Making choices about school
keeliereader
Hello again,
We're still on the fence about homeschooling next year. My son is 5 and would start school in January 2014. He says he would like to go to school to give it a try and then decide if he wants to homeschool. This is fine by me although he has indicated that he wants to try for a day or two. My partner (his dad) is not going to agree to that. If he goes, then he goes for one term, then decides.
That's where we're at currently. I am totally unsure, especially after a strange turn of events yesterday.
In January this year, Jack started kinder at his request (most Australian kids attend kinder from 4 to 5 for 15 hours a week). After a month, he was begging not to go so we pulled him out but left his place open for the term in case he changed his mind. At the end of the term his teacher called to check whether we wanted the place. I spoke to Jack who said he wanted to go back - he was really excited. But when Monday came around, he cried and refused to go. So that was the end of kinder.
Yesterday his kinder teacher came round with all his kinder belongings (a hat, some craft stuff and a book with photos of activities he'd done).
It was a bit odd given that he left 5 months ago. Jack was excited to see everything then got really upset about the cheese on his pasta and went to his room in tears. We talked about it last night and he said he wanted to go back to kinder. I explained that we gave his place to someone else. He was so upset. He says I should have made him go.
So now, with school coming up I don't know what to do. I think that school is not going to hold his interest and he's going to ask to homeschool. Then I'll be forcing him to go to finish the term - in case he gets used to it and does like it...
I think a part of this is about me making home more fun. Offering him more activities. But something he wants is boys around his age to play with and outside of school holidays I can't offer him that at the moment. We've only briefly dipped our toes in local homeschooling circles so that's part of it - we don't know any local boys that are close to his age that he wants to play with that won't be at school.
I could go on but this is turning into a rather long post. How do you make your decision when your kid wants to 'try' school? How on earth do you make such a huge decision??
Thanks,
Keelie
We're still on the fence about homeschooling next year. My son is 5 and would start school in January 2014. He says he would like to go to school to give it a try and then decide if he wants to homeschool. This is fine by me although he has indicated that he wants to try for a day or two. My partner (his dad) is not going to agree to that. If he goes, then he goes for one term, then decides.
That's where we're at currently. I am totally unsure, especially after a strange turn of events yesterday.
In January this year, Jack started kinder at his request (most Australian kids attend kinder from 4 to 5 for 15 hours a week). After a month, he was begging not to go so we pulled him out but left his place open for the term in case he changed his mind. At the end of the term his teacher called to check whether we wanted the place. I spoke to Jack who said he wanted to go back - he was really excited. But when Monday came around, he cried and refused to go. So that was the end of kinder.
Yesterday his kinder teacher came round with all his kinder belongings (a hat, some craft stuff and a book with photos of activities he'd done).
It was a bit odd given that he left 5 months ago. Jack was excited to see everything then got really upset about the cheese on his pasta and went to his room in tears. We talked about it last night and he said he wanted to go back to kinder. I explained that we gave his place to someone else. He was so upset. He says I should have made him go.
So now, with school coming up I don't know what to do. I think that school is not going to hold his interest and he's going to ask to homeschool. Then I'll be forcing him to go to finish the term - in case he gets used to it and does like it...
I think a part of this is about me making home more fun. Offering him more activities. But something he wants is boys around his age to play with and outside of school holidays I can't offer him that at the moment. We've only briefly dipped our toes in local homeschooling circles so that's part of it - we don't know any local boys that are close to his age that he wants to play with that won't be at school.
I could go on but this is turning into a rather long post. How do you make your decision when your kid wants to 'try' school? How on earth do you make such a huge decision??
Thanks,
Keelie
Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 1, 2013, at 6:53 AM, keeliereader wrote:
If his only choices are home with just you and school, and he wants to be around kids, he may be willing to put up with the bad parts to get the good.
So I'd go after in a big way pursuing opportunities for him to be with other kids. And filling his days with things he enjoys. Are there park days in your area? Can you start one? Search around a bit to find what has made them successful for others (and what has hindered their growth). Or is there a particular interest he might share with others like Lego or a video game that you could ask on a local list for other kids who enjoy those?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> How do you make your decision when your kid wants to 'try' school?I think you're both too focused on school being the solution to problems. As you say it sounds like he wants more kids to play with. As far as he knows, school is the best way to get that so he's mourning the closing of the one and only door he thinks exists.
> How on earth do you make such a huge decision??
If his only choices are home with just you and school, and he wants to be around kids, he may be willing to put up with the bad parts to get the good.
So I'd go after in a big way pursuing opportunities for him to be with other kids. And filling his days with things he enjoys. Are there park days in your area? Can you start one? Search around a bit to find what has made them successful for others (and what has hindered their growth). Or is there a particular interest he might share with others like Lego or a video game that you could ask on a local list for other kids who enjoy those?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-We're still on the fence about homeschooling next year. My son is 5 and would start school in January 2014. He says he would like to go to school to give it a try and then decide if he wants to homeschool.-=-
If you can't decide, let your child decide.
An analogy to use with your husband might be this: What if your child wanted to try a donut?
If a donut is 60� and he just took one bite, would your husband make him finish it?
Or what if does finish the donut, and says "that was pretty good."
If you can get a dozen donuts for $5, that's a way better deal, but the kid better finish them, right? All of them, because he said he liked donuts.
The first few days of school might be more fun than the week or two after that.
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
OR, the first few days might be baffling and frightening, and it would get better later.
(I don't have a link to go with that. :-) )
The way unschooler make big decisiosn like these is to decide first what principle is at play�what is the purpose of the action, speech or decision?
If the purpose is not to waste the money that was spent on donuts, does forcing a child to eat them even make sense?
But that's not analogous anyway. It just amused me.
WHY would you or your husband be letting him try school? Or why would you decide to "make him" try school (or to make him go for 13 years, as most people "decide")?
If "why" isn't the first question, you won't get clear answers.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you can't decide, let your child decide.
An analogy to use with your husband might be this: What if your child wanted to try a donut?
If a donut is 60� and he just took one bite, would your husband make him finish it?
Or what if does finish the donut, and says "that was pretty good."
If you can get a dozen donuts for $5, that's a way better deal, but the kid better finish them, right? All of them, because he said he liked donuts.
The first few days of school might be more fun than the week or two after that.
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
OR, the first few days might be baffling and frightening, and it would get better later.
(I don't have a link to go with that. :-) )
The way unschooler make big decisiosn like these is to decide first what principle is at play�what is the purpose of the action, speech or decision?
If the purpose is not to waste the money that was spent on donuts, does forcing a child to eat them even make sense?
But that's not analogous anyway. It just amused me.
WHY would you or your husband be letting him try school? Or why would you decide to "make him" try school (or to make him go for 13 years, as most people "decide")?
If "why" isn't the first question, you won't get clear answers.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
VanessaOrsborn
For my family it was an easy decision to homeschool as I knew my daughter and knew she wouldn't like it. She couldn't be separated from me for that long, still can't (neither can my son) so I wouldn't have let her try it at that age. Now she is older and understands what would be expected of her I would let her try, although I very doubt she'll ever want to! My son is only 4 and if I was still in the UK he would be starting school in September, but no way would I let him try it to see as he is too young to understand what it involves.
I wouldn't even discuss it with him and ask him... Which makes me wonder why you are as Jack is so young. He doesn't even need to know school is an option ;-)
So I think it's more something yourself and your husband need to work out. Is this more that you are both unsure whether to homeschool, whether its right for your family? Whether you feel up to it? Maybe you both need to work out what your worries are, fears etc and also talk to other families about how it works for them.
The St Kilda group has many boys of Jacks age if you feel he needs more interaction with other kids, and Anna who runs the group is great to talk to. There is a big mix of unschoolers and others that follow curriculum so you can get a chance to discuss both. We get new mums all the time come along who aren't sure about homeschooling who need to talk to others.
Good luck Keelie, and which ever way you go.. You can always change your mind ;-)
I wouldn't even discuss it with him and ask him... Which makes me wonder why you are as Jack is so young. He doesn't even need to know school is an option ;-)
So I think it's more something yourself and your husband need to work out. Is this more that you are both unsure whether to homeschool, whether its right for your family? Whether you feel up to it? Maybe you both need to work out what your worries are, fears etc and also talk to other families about how it works for them.
The St Kilda group has many boys of Jacks age if you feel he needs more interaction with other kids, and Anna who runs the group is great to talk to. There is a big mix of unschoolers and others that follow curriculum so you can get a chance to discuss both. We get new mums all the time come along who aren't sure about homeschooling who need to talk to others.
Good luck Keelie, and which ever way you go.. You can always change your mind ;-)
Bun
--- In [email protected], "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
Also, in the thread about swimming, you wrote that you talked a lot about him making decisions about his own body. If I cared that my child was able to make decisions about his body, I wouldn't be forcing him to finish something that he had the guts to try if he didn't like it.
Also, the threat to have to finish the term might taint how he feels about school in general. He might be worried about liking it because he knows he will have to go for the whole term no matter what. This pressure could cause anxiety about going, even if he might otherwise have felt okay about it.
If your son does try out school, I hope he is allowed to come home if he decides it is not for him.
Laurie
>He says he would like to go to school to give it a try and then decide >if he wants to homeschool. This is fine by me although he has indicated >that he wants to try for a day or two. My partner (his dad) is not >going to agree to that. If he goes, then he goes for one term, then >decides.He's only five. Does he fully understand how long a whole term is?
Also, in the thread about swimming, you wrote that you talked a lot about him making decisions about his own body. If I cared that my child was able to make decisions about his body, I wouldn't be forcing him to finish something that he had the guts to try if he didn't like it.
Also, the threat to have to finish the term might taint how he feels about school in general. He might be worried about liking it because he knows he will have to go for the whole term no matter what. This pressure could cause anxiety about going, even if he might otherwise have felt okay about it.
If your son does try out school, I hope he is allowed to come home if he decides it is not for him.
Laurie
Annie
>If Jack finds bigger groups hard, then school could be quite challenging as it means being part of a bigger group all day - without you there to play with. My son was quite similar at that age and would want to stay near me in a group situation, while my daughter would have made 3 new friends before I'd even met anybody. Now Liam (he's 7 now) can more easily approach a group situation and is starting to make friends on his own. He also doesn't need me to play with him as much at home (although my 4yo does so I still do a lot of imaginative play. It helps me to look at it as special time with her and really meeting her needs, rather than wishing I was off doing something else).
> We can't really hide from school. We're part of a pretty mainstream group in which most parents can't wait for their kids to go to school. Plus everywhere we go, people ask if Jack is in school now. How will he know what he's missing - or not missing - if he never goes? I want him to feel like he has a choice but maybe he's too young to make this kind of choice?
>
> This is more where we're at. I'm not sure if I'm up to it. We've been along to the St Kilda group a few times. Bigger groups are hard for Jack. He just wants to play with me when we go. And this is part of why I'm wary about homeschooling. Jack loves imaginative play. I'm not quite as keen. I just can't do it for long spells of time every day. Which is where other kids come in, but we just haven't made those kind of friendships yet with homeschoolers.
>
There are lot of smaller homeschool groups around, it might be worth checking some of them out. And it can take a little while to make a network of homeschoolers, but once you know a couple of other families then there are options for playing and getting together when you or Jack need to get out, and or for Jack to go and visit other families when you are working, or whatever you need. We knew no other homeschoolers in our first year of Caitlin's official school life (she's now in year 3) and slowly we've met people at groups and now have a core group of 4 or 5 families, with lots of others around, so we could see people every day if we wanted to. Sometimes we do.
It might help to find out what Jack thinks school will be like and why he wants to go. Sometimes those wants can be met without the commitment of school (like playing in the cool playground, or doing more painting, or whatever it might be).
Liam was also like Jack in that he said he really wanted to go to Kinder, but getting him there on the day was very difficult and he did a year (when he was 3-4) then didn't go back the following year - he asked about it and occasionally said he wished he still went, but didn't really seem to miss it and liked not having to get ready to be there on time etc. It was like he liked the idea of going, and the fun things he could do there, but he really wanted to do it on his own time, just occasionally when he felt like it, rather than having to be there for a specified session. So I tried to make sure that he had painting and drawing and construction options at home - the things he really liked at Kinder, and we did other activities like going to the zoo, which we could do at his pace, and then he stopped asking about Kinder. We had a similar stage around the time his friends were started school, so I did more activities that he enjoyed, and I can't remember the last time he asked about school. So a 5 year old saying that he wants to be at school or kinder might not mean exactly that - he might simply want some of the things that are offered there so being able to provide those yourself somehow might meet that need.
I know that doesn't help with your partner wanting Jack to try school but it might shed some light on where Jack is coming from.
Annie
Sandra Dodd
-=-It might help to find out what Jack thinks school will be like and why he wants to go. Sometimes those wants can be met without the commitment of school (like playing in the cool playground, or doing more painting, or whatever it might be).-=-
A ride in a school bus and a lunchbox were fun for my kids. We went to a park-and-ride for an event at the zoo, and they were using school buses to move people. They were young, and very happy to be in that bus.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
A ride in a school bus and a lunchbox were fun for my kids. We went to a park-and-ride for an event at the zoo, and they were using school buses to move people. They were young, and very happy to be in that bus.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]