my husband's illness
[email protected]
My husband has an illness that may lead to him passing away while our children are young. They are 5 and 1 currently.
I am wondering what things might help for me to know or do, if that happens, to make the experience of him passing away better than it would be otherwise for our children. It is likely that our finances would remain similar to how they are now, and we would still be able to unschool.
Thank you,
Cathy
I am wondering what things might help for me to know or do, if that happens, to make the experience of him passing away better than it would be otherwise for our children. It is likely that our finances would remain similar to how they are now, and we would still be able to unschool.
Thank you,
Cathy
Alex Polikowsky
I am sorry.
I would not focus on the experience of passing but in living now, everyday!
Make memories And be in the moment. Live with him and the kids as joyfully as you can. Make lots of movies with him and the kids.
My brother passed away when his kids were very very young and the videos are all they have and are hugely cherished by his now grown children.
Don't prepare for death. Live life now. None of us ever knows when we will die so make today a beautiful day and enjoy happily with him and the children.
Alex Polikowsky
Sent from my iPhone
I would not focus on the experience of passing but in living now, everyday!
Make memories And be in the moment. Live with him and the kids as joyfully as you can. Make lots of movies with him and the kids.
My brother passed away when his kids were very very young and the videos are all they have and are hugely cherished by his now grown children.
Don't prepare for death. Live life now. None of us ever knows when we will die so make today a beautiful day and enjoy happily with him and the children.
Alex Polikowsky
Sent from my iPhone
On Jan 30, 2013, at 8:08 PM, "cathy_choo@..." <cathy_choo@...> wrote:
> My husband has an illness that may lead to him passing away while our children are young. They are 5 and 1 currently.
>
> I am wondering what things might help for me to know or do, if that happens, to make the experience of him passing away better than it would be otherwise for our children. It is likely that our finances would remain similar to how they are now, and we would still be able to unschool.
>
> Thank you,
> Cathy
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Genevieve Raymond
Videos and photos are a great idea. Maybe letters from him too? My mom died when I was 4. I was particularly sad about it in my teen years, I'm not so much anymore. But in my childhood and teen years, I loved looking at photos of her, especially photos of the two of us together. Knowing I had a mom who loved me, like other kids did, even though she wasn't there anymore. I remember in my 20s, my uncle unearthed a video of her dancing--awkwardly and joyfully. I had never before seen how she moved, what it was like when she smiled (or I had no memory of it). We'd only had photos. I loved seeing bits of her handwriting too.
Genevieve
Genevieve
[email protected]
I am very sorry.
Your husband could write letters for your children to read at special moments in their life (when they're about to marry, when they turn 18 etc.) I read that somewhere (maybe in Stephen Covey's book?) and I found that a fantastic idea.
Bettina
Your husband could write letters for your children to read at special moments in their life (when they're about to marry, when they turn 18 etc.) I read that somewhere (maybe in Stephen Covey's book?) and I found that a fantastic idea.
Bettina
Dola Dasgupta
I am sorry to hear about your husband's illness...
I feel you may look at focussing on togetherness and staying
close and doing stuff and creating joyous memories around him...
I also feel perhaps you may try and see if and when the children ask about
illness and death then whether it is possible to speak about it
together along with your husband...
Maybe you and your husband could have a private conversation about whether
he would like to talk about it if the children wished to hear it form
him..However I feel you might need to be sensitive to what he really needs
and wants....so maybe not to pressurize him either if he is not ready..
I remember the film Step Mom and how the character in the film made that
quilt with snapshots of all of them together...all memories woven in...
Maybe you and your family could create memories that will keep him alive in
their lives even when he is
gone. Stories about him..videos, writings maybe written in his
handwriting...photos etc...
You may even see if extended family like grandparents, aunts and uncles are
willing to leave letters or writings or photos of his with you....
Dola
On Fri, Feb 1, 2013 at 3:06 AM, jumping.higher@... <
jumping.higher@...> wrote:
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I feel you may look at focussing on togetherness and staying
close and doing stuff and creating joyous memories around him...
I also feel perhaps you may try and see if and when the children ask about
illness and death then whether it is possible to speak about it
together along with your husband...
Maybe you and your husband could have a private conversation about whether
he would like to talk about it if the children wished to hear it form
him..However I feel you might need to be sensitive to what he really needs
and wants....so maybe not to pressurize him either if he is not ready..
I remember the film Step Mom and how the character in the film made that
quilt with snapshots of all of them together...all memories woven in...
Maybe you and your family could create memories that will keep him alive in
their lives even when he is
gone. Stories about him..videos, writings maybe written in his
handwriting...photos etc...
You may even see if extended family like grandparents, aunts and uncles are
willing to leave letters or writings or photos of his with you....
Dola
On Fri, Feb 1, 2013 at 3:06 AM, jumping.higher@... <
jumping.higher@...> wrote:
> **--
>
>
> I am very sorry.
>
> Your husband could write letters for your children to read at special
> moments in their life (when they're about to marry, when they turn 18 etc.)
> I read that somewhere (maybe in Stephen Covey's book?) and I found that a
> fantastic idea.
>
> Bettina
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Thank you for your suggestions. I have begun taking more videos, and am thinking about the other suggestions.
I have not mentioned to our daughter (age 5) the possibility of him passing away. I thought if I did, she might worry about it, but not be able to prepare for it, so there'd be no benefit, maybe, and possible harm. Perhaps I was wrong to think she wouldn't benefit from knowing about it ahead of time?
Cathy
I have not mentioned to our daughter (age 5) the possibility of him passing away. I thought if I did, she might worry about it, but not be able to prepare for it, so there'd be no benefit, maybe, and possible harm. Perhaps I was wrong to think she wouldn't benefit from knowing about it ahead of time?
Cathy
diana lea jenner
It's very easy to go about your life & forget that death is an inhere part
of life. I think it's unfair to pretend it doesn't exist, even in families
without illness.
My husband died 12 years ago, almost three years after a brain tumor
diagnosis, when my kids were 4 & 2.
~diana jenner
of life. I think it's unfair to pretend it doesn't exist, even in families
without illness.
My husband died 12 years ago, almost three years after a brain tumor
diagnosis, when my kids were 4 & 2.
~diana jenner
On Feb 1, 2013 6:56 PM, "cathy_choo@..." <cathy_choo@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> Thank you for your suggestions. I have begun taking more videos, and am
> thinking about the other suggestions.
>
> I have not mentioned to our daughter (age 5) the possibility of him
> passing away. I thought if I did, she might worry about it, but not be able
> to prepare for it, so there'd be no benefit, maybe, and possible harm.
> Perhaps I was wrong to think she wouldn't benefit from knowing about it
> ahead of time?
>
> Cathy
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana lea jenner
Whoops! Hit send way too soon!!
We did, at first take the well-intentioned though misled advice to keep
Hannah out of the loop. Our secrecy and lack of clear explanation for life
changes (time away from us while we visit doctors) was very confusing. Once
we began speaking clearly and matter-of-fact, we were all much calmer.
Mitch was incredibly funny and had a wonderful way of making even horrible,
scary situations funny and comfortable. We laughed a lot. We made memories.
Lots of fun, happy memories. Picnics in the livingroom. Water balloon
fights.
Hayden was born when Mitch finished chemo, so his entire 27 months with his
dad was Brain Tumor & impending death.
My kids were very calm about their dad's death, because we'd talked about
it so much. In fact, Hannah 4, asked for a new dad on our way from Mitch's
2nd funeral (in front of MIL -- giggle-able now, I was pretty mortified!) I
knew we'd done well in our prep :)
12 years on, Hayden is 14.5 and has no actual memories of his dad, though
he says he remembers the feeling of wrestling with him. He knows stories, I
do my best to ensure he knows as much about his dad as I can provide. We
have pictures up & out, ones with great stories :)
If there's anything (not unschooling specific) I can help you with, feel
free to contact me off list <3
~diana jenner
We did, at first take the well-intentioned though misled advice to keep
Hannah out of the loop. Our secrecy and lack of clear explanation for life
changes (time away from us while we visit doctors) was very confusing. Once
we began speaking clearly and matter-of-fact, we were all much calmer.
Mitch was incredibly funny and had a wonderful way of making even horrible,
scary situations funny and comfortable. We laughed a lot. We made memories.
Lots of fun, happy memories. Picnics in the livingroom. Water balloon
fights.
Hayden was born when Mitch finished chemo, so his entire 27 months with his
dad was Brain Tumor & impending death.
My kids were very calm about their dad's death, because we'd talked about
it so much. In fact, Hannah 4, asked for a new dad on our way from Mitch's
2nd funeral (in front of MIL -- giggle-able now, I was pretty mortified!) I
knew we'd done well in our prep :)
12 years on, Hayden is 14.5 and has no actual memories of his dad, though
he says he remembers the feeling of wrestling with him. He knows stories, I
do my best to ensure he knows as much about his dad as I can provide. We
have pictures up & out, ones with great stories :)
If there's anything (not unschooling specific) I can help you with, feel
free to contact me off list <3
~diana jenner
On Feb 1, 2013 6:56 PM, "cathy_choo@..." <cathy_choo@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> Thank you for your suggestions. I have begun taking more videos, and am
> thinking about the other suggestions.
>
> I have not mentioned to our daughter (age 5) the possibility of him
> passing away. I thought if I did, she might worry about it, but not be able
> to prepare for it, so there'd be no benefit, maybe, and possible harm.
> Perhaps I was wrong to think she wouldn't benefit from knowing about it
> ahead of time?
>
> Cathy
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]