redknot20

My son, Joel, is 13 and I'd like to do a coming of age celebration for him. I have researched this a bit on the internet and have a few ideas, but would appreciate hearing from this group - and what some of you may have done, or are planning to do. We are not religious. We live on a farm. I don't think he would like a party. Something small, with the family and maybe a few friends would be more meaningful to him. I would like to have some ideas/suggestions in mind before I bring it up with him. We have been unschooling for four years.

Joel started a part-time job this year working on another farm. He has had his own bank account for a while now. He is involved in Tae Kwon Do Leadership program and is helping teach the younger kids. He has been selling cards he makes at local events. He has a good relationship with his father. His voice just changed this winter :)

Thank you,
Nina Andres-Berrelleza

Sandra Dodd

-=- We live on a farm. I don't think he would like a party. Something small, with the family and maybe a few friends would be more meaningful to him.-=-

Maybe a portrait of him? Photo and painted, or professional photo portrait? Him and the family, and then him alone perhaps.

If he doesn't want a party, maybe you could give him a fair amount of cash (the cost of an expensive party and invitations and food and all that, maybe). Helping him set up future money (with a life insurance policy or some such, or certificates of deposit in his own name) might help him feel more grown, and then if something happens to you he'll have cash without waiting for probate and all that. (It sounds morbid, put that way, but some financial independence or the seed of future savings or just enough money to buy something substantial now could be pretty nice.)

Sandra

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Meredith

"redknot20" <redknot@...> wrote:
>
> My son, Joel, is 13 and I'd like to do a coming of age celebration for him.
**************

Is it something you think he would want? Is he the kind of person who likes "landmark" sorts of events and/or parties in his honor? How would this be different than, say, a birthday party?

Young teens don't necessarily want a big deal made out of the fact that they're young teens. They want the time and space to deal with all the weird, uncomfortable life changes without a giant announcement. It's a different thing if a kid expects a certain type of celebration at a certain age. Are a lot of his friends being bar mitzvahed? That might leave him feeling left out and wanting a party of his own.

Rather than a celebration, is there some event you can attend? A concert or convention? Is there a big amusement park a reasonable distance from you?

---Meredith

Andrea Catalano

How about a trip someplace he's been wanting to go/something he's wanted to do? If you could take a long weekend (or longer) you could go farther from home and it might feel more special than a day-trip.

Andrea

Sent from my iPhone

alma

Some time ago I read a lovely article in the Guardian newspaper here in the UK on just this subject. The author of the article came up with a list of 13 adventures/achievements for the boy to complete. It included things like cooking a meal for 13 people, making a journey alone with 13 tasks along the way, and ... oh I wish I could remember more. It was a very lovely thing to do if it was tailored to what would be an exciting challenge to him.

Alison
(with sons aged 10 and 7)
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=- We live on a farm. I don't think he would like a party. Something small, with the family and maybe a few friends would be more meaningful to him.-=-
>
> Maybe a portrait of him? Photo and painted, or professional photo portrait? Him and the family, and then him alone perhaps.
>
> If he doesn't want a party, maybe you could give him a fair amount of cash (the cost of an expensive party and invitations and food and all that, maybe). Helping him set up future money (with a life insurance policy or some such, or certificates of deposit in his own name) might help him feel more grown, and then if something happens to you he'll have cash without waiting for probate and all that. (It sounds morbid, put that way, but some financial independence or the seed of future savings or just enough money to buy something substantial now could be pretty nice.)
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Madeline Rains

We also have a farm. I'm the mother of a 15 yo and 12 yo, both boys. When
Gillen turned 13 a few years ago, as a result of talking about rites of
passages in other cultures (I can't remember how this conversation was
initiated) Gillen went into the woods/back fields of our farm alone for 24
hours. For him, who he is, it felt right to support him in doing something
that proclaimed the beginning of his journey into being a man. It was also
at a time when we had watched a lot of "Survivor Man" on TV. It was pretty
laid back. He could have walked out of the woods to his grandmother's house
at any time. But he loved gathering his own food and cooking it. He brought
a bow and arrow and maybe a gun, can't remember (he is a hunter), and made
a fire himself. He heard wild dogs at one point. But he had one of our dogs
and a weapon with him so said he felt safe. The biggest challenge was in
being alone for that long. He was really proud of this accomplishment.

Jesse is going to turn 13 in June. He has not worked as much as Gillen did
at that age and is not a farmer and outdoorsman like Gillen. If he were to
go alone to the woods for 24 hours it would be a very different challenge
for him. I don't even know that we would bring it up as a possibility. But
I would like to acknowledge him in some special way.

- Madeline



On Thu, Feb 28, 2013 at 12:21 PM, redknot20 <redknot@...> wrote:

> **
>
>
> My son, Joel, is 13 and I'd like to do a coming of age celebration for
> him. I have researched this a bit on the internet and have a few ideas, but
> would appreciate hearing from this group - and what some of you may have
> done, or are planning to do. We are not religious. We live on a farm. I
> don't think he would like a party. Something small, with the family and
> maybe a few friends would be more meaningful to him. I would like to have
> some ideas/suggestions in mind before I bring it up with him. We have been
> unschooling for four years.
>
> Joel started a part-time job this year working on another farm. He has had
> his own bank account for a while now. He is involved in Tae Kwon Do
> Leadership program and is helping teach the younger kids. He has been
> selling cards he makes at local events. He has a good relationship with his
> father. His voice just changed this winter :)
>
> Thank you,
> Nina Andres-Berrelleza
>
>
>


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