Things to reassure relatives at holiday gatherings
Sandra Dodd
'Tis the season for families who are new to unschooling to feel pressure from relatives.
I just came across something (again, that I hadn't though of for a while) in which I listed some possible responses:
RQ 7: I would appreciate any insight that you could give in how to communicate more amicably with family and friends who are not necessarily “believers” about the choice to unschool and/or homeschool.
Sandra: Some good and useful answers are “We’re going to try this for a while,” and “If this stops working, there’s a school right down the road.” If relatives or friends warn you or remind you of things they’re worried about, it would be courteous and sensible to say “Thanks, I’ll think about that,” and smile.
If someone asks a question about socialization, you could ask “What do you mean?” They probably don’t know what they mean, and trying to articulate their real question will probaby bring them to see that they were following a script, and to consider (probably for the very first time) what “socialization” in school really is.
If someone asks about algebra, you might ask how they use algebra in their everyday life. Nod and listen. Maybe say “I”ll think about that,” if they have thought of an example of everyday use.
When the question is “what about writing?” you could say “Do you mean penmanship or composition? Storytelling?” If they say “book report,” you could say “Like reviews on Amazon or GoodReads?”
__________
Okay... maybe not so much to reassure as to baffle or to cause them to think. :-)
It's from a 2012 interview here:
http://www.mommy-labs.com/holistic_living/sandra-dodd-interview-how-do-unschoolers-cope-with-college-questions-on-learning-without-school-living-joyfully
I just came across something (again, that I hadn't though of for a while) in which I listed some possible responses:
RQ 7: I would appreciate any insight that you could give in how to communicate more amicably with family and friends who are not necessarily “believers” about the choice to unschool and/or homeschool.
Sandra: Some good and useful answers are “We’re going to try this for a while,” and “If this stops working, there’s a school right down the road.” If relatives or friends warn you or remind you of things they’re worried about, it would be courteous and sensible to say “Thanks, I’ll think about that,” and smile.
If someone asks a question about socialization, you could ask “What do you mean?” They probably don’t know what they mean, and trying to articulate their real question will probaby bring them to see that they were following a script, and to consider (probably for the very first time) what “socialization” in school really is.
If someone asks about algebra, you might ask how they use algebra in their everyday life. Nod and listen. Maybe say “I”ll think about that,” if they have thought of an example of everyday use.
When the question is “what about writing?” you could say “Do you mean penmanship or composition? Storytelling?” If they say “book report,” you could say “Like reviews on Amazon or GoodReads?”
__________
Okay... maybe not so much to reassure as to baffle or to cause them to think. :-)
It's from a 2012 interview here:
http://www.mommy-labs.com/holistic_living/sandra-dodd-interview-how-do-unschoolers-cope-with-college-questions-on-learning-without-school-living-joyfully
chris ester
>>>>>On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 9:41 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
If someone asks a question about socialization, <<<<After we had been unschooling/homeschooling for about a half dozen years, my smart alec husband started answering (mostly to friends) "Oh yeah, to make sure that they don't miss out on the school socialization experience we beat them up and steal their lunch money once a week or so...."This actually usually led to a discussion of what exactly DOES socialization mean.We eventually figured out that most people don't know what exactly what their concerns are about homeschooling and that they REALLY don't understand unschooling and just want some reassurance that we the parents are not going to somehow leave out children unprepared for life.This is, I found, is accomplished by at least seeming confident that the children are "coming along fine" and not being defensive or worried when I answered their inquiries.chris
<joanneisaac@...>
Over the years, I think hanging out with Kai and observing him has reassured the grandparents that he is indeed 'social' and not shut in a cupboard the rest of the year...
This year I expect the questioning to be based around the fact that Kai doesn't read yet - he has three cousins similarly aged who are in school, and I'm guessing the grandparents might be worried he's not reading independently (he's 7.5).
My main strategy will be to be there and be present, to read things for him before he has to ask, and to hopefully make it a non-issue - but i'd love to hear what others have done in similar situations with respect to relatives questioning about reading.
Jo
Sandra Dodd
Because I had taught 7th grade (kids 12 to 14, as I had "lower level" kids and some had failed a grade), I was able to remind people that MANY kids in Jr. High and High school are in remedial reading classes, so the idea that all the kids are reading is false, and there's nothing worse for it than shame and pressure, so to back off.
Sandra
Sandra
chris ester
I used to talk about readiness--that everyone is different and learns at different rates. Kids walk when ready, talk when ready, etc; so why should kids be forced to read before they're ready (and it doesn't work anyway). My kids were learning all sorts of things and really very happy. I also pointed out that they were not in a position to need to read yet, so what difference would it make when they learned to read?
The fact that my kids WERE happy and obviously smart and knowledgeable about the world around them and interested in lots of things in the world reassured all of the worried relatives.
Chris
On Tue, Dec 10, 2013 at 6:32 PM, <joanneisaac@...> wrote:
Over the years, I think hanging out with Kai and observing him has reassured the grandparents that he is indeed 'social' and not shut in a cupboard the rest of the year...
This year I expect the questioning to be based around the fact that Kai doesn't read yet - he has three cousins similarly aged who are in school, and I'm guessing the grandparents might be worried he's not reading independently (he's 7.5).
My main strategy will be to be there and be present, to read things for him before he has to ask, and to hopefully make it a non-issue - but i'd love to hear what others have done in similar situations with respect to relatives questioning about reading.
Jo
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
I was lucky that my oldest son was reading early and really well so when my Mother in Law asked if any of the kids wanted to read a passage during Christmas at her house my son jumped up and said " me me me" while his much older cousins had a look in their faces that said " no way"!
He read it and everyone was like " Oh you are doing a great job in teaching him to read"
I remember my husband and eye looking at each other and smiling because we knew he learned and we know the game he played online was how he really started reading ( Roblox).
He read it and everyone was like " Oh you are doing a great job in teaching him to read"
I remember my husband and eye looking at each other and smiling because we knew he learned and we know the game he played online was how he really started reading ( Roblox).
Now my daughter is going to turn 8 a month after Christmas so last year she was not reading at almost 7.. She could recognize a few words. People would ask how she was doing and I just say: "she is doing great", "She is learning great" She really loves numbers" , "Your should see how she knows most of the cows' names"
We never went into details. We don;t go into details now! .
She is reading now a year later.
She is reading now a year later.
In June we went to an Anime Convention and went to see one event in there called "Pony Games" where 7 teams lead by My Little Pony Characters and with people picked from the audience competed to win.
She got picked to be on Pinkie Pie team. She was by far the younger there at 7.
Then in one of the competitions one person from each team was to recite something and the best would win. Well her team picked her to recite
She got picked to be on Pinkie Pie team. She was by far the younger there at 7.
Then in one of the competitions one person from each team was to recite something and the best would win. Well her team picked her to recite
They gave her a piece of paper with something she had to read in stage. I thought to myself " OH gosh
she is not reading yet" But she was happy looking at her paper and confident so I stood back.
Her turn came and she stepped up and read up on the stage to a room with at least 200 people and did it perfectly. She won that for her team.!
You could not tell she had not been reading a few months earlier.
Her turn came and she stepped up and read up on the stage to a room with at least 200 people and did it perfectly. She won that for her team.!
You could not tell she had not been reading a few months earlier.
Oh and we also tested her ( for Minnesota homeschooling compliance) sometime in the Spring and she tested on target for her age and grade. Kids are not reading as much as people think they are. Some may be but most only know certain words and the books used in school are made with that in mind so it looks like they are reading when they can read Bob books and such.
There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!
There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!
Jo Isaac
==There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!==
Yes! I think that is one (of many) positives of coming to reading later - vocabulary and comprehension are immediately on a level with reading. When Kai and I read together, his comprehension is wonderful - he's always asking questions about the plot of the book, the characters etc.
To: [email protected]
From: polykowholsteins@...
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:43:29 -0800
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] RE: Things to reassure relatives at holiday gatherings
I was lucky that my oldest son was reading early and really well so when my Mother in Law asked if any of the kids wanted to read a passage during Christmas at her house my son jumped up and said " me me me" while his much older cousins had a look in their faces that said " no way"!
He read it and everyone was like " Oh you are doing a great job in teaching him to read"
I remember my husband and eye looking at each other and smiling because we knew he learned and we know the game he played online was how he really started reading ( Roblox).
He read it and everyone was like " Oh you are doing a great job in teaching him to read"
I remember my husband and eye looking at each other and smiling because we knew he learned and we know the game he played online was how he really started reading ( Roblox).
Now my daughter is going to turn 8 a month after Christmas so last year she was not reading at almost 7.. She could recognize a few words. People would ask how she was doing and I just say: "she is doing great", "She is learning great" She really loves numbers" , "Your should see how she knows most of the cows' names"
We never went into details. We don;t go into details now! .
She is reading now a year later.
She is reading now a year later.
In June we went to an Anime Convention and went to see one event in there called "Pony Games" where 7 teams lead by My Little Pony Characters and with people picked from the audience competed to win.
She got picked to be on Pinkie Pie team. She was by far the younger there at 7.
Then in one of the competitions one person from each team was to recite something and the best would win. Well her team picked her to recite
She got picked to be on Pinkie Pie team. She was by far the younger there at 7.
Then in one of the competitions one person from each team was to recite something and the best would win. Well her team picked her to recite
They gave her a piece of paper with something she had to read in stage. I thought to myself " OH gosh
she is not reading yet" But she was happy looking at her paper and confident so I stood back.
Her turn came and she stepped up and read up on the stage to a room with at least 200 people and did it perfectly. She won that for her team.!
You could not tell she had not been reading a few months earlier.
Her turn came and she stepped up and read up on the stage to a room with at least 200 people and did it perfectly. She won that for her team.!
You could not tell she had not been reading a few months earlier.
Oh and we also tested her ( for Minnesota homeschooling compliance) sometime in the Spring and she tested on target for her age and grade. Kids are not reading as much as people think they are. Some may be but most only know certain words and the books used in school are made with that in mind so it looks like they are reading when they can read Bob books and such.
There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!
There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!
Gwen Montoya
I think it helps when you (the parent) are confident and secure with your decision.
Having three or four "this is the neat thing my kid has done/is interested in" is good too.
Gwen
Having three or four "this is the neat thing my kid has done/is interested in" is good too.
Gwen
> On Dec 10, 2013, at 5:13 PM, chris ester <chris.homeschool@...> wrote:
>
> The fact that my kids WERE happy and obviously smart and knowledgeable about the world around them and interested in lots of things in the world reassured all of the worried relatives.
> Chris
Jo Isaac
Just a funny story from this Christmas with relatives. Nana is a little concerned Kai's not reading yet, but is happy he loves books and loves to be read to.
From: joanneisaac@...
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] RE: Things to reassure relatives at holiday gatherings
Date: Wed, 11 Dec 2013 02:48:41 +0000
==There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!==
To: [email protected]
From: polykowholsteins@...
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:43:29 -0800
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] RE: Things to reassure relatives at holiday gatherings
Alex Polikowsky
Yesterday Kai and I were playing a game called 'Smart' - you answer 'grade level' questions on a variety of stuff - I was answering 6th grade (the highest) and Kai any grade he chose - my 'World' question was 'What is hotter - Magma or Lava?' - I didn't know, so I asked Kai and said if he knew it he could have my token. He said 'Magma is hotter than Lava'. He was right - I asked him how he knew that - he said 'From playing Halo - Magma burns you to ash.'!!
Nana was suitably impressed - and Kai got my token and won the game!
From: joanneisaac@...
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] RE: Things to reassure relatives at holiday gatherings
Date: Wed, 11 Dec 2013 02:48:41 +0000
==There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!==
Yes! I think that is one (of many) positives of coming to reading later - vocabulary and comprehension are immediately on a level with reading. When Kai and I read together, his comprehension is wonderful - he's always asking questions about the plot of the book, the characters etc.
To: [email protected]
From: polykowholsteins@...
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:43:29 -0800
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] RE: Things to reassure relatives at holiday gatherings
I was lucky that my oldest son was reading early and really well so when my Mother in Law asked if any of the kids wanted to read a passage during Christmas at her house my son jumped up and said " me me me" while his much older cousins had a look in their faces that said " no way"!
He read it and everyone was like " Oh you are doing a great job in teaching him to read"
I remember my husband and eye looking at each other and smiling because we knew he learned and we know the game he played online was how he really started reading ( Roblox).
He read it and everyone was like " Oh you are doing a great job in teaching him to read"
I remember my husband and eye looking at each other and smiling because we knew he learned and we know the game he played online was how he really started reading ( Roblox).
Now my daughter is going to turn 8 a month after Christmas so last year she was not reading at almost 7.. She could recognize a few words. People would ask how she was doing and I just say: "she is doing great", "She is learning great" She really loves numbers" , "Your should see how she knows most of the cows' names"
We never went into details. We don;t go into details now! .
She is reading now a year later.
She is reading now a year later.
In June we went to an Anime Convention and went to see one event in there called "Pony Games" where 7 teams lead by My Little Pony Characters and with people picked from the audience competed to win.
She got picked to be on Pinkie Pie team. She was by far the younger there at 7.
Then in one of the competitions one person from each team was to recite something and the best would win. Well her team picked her to recite
She got picked to be on Pinkie Pie team. She was by far the younger there at 7.
Then in one of the competitions one person from each team was to recite something and the best would win. Well her team picked her to recite
They gave her a piece of paper with something she had to read in stage. I thought to myself " OH gosh
she is not reading yet" But she was happy looking at her paper and confident so I stood back.
Her turn came and she stepped up and read up on the stage to a room with at least 200 people and did it perfectly. She won that for her team.!
You could not tell she had not been reading a few months earlier.
Her turn came and she stepped up and read up on the stage to a room with at least 200 people and did it perfectly. She won that for her team.!
You could not tell she had not been reading a few months earlier.
Oh and we also tested her ( for Minnesota homeschooling compliance) sometime in the Spring and she tested on target for her age and grade. Kids are not reading as much as people think they are. Some may be but most only know certain words and the books used in school are made with that in mind so it looks like they are reading when they can read Bob books and such.
There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!
There is also a lot of reading and no comprehension with stuns me!
Sandra Dodd
-=- He'll just say out of the blue to son "what's 9 x 7?" and so on. Or he'll phrase it like "I know 9 x 7, do you?? what is it??"-=-
You might coach your son to just say "No, what is it?" and when the kid says, then say "What's it good for?"
Holly memorized one big one that she made up and asked her dad to help her find the answer to. It was something like 23 times 19 (somewhere I probably have it written down, from those days). So she memorized that one single multiplication "fact" and would ask it back when the other kids asked her.
You could try to be there more where the boys are, and you could also talk to your nephew directly more easily than you could expect your son to defend himself.
-=- This isn't just a holiday thing, son and nephew see each other a lot, and have quite a love/hate relationship. -=-
If your son isn't having fun, see the nephew less, or talk to him, yourself, if you're in the position of deciding whether the visits happen, and tell him what you expect of him. If you're at the mercy of family gatherings and they're in other people's houses, stay nearer to your son, maybe.
-=- son often says to me he wishes I never took him out of school (he went from pre-K to late 2nd grade). -=-
If you "took him out of school" instead of him wanting to come home, that IS a problem.
One of the worst things about school is a child being there against his will. It's not good when homeschooling brings that disadvantage home.
-=- It worked well, but we then fell into unschooling and...-=-
Whoa. You "fell into unschooling"?
Does that mean you quit doing school at home and just fell into unschooling?
-=-However, son had to fill out his own info sheet at the place,-=-
"Had to" said who?
A couple of times someone told me Kirby "had to" fill in his own form, and I said, "Well he can't," and did it. What are they going to do? A person who can't write (for ANY reason—my friend Mary Ann is quadraplegic and can't fill in her own forms; when my husband was in the hospital and nobody could figure out what was wrong, he couldn't fill in his own forms) can't fill in the form, but someone else can help.
-=- That's when hubby questions us unschooling. -=-
-=-In son's mind, none of it is "good". -=-
If you fell into it, and it's not going well enough that your husband and son feel good about it, perhaps you could re-enter on your feet in a more conscious way.
I'm not sure what would help you; those might not be the best links, because I don't know what the nature of your entry to unschooling was.
If you could more actively create a joyful environment for your husband and son where learning was shared by all, might that help?
Sandra