working full-time
kazzoozz
Hello all, I hoped maybe some of you could help me with my perspective on this.
I'm in the middle of a divorce and wondering about my, and by extension my sons', financial future. I'm sure that I will qualify for alimony and child support, but there is never any guarantee those will be paid or that my future ex won't lose his job, so I'm trying to be prudent. I've had people encourage me to get a full-time job and I am willing to do that *if necessary* but...I worry about the boys being home alone all day long five days a week. They are 16 and 11 years old. The 16-year old is not yet driving; even if he were I would need the car for work, so they'd be stuck here.
That much time without me and at home seems like too much for an 11-year old. I don't know if I'm being pessimistic (a real possibility) but I am loath to be away and unavailable most of the day five days a week.
I will be building a home-based business over the next couple of years (though doing that while working full-time will mean even less time for the boys) so that I can at least be in the house during the days; if I do work outside the house now my plan is that it will be temporary (1 year? 2 years?)
Has anyone else been there/done that? I could really use some input. Thank you!
~ Kathie
I'm in the middle of a divorce and wondering about my, and by extension my sons', financial future. I'm sure that I will qualify for alimony and child support, but there is never any guarantee those will be paid or that my future ex won't lose his job, so I'm trying to be prudent. I've had people encourage me to get a full-time job and I am willing to do that *if necessary* but...I worry about the boys being home alone all day long five days a week. They are 16 and 11 years old. The 16-year old is not yet driving; even if he were I would need the car for work, so they'd be stuck here.
That much time without me and at home seems like too much for an 11-year old. I don't know if I'm being pessimistic (a real possibility) but I am loath to be away and unavailable most of the day five days a week.
I will be building a home-based business over the next couple of years (though doing that while working full-time will mean even less time for the boys) so that I can at least be in the house during the days; if I do work outside the house now my plan is that it will be temporary (1 year? 2 years?)
Has anyone else been there/done that? I could really use some input. Thank you!
~ Kathie
ioana yahoo
Hi Kathie,
I am kinda in your situation, though not really: I am building a business from home but my child is almost 4 and I have no support form his father.
So no real unschooling background here but just wanted to say what I see in your message that might help.
I suppose reading what you write that you will not immediately be in a situation of all or nothing?
So how about building that home based business right now and launching it asap and that way you will not have to go through the full time job? There are tools and courses out there and I am willing to help with resources if you need it.
Success with it
ioana
I am kinda in your situation, though not really: I am building a business from home but my child is almost 4 and I have no support form his father.
So no real unschooling background here but just wanted to say what I see in your message that might help.
I suppose reading what you write that you will not immediately be in a situation of all or nothing?
So how about building that home based business right now and launching it asap and that way you will not have to go through the full time job? There are tools and courses out there and I am willing to help with resources if you need it.
Success with it
ioana
On Mar 26, 2013, at 3:56 AM, kazzoozz wrote:
> Hello all, I hoped maybe some of you could help me with my perspective on this.
>
> I'm in the middle of a divorce and wondering about my, and by extension my sons', financial future. I'm sure that I will qualify for alimony and child support, but there is never any guarantee those will be paid or that my future ex won't lose his job, so I'm trying to be prudent. I've had people encourage me to get a full-time job and I am willing to do that *if necessary* but...I worry about the boys being home alone all day long five days a week. They are 16 and 11 years old. The 16-year old is not yet driving; even if he were I would need the car for work, so they'd be stuck here.
>
> That much time without me and at home seems like too much for an 11-year old. I don't know if I'm being pessimistic (a real possibility) but I am loath to be away and unavailable most of the day five days a week.
>
> I will be building a home-based business over the next couple of years (though doing that while working full-time will mean even less time for the boys) so that I can at least be in the house during the days; if I do work outside the house now my plan is that it will be temporary (1 year? 2 years?)
>
> Has anyone else been there/done that? I could really use some input. Thank you!
>
> ~ Kathie
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 25, 2013, at 10:56 PM, kazzoozz wrote:
Since I'm assuming the divorce wasn't their decision, they're going to be angry and resentful -- which may not look like adult anger and resentment. Even if the family had been troubled for a long time, you've decided for them to remove the possibility of a forever intact family. That's going to take a *lot* of healing even if it seems like they're doing fine on the surface.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I worry about the boys being home alone all day long five days a week.I think what will minimize adding to the trauma of their lives is involving them in the decision making. You don't need to get down and dirty with the finances -- you don't want them worrying. That's your job :-) But include them in problem solving and brainstorming several ideas of ways to tackle what comes up and what's most likely to come up. Empower them. Worse than staying home alone is not being able to decide. When people have the choice, they can put up with some very unideal situations. But forced into a situation, even minor inconveniences loom huge.
Since I'm assuming the divorce wasn't their decision, they're going to be angry and resentful -- which may not look like adult anger and resentment. Even if the family had been troubled for a long time, you've decided for them to remove the possibility of a forever intact family. That's going to take a *lot* of healing even if it seems like they're doing fine on the surface.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
"kazzoozz" <kazzobo@...> wrote:
A full time job doesn't necessarily mean 9-5, five days a week. It helps to get creative in thinking about what kind of work you can do, and deliberately look for work with odd hours. Three twelve hour shifts, for instance, give you almost full-time and four days off with your kids. Or look for a place where you can go to work early and be home by 3 or 4 - if your kids are night owls, you'll be home for their "breakfast" and still awake for "lunch". I used to work four ten hour days, starting early so I was home by 3 - that was nice, we had most of the afternoon to do fun things, and one week-day to avoid the crowds, and now and then I'd take a half day and be home by noon.
And don't jump right to full time if you don't have to - part time often gives you more flexibility in all sorts of ways, including the ability to go out of town or take off when it's convenient to you.
See anything you do as a short term, for-now solution, something you're trying out, not "for keeps". It might be better, if you're reasonably certain of child support, to stay home for now and wait and see.
And do Everything In Your Power to keep things amicable with your soon-to-be Ex - to the point of not trash talking him to anyone, not arguing about things which aren't dire necessities. In the divorce game, the biggest asshole wins every time - to the detriment of the kids. Every Time. So don't be the biggest asshole and do what you can to keep any kind of assholery from escalating.
I don't think there are enough hours in the week to work full-time, build a business full time and homeschool full time. Something will have to give. If it's possible for you Not to have a job while you build a business, don't get a job. Put your time and energy into things which inspire you and light you up. After five years at a job I kinda-sorta liked until the management changed, I'm finally in a job I adore, and that makes a world of difference in how much I have to give my loved ones.
---Meredith
>I don't know if I'm being pessimistic (a real possibility) but I am loath to be away and unavailable most of the day five days a week.***************
A full time job doesn't necessarily mean 9-5, five days a week. It helps to get creative in thinking about what kind of work you can do, and deliberately look for work with odd hours. Three twelve hour shifts, for instance, give you almost full-time and four days off with your kids. Or look for a place where you can go to work early and be home by 3 or 4 - if your kids are night owls, you'll be home for their "breakfast" and still awake for "lunch". I used to work four ten hour days, starting early so I was home by 3 - that was nice, we had most of the afternoon to do fun things, and one week-day to avoid the crowds, and now and then I'd take a half day and be home by noon.
And don't jump right to full time if you don't have to - part time often gives you more flexibility in all sorts of ways, including the ability to go out of town or take off when it's convenient to you.
See anything you do as a short term, for-now solution, something you're trying out, not "for keeps". It might be better, if you're reasonably certain of child support, to stay home for now and wait and see.
And do Everything In Your Power to keep things amicable with your soon-to-be Ex - to the point of not trash talking him to anyone, not arguing about things which aren't dire necessities. In the divorce game, the biggest asshole wins every time - to the detriment of the kids. Every Time. So don't be the biggest asshole and do what you can to keep any kind of assholery from escalating.
> I will be building a home-based business over the next couple of years (though doing that while working full-time will mean even less time for the boys)***************
I don't think there are enough hours in the week to work full-time, build a business full time and homeschool full time. Something will have to give. If it's possible for you Not to have a job while you build a business, don't get a job. Put your time and energy into things which inspire you and light you up. After five years at a job I kinda-sorta liked until the management changed, I'm finally in a job I adore, and that makes a world of difference in how much I have to give my loved ones.
---Meredith
Meredith
"kazzoozz" <kazzobo@...> wrote:
And lots and lots of people, women included, still have the idea that being a full time mom is lesser work - not work for smart, capable people. In a backhanded way, telling you to get a job is a compliment: you're too good for mere childcare.
---Meredith
>I've had people encourage me to get a full-time jobIt can be helpful to think critically about why they would do that. A mom with a full time job has a personal interest in validating the advantages of working - I say that As a mom with a full time job ;) I have a personal interest in continuing to feel good about the fact that I'm not as available to my family as I would be otherwise. An older woman who didn't get to work until later might have had years of feeling "stuck" in her dependency. People who've had bad experiences with Exes or heard a lot of horror stories might be encouraging you to think poorly of your Ex, whether or not that's really warranted, and to protect your interests with a job. People who don't have a good opinion of homeschooling with have the secret hope that if you go to work you'll give up that crazy idea entirely.
And lots and lots of people, women included, still have the idea that being a full time mom is lesser work - not work for smart, capable people. In a backhanded way, telling you to get a job is a compliment: you're too good for mere childcare.
---Meredith
emstrength3
>I have two ideas for work, that could be either full or part time, but might give you more time with your kids.
> Has anyone else been there/done that? I could really use some input. Thank you!
>
One is to try to find an apartment management job, if you're willing to move. You'll have free rent, often with utilities and a small salary as well, and be able to work from home.
The other idea is house keeping. You can set your own hours, and it pays decent money. If your ex has the kids every other weekend or some similar arrangement, you can set up more jobs for those weekends and less for the weeks when you have them.
Emily
[email protected]
My single mom friend did house cleaning for years as an unschooler. Her kids came with her and played or watched tv while she cleaned.
Good luck!
Molly
From: emstrength3 <emstrength@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:28 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: working full-time
One is to try to find an apartment management job, if you're willing to move. You'll have free rent, often with utilities and a small salary as well, and be able to work from home.
The other idea is house keeping. You can set your own hours, and it pays decent money. If your ex has the kids every other weekend or some similar arrangement, you can set up more jobs for those weekends and less for the weeks when you have them.
Emily
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Good luck!
Molly
From: emstrength3 <emstrength@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:28 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: working full-time
>I have two ideas for work, that could be either full or part time, but might give you more time with your kids.
> Has anyone else been there/done that? I could really use some input. Thank you!
>
One is to try to find an apartment management job, if you're willing to move. You'll have free rent, often with utilities and a small salary as well, and be able to work from home.
The other idea is house keeping. You can set your own hours, and it pays decent money. If your ex has the kids every other weekend or some similar arrangement, you can set up more jobs for those weekends and less for the weeks when you have them.
Emily
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tania
just one thought: you could get more independent from possible child
support and/or a job if you can start spending less. another thing to
discuss with your sons.
you could start writing down all expenses and see, where the big
chunks of money go. this also helps to see on which things you dont
want to spend less.
we live well under whats considered the line where poverty starts in
our country and (as long as this is your decision of course!) for us
it is freeing rather than limiting. we both dont work at the moment
and we are living of the money we saved up from when we were both
working full time before the birth of our first child.
being a bit scroogy on this and that allows us to not worry about
expenses which are important for us. so our four year old still gets
his ice cream cone every time at the beach (or two ;-)) and we can
still afford music lessons for me. living of little money often needs
a bit extra time - but time we do have.
tania from italy with two sons, 4 and 1/2 year (sorry for my english,
i hope it is understandable)
Am 26/mar/13 um 03:56 schrieb kazzoozz:
support and/or a job if you can start spending less. another thing to
discuss with your sons.
you could start writing down all expenses and see, where the big
chunks of money go. this also helps to see on which things you dont
want to spend less.
we live well under whats considered the line where poverty starts in
our country and (as long as this is your decision of course!) for us
it is freeing rather than limiting. we both dont work at the moment
and we are living of the money we saved up from when we were both
working full time before the birth of our first child.
being a bit scroogy on this and that allows us to not worry about
expenses which are important for us. so our four year old still gets
his ice cream cone every time at the beach (or two ;-)) and we can
still afford music lessons for me. living of little money often needs
a bit extra time - but time we do have.
tania from italy with two sons, 4 and 1/2 year (sorry for my english,
i hope it is understandable)
Am 26/mar/13 um 03:56 schrieb kazzoozz:
> Hello all, I hoped maybe some of you could help me with my[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> perspective on this.
>
> I'm in the middle of a divorce and wondering about my, and by
> extension my sons', financial future. I'm sure that I will qualify
> for alimony and child support, but there is never any guarantee
> those will be paid or that my future ex won't lose his job, so I'm
> trying to be prudent. I've had people encourage me to get a full-
> time job and I am willing to do that *if necessary* but...I worry
> about the boys being home alone all day long five days a week. They
> are 16 and 11 years old. The 16-year old is not yet driving; even if
> he were I would need the car for work, so they'd be stuck here.
>
> That much time without me and at home seems like too much for an 11-
> year old. I don't know if I'm being pessimistic (a real possibility)
> but I am loath to be away and unavailable most of the day five days
> a week.
>
> I will be building a home-based business over the next couple of
> years (though doing that while working full-time will mean even less
> time for the boys) so that I can at least be in the house during the
> days; if I do work outside the house now my plan is that it will be
> temporary (1 year? 2 years?)
>
> Has anyone else been there/done that? I could really use some input.
> Thank you!
>
> ~ Kathie
Miriam Pinheiro
I work 30 hours a week, from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. My kids are night owls so
this schedule does work for us. And, I still
get benefits.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
this schedule does work for us. And, I still
get benefits.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]