affects your relationship.
Tell him you don't want to hear that language, if you want to. Tell him you want some separation from it all, but to keep telling him negative things is going to affect how he feels about you, probably.
-=- I realize that when I was a kid people blamed suicides and all other evils on my music and I won't do the same even though......-=-
But you're doing something negative.
-=-I can't hide that I don't like it.-=-
You don't have to pretend to like it to withdraw from criticising it all the time, or showing constant distaste.
Sandra
Marina Moses
Sandra,
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Love and Prayers,
Marina
Thank you once again! So many times in the past couple of months I have written questions only to delete them after hearing what my imagination hears your voice as, picking apart my words! Things I thought were hurdles really weren't once I relaxed. I have always spoken too quickly and you are teaching me that the world won't end if someone doesn't hear my immediate reaction to something! Thank you for your gift of seeing words so clearly.
-=-Stevie is also VERY 14 and he has always enjoyed a bit of the shocking (think Daniel Tosh) and risky.-=-
-What is his risk? Why is it "risky"? For Daniel Tosh, the risk would be losing his gigs or being sued. Your son doesn't have those risks, does he?-
No. I should have left out risky, it didn't apply to what I was talking about-he often has thrill seeking behavior. Right now he is snowboarding 5+days a week and that is filling the need. I realize looking back that I lumped it in with the value he puts on shocking with words. It didn't belong.
-=- I ask him to pull down around 5% of what I see. We talk about why and he rarely agrees with me but doesn't fight pulling it down. -=-
-"Fight"? Why the word "fight"? What would he lose if he "fought"? Would you take the internet away from him? Withdraw affection?-
Nope. I was just stating that if I ask him he will usually say okay. We don't ban him from the internet or ground him. I have never seen that stuff as effective anyway. Sometimes I will ask though, if I think he's being really gross, especially towards girls.
I will stop thinking of it as work but I am glad Stevie keeps sharing music with me and he is getting better at knowing which songs I won't turn off.
I'm going to keep listening and thinking more than I talk!
This community is a huge blessing to my family. Thank you
Love and Prayers,
Marina
Sandra Dodd
-=-Things I thought were hurdles really weren't once I relaxed.-=-
I like this.
If we had a physical building, we could put it up on the wall. :-)
-=-I have always spoken too quickly and you are teaching me that ...-=-
EeeeeK!!! Rephrase! Rephrase!!
Marina Moses
-=-I have always spoken too quickly and you are teaching me that ...-=-
EeeeeK!!! Rephrase! Rephrase!!
I used to speak too quickly and I am learning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On Tue, Jan 28, 2014 at 4:00 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
-=-Things I thought were hurdles really weren't once I relaxed.-=-
I like this.If we had a physical building, we could put it up on the wall. :-)-=-I have always spoken too quickly and you are teaching me that ...-=-EeeeeK!!! Rephrase! Rephrase!!--
Love and Prayers,
Marina