Irritated Parent
Mary Hickman
Hello,
Just a moment to say I'm finding myself irritated again with my kids. Not
all day, not all the time, but each day I find moments that just floor me.
Like my little guy who can not find his shoes again or my daughter pushing
the baby. It seems to happen at "time to go somewhere moment", usually
activities the kids want to go to. I have 3 little ones. Seems I can cope
with problem 1 and problem 2 but problem 3 puts me over the edge. I know it
is my behavior that I need to work on, any advise, thoughts, ways, to help
breath through the contractions of parenting?
Mary
_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com
Just a moment to say I'm finding myself irritated again with my kids. Not
all day, not all the time, but each day I find moments that just floor me.
Like my little guy who can not find his shoes again or my daughter pushing
the baby. It seems to happen at "time to go somewhere moment", usually
activities the kids want to go to. I have 3 little ones. Seems I can cope
with problem 1 and problem 2 but problem 3 puts me over the edge. I know it
is my behavior that I need to work on, any advise, thoughts, ways, to help
breath through the contractions of parenting?
Mary
_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com
Pam Hartley
----------
From: "Mary Hickman" <mfhick@...>
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Irritated Parent
Date: Fri, May 24, 2002, 9:04 PM
Hello,
Just a moment to say I'm finding myself irritated again with my kids. Not
all day, not all the time, but each day I find moments that just floor me.
Like my little guy who can not find his shoes again or my daughter pushing
the baby. It seems to happen at "time to go somewhere moment", usually
activities the kids want to go to. I have 3 little ones. Seems I can cope
with problem 1 and problem 2 but problem 3 puts me over the edge. I know it
is my behavior that I need to work on, any advise, thoughts, ways, to help
breath through the contractions of parenting?
----------
Hi Mary,
Today we went to a family gathering -- one of my many sisters-in-law was
graduating college. We went to a party at her house afterward. My two
daughters (ages 4.5 and 7.5) disappeared with their favorite cousin and I
saw them only sporadically. When they were hungry, they went to the buffet
table and helped themselves. When they had to go potty, they could wipe
themselves. When they went out to see their cousin's dog, they got their own
shoes, told me where they were headed, and left.
It immediately made me long for a new baby. <ggg> I got over it, but
STILL... here are my two babies, and they are wildly and suddenly (from my
mommy point of view) self-sufficient. Every day there is less and less
physical-care stuff they need from me. They can run their own baths and
brush their own teeth. They can dress themselves. Soon, they will be able to
make their own sandwiches and brush their own hair. Someday, they'll get in
cars and drive away from me and I'll just have to take it like a woman.
It's hard, physically and emotionally, to have little ones, especially more
than one little one. But it passes. Give yourself a break, and give them a
break, too. Try to slow your lives down as much as possible. Try to leave
lots and lots and LOTS of time before you "need to go" so there is as little
stress as possible in the getting-ready process. Limit outside commitments
of your time and theirs so there are less places you "need to go" -- you all
have years for that.
Brainstorm with them. Even little ones have good ideas. Ask them, "How can
we make it easier to go places? What would work best for you?"
My daughters and I have been having bedtime troubles recently. We've never
had a set bedtime and I've had no desire for one. But my kids can now
outlast me at night. <g> I have no particular objection to this, except that
they get frightened when Wally and I fall asleep before they do, especially
if their sister falls asleep, too, and they are "last Hartley standing".
For a long time, they fell asleep before me, so no problem. For some time
after that, Brit was not afraid to be awake alone (and now she is afraid
only sporadically). Mikey is afraid to be awake alone. I am not a pretty
sight when sleep-deprived. <g>
So the four of us have been trying to figure it out. The solution we finally
came up with was they're in bed by 10:30 p.m. From 10:30 p.m. to 11 p.m.
Wally or I tell them stories and read to them. At 11 p.m., they get a video
and a kiss, and I go watch Letterman for an hour. Within that time frame,
they're almost always asleep, and shortly after so am I.
It's still been a little bumpy. And I tell them it's open to change if they
or I can think of a better way. And sooner than any of us think, they'll
both be perfectly fine with being "last one awake" and we can go back to our
old habits, which will be a relief to all of us.
Pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: "Mary Hickman" <mfhick@...>
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Irritated Parent
Date: Fri, May 24, 2002, 9:04 PM
Hello,
Just a moment to say I'm finding myself irritated again with my kids. Not
all day, not all the time, but each day I find moments that just floor me.
Like my little guy who can not find his shoes again or my daughter pushing
the baby. It seems to happen at "time to go somewhere moment", usually
activities the kids want to go to. I have 3 little ones. Seems I can cope
with problem 1 and problem 2 but problem 3 puts me over the edge. I know it
is my behavior that I need to work on, any advise, thoughts, ways, to help
breath through the contractions of parenting?
----------
Hi Mary,
Today we went to a family gathering -- one of my many sisters-in-law was
graduating college. We went to a party at her house afterward. My two
daughters (ages 4.5 and 7.5) disappeared with their favorite cousin and I
saw them only sporadically. When they were hungry, they went to the buffet
table and helped themselves. When they had to go potty, they could wipe
themselves. When they went out to see their cousin's dog, they got their own
shoes, told me where they were headed, and left.
It immediately made me long for a new baby. <ggg> I got over it, but
STILL... here are my two babies, and they are wildly and suddenly (from my
mommy point of view) self-sufficient. Every day there is less and less
physical-care stuff they need from me. They can run their own baths and
brush their own teeth. They can dress themselves. Soon, they will be able to
make their own sandwiches and brush their own hair. Someday, they'll get in
cars and drive away from me and I'll just have to take it like a woman.
It's hard, physically and emotionally, to have little ones, especially more
than one little one. But it passes. Give yourself a break, and give them a
break, too. Try to slow your lives down as much as possible. Try to leave
lots and lots and LOTS of time before you "need to go" so there is as little
stress as possible in the getting-ready process. Limit outside commitments
of your time and theirs so there are less places you "need to go" -- you all
have years for that.
Brainstorm with them. Even little ones have good ideas. Ask them, "How can
we make it easier to go places? What would work best for you?"
My daughters and I have been having bedtime troubles recently. We've never
had a set bedtime and I've had no desire for one. But my kids can now
outlast me at night. <g> I have no particular objection to this, except that
they get frightened when Wally and I fall asleep before they do, especially
if their sister falls asleep, too, and they are "last Hartley standing".
For a long time, they fell asleep before me, so no problem. For some time
after that, Brit was not afraid to be awake alone (and now she is afraid
only sporadically). Mikey is afraid to be awake alone. I am not a pretty
sight when sleep-deprived. <g>
So the four of us have been trying to figure it out. The solution we finally
came up with was they're in bed by 10:30 p.m. From 10:30 p.m. to 11 p.m.
Wally or I tell them stories and read to them. At 11 p.m., they get a video
and a kiss, and I go watch Letterman for an hour. Within that time frame,
they're almost always asleep, and shortly after so am I.
It's still been a little bumpy. And I tell them it's open to change if they
or I can think of a better way. And sooner than any of us think, they'll
both be perfectly fine with being "last one awake" and we can go back to our
old habits, which will be a relief to all of us.
Pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Can you put the oldest in charge of something with the second one (shoes?
seatbelt?)?
How much can you do in advance, like packing the diaper bag or putting water
in the car.
They say ("they," you know) that the thing we easiest get angry about is the
thing of which we're guilty. Could be. I dont want to think about it too
hard in my own life. <g> But is it possible that your frustration comes in
part because you're procrastinating until just enough time is left to get TWO
kids ready and now you have three?
I did that for years. I was never late for anything until I had two
children. I used to be early, calm, and over-prepared. When Kirby came
along, I timed stuff and planned for him. When Marty came along it didn't
work anymore. When Holly came along, I had to stop trying to get places
first and have the best organization.
It's hard to give up that last ten minutes of your squeaked in time, but if
you get ready too early, then what? You could play when you get there. You
could take a leisurely long walk through the parking lot, kid-speed, when you
get to the destination, if you're early.
If you're late? No leisure here OR there.
Sometimes I ask Holly where her shoes are even if we have nowhere to go. If
I see a pair of hers out, I ask her to put them away. Having had shoe
problems with Kirby for years (Marty's better), I didn't want it to happen
with Holly. So she has extra shoes, often from thrift stores or Pay Less,
and she has a shoe shelf, and I remind when neither of us is frantic. But I
wasn't always that way.
Sandra
seatbelt?)?
How much can you do in advance, like packing the diaper bag or putting water
in the car.
They say ("they," you know) that the thing we easiest get angry about is the
thing of which we're guilty. Could be. I dont want to think about it too
hard in my own life. <g> But is it possible that your frustration comes in
part because you're procrastinating until just enough time is left to get TWO
kids ready and now you have three?
I did that for years. I was never late for anything until I had two
children. I used to be early, calm, and over-prepared. When Kirby came
along, I timed stuff and planned for him. When Marty came along it didn't
work anymore. When Holly came along, I had to stop trying to get places
first and have the best organization.
It's hard to give up that last ten minutes of your squeaked in time, but if
you get ready too early, then what? You could play when you get there. You
could take a leisurely long walk through the parking lot, kid-speed, when you
get to the destination, if you're early.
If you're late? No leisure here OR there.
Sometimes I ask Holly where her shoes are even if we have nowhere to go. If
I see a pair of hers out, I ask her to put them away. Having had shoe
problems with Kirby for years (Marty's better), I didn't want it to happen
with Holly. So she has extra shoes, often from thrift stores or Pay Less,
and she has a shoe shelf, and I remind when neither of us is frantic. But I
wasn't always that way.
Sandra
Sue & Ron Patterson
--- In AlwaysLearning@y..., "Mary Hickman" <mfhick@h...> wrote:
Just decided to pop in here this evening, and here you are!
I know when Alyssa was born, but especially when she was a couple of years old, the other two were old enough to want to be involved in lots of stuff. And there were so many great things to choose from! Truth was, too many. Our pace picked up to a level that was irritating me and at least one of the kids on any given day. I could have saved a lot of screaming-ugly-mommy-moments if I had simply realized that my kids were having a great life without some of those activities. It's hard because as a mom, I wanted them to have access to everything wonderful. But the price was sometimes sacrificing the peaceful homelife - and that's too high of a price. I needed to bring the pace down a notch for all involved. Less outside activities... I think that might be the answer.
But... thinking about the "can't find the shoes" thing. I still have that crisis. Often, it's projection on my part. I'm a crummy housekeeper and I get mad at them because *their* room is a mess and they can't find anything. How bad is THAT??? Planning ahead helps. Laying stuff out. And, unfortunately, so does cleaning the dang house so we can all find stuff more easily. <g>
Take care, Mary. {{{ }}}
~Sue
<:><:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>
National Home Education Network:
http://www.nhen.org
<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:><:><:>:<:>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>I know itHi Mary!
> is my behavior that I need to work on, any advise, thoughts, ways, to help
> breath through the contractions of parenting?
Just decided to pop in here this evening, and here you are!
I know when Alyssa was born, but especially when she was a couple of years old, the other two were old enough to want to be involved in lots of stuff. And there were so many great things to choose from! Truth was, too many. Our pace picked up to a level that was irritating me and at least one of the kids on any given day. I could have saved a lot of screaming-ugly-mommy-moments if I had simply realized that my kids were having a great life without some of those activities. It's hard because as a mom, I wanted them to have access to everything wonderful. But the price was sometimes sacrificing the peaceful homelife - and that's too high of a price. I needed to bring the pace down a notch for all involved. Less outside activities... I think that might be the answer.
But... thinking about the "can't find the shoes" thing. I still have that crisis. Often, it's projection on my part. I'm a crummy housekeeper and I get mad at them because *their* room is a mess and they can't find anything. How bad is THAT??? Planning ahead helps. Laying stuff out. And, unfortunately, so does cleaning the dang house so we can all find stuff more easily. <g>
Take care, Mary. {{{ }}}
~Sue
<:><:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>
National Home Education Network:
http://www.nhen.org
<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:>:<:><:><:>:<:>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]