<luvkadcl@...>

Sandra, I remember reading that you said divorce should be avoided if at all possible. Can you or someone link me to this. We are going through so much right now and my husband wants out rather than working on the problems. He is having a midlife crisis among other problems. 

Thank you,
Cindy

Sandra Dodd

I'm really sorry. Be sweet, stall, don't rush to help him want to leave. It's easy to get pissy.

I was at a party last night. A couple got divorced hastily, hatefully. They were both there, and now a couple of years later they can be civil, but within months of their separation they both wishes they were back together, but had said terrible things they couldn't forget. She's had a boyfriend and broken up. The ex-husband has a new girlfriend—young, a little silly, and she might grow out of that, but they're NOT better off and their son is absolutely worse off, emotionally and financially, and his entire future—graduations and other ceremonies, holidays—all screwed up.

http://sandradodd.com/issues/
http://sandradodd.com/divorce
http://sandradodd.com/issues/therapy

Sandra

sanfrantigger

I saw this several weeks ago and it seemed similar to the "be sweet, stall" approach:
"He said he was leaving. She ignored him."
http://m.theweek.com/article.php?id=99512



--- In [email protected], <luvkadcl@...> wrote:
>
> Sandra, I remember reading that you said divorce should be avoided if at all possible. Can you or someone link me to this. We are going through so much right now and my husband wants out rather than working on the problems. He is having a midlife crisis among other problems.
>
> Thank you,
> Cindy
>

Lisbeth Campos

Cindy, Relate might be able to help you with your current issues.  You can view their website or contact them via email or telephone for advice.
 


> Sandra, I remember reading that you said divorce should be avoided if at all possible. Can you or someone link me to this. We are going through so much right now and my husband wants out rather than working on the problems. He is having a midlife crisis among other problems.
>
> Thank you,
> Cindy
>


Sandra Dodd

-=-Relate might be able to help you with your current issues.  You can view their website-=-

Could you leave the link here, please?

Sue K

Best relationship book I ever read, is "Getting The Love You Want". So often relationships fail for all the little things that are blown out of proportion, or made into something they are not. In a loving way, you guys owe it to each other to explore what has happened to the love that used to be there. Often it is still there, and can bloom again once needs are met, and resentments and misunderstandings are shifted. I really hope he is willing to explore this and do the work with you. So that you and your children can all benefit and discover more peace and happiness. These things needs to be explored, or they are often unconsciously repeated in the next relationship. If he is willing, that book is a great way to start to the healing. Be gentle and loving and supportive of him right now and try not to pressure him too much. Couples therapy is probably necessary. And if you can attend the workshops that the authors of that book offer, then that would be awesome. Or see a counsellor they recommend. They really offer so much wisdom and insight into communicating and relationships. 

Sue 

Lisbeth Campos

http://www.relate.org.uk/find-your-nearest-service/index.html

http://www.relate.org.uk/about-us/index.html

 


To: [email protected]
From: Sandra@...
Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2013 09:09:48 -0700
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Divorce

 
-=-Relate might be able to help you with your current issues.  You can view their website-=-

Could you leave the link here, please?


Cindy G

Thank you so much Sue! I will see if I can get the book from my library. Our relationship suffers because of his alcoholism and other addictions, lies and sneaking. Right now because he was still drinking (secretly) as of last week, he just wants out of the relationship. He is spot on with alcoholic behavior. And if he is cheating (and all signs point to it) I don't know if his family means more to him than his addictions and pleasure. 

Cindy

To: [email protected]
From: peacefortheplanet@...
Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2013 11:14:11 -0500
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Divorce

 

Best relationship book I ever read, is "Getting The Love You Want". So often relationships fail for all the little things that are blown out of proportion, or made into something they are not. In a loving way, you guys owe it to each other to explore what has happened to the love that used to be there. Often it is still there, and can bloom again once needs are met, and resentments and misunderstandings are shifted. I really hope he is willing to explore this and do the work with you. So that you and your children can all benefit and discover more peace and happiness. These things needs to be explored, or they are often unconsciously repeated in the next relationship. If he is willing, that book is a great way to start to the healing. Be gentle and loving and supportive of him right now and try not to pressure him too much. Couples therapy is probably necessary. And if you can attend the workshops that the authors of that book offer, then that would be awesome. Or see a counsellor they recommend. They really offer so much wisdom and insight into communicating and relationships. 

Sue 


Lisbeth Campos

AA is a good place for you and your husband if acohol is a problem. http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/


To: [email protected]
From: luvkadcl@...
Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2013 17:04:50 -0500
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Divorce

 
Thank you so much Sue! I will see if I can get the book from my library. Our relationship suffers because of his alcoholism and other addictions, lies and sneaking. Right now because he was still drinking (secretly) as of last week, he just wants out of the relationship. He is spot on with alcoholic behavior. And if he is cheating (and all signs point to it) I don't know if his family means more to him than his addictions and pleasure. 

Cindy

To: [email protected]
From: peacefortheplanet@...
Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2013 11:14:11 -0500
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Divorce

 

Best relationship book I ever read, is "Getting The Love You Want". So often relationships fail for all the little things that are blown out of proportion, or made into something they are not. In a loving way, you guys owe it to each other to explore what has happened to the love that used to be there. Often it is still there, and can bloom again once needs are met, and resentments and misunderstandings are shifted. I really hope he is willing to explore this and do the work with you. So that you and your children can all benefit and discover more peace and happiness. These things needs to be explored, or they are often unconsciously repeated in the next relationship. If he is willing, that book is a great way to start to the healing. Be gentle and loving and supportive of him right now and try not to pressure him too much. Couples therapy is probably necessary. And if you can attend the workshops that the authors of that book offer, then that would be awesome. Or see a counsellor they recommend. They really offer so much wisdom and insight into communicating and relationships. 

Sue 



Cindy G

Thank you! I am in the US, but I am hoping they can refer me to someone here, or I can chat with them.
Cindy

To: [email protected]
From: lisbethcampos@...
Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2013 21:15:50 +0000
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Divorce

 

http://www.relate.org.uk/find-your-nearest-service/index.html

http://www.relate.org.uk/about-us/index.html

 

To: [email protected]
From: Sandra@...
Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2013 09:09:48 -0700
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Divorce

 
-=-Relate might be able to help you with your current issues.  You can view their website-=-

Could you leave the link here, please?



Sandra Dodd

-=-And if he is cheating (and all signs point to it) I don't know if his family means more to him than his addictions and pleasure. -=-

He doesn't know either.  Each move you make can bring you nearer to peace or further from it.  Al-Anon might help you, and get you out of the house with others who have experienced what you're seeing and feeling.

These things are beyond unschooling, though, except the general idea of putting children ahead of personal irritation when and if you can.  

Not everyone can unschool.  There are factors and problems that the desire to unschool can't erase.   But there are also factors and problems that sometimes ARE neutralized and sweetened by unschooling principles.  So I don't want to say unschooling can't make ANY marriage better.  I know it has done that in some cases.
I do want to say that unschooling can't make EVERY marriage better.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

Some American resources:
http://caringformarriage.org/website-reviews/

And someone please link the weekend workshops the Catholic church runs. I didn't find that link just now.
They're not "catholic" in content, but are for anyone in general. There are at least two unschooling families who went and benefited greatly.

As to Alcoholics Anonymous, it would be good for the non-drinking partner to go to al-Anon, but pressuring a drinking person to go to meetings isn't the way to go. They need to want to go for their own reasons.

Sandra

Cindy G

I went to a alanon meeting and have a number from one of the woman. I just ordered about 10 books from the library. I am hoping to go to another meeting tonight. 

I was raised with a mother who always put children first and I have always done the same. 

cindy
To: [email protected]
From: Sandra@...
Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2013 15:15:52 -0700
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Divorce

 
-=-And if he is cheating (and all signs point to it) I don't know if his family means more to him than his addictions and pleasure. -=-

He doesn't know either.  Each move you make can bring you nearer to peace or further from it.  Al-Anon might help you, and get you out of the house with others who have experienced what you're seeing and feeling.

These things are beyond unschooling, though, except the general idea of putting children ahead of personal irritation when and if you can.  

Not everyone can unschool.  There are factors and problems that the desire to unschool can't erase.   But there are also factors and problems that sometimes ARE neutralized and sweetened by unschooling principles.  So I don't want to say unschooling can't make ANY marriage better.  I know it has done that in some cases.
I do want to say that unschooling can't make EVERY marriage better.

Sandra

Megan Valnes

Al-Anon is a wonderful place to start for the loved ones of an alcoholic--especially the wife.  


On Tue, Dec 3, 2013 at 2:21 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
Some American resources:
http://caringformarriage.org/website-reviews/

And someone please link the weekend workshops the Catholic church runs.  I didn't find that link just now.
They're not "catholic" in content, but are for anyone in general.  There are at least two unschooling families who went and benefited greatly.

As to Alcoholics Anonymous, it would be good for the non-drinking partner to go to al-Anon, but pressuring a drinking person to go to meetings isn't the way to go.  They need to want to go for their own reasons.

Sandra

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--
Warm regards,
Megan Valnes
Agent | Partner
Valnes Bell Realtors
310.367.0433 | m
310.390.6280 | o
The highest compliment is your referral to family and friends!

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

The catholic  program you are looking for it this:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/

You do not have to be catholic or christian to participate

 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 

[email protected]

I have also heard great things about Marriage Encounter.
 
Molly