<jenna.bergendahl@...>

My son is currently 18 months old, and my husband and I plan to unschool him once he is school age. Now that he is a toddler, I find I have to be much more conscious of my parenting behavior because it seems easier to slip into conventional parenting than it was when he was an infant... for example, saying "no, coffee tables are not for climbing!" rather than to stop and ponder why that must be a rule and if it's necessary--he's quite careful when he climbs. My husband and I are working hard to be more respectful and stop controlling/coercing behavior out of our son, and he's responding to this by being an all-around happier child. 

My dilemma, however, is that I run a home daycare... and I wonder now if it is incompatible with unschooling--and I mean unschooling as a parenting philosophy because I realize that he's not school age yet. I chose to open the daycare after my son was born so that we could afford for me to stay home with him. I really enjoy doing it. I have a small group (between 3-5 kids each day, including my son). They all are between 1.5 and 3 years old.

I follow the unschooling philosophy as much as possible with my daycare group. For example, I'll put art supplies on the table and invite them to use them (not required), and the art projects are always open-ended, rather than "everyone must now make snowmen." We read books and talk, but I'm not having them recite the alphabet or drilling them on numbers and letters. We have a great, huge playroom with lots of toys and lots of time to explore. So I'm not worried that I'm teaching; I believe I am being a good guide and resource.

My concern is more about behavior management, so to speak. The freedom my son is experiencing is not going to be possible to give to the daycare children. 

For licensing and liability reasons, I just cannot let them climb on the coffee table.   If someone got hurt doing an activity like this, even if it was an accident, I could be sued, lose my daycare license, and even get a criminal record if the state determines the accident was due to negligence or failing to provide a safe environment. The thought of "what if" is very worrisome to me.

That is an extreme example, but even on a smaller level... I can't let a daycare child eat only watermelon for lunch (if he asks for it) because I have to take his parents' wishes into consideration.

I wonder what it will do to my son to see that he--and only he--can climb the coffee table. He--and only he--can have unlimited watermelon (because the other kids have to finish their peas). This doesn't seem healthy to me.

I'd also love to hear about unschooling done in a family with many children. Because I have 3-5 kids here at a time (and they are all young), I feel like I have to limit and control when the daycare kids are here in ways that I don't limit/control when they are gone... for example, I'd be much more likely to give my son free reign with the finger paints when I know I can just take him to the tub after... but with 4 other kids to watch (and potentially bathe, if everyone gets that messy!), I can't make choices that would lessen my ability to supervise the group.

I am curious to hear what others think about our situation. In the summer, I plan to go down to doing daycare only 3 days per week. By the time my son is of school age, my goal is to be finished with the daycare and to able to be home 100%. However, that is at least four years away.

Sandra Dodd

-=-I wonder what it will do to my son to see that he--and only he--can climb the coffee table. He--and only he--can have unlimited watermelon (because the other kids have to finish their peas). This doesn't seem healthy to me. -=-

It's not.  Real-life can keep you from giving your child all the choices you would like to give him. 

It won't hurt him not to climb on the coffee table.  Take him out other times to climb on things.  Loading ramps and wheelchair ramps and steps behind businesses can be great for toddler exploration.  City park equipment, too.  

Maybe you could make some simple wooden boxes and turn them box-like during daycare times, and turned over so he can climb on them when the other kids are gone.

-=-I am curious to hear what others think about our situation. In the summer, I plan to go down to doing daycare only 3 days per week. By the time my son is of school age, my goal is to be finished with the daycare and to able to be home 100%. However, that is at least four years away.-=-

You can enrich your son's life in ways that don't cause conflict.  When making decisions, consider your priorities (making money might be crucial right now, so don't let philosophical ideas compromise that—do it responsibly), consider safety and duty and options and remember that time passes and children get older and better able to understand and assist.

Sandra

Pam Sorooshian


On Thu, Jan 9, 2014 at 12:08 PM, <jenna.bergendahl@...> wrote:
That is an extreme example, but even on a smaller level..

It seems such a small thing - so if that is your "extreme" then I wonder if you are worrying about trivial stuff?

No kid is going to get hurt climbing up on a coffee table if the adult is there helping. 

Kids shouldn't be encouraged to climb on coffee tables, though, unless it is one that is there FOR them to climb on. So - take the coffee table out of the room if they're not allowed to climb on it. 

A playroom for a daycare should be entirely child friendly. If you make it that way, you won't have the issue of when to say no.

So - bottom line, set up the environment so that you don't have to control their behavior. 

-pam

<plaidpanties666@...>

>>I wonder what it will do to my son to see that he--and only he--can climb the coffee table. He--and only he--can have unlimited watermelon (because the other kids have to finish their peas). This doesn't seem healthy to me. <<


So don't make that the situation when the other kids are around. 


Maybe that will mean getting rid of the coffee table, or moving it to the bedroom, or some room that's not open to the day-care kids. Look for ways to divide up your home so that you have designated shared space and private space - that will also let your son have a place to keep special toys of his own so he doesn't feel pressured to share, and someplace he can go if he needs a break from other kids (later, when he's okay off by himself). 

You could also consider having a special shelf or storage area for day-care food where you also keep food for your kid. During day-care hours, only that food is available. Depending on the other kids' needs, you might have separate food for each kid, or a kind of communal snack area supplemented by prepared meals. When I used to babysit we had separate food storage for each child because different parents had very different ideas of what their kids should eat. 

Shauna Reisewitz

A couple years back I saw a woman named Bev Boss speak at a Homeschool Conference.. She's a lovely woman who runs a big daycare program-- You might find her interesting and inspirational with what you do... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_OoFjCruU4 not entirely radical unschooling (since it's a preschool)-but how she approaches children does line up with many principles of unschooling..
valuing connection with children, people, communities--- about cherishing that sense of wonder and discovery ...

Sandra Dodd

-=-She's a lovely woman who runs a big daycare program-- You might find her interesting and inspirational with what you do..-=-

But the real question was how unschooling can fit with that.  
There are other places to discuss and recommend progressive pre-school methods.  

The mention of it is fine here, but a reminder that it's not about unschooling itself is important.  

In a journey, each step is getting warmer or getting colder.  People are on different journeys, and that's fine, but the Always Learning discussion shouldn't be going toward daycare.

Sandra