Sherry Franklin

My daughter is nine years old and sucks her thumb. She was adopted at almost two years old and has always sucked her thumb for comfort. It is her way to self-soothe. My husband and I started trying to get her to stop a few years ago prior to unschooling. We have been unschooling for about a year now. When we were able to get her to stop through coercion and other not so pretty ways, she started heavily masturbating. Clearly she needs an outlet.

I have given up trying to get her to quit because through unschooling I now realize that I would rather have a good relationship with her than see her stop. My concern is that her breath is atrocious and her front teeth are really protruding. We have not taken her to an orthodontist yet. I think she is still too young. Any thoughts? I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe someone who has had a thumb sucker and some ideas as to what they did or did not do.

Sherry

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Marina Moses

I sucked my thumb until I was 9. I needed braces at 13. My parents tried everything to make me stop. Nothing worked. I do have some negative feelings in the memories but not devastating ones- I really loved my thumb. I remember my dad telling me my breath stank. I don't remember doing anything about it.  Maybe you could encourage more hand washing and tooth brushing?  I was certainly old enough to understand hygiene and bad smells.

On Jan 4, 2014 4:28 AM, "Sherry Franklin" <sherryfranklin150@...> wrote:
 

My daughter is nine years old and sucks her thumb. She was adopted at almost two years old and has always sucked her thumb for comfort. It is her way to self-soothe. My husband and I started trying to get her to stop a few years ago prior to unschooling. We have been unschooling for about a year now. When we were able to get her to stop through coercion and other not so pretty ways, she started heavily masturbating. Clearly she needs an outlet.

I have given up trying to get her to quit because through unschooling I now realize that I would rather have a good relationship with her than see her stop. My concern is that her breath is atrocious and her front teeth are really protruding. We have not taken her to an orthodontist yet. I think she is still too young. Any thoughts? I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe someone who has had a thumb sucker and some ideas as to what they did or did not do.

Sherry

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Joyce

On Jan 3, 2014, at 9:03 PM, Sherry Franklin <sherryfranklin150@...> wrote:



*** Clearly she needs an outlet. ***


What other comforting and soothing things are in her life? Sleeping together? Rocking her on your lap while you sing or hum or tell her stories? Snuggling on the couch to read together? Massage? Perhaps with scented oil? A warm bath with scented candles? Nature sounds CDs or sound machine?

And more active things? Dancing together? Singing together? Walks in the woods?

The more options she has to choose from, the easier it will be to move to something else when thumb sucking doesn't feel so satisfying any more.

Joyce

[email protected]

Sometimes well intentioned people-- dentists, self-appointed experts, family members, and even strangers-- seem to delight in pointing out areas in which our children are not "normal." Then they enjoy giving unsolicited advice as to how to "fix" our children. For me-- a recovering people pleaser-- this can be hard to bear.

Please don't worry about your daughter's thumb sucking. There are MANY worse ways to self soothe. Children eventually outgrow the need for it-- at least I don't know of any adult thumb suckers-- and when they do, we parents can consider braces.

My oldest son is thirteen. He is bright, outgoing, and happy. Unlike his younger brothers, however, he has always loved to suck his thumb. He began sucking his thumb in utero; and like your daughter, it is a source of great comfort to him. He rarely sucks his thumb in public. None of his friends know of this habit. However, when he is sleepy, he still sucks his thumb. And yes, he needs braces.

In the last year, he told me he would like to stop thumb sucking. I asked if he would like me to gently bring it to his attention whenever I noticed him doing it. He said yes. So now whenever I see him sucking his thumb (usually only on a long car ride when he is getting tired or late at night when he is curled up on the couch watching a movie) I will quietly smile and say, "Thumb."

I think it's important not to shame our children or suggest that they are failures or babies for continuing this habit. Although it may affect the teeth, the teeth can be fixed. As you suggested, your child's trust in your love and support is far more important.


--- In [email protected], Sherry Franklin <sherryfranklin150@...> wrote:
>
> My daughter is nine years old and sucks her thumb. She was adopted at almost two years old and has always sucked her thumb for comfort. It is her way to self-soothe. My husband and I started trying to get her to stop a few years ago prior to unschooling. We have been unschooling for about a year now. When we were able to get her to stop through coercion and other not so pretty ways, she started heavily masturbating. Clearly she needs an outlet. <br/><br/>I have given up trying to get her to quit because through unschooling I now realize that I would rather have a good relationship with her than see her stop. My concern is that her breath is atrocious and her front teeth are really protruding. We have not taken her to an orthodontist yet. I think she is still too young. Any thoughts? I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe someone who has had a thumb sucker and some ideas as to what they did or did not do. <br/><br/>Sherry<a
> href="http://overview.mail.yahoo.com?.src=iOS"><br/><br/>Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad</a>
>

haydee deldenovese

I was a thumb sucker as a child,  and my mom put anything from chicken poop to hot sauce. She wrapped it up in tape, I mean the only thing that she didn't do was chop it off. Still today, after a marriage and two children,  there are times when I still want to suck on my thumb to be quite honest. I think that if she has that need, you should just let her. It will stop when she is ready for it to stop.
Last Summer I went to a festival in which I met a chiropractor. During his session,  he explained the importance that thumb suction has in development. I was stunned!
It turns out that by sucking the thumb the muscles of the back of the neck get to fully develop, and that is something important for the human body. He actually had all 35 people sucking our thumbs by the end of the session!
I made the mistake of making my daughter stop. Knowing what I know now, I much rather know that her neck got fully developed. So if your daughter has that need, and she know what she  needs, let her. If her breath isn't pleasant,  talk to her about hygiene,  and as far as the teeth, braces can fix that. Another thing could be that you offer her Popsicles, lollipops, ice cream,  and other things that can satisfy that need, without making it a big deal. Explain to her about the sugar content of those foods and let her know that brushing her teeth after will help her teeth stay healthy.
Sometimes,  getting caught up in cosmetics,  we miss the big picture,  but the teeth are just cosmetics and it can be fixed at the right time.

H.

On Jan 4, 2014 1:28 AM, "Sherry Franklin" <sherryfranklin150@...> wrote:
 

My daughter is nine years old and sucks her thumb. She was adopted at almost two years old and has always sucked her thumb for comfort. It is her way to self-soothe. My husband and I started trying to get her to stop a few years ago prior to unschooling. We have been unschooling for about a year now. When we were able to get her to stop through coercion and other not so pretty ways, she started heavily masturbating. Clearly she needs an outlet.

I have given up trying to get her to quit because through unschooling I now realize that I would rather have a good relationship with her than see her stop. My concern is that her breath is atrocious and her front teeth are really protruding. We have not taken her to an orthodontist yet. I think she is still too young. Any thoughts? I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe someone who has had a thumb sucker and some ideas as to what they did or did not do.

Sherry

Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

<plaidpanties666@...>

I sucked my thumb until I was ten. We weren't unschooling, but I remember deciding to stop and that it took some time and effort on my part to break the habit. My teeth weren't adversely affected. I decided to stop because little kids suck their thumbs and I was ready to put little kid things behind me. At the same time, I dropped my childhood nickname and insisted on using my real, much more grown-up sounding name.


My sinuses were chronically congested as a child after I stopped sucking my thumb. As an adult, taking yoga classes, I found that if I pressed my tongue against the roof of my mouth my sinuses cleared, so I wonder if thumb sucking was related to that in some way - something about the pressure or the way body parts align helps clear the sinuses. Bad breath can be a result of post nasal drip, so if your daughter is chronically congested it could lead to both bad breath And thumb sucking, if the thumb sucking helps clear her nasal passages. 


---Meredith

Sandra Dodd

-=-I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe someone who has had a thumb sucker and some ideas as to what they did or did not do. -=-

The only thing to be looking for here is for how creating an environment at home that is a good substitute for school can also create a more peaceful family, and vice versa.   All the rest is minor detail.

If you have a savings account, the more money that goes in there, the more there is.  It doesn't matter whether it came there from gifts, direct deposit, cashing in aluminum, or bottle deposits, or interest.   There is deposit and there is withdrawal.  There is positive, and there is negative.  There is more, there is less.  There is plus, there is minus.

Two things were unfortunately worded.   "Had a thumb sucker" suggests there is a subset of people called thumb suckers.  Sounds too much like blood sucker, or the sucker born every minute.   It's not friendly, or positive, or more, or plus.

The other was "atrocious."  Maybe look it up for the literal definition, and maybe read more about what causes bad breath.  It could be digestive problems, sinus infection, fear, depression.    

Happiness, more options, more patience, less pressure, could keep her breath from smelling as bad.  Thinking of it as something other than an atrocious thing that's her fault would help you (the mom) feel differently about her, her breath, and yourself.  

-=-She was adopted at almost two years old and has always sucked her thumb for comfort. It is her way to self-soothe. My husband and I started trying to get her to stop a few years ago prior to unschooling. We have been unschooling for about a year now. When we were able to get her to stop through coercion and other not so pretty ways, she started heavily masturbating. Clearly she needs an outlet. -=-

If you think it's past the point that creating a more peaceful environment will help, consider getting help from someone on this list.  They won't waste any of your time or money asking you to explain unschooling.

Maybe massage therapy could help, if she needs more touch.  Maybe, also, if she's tense and curled into herself, big muscle, stretchy things would be helpful to her health (and maybe breath).  Does she bicycle or skate?   Swim?    http://sandradodd.com/physicality

There is a young woman I've known since birth.  She's 30 now.  She's a nurse in a trauma care facility in NYC.  Her parents divorced when shen was young, and she was an only child.  She stayed at our house sometimes, ostensibly to help me with my kids, though I was paying her with money her mom gave me to watch her.  I'm still friends with both her parents; I was at her 30th birthday party a few months back; I saw her dad at Thanksgiving.

She sucked her thumb into her teens and young adulthood.  I haven't asked her lately about it.  She would hide it with her other hand or a book in front of her face sometimes.  She went to public school and then to universities.  Maybe some people were tacky to her about it, I don't know, but I wasn't, and my kids weren't.   She's artistic, bright, competent, in a good relationship and has a great job.  She lived in California for years and surfed and roller bladed.   

I would not call her "a thumb sucker."  She's LOTS of things.  She's a whole, full person.

Sandra




Karen

>>>>>My concern is that her breath is atrocious<<<<<

She has bad breath. See if she would like a mouthwash. My son likes Listerine - likes the fresh feeling he gets after he rinses his mouth with it.

>>>>>and her front teeth are really protruding.<<<<<

I have protruding teeth. I've grown to like them, despite my dad always wanting to fix them (well into my 20s). In fact, I think they make my smile uniquely mine. Maybe she will like the way her teeth look. Don't try to fix or suggest fixing something that isn't broken to her. Let her come to her own conclusions about how she feels about the way her body looks and operates.

Our dentist has asked numerous times if we were considering an orthodontist for Ethan. I always say no. This past time I politely asked her not to ask me that any more. I said that if he wants work done on his teeth, that will be his choice. I think his smile is beautiful, and he has no trouble eating. He has never spoken of being unhappy with his teeth, so I want to let it be.

>>>>>I'm not sure what I'm looking for.<<<<<

Think about what you *are* looking for. When you are more clear about that, answers to your questions will be clearer and might come easier too.

Karen.

<tamara@...>

Hi Sherry, 


I was a thumb sucker up until age 9 when I got braces which made it less comfortable to continue sucking my thumb. 


If your daughter is using thumb sucking or masturbation to feel good in herself then you could - without telling her to stop sucking her thumb - focus on activities, situation, environments, people, foods which create feel good hormones for her. It might help to read up on happy hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and then be really watchful for situations that cause her to need to self soothe and for situations which make her feel good in herself. 


All best, 


Tamara

Blissland1234

I sucked my thumb until I was 8, only at home. My mother offered to buy me something I really wanted if I quit. So I remember making myself a calendar and at night I put my hands under my pillow and I marked my calendar on the fridge every day I didn't suck. I was over the habit in a week or so and my mother bought me a Cabbage Patch Kid, which seemed very expensive and exciting to me. I'm very glad she encouraged me to quit because I didn't like having the habit, I can remember. I think it also empowered me to know I could do what I put my mind to. Even so, I never got over chewing my fingernails since childhood and my daughter follows along...

Erika

Adrienn Fulop

>>>>Last Summer I went to a festival in which I met a chiropractor. During his session,  he explained the importance that thumb suction has in development. I was stunned! 
It turns out that by sucking the thumb the muscles of the back of the neck get to fully develop, and that is something important for the human body. <<<<

I just have to say something about this. This sounds like one of those 'unbelievable facts' that only chiropractors/osteopaths seem to be in possession of and go around amazing/scaring people with. 
I'm sure he believed in what he said but it is just not true! 
Human infants need to suckle on breast for years and in the first 6 months of life it has an effect on the skull and face. After that the babie's head movement will be developing the neck not thumb sucking. 
Did he actually suggest that we should all suck our thumbs so our necks develop better? 

Don't believe everything a person tells you just because they wear a white coat and act all know it all. 






On 4 Jan 2014, at 15:10, haydee deldenovese <shybarbie22@...> wrote:

 

I was a thumb sucker as a child,  and my mom put anything from chicken poop to hot sauce. She wrapped it up in tape, I mean the only thing that she didn't do was chop it off. Still today, after a marriage and two children,  there are times when I still want to suck on my thumb to be quite honest. I think that if she has that need, you should just let her. It will stop when she is ready for it to stop.
Last Summer I went to a festival in which I met a chiropractor. During his session,  he explained the importance that thumb suction has in development. I was stunned!
It turns out that by sucking the thumb the muscles of the back of the neck get to fully develop, and that is something important for the human body. He actually had all 35 people sucking our thumbs by the end of the session!
I made the mistake of making my daughter stop. Knowing what I know now, I much rather know that her neck got fully developed. So if your daughter has that need, and she know what she  needs, let her. If her breath isn't pleasant,  talk to her about hygiene,  and as far as the teeth, braces can fix that. Another thing could be that you offer her Popsicles, lollipops, ice cream,  and other things that can satisfy that need, without making it a big deal. Explain to her about the sugar content of those foods and let her know that brushing her teeth after will help her teeth stay healthy.
Sometimes,  getting caught up in cosmetics,  we miss the big picture,  but the teeth are just cosmetics and it can be fixed at the right time.

H.

On Jan 4, 2014 1:28 AM, "Sherry Franklin" <sherryfranklin150@...> wrote:
 

My daughter is nine years old and sucks her thumb. She was adopted at almost two years old and has always sucked her thumb for comfort. It is her way to self-soothe. My husband and I started trying to get her to stop a few years ago prior to unschooling. We have been unschooling for about a year now. When we were able to get her to stop through coercion and other not so pretty ways, she started heavily masturbating. Clearly she needs an outlet.

I have given up trying to get her to quit because through unschooling I now realize that I would rather have a good relationship with her than see her stop. My concern is that her breath is atrocious and her front teeth are really protruding. We have not taken her to an orthodontist yet. I think she is still too young. Any thoughts? I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe someone who has had a thumb sucker and some ideas as to what they did or did not do.

Sherry

Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

Sandra Dodd

-=-Don't believe everything a person tells you just because they wear a white coat and act all know it all. -=-

That's a good point.

But don't believe everything a person tells you just because they post on a unschooling discussion.  You wrote "I'm sure he believed in what he said but it is just not true!"

Your "proof" is less solid than "a doctor told me."     If you qualify your statements, they're more likely to be true than if you make an absolute statement.

That doctor might be wrong.  You might be wrong.    Perhaps some people suck their thumbs in an adaptive way *for them as individuals,* and maybe it has beneficial effects we don't know about.   If it's helpful to one person, that doesn't mean it's a recommendation that everyone do it. Sometimes people have eaten odd things, craved dirt or something, and it turns out they actually did need that additive.  It's possible that physical habits, movements, etc. could be similarly a mysterious instinctive way to provide what a body needs.

Sandra

Marina Moses

Even though I quit at 9. I chewed my nails very low until a year and a half ago (I'm 45!). Now people compliment my nails all the time!  I never thought that would happen but it did.

One other thing.  Two of my 3 kids sucked their thumbs. I never said anything negative about it.  I understood.  When each of them was five I asked them if they wanted an I Quit Sucking My Thumb Party. No presents but in every other way like a big birthday party.  Lots of friends,  food, games,  prizes, etc. They both loved the idea and succeeded.  Many years later my daughter told me that for a little while after she would cheat and hide and suck her thumb once in a while. I'm not sure how I feel about her feeling like she had to hide it from me but she doesn't seem bothered by it and I guess I'm glad she told me eventually.

On Jan 5, 2014 8:53 AM, "Blissland1234" <blissland1234@...> wrote:
 

I sucked my thumb until I was 8, only at home. My mother offered to buy me something I really wanted if I quit. So I remember making myself a calendar and at night I put my hands under my pillow and I marked my calendar on the fridge every day I didn't suck. I was over the habit in a week or so and my mother bought me a Cabbage Patch Kid, which seemed very expensive and exciting to me. I'm very glad she encouraged me to quit because I didn't like having the habit, I can remember. I think it also empowered me to know I could do what I put my mind to. Even so, I never got over chewing my fingernails since childhood and my daughter follows along...

Erika