Swimming lessons
keeliereader
Hello,
We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
swimming lessons.
I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies, and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?
Thanks,
Keelie
DS 5yrs
We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
swimming lessons.
I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies, and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?
Thanks,
Keelie
DS 5yrs
Miles Tress
Hi Keelie,
My daughter, almost 11, didn't want to take swimming lessons. So I took
her swimming with me once a week for over two years. I never insisted that
she do anything in particular, just played with her and followed her lead
in what she felt comfortable doing. She taught herself to swim. She now
swims well. She went to camp this year for the first time and easily
passed the swimming test (to be able to go in the deep water of the lake).
At one time I considered hiring someone to give her private lessons in a
neighbor's pool, but couldn't find any one. In any case, it wasn't
necessary, as she learned to swim on her own.
Tress
My daughter, almost 11, didn't want to take swimming lessons. So I took
her swimming with me once a week for over two years. I never insisted that
she do anything in particular, just played with her and followed her lead
in what she felt comfortable doing. She taught herself to swim. She now
swims well. She went to camp this year for the first time and easily
passed the swimming test (to be able to go in the deep water of the lake).
At one time I considered hiring someone to give her private lessons in a
neighbor's pool, but couldn't find any one. In any case, it wasn't
necessary, as she learned to swim on her own.
Tress
On Mon, Jul 29, 2013 at 6:58 PM, keeliereader <keeliebean@...>wrote:
> **
>
>
> Hello,
>
> We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
> want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
> quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
> to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
>
> After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
> and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
> but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
> wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
>
> Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher
> about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to
> push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the
> lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
>
> After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
> teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
>
> Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
> comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
> torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
> that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
> better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
> swimming lessons.
>
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
> to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
>
> Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if
> they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home
> about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies,
> and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest
> that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that
> but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to
> work with most kids?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
> DS 5yrs
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen
>>>> After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given herteaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.<<<<<
Our son took swimming lessons at the YMCA when he was around 5 years old, but didn't like the strict instructions. I didn't know of any other lesson options, so I told him if he didn't want to go he didn't have to, but if he did want to go, he would have to participate in the way the teacher wanted. He chose not to go until this year. He's now ten. He wanted to learn to dive. At the last evaluation he was told he was the best diver in his class. His swimming is a bit awkward, but improving. He clearly prefers the diving, but is happy with his progress in swimming now too. Actually, a couple of weeks ago he told me he really liked the instructions the teacher offered. In between early lessons and now, we swam at the lake close to home. Often he would wear a life jacket.
Ali Zeljo
"I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
Is it ever okay in a learning situation?"
I have four sons- both my 13 and 10 year olds learned to swim without lessons around age 4-6. It was gradual, and the more time we spent in the water, the faster the progress. Neither of them has wanted formal lessons- and so they can swim safely, but they have never learned proper strokes or form. They are not strong swimmers, and aren't too interested in it.
My younger two are 4 and 2. I can see that my 4 year old is craving time in the water because he is on the verge of learning to swim. I just know that if we went everyday, he would be swimming in no time.
You mentioned going once per week. Perhaps if the lessons feel very stressful, you could just aim to swim together almost every day for a couple weeks, and observe for yourself the shift that occurs in your son. He really may not be comfortable enough yet to put his face in the water and blow bubbles. He may need more time in water to get to a place of comfort with experimenting. The more time a child spends in water, the more comfortable he gets experimenting with his body and arms and legs and breathing and holding breath. It really is a big learning curve at first. It's fun to see the great strides kids can make with it and how excited they get! But I believe the key is not instruction for most kids. It's just time- the more hours the body has, the better!
Warmly,
Ali
to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
Is it ever okay in a learning situation?"
I have four sons- both my 13 and 10 year olds learned to swim without lessons around age 4-6. It was gradual, and the more time we spent in the water, the faster the progress. Neither of them has wanted formal lessons- and so they can swim safely, but they have never learned proper strokes or form. They are not strong swimmers, and aren't too interested in it.
My younger two are 4 and 2. I can see that my 4 year old is craving time in the water because he is on the verge of learning to swim. I just know that if we went everyday, he would be swimming in no time.
You mentioned going once per week. Perhaps if the lessons feel very stressful, you could just aim to swim together almost every day for a couple weeks, and observe for yourself the shift that occurs in your son. He really may not be comfortable enough yet to put his face in the water and blow bubbles. He may need more time in water to get to a place of comfort with experimenting. The more time a child spends in water, the more comfortable he gets experimenting with his body and arms and legs and breathing and holding breath. It really is a big learning curve at first. It's fun to see the great strides kids can make with it and how excited they get! But I believe the key is not instruction for most kids. It's just time- the more hours the body has, the better!
Warmly,
Ali
Deborah
My kids all learned to swim on their own. They are now ages 14, 13, and 11. I forget how old they were when they learned. It came in stages. Underwater first then above water. It was amazing to watch them develop over time.
They were never pushed nor ever thought they needed lessons to learn the basics. One wanted to learn how to dive and asked for help from relatives who liked diving. And just yesterday one was practicing the crawl but called it the butterfly. I offered to show her the butterfly but she wasn't interested. :-)
I on the other hand was forced to take lessons when very young (less than 3) as part of an innovative water safety program. I still remember being forced to jump off the high board. I was petrified. And to this day I won't go on diving boards. But I do like the water.
They were never pushed nor ever thought they needed lessons to learn the basics. One wanted to learn how to dive and asked for help from relatives who liked diving. And just yesterday one was practicing the crawl but called it the butterfly. I offered to show her the butterfly but she wasn't interested. :-)
I on the other hand was forced to take lessons when very young (less than 3) as part of an innovative water safety program. I still remember being forced to jump off the high board. I was petrified. And to this day I won't go on diving boards. But I do like the water.
On Jul 29, 2013, at 6:58 PM, "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
>
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
> to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
VanessaOrsborn
My children learnt to swim on their own too, around the age of 3/4 without lessons. They first got used to goggles and swam under water, eventually (over about 6 months) came above water to swim. This happened by going swimming once a week and playing around. We didn't show them anything, just made it fun & gave them confidence.
I've noticed a big difference in the urgency of kids learning to swim here in Australia compared to the UK and I also see a lot more scared/Stressed kids around the water. I wonder if Jack feels the pressure to attend lessons and learn to swim because it is such a big expectation here.
I've noticed a big difference in the urgency of kids learning to swim here in Australia compared to the UK and I also see a lot more scared/Stressed kids around the water. I wonder if Jack feels the pressure to attend lessons and learn to swim because it is such a big expectation here.
JJ
My son's swimming class at 2.5 years old was traumatic. It took him a while to feel comfortable in the water and trusting again.
When he was 4 or 5, we found a wonderful coach teaching private class. Her gentle yet focused approach has produced great result. Both my son (7) and daughter (4) are good swimmer and diver.
I have learned to really make effort to look for the right coach/guide/teacher. I saw a boy was thrown in the water from high diving board. He was terrified.
A few Private lessons can be beneficial. Then group lessons.
Jihong
Sent from my iPhone right
When he was 4 or 5, we found a wonderful coach teaching private class. Her gentle yet focused approach has produced great result. Both my son (7) and daughter (4) are good swimmer and diver.
I have learned to really make effort to look for the right coach/guide/teacher. I saw a boy was thrown in the water from high diving board. He was terrified.
A few Private lessons can be beneficial. Then group lessons.
Jihong
Sent from my iPhone right
On Jul 29, 2013, at 3:58 PM, "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
> Hello,
>
> We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
> want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
> quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
> to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
>
> After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
> and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
> but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
> wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
>
> Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
>
> After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
> teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
>
> Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
> comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
> torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
> that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
> better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
> swimming lessons.
>
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
> to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
>
> Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies, and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
> DS 5yrs
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Hannah North
My son (8) learned to swim, naturally, last summer, on his own, like he learned to walk. We simply took him 2-3 times a week, to the pool, and had fun with him in the water. Previously he had been nervous of the pool, the noise and getting his face wet put him off.
We showed him how we swam and he asked us to show him a few techniques for floating, kicking, moving his arms and moving forward through the water.
When I say he learned on his own, I mean one day we were in the water and he just swam. He had been gaining in confidence and trying the things we had shown him over the past few sessions, and it all just seemed to come together, naturally. The sheer joy he had when he realised he had done it, was incredible.
He has asked us to show him some tricks now, but has not asked for lessons even though he knows some are available. He likes to be with us, and to have things progress at his own pace. He has expressed interest in SCUBA but he says when he's older he'll be ready for those lessons.
Hannah
We showed him how we swam and he asked us to show him a few techniques for floating, kicking, moving his arms and moving forward through the water.
When I say he learned on his own, I mean one day we were in the water and he just swam. He had been gaining in confidence and trying the things we had shown him over the past few sessions, and it all just seemed to come together, naturally. The sheer joy he had when he realised he had done it, was incredible.
He has asked us to show him some tricks now, but has not asked for lessons even though he knows some are available. He likes to be with us, and to have things progress at his own pace. He has expressed interest in SCUBA but he says when he's older he'll be ready for those lessons.
Hannah
On 29 Jul 2013, at 23:58, "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
> Hello,
>
> We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
> want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
> quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
> to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
>
> After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
> and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
> but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
> wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
>
> Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
>
> After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
> teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
>
> Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
> comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
> torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
> that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
> better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
> swimming lessons.
>
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
> to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
>
> Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies, and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
> DS 5yrs
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rach
There is a Facebook post on the 'my unschooled is interested in' page about learning to swim with no lessons. It was on the 7th of July and you can still find it online.
Myself and many others wrote about our children learning to swim on their own in a peaceful, fun and supportive environment.
My daughter has been going to the ocean and swimming pools since the age of 1. She will be seven in a few days and has just recently been able to swim about 15 meters on her own.
It has happened gradually. Having a snorkel and mask helped her a lot. We went snorkeling in the Red Sea when she was four and was still using armbands.
Until about a month ago, she thought she could only swim without armbands if she had her snorkel and mask, but when we got to the UK she wasn't allowed to use it and she discovered she could swim without it.
It was such a joyful experience for her and for me to witness that she could swim all by herself.
Swimming for her has always been about fun. If she has ever been fearful, like getting water up her nose or in her eyes and getting panicked, we have stopped being in the water. It was a no brainier. If she wasn't enjoying it, there was no point carrying on.
Your son will do everything when he is ready and in my opinion may now need done recovery time in light of what has happened with this teacher.
Rachel
Myself and many others wrote about our children learning to swim on their own in a peaceful, fun and supportive environment.
My daughter has been going to the ocean and swimming pools since the age of 1. She will be seven in a few days and has just recently been able to swim about 15 meters on her own.
It has happened gradually. Having a snorkel and mask helped her a lot. We went snorkeling in the Red Sea when she was four and was still using armbands.
Until about a month ago, she thought she could only swim without armbands if she had her snorkel and mask, but when we got to the UK she wasn't allowed to use it and she discovered she could swim without it.
It was such a joyful experience for her and for me to witness that she could swim all by herself.
Swimming for her has always been about fun. If she has ever been fearful, like getting water up her nose or in her eyes and getting panicked, we have stopped being in the water. It was a no brainier. If she wasn't enjoying it, there was no point carrying on.
Your son will do everything when he is ready and in my opinion may now need done recovery time in light of what has happened with this teacher.
Rachel
On 29 Jul 2013, at 23:58, "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
> Hello,
>
> We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
> want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
> quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
> to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
>
> After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
> and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
> but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
> wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
>
> Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
>
> After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
> teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
>
> Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
> comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
> torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
> that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
> better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
> swimming lessons.
>
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
> to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
>
> Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies, and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
> DS 5yrs
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
Rach
Here's the link to the page. Sorry I didn't include it in my initial response :)
https://www.facebook.com/groups/383815885025681/permalink/502950313112237/
Rachel
https://www.facebook.com/groups/383815885025681/permalink/502950313112237/
Rachel
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
didsburyduo
My oldest asked for swimming lessons when he was 9 to learn the strokes he'd seen others doing but chose stop after about 4 because they were always upsetting for him. Too much splashing, too much doing it the teacher's way. He has been swimming with us and/or friends since and is a happy and confident swimmer who hasn't learned strokes :) (now 13).
My younger two are 9 and 5 and they have never wanted lessons but have enjoyed weekly swimming with us for the last 9 months, and both learned to swim very quickly and easily just by being in the water and feeling safe. The both love swimming.
Sarah
My younger two are 9 and 5 and they have never wanted lessons but have enjoyed weekly swimming with us for the last 9 months, and both learned to swim very quickly and easily just by being in the water and feeling safe. The both love swimming.
Sarah
--- In [email protected], "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
> want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
> quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
> to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
>
> After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
> and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
> but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
> wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
>
> Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
>
> After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
> teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
>
> Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
> comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
> torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
> that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
> better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
> swimming lessons.
>
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
> to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
>
> Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies, and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
> DS 5yrs
>
sukaynalabboun
My three daughters have all learned to swim on their own- sometimes asking me for help while I watch their progress. Is there a local pool where you can swim with them and play around until they either figure it out on their own (oldest did this) or ask for tips (younger two did this)? I found it was more relaxing and at their own pace to just be with them in the water and let them reach the point where they wanted to swim. My youngest (9yo) has just started being able to swim from one end of the pool to the other on her own and it is 'sloppy' by swimming lesson standards; but she is so happy and proud and improving all the time because it is *her own* goal to swim well. I would never say it is worth it to disregard a child's firm "no" for the benefit of lessons. What is the real lesson being taught? My oldest (15) swims better than the lifeguards; they even say so- and she learned this way and over several successive summers. Best of luck!
-
-
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
I grew up going to the beach and spending the whole Summer at the pool in Brazil.
We all learned to swim by playing in the water.
That is how my kids learned. By playing in the water and lots of exposure.
Kids that have a lot of exposure to water will learn by pushing their limits when they are ready.
I remember tiptoeing until the water was in my nose. I remember swimming from one wall of the pool to the other and then farther and farther until I could go and go.
I am a really strong swimmer. I also later on in my teens and 20's used to do bodyboarding.
Last Summer a friend of mine's daughter went to the pool with us and was terrified of the water. She was 8 years old and the pool was shallow enough that she could stand.
Her mom decided to join our health club and spend the Summer going to the pool with us as much as she could. Her daughter in a month was swimming under water just by playing.
Both my kids learned by playing and pushing their limits as they felt comfortable.
I have seen kids that do classes to learn to swim and it is not that I am against them but those kids are pushing limits that they are not ready to. They are going against what they feel is safe for them.
I hear about people that drown and were considered good swimmers and I wonder if they were pushing their limits way past their abilities and did not know when to stop.
My husband did swimming lessons and "graduated " from swim school as a child. He is absolutely not comfortable in the water. You can tell by watching him in the water and swimming. A few years ago he got a swimming coach and thought about doing Thriathlons as he does Duathlons. He did a lot of work with this great coach but decided to stop. He never got comfortable in the water.
In my experience as someone who is very very comfortable in the water and a great swimmer ( I also did Diving) is that panic is what causes most drownings.
I have had a few difficult moments under water and kept it all safe by being really calm and cool about it even when I could not breath.
I say it is because I pushed my limits on my terms and learned about what I can handle.
My husband, in the other hand, was made to take lessons for years and he can swim but I would be very worried about him in any kind of situation that is a little difficult in the water. You can just tell by watching him swim no matter how perfect his strokes are.
Alex Polikowsky ( who is a fish in the water )
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We all learned to swim by playing in the water.
That is how my kids learned. By playing in the water and lots of exposure.
Kids that have a lot of exposure to water will learn by pushing their limits when they are ready.
I remember tiptoeing until the water was in my nose. I remember swimming from one wall of the pool to the other and then farther and farther until I could go and go.
I am a really strong swimmer. I also later on in my teens and 20's used to do bodyboarding.
Last Summer a friend of mine's daughter went to the pool with us and was terrified of the water. She was 8 years old and the pool was shallow enough that she could stand.
Her mom decided to join our health club and spend the Summer going to the pool with us as much as she could. Her daughter in a month was swimming under water just by playing.
Both my kids learned by playing and pushing their limits as they felt comfortable.
I have seen kids that do classes to learn to swim and it is not that I am against them but those kids are pushing limits that they are not ready to. They are going against what they feel is safe for them.
I hear about people that drown and were considered good swimmers and I wonder if they were pushing their limits way past their abilities and did not know when to stop.
My husband did swimming lessons and "graduated " from swim school as a child. He is absolutely not comfortable in the water. You can tell by watching him in the water and swimming. A few years ago he got a swimming coach and thought about doing Thriathlons as he does Duathlons. He did a lot of work with this great coach but decided to stop. He never got comfortable in the water.
In my experience as someone who is very very comfortable in the water and a great swimmer ( I also did Diving) is that panic is what causes most drownings.
I have had a few difficult moments under water and kept it all safe by being really calm and cool about it even when I could not breath.
I say it is because I pushed my limits on my terms and learned about what I can handle.
My husband, in the other hand, was made to take lessons for years and he can swim but I would be very worried about him in any kind of situation that is a little difficult in the water. You can just tell by watching him swim no matter how perfect his strokes are.
Alex Polikowsky ( who is a fish in the water )
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jennifer E-mail
I think your gut is correct - many kids do go through that kind of lessons and still learn to swim. But, I don't think they learn BECAUSE of those lessons, but in spite of them.
For me, swimming really exemplifies unschooling. I've watched lots of children go through swim lessons for years, making seemingly little progress before finally "being taught" to swim thanks to all of their hard work and the excellent teachers. It's easy to see why parents think you need swim lessons to learn to swim - look how hard it was for all of those kids! But, I've also watched my own kids learn to swim all on their own. And, it wasn't hard for them at all because they learned when they were ready because they wanted to. It reminds me of reading - all the work schools do vs. kids learning on their own when they are ready.
My son learned when he was 3 1/2 by watching a bigger boy swim underwater and copying him. My daughter just after 3 learned by asking to swim between adults with us catching her. They are 7 and 10 and good swimmers now who can swim wherever they want in the pool, dive off the boards, etc.
Last year, my son wanted to learn the actual strokes, so we hired a teenager from swim team to work with him, and I stayed with him to make sure it was a good fit.
Learning to swim is about time in the water, so the more time you spend playing in the water, the more comfortable he will become. I've never seen a young kid who spent a summer at our pool not learn to swim. More than once a week would speed the process along. But,my suggestion would be play, not pushing or drills.
Jennifer
Sent from my iPad
For me, swimming really exemplifies unschooling. I've watched lots of children go through swim lessons for years, making seemingly little progress before finally "being taught" to swim thanks to all of their hard work and the excellent teachers. It's easy to see why parents think you need swim lessons to learn to swim - look how hard it was for all of those kids! But, I've also watched my own kids learn to swim all on their own. And, it wasn't hard for them at all because they learned when they were ready because they wanted to. It reminds me of reading - all the work schools do vs. kids learning on their own when they are ready.
My son learned when he was 3 1/2 by watching a bigger boy swim underwater and copying him. My daughter just after 3 learned by asking to swim between adults with us catching her. They are 7 and 10 and good swimmers now who can swim wherever they want in the pool, dive off the boards, etc.
Last year, my son wanted to learn the actual strokes, so we hired a teenager from swim team to work with him, and I stayed with him to make sure it was a good fit.
Learning to swim is about time in the water, so the more time you spend playing in the water, the more comfortable he will become. I've never seen a young kid who spent a summer at our pool not learn to swim. More than once a week would speed the process along. But,my suggestion would be play, not pushing or drills.
Jennifer
Sent from my iPad
On Jul 29, 2013, at 6:58 PM, "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
> Hello,
>
> We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
> want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
> quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
> to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
>
> After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
> and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
> but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
> wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
>
> Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
>
> After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
> teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
>
> Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
> comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
> torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
> that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
> better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
> swimming lessons.
>
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
> to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
>
> Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies, and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
> DS 5yrs
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cara Barlow
I have two daughters who enjoy the water.
When Anna (who's now 17yo) was old enough for lessons at our town pool, I
signed her up. She must have been four or five years old. She clicked with
the instructor and enjoyed the lessons. I never made her go when she didn't
feel like it, so our attendance was spotty, and she didn't take any formal
swim lessons beyond that summer.
When she was about 11 she wanted to join the swim team (she was really into
the idea of being on teams at that age). Again, the coach was wonderful and
I think that's where Anna learned to swim traditional strokes (crawl,
breaststroke, butterfly, etc.).
I remember the swim team manager telling me that swim team is where many
children actually learn to swim. On the team they have a reason to
practice, develop strength, and the coaches are there to help them learn
how to do the strokes. Those earlier lessons are more for the parents than
the children.
*****
Molly, (who's now 15yo) never was interested in swim lessons or swim team.
She can do a breast stroke/doggie paddle and swim underwater, and is
comfortable swimming on a beach or in a pool.
Last week I took the girls and a group of their friends kayaking and
camping on the Saco River, a slow, shallow river that goes through North
Conway NH.
The kids (who were ages 13 - 18) pulled their kayaks onto a beach at one
point and swam out to a rock in the middle of the river. Most of them had
been on swm team at some point in their life, and one of them works as a
lifeguard at a local pool.
Molly stayed on the beach with me, looking for interesting rocks. When I
asked if she wanted to go out to the rock, she said she didn't think she
was a good enough swimmer to get there through the current. Then she
commented that maybe it was time for her to learn to swim better.
I responded that that if she's interested, maybe working on her swimming
skills would be something good to do at the Y this fall and winter - they
have a really nice indoor pool. She nodded her head and I let it go.
I think that you should listen to your son. Let him learn to swim in his
own time - be his partner. He'll let you know when he wants to do more.
Best wishes, Cara
When Anna (who's now 17yo) was old enough for lessons at our town pool, I
signed her up. She must have been four or five years old. She clicked with
the instructor and enjoyed the lessons. I never made her go when she didn't
feel like it, so our attendance was spotty, and she didn't take any formal
swim lessons beyond that summer.
When she was about 11 she wanted to join the swim team (she was really into
the idea of being on teams at that age). Again, the coach was wonderful and
I think that's where Anna learned to swim traditional strokes (crawl,
breaststroke, butterfly, etc.).
I remember the swim team manager telling me that swim team is where many
children actually learn to swim. On the team they have a reason to
practice, develop strength, and the coaches are there to help them learn
how to do the strokes. Those earlier lessons are more for the parents than
the children.
*****
Molly, (who's now 15yo) never was interested in swim lessons or swim team.
She can do a breast stroke/doggie paddle and swim underwater, and is
comfortable swimming on a beach or in a pool.
Last week I took the girls and a group of their friends kayaking and
camping on the Saco River, a slow, shallow river that goes through North
Conway NH.
The kids (who were ages 13 - 18) pulled their kayaks onto a beach at one
point and swam out to a rock in the middle of the river. Most of them had
been on swm team at some point in their life, and one of them works as a
lifeguard at a local pool.
Molly stayed on the beach with me, looking for interesting rocks. When I
asked if she wanted to go out to the rock, she said she didn't think she
was a good enough swimmer to get there through the current. Then she
commented that maybe it was time for her to learn to swim better.
I responded that that if she's interested, maybe working on her swimming
skills would be something good to do at the Y this fall and winter - they
have a really nice indoor pool. She nodded her head and I let it go.
I think that you should listen to your son. Let him learn to swim in his
own time - be his partner. He'll let you know when he wants to do more.
Best wishes, Cara
On Mon, Jul 29, 2013 at 6:58 PM, keeliereader <keeliebean@...>wrote:
> **
>
>
> Hello,
>
> We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. When we
> want back for the second term he didn't want to get in the water so we
> quit. A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn
> to swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.
>
> After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles
> and he told the teacher but she forced him. Not physically of course
> but she kept pushing him. I couldn't hear their conversation so I
> wasn't aware and he didn't look upset at the time.
>
> Before the next lesson I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the teacher
> about respecting his 'no', and he agreed. So I asked the teacher not to
> push him, especially if he says no. she thanked me but then later in the
> lesson did the same thing - totally overriding his no.
>
> After the lesson we talked about whether he will keep going, given her
> teaching style which is unlikely to change. He's not sure yet.
>
> Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He's
> comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things. I feel
> torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by confronting it.
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinking
> that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
> better off just going swimming with me every week rather than pursuing
> swimming lessons.
>
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learning
> to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
>
> Is this part of what's 'wrong' with formal schooling? That kids wishes (if
> they even dare to express them) are disregarded? We talk a lot at home
> about our bodies belonging to us and making decisions about our own bodies,
> and then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest
> that he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that
> but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to
> work with most kids?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
> DS 5yrs
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jul 29, 2013, at 6:58 PM, keeliereader wrote:
And some parents expect to see noticeable improvement from a class, otherwise they feel they have no way to judge if the class was worth the money. So they want milestones that can be checked off.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids learningIt seems swim lessons as part of childhood have become so entrenched in parents' minds that no one questions whether they're necessary. I had weekly opportunities to play at the pool and learned to swim just fine. My husband had lessons and struggled.
> to swim
> but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their own good'.It's only useful for institutions who won't or can't offer the information when the child is ready for it. It's a "now or never" mind set.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?
And some parents expect to see noticeable improvement from a class, otherwise they feel they have no way to judge if the class was worth the money. So they want milestones that can be checked off.
> then he goes to a class where the teacher's words and actions suggest thatWhether a child accepts that message or not will have to do with his personality and his parent's reaction. No matter how many times a parent tells a child his body is his own, if the parent then supports a teacher who says the opposite, well, actions speak louder than words.
> he has no control over his own body. I am not comfortable with that
> but I'm still unsure as to whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?Does it? Or have the kids learned from school and conventional parenting that what they feel is irrelevant? Add in that most of the kids who refused to put up with it are withdrawn from the class so you're only seeing the ones who don't feel they have a choice.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Carole Lovesey
I took my children to baby swimming when they were very young and they were very happy in the water. But when we moved onto the toddler classes, it didn't suit them at all - my daughter stopped wanting to put her head under water and got stressed when the teacher tried to push her to do it, and my son wasn't much good at sitting and waiting for his turn - so we stopped those fairly quickly and just started going to the pool each week with our local home education group. They both learned to swim as described by others in this thread, just by playing and doing what they were comfortable with. We took floats, noodles, dive toys etc and just had fun. It didn't take long for my daughter to go from being unwilling to get her head wet to spending most of her time under water. She then made a huge leap forward in her style after playing as Princess Peach in swimming races in Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games on the Wii, and now has quite a nice front crawl!
Meredith
"keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
One of the downsides of swimming lessons is that they often start out by pushing kids to put their faces in the water - which is the Last thing a lot of kids want to do. It can help to look into goggles, noseplugs, and masks - which might mean no classes, if you can't find a class which will accommodate those needs.
Another downside of swimming lessons is something like when kids don't want to learn to read because they're afraid parents will stop reading. Some kids get the idea that if they learn to swim they won't be allowed to use floats - and floats are fun and restful!
Pushing kids can give parents they illusion they're doing something helpful and productive, but like any kind of teaching, the results depend more on the kid than the pushing.
---Meredith
>> After the first lesson my son told me had not wAnted to blow bubbles*************
One of the downsides of swimming lessons is that they often start out by pushing kids to put their faces in the water - which is the Last thing a lot of kids want to do. It can help to look into goggles, noseplugs, and masks - which might mean no classes, if you can't find a class which will accommodate those needs.
Another downside of swimming lessons is something like when kids don't want to learn to read because they're afraid parents will stop reading. Some kids get the idea that if they learn to swim they won't be allowed to use floats - and floats are fun and restful!
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay.I was pushed to do a lot of things as a kid, including take swim lessons. Now I avoid many of things I was pushed to do. Those things I don't avoid I found I needed to re-learn pretty much from scratch because I Only knew how to be pushed into them, not how to do them myself.
Pushing kids can give parents they illusion they're doing something helpful and productive, but like any kind of teaching, the results depend more on the kid than the pushing.
---Meredith
Chanda Rickard
I have four kids ages 12-2 years old. The boys (12 and 10) have learned to swim just by going to the lake or pool a lot every summer. They've never had formal swimming lessons, but both can swim and are comfortable in the water. I've never pushed them.
My 7 yr. old daughter is getting there. Once again, on her own time table. She holds her breath and goes under water, she tries to doggy paddle, she'll go up to her chin, if I let her.
The toddler isn't afraid of water either. She's a long way off, but I just don't see them point in swimming lessons, if we go swimming so much and they're learning just by exposure.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My 7 yr. old daughter is getting there. Once again, on her own time table. She holds her breath and goes under water, she tries to doggy paddle, she'll go up to her chin, if I let her.
The toddler isn't afraid of water either. She's a long way off, but I just don't see them point in swimming lessons, if we go swimming so much and they're learning just by exposure.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bun
--- In [email protected], "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
Encouraging them to do something that they wish to do, yes, but pushing them because of your own worries, no.
If you would like to let him be in control of his own body (per the last paragraph of the original post), then why would you think of pushing him to realize it is okay? Try not to rush him into feeling okay about his level of comfort in the water. Be patient! Have fun playing in the water and it might come easily and without effort or pressure.
My other daughter (age 8) learned to swim on her own because we went swimming often. She has been passing the swim test at the Y for a year or two now, but still hasn't yet passed a more difficult swim test at a different local pool that requires your arms to come out of the water for each crawl stroke. That is something she wants to be able to do someday as she would like to be able to swim in that pools deep end. I won't push her to take lessons so she can do this though. I can offer to show her the crawl stroke, but she'll choose whether or not she wants to practice it and whether or not and how often she wants to take the swim test.
My four year old son still doesn't swim yet, but he loves going to the pool, beach or lake and I know he will eventually swim too.
If he wants to, you could let him keep going to the class and trying what the teacher asks. Or keep going to the class and talking to the teacher about anything that feels uncomfortable and letting him handle it with her as long as he seems okay with it.
Or if you think he may feel uncomfortable even though he looks fine, ask the teacher again not to coax him at all, but only to offer. Or sit closer (if that would be okay) so you can see and hear and intervene if necessary. After each class, you can find out from your son how things went and decide to keep going or not.
If he goes back to the class, could you make up a hand signal that he could sign back to you to indicate he is doing okay? And one that means I want to leave or I need mom's help to talk to the teacher? That might help you to know how he's doing and also might let him feel he has a way out if he's feeling uneasy about saying no to something requested of him in class.
Laurie
> We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request.How old is your son?
> A few months ago he asked to go back as he still wants to learn to >swim. I found a school near our home and we enrolled.He can still learn to swim outside of a class or a swim school.
> I couldn't hear their conversation so I wasn't aware and he didn't >look upset at the time.Can you sit closer so you can hear their conversations?
> ...but then later in the lesson did the same thing - totally >overriding his no. After the lesson we talked about whether he will >keep going, given her teaching style which is unlikely to change. >He's not sure yet.If he still wants to take an actual swim class, would he like it if you asked around to find an instructor that doesn't try to coax as much?
> Jack talks about swimming making his heart hurt -he's afraid. He'sIs there anything that he would like you to do to help him feel more comfortable in the water? Like go in with him so you can be nearby?
> comfortable in the water but nervous about doing some things.
>I feel torn between thinking that the way past the fear is by >confronting it.Couldn't he become more and more comfortable in the water while he was playing and swimming for fun? Why must he confront it now? Couldn't he learn to swim over time as he is ready for it and as decided by him with no pressure from you?
> And so maybe he needs to be pushed to realise it's okay. Or thinkingI don't think pushing a child to do something is a good idea.
> that he'll do all these things and more when he's ready and he is
> better off just going swimming with me every week rather than >pursuing swimming lessons.
Encouraging them to do something that they wish to do, yes, but pushing them because of your own worries, no.
If you would like to let him be in control of his own body (per the last paragraph of the original post), then why would you think of pushing him to realize it is okay? Try not to rush him into feeling okay about his level of comfort in the water. Be patient! Have fun playing in the water and it might come easily and without effort or pressure.
> I'm interested in hearing about experiences of your own kids >learning to swim but also this situation of pushing kids 'for their >own good'.Though my daughter took an occasional swim class with short sessions when she was young and my son took a session at the Ymca once, they both learned to swim outside of those classes by swimming and playing in the water for fun.
My other daughter (age 8) learned to swim on her own because we went swimming often. She has been passing the swim test at the Y for a year or two now, but still hasn't yet passed a more difficult swim test at a different local pool that requires your arms to come out of the water for each crawl stroke. That is something she wants to be able to do someday as she would like to be able to swim in that pools deep end. I won't push her to take lessons so she can do this though. I can offer to show her the crawl stroke, but she'll choose whether or not she wants to practice it and whether or not and how often she wants to take the swim test.
My four year old son still doesn't swim yet, but he loves going to the pool, beach or lake and I know he will eventually swim too.
> Is it ever okay in a learning situation?Think about it like this. Would you like others to try to force you to learn something (for what they think) is for your own good? What if you didn't see it as necessary and the other person did? Would that make it right? Could that affect how much you trust and listen to yourself in more than one area of your life?
> We talk a lot at home about our bodies belonging to us and making >decisions about our own bodies, and then he goes to a class where the >teacher's words and actions suggest that he has no control over his >own body. I am not comfortable with that but I'm still unsure as to >whether it's okay since this method seems to work with most kids?Do you really only care about whether or not a method works?
If he wants to, you could let him keep going to the class and trying what the teacher asks. Or keep going to the class and talking to the teacher about anything that feels uncomfortable and letting him handle it with her as long as he seems okay with it.
Or if you think he may feel uncomfortable even though he looks fine, ask the teacher again not to coax him at all, but only to offer. Or sit closer (if that would be okay) so you can see and hear and intervene if necessary. After each class, you can find out from your son how things went and decide to keep going or not.
If he goes back to the class, could you make up a hand signal that he could sign back to you to indicate he is doing okay? And one that means I want to leave or I need mom's help to talk to the teacher? That might help you to know how he's doing and also might let him feel he has a way out if he's feeling uneasy about saying no to something requested of him in class.
Laurie
Michelle
My son wanted to go to swimming lessons when he was seven. I enrolled him in an intensive course that ran for four days during the school holidays here. There were only one or two other children in the class each lesson and he loved it. The teacher was kind and patient and my son learned some new skills.
My son asked me to sign him up for weekly lessons when the holidays ended, so I did. He had a different teacher, a larger class and he hated it. He was bored, it was repetitive, there was lots of waiting around for his turn, and he wasn't learning anything to do with swimming really. He didn't finish the term, and he was less confident in the water following those particular classes.
The best learning he's done in the water has been through play. He used to be very afraid of water on his head. I never ever pushed that. Then one day in the bath he put his chin under. Next day, up to his nose, and so on. Once he'd been able to put his whole face under for a few seconds, he tried it at the pool. By the end of the day, he was going right under AND he was floating under there! He even tried jumping in from the edge. It was like all the little connections had come together and the last one he needed was about feeling safe with his head under. He was swimming!
Now he can swim, not strongly, or for a long period of time, but every time I take him swimming he gets stronger and less afraid.
Michelle
My son asked me to sign him up for weekly lessons when the holidays ended, so I did. He had a different teacher, a larger class and he hated it. He was bored, it was repetitive, there was lots of waiting around for his turn, and he wasn't learning anything to do with swimming really. He didn't finish the term, and he was less confident in the water following those particular classes.
The best learning he's done in the water has been through play. He used to be very afraid of water on his head. I never ever pushed that. Then one day in the bath he put his chin under. Next day, up to his nose, and so on. Once he'd been able to put his whole face under for a few seconds, he tried it at the pool. By the end of the day, he was going right under AND he was floating under there! He even tried jumping in from the edge. It was like all the little connections had come together and the last one he needed was about feeling safe with his head under. He was swimming!
Now he can swim, not strongly, or for a long period of time, but every time I take him swimming he gets stronger and less afraid.
Michelle
Stephknee Selby
I agree with everyone else, trust your gut.
We are in swim lessons right now. Our daughters learned on their own and
wanted to learn new skills. The youngest wanted to take surfing lessons and
I told her in order to do so I would feel more comfortable if she were a
stronger swimmer and that they have classes to help learn techniques. They
are both enjoying and thriving. Step back to last year, she was terrified
of letting go of me. Every time we were in water she held on for life. So
we went to a lot of pools (husband travels a lot and we spend quite a bit
of time in hotels). She gradually got more confident, and we had a new baby
so when I couldn't hold her we just let her play on the steps. She now
swims for a bit, but gradually sinks, but unlike last year she loves water
and loves the beach. Our eldest wasn't ever fearful, but wore floaties and
once she grabbed a pair of goggles, it distracted her enough to begin to
swim (once she was tall enough to stand when needed).
I feel like kids learn how to manipulate their bodies in water, learning to
swim underwater and doggie paddling naturally if exposed. Swimming lessons
can be good for technique if it peaks someone's interest. But at our class
right now we have a 4 year old who is terrified and it pains me to watch
because that was my daughter last year, and yet with just exposure she's
comfortable, no forcing involved.
My husband is yet another example of a kid forced to take classes, got a
swimming ache (his way of saying I don't want to do this anymore), and now
he's awkward in water. But exposure is probably more likely the culprit
than classes, his mom can't swim (hence the forced classes), and she hates
being wet, so his experience never went beyond classes.
Stephanie, girls 5 & 7, little boy 1
We are in swim lessons right now. Our daughters learned on their own and
wanted to learn new skills. The youngest wanted to take surfing lessons and
I told her in order to do so I would feel more comfortable if she were a
stronger swimmer and that they have classes to help learn techniques. They
are both enjoying and thriving. Step back to last year, she was terrified
of letting go of me. Every time we were in water she held on for life. So
we went to a lot of pools (husband travels a lot and we spend quite a bit
of time in hotels). She gradually got more confident, and we had a new baby
so when I couldn't hold her we just let her play on the steps. She now
swims for a bit, but gradually sinks, but unlike last year she loves water
and loves the beach. Our eldest wasn't ever fearful, but wore floaties and
once she grabbed a pair of goggles, it distracted her enough to begin to
swim (once she was tall enough to stand when needed).
I feel like kids learn how to manipulate their bodies in water, learning to
swim underwater and doggie paddling naturally if exposed. Swimming lessons
can be good for technique if it peaks someone's interest. But at our class
right now we have a 4 year old who is terrified and it pains me to watch
because that was my daughter last year, and yet with just exposure she's
comfortable, no forcing involved.
My husband is yet another example of a kid forced to take classes, got a
swimming ache (his way of saying I don't want to do this anymore), and now
he's awkward in water. But exposure is probably more likely the culprit
than classes, his mom can't swim (hence the forced classes), and she hates
being wet, so his experience never went beyond classes.
Stephanie, girls 5 & 7, little boy 1
On Jul 30, 2013 7:14 PM, "Michelle" <helbywasher@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> My son wanted to go to swimming lessons when he was seven. I enrolled him
> in an intensive course that ran for four days during the school holidays
> here. There were only one or two other children in the class each lesson
> and he loved it. The teacher was kind and patient and my son learned some
> new skills.
> My son asked me to sign him up for weekly lessons when the holidays ended,
> so I did. He had a different teacher, a larger class and he hated it. He
> was bored, it was repetitive, there was lots of waiting around for his
> turn, and he wasn't learning anything to do with swimming really. He didn't
> finish the term, and he was less confident in the water following those
> particular classes.
>
> The best learning he's done in the water has been through play. He used to
> be very afraid of water on his head. I never ever pushed that. Then one day
> in the bath he put his chin under. Next day, up to his nose, and so on.
> Once he'd been able to put his whole face under for a few seconds, he tried
> it at the pool. By the end of the day, he was going right under AND he was
> floating under there! He even tried jumping in from the edge. It was like
> all the little connections had come together and the last one he needed was
> about feeling safe with his head under. He was swimming!
>
> Now he can swim, not strongly, or for a long period of time, but every
> time I take him swimming he gets stronger and less afraid.
>
> Michelle
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Like Deborah's children, Simon and Linnaea learned to swim without instruction. They played in the pool, with me by their sides. They never were pushed to swim or to put their faces under water, just invited to come and play at the pool. They are both confident swimmers. They also know what they are comfortable doing, and what they feel is more than they want to do.
Schuyler
------------------------------
On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 1:57 PM AEST Deborah wrote
Schuyler
------------------------------
On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 1:57 PM AEST Deborah wrote
>My kids all learned to swim on their own. They are now ages 14, 13, and 11. I forget how old they were when they learned. It came in stages. Underwater first then above water. It was amazing to watch them develop over time.
>
>They were never pushed nor ever thought they needed lessons to learn the basics. One wanted to learn how to dive and asked for help from relatives who liked diving. And just yesterday one was practicing the crawl but called it the butterfly. I offered to show her the butterfly but she wasn't interested.
Schuyler
Like Deborah's children, Simon and Linnaea learned to swim without instruction. They played in the pool, with me by their sides. They never were pushed to swim or to put their faces under water, just invited to come and play at the pool. They are both confident swimmers. They also know what they are comfortable doing, and what they feel is more than they want to do.
Schuyler
------------------------------
On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 1:57 PM AEST Deborah wrote
Schuyler
------------------------------
On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 1:57 PM AEST Deborah wrote
>My kids all learned to swim on their own. They are now ages 14, 13, and 11. I forget how old they were when they learned. It came in stages. Underwater first then above water. It was amazing to watch them develop over time.
>
>They were never pushed nor ever thought they needed lessons to learn the basics. One wanted to learn how to dive and asked for help from relatives who liked diving. And just yesterday one was practicing the crawl but called it the butterfly. I offered to show her the butterfly but she wasn't interested.
Schuyler
Like Deborah's children, Simon and Linnaea learned to swim without instruction. They played in the pool, with me by their sides. They never were pushed to swim or to put their faces under water, just invited to come and play at the pool. They are both confident swimmers. They also know what they are comfortable doing, and what they feel is more than they want to do.
Schuyler
------------------------------
On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 1:57 PM AEST Deborah wrote
Schuyler
------------------------------
On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 1:57 PM AEST Deborah wrote
>My kids all learned to swim on their own. They are now ages 14, 13, and 11. I forget how old they were when they learned. It came in stages. Underwater first then above water. It was amazing to watch them develop over time.
>
>They were never pushed nor ever thought they needed lessons to learn the basics. One wanted to learn how to dive and asked for help from relatives who liked diving. And just yesterday one was practicing the crawl but called it the butterfly. I offered to show her the butterfly but she wasn't interested.
Meredith
Stephknee Selby <babelsgp@...> wrote:
For me, gentle parenting comes from my ideals, my principles. I value kindness, sweetness, generosity... and when I realized that following my instincts, as a parent, wasn't leading me in those directions I looked for ways to change.
Lately I've been wondering if one of difference in how moms perceive their "gut" - instincts, intuition, whatever - has to do with natural dominance. Maybe to less naturally dominant women sweetness feels more natural, more instinctive. I don't know if that's true, but I do know that it's good for me, personally, to be skeptical of my "gut feelings" and balance them against my better judgment.
---Meredith
>Gentle parenting doesn't necessarily come from "trusting your gut" - it doesn't for me. My instincts are pretty animalistic - I'm instinctively dominant and aggressive. So unschooling didn't come easily to me. Being a hard-nose "I'm the boss" parent came easily - not meanness, but dominance.
> I agree with everyone else, trust your gut.
For me, gentle parenting comes from my ideals, my principles. I value kindness, sweetness, generosity... and when I realized that following my instincts, as a parent, wasn't leading me in those directions I looked for ways to change.
Lately I've been wondering if one of difference in how moms perceive their "gut" - instincts, intuition, whatever - has to do with natural dominance. Maybe to less naturally dominant women sweetness feels more natural, more instinctive. I don't know if that's true, but I do know that it's good for me, personally, to be skeptical of my "gut feelings" and balance them against my better judgment.
---Meredith
Joyce Fetteroll
I agree with Meredith. My natural inclination is towards orderly, step by step learning leading to a specific chunk of knowledge. My instinct says it doesn't make sense that activity driven by whimsy -- like playing in the pool -- would be better for learning than something that leads in a direct path.
That pull didn't come from school. It came from my dad's genes <g> We're both engineers. It's how we think.
The much better answer than listening to your gut is to listen to your children! :-) To words, to body language, to their emotional reactions. Do them the courtesy of seeing what's going on through their experience rather than what you want them to have and where you want them to be.
Joyce
That pull didn't come from school. It came from my dad's genes <g> We're both engineers. It's how we think.
The much better answer than listening to your gut is to listen to your children! :-) To words, to body language, to their emotional reactions. Do them the courtesy of seeing what's going on through their experience rather than what you want them to have and where you want them to be.
Joyce
Mette G.
>>>We started swimming lessons last year at my son's request. <<<Hi,
did he specifically ask for lessons in a formal setting or just to learn to swim?
I think a lot of times parents instantly think traditional group settings or even just formal one-on-one lessons with a "real" teacher, when a child asks to learn something. But it could just be someone else who knows - like a parent or friend. For us, my oldest kind of learned to swim on her own, we might have shown her/told her a couple of things, but she never specifically asked to be instructed. My son who's 8 now said he'd like to learn to swim, so his father has started taking him to the pool to help him. They are going specifically with that intention, so it's a conscious, decided upon effort from my sons side - but with a time table and program that's totally his own.
Mette
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
keeliereader
From reading all your replies, it's clear that I totally bought into the idea of needing lessons to learn to swim. I don't think it really occurred to me that he could learn on his own. Plus, as some of you mentioned, Australia really pushes swimming lessons from a young age so I got swept along with that. I don't know any kids of Jack's age that aren't in swimming lessons right now.
We talked about it today and I explained that lots of people learn without lessons - including his dad. I offered to take him swimming every week instead of lessons. Jack is not convinced that he will learn without lessons. He said it's the blowing bubbles bit that he hates so I suggested I ask the teacher specifically not to ask him to do that and we'll see how that goes. But he knows he is free to cancel the lessons at any time. We also went swimming today, just him and I and played in the pool for two hours.
This has been a very interesting thread for me as Jack is not school age yet and it has been my first proper experience of seeing and questioning my own schoolish thinking. This leads me onto another question but I'm going to post that in a new thread.
Thanks to everyone that responded - it was very helpful for me.
We talked about it today and I explained that lots of people learn without lessons - including his dad. I offered to take him swimming every week instead of lessons. Jack is not convinced that he will learn without lessons. He said it's the blowing bubbles bit that he hates so I suggested I ask the teacher specifically not to ask him to do that and we'll see how that goes. But he knows he is free to cancel the lessons at any time. We also went swimming today, just him and I and played in the pool for two hours.
This has been a very interesting thread for me as Jack is not school age yet and it has been my first proper experience of seeing and questioning my own schoolish thinking. This leads me onto another question but I'm going to post that in a new thread.
Thanks to everyone that responded - it was very helpful for me.
Marie Vijendran
Meredith and Joyce,
For me this is a hugely important distinction to make between 'gut
instincts' and a conscious difference - thank you for making it.
I don't know whether it is genes or nurture, it doesn't matter. I'm also an
engineer and so was my father. I was raised to be a precise and careful
person. My mother was very dominant. All of this has made a person prepared
to fight for her place in the world and to be a mum that can defend her
cubs like a mother lion when necessary and do whatever it takes to give
them the a 'best' in life. But I have grappled with why these instincts
haven't always served me well.
The point seems to be that our instincts can affect our judgements for
better or for worse. When we parent they can pull us away from where the
peaceful part of us wants to go. It has taken me some very moving
experiences to connect and 'let go' to allow myself to make those more
playful, peaceful moments occur more often than the orderly, structured,
"have we done everything I think we should/could have done today".
Engineer's check: Does our reality meet the design? Accepting we don't need
a design is more tricky.
But I agree with you Meredith, for some mothers perhaps their instincts are
sweetness all along. I think it helps to work out which way your instincts
are inclined and be open to nudging those instincts towards something less
orderly. It has helped me to hear that there are others out there who
recognise that it is not a case of rejecting your instincts that don't
align well with unschooling, but to have the awareness that by listening to
your children, you have the choice to over-ride your instincts.
Marie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
For me this is a hugely important distinction to make between 'gut
instincts' and a conscious difference - thank you for making it.
I don't know whether it is genes or nurture, it doesn't matter. I'm also an
engineer and so was my father. I was raised to be a precise and careful
person. My mother was very dominant. All of this has made a person prepared
to fight for her place in the world and to be a mum that can defend her
cubs like a mother lion when necessary and do whatever it takes to give
them the a 'best' in life. But I have grappled with why these instincts
haven't always served me well.
The point seems to be that our instincts can affect our judgements for
better or for worse. When we parent they can pull us away from where the
peaceful part of us wants to go. It has taken me some very moving
experiences to connect and 'let go' to allow myself to make those more
playful, peaceful moments occur more often than the orderly, structured,
"have we done everything I think we should/could have done today".
Engineer's check: Does our reality meet the design? Accepting we don't need
a design is more tricky.
But I agree with you Meredith, for some mothers perhaps their instincts are
sweetness all along. I think it helps to work out which way your instincts
are inclined and be open to nudging those instincts towards something less
orderly. It has helped me to hear that there are others out there who
recognise that it is not a case of rejecting your instincts that don't
align well with unschooling, but to have the awareness that by listening to
your children, you have the choice to over-ride your instincts.
Marie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]