Looking for help with anxiety
rachel k
Hi,
My daughter (6) has had what she calls the dying feeling on and off for over two years.
I think it stemmed from a time when I was in and out of hospital and was the first time we were ever separated for more than an hour or so. I never stayed overnight and she was always with my husband but she took it really hard.
The feeling was compounded when an older friend of hers (12) told her about hell. We are Muslims and this girl told her some pretty hard stuff about going to Hell. I was in the next room while they were playing together on a computer and the next thing my daughter came in petrified.
Both of those things have had a major effect on her I think. It manifests itself at nighttime. We will lay in bed together (we cosleep) and she will tell me she is scared of me and her father dying. That she wants to die first or will kill herself when we die. She asks about hell and if we will go there.
Sometimes she gets so worked up about she can't stop crying and it has actually made her vomit.
I tell her I understand that those are scary thoughts. That no we won't go to hell and try and calm her down. She takes deep breaths and we hug and talk. Sometimes she says she will bury us in the garden or imagines all sorts of scenarios where she can preserve our bodies. I listen and answer all her questions.
Sometimes I tell her that I think it's better if she can be positive and think about how wonderful our life is now and how long that will continue for. Or maybe its not a good idea right before we go to sleep to talk about how long our flesh will stay before we decompose and become skeletons.
I'm not sure how to handle it. She gets so hurt and upset and I want to help her deal with these feelings. Is it ok to tell her to try not to think about these things? We talk about feelings a lot anyway. I don't want to dismiss her feelings. I want to help her cope with them.
We've tried listening to relaxation podcasts before bed and she also likes to be read to or listen to audio books. I've also tried massages. Sometimes she falls asleep during those and it's fine, but others times not. I've asked her what will help or what first makes her think those feelings in the first place but shes not sure.
I look forward to hearing your suggestions.
Rachel, mum to Leila x
My daughter (6) has had what she calls the dying feeling on and off for over two years.
I think it stemmed from a time when I was in and out of hospital and was the first time we were ever separated for more than an hour or so. I never stayed overnight and she was always with my husband but she took it really hard.
The feeling was compounded when an older friend of hers (12) told her about hell. We are Muslims and this girl told her some pretty hard stuff about going to Hell. I was in the next room while they were playing together on a computer and the next thing my daughter came in petrified.
Both of those things have had a major effect on her I think. It manifests itself at nighttime. We will lay in bed together (we cosleep) and she will tell me she is scared of me and her father dying. That she wants to die first or will kill herself when we die. She asks about hell and if we will go there.
Sometimes she gets so worked up about she can't stop crying and it has actually made her vomit.
I tell her I understand that those are scary thoughts. That no we won't go to hell and try and calm her down. She takes deep breaths and we hug and talk. Sometimes she says she will bury us in the garden or imagines all sorts of scenarios where she can preserve our bodies. I listen and answer all her questions.
Sometimes I tell her that I think it's better if she can be positive and think about how wonderful our life is now and how long that will continue for. Or maybe its not a good idea right before we go to sleep to talk about how long our flesh will stay before we decompose and become skeletons.
I'm not sure how to handle it. She gets so hurt and upset and I want to help her deal with these feelings. Is it ok to tell her to try not to think about these things? We talk about feelings a lot anyway. I don't want to dismiss her feelings. I want to help her cope with them.
We've tried listening to relaxation podcasts before bed and she also likes to be read to or listen to audio books. I've also tried massages. Sometimes she falls asleep during those and it's fine, but others times not. I've asked her what will help or what first makes her think those feelings in the first place but shes not sure.
I look forward to hearing your suggestions.
Rachel, mum to Leila x
Genevieve Raymond
My son went through a period of pretty intense anxiety about death at that age--mostly his fear of me or my husband dying. Any time the subject of dying would come, he would get tears in his eyes, and say, "can we please stop talking about this?" His twin sister is much more clinical than he is, so she'd ask about dying out of curiosity and interest, but he just didn't want to even think about it.
I don't know that I have advice for you about how to ease her anxiety in the moment--I think the best we can do is to be there with them and for them while they're going through it, and to give them lots of cuddly space to process through it. I've always been truthful with my kids about death--saying we don't know when we'll die, though it's likely not for many years. My mom died when I was 4, so it's never felt right to me to brush it off, saying, "oh, we're going to live a long time, don't worry about it."
But I mostly responded to say that I think Leila is at an age when I lots of kids do start thinking about death--it may have been somewhat prompted by external events, but it's also likely part of a developmental phase. I actually had forgotten about my son's period of anxiety about dying until you wrote. He's 8 now, and it's been over a year since he got really, deeply sad about it. It may help *you* to be more calm and centered with her if you're not thinking about it as something that you need to solve for her, but rather a period that she's going through, the intensity of which will likely pass.
Genevieve
I don't know that I have advice for you about how to ease her anxiety in the moment--I think the best we can do is to be there with them and for them while they're going through it, and to give them lots of cuddly space to process through it. I've always been truthful with my kids about death--saying we don't know when we'll die, though it's likely not for many years. My mom died when I was 4, so it's never felt right to me to brush it off, saying, "oh, we're going to live a long time, don't worry about it."
But I mostly responded to say that I think Leila is at an age when I lots of kids do start thinking about death--it may have been somewhat prompted by external events, but it's also likely part of a developmental phase. I actually had forgotten about my son's period of anxiety about dying until you wrote. He's 8 now, and it's been over a year since he got really, deeply sad about it. It may help *you* to be more calm and centered with her if you're not thinking about it as something that you need to solve for her, but rather a period that she's going through, the intensity of which will likely pass.
Genevieve
On Dec 16, 2012, at 1:56 PM, "rachel k" <rachk2000@...> wrote:
> Hi,
>
> My daughter (6) has had what she calls the dying feeling on and off for over two years.
>
> I think it stemmed from a time when I was in and out of hospital and was the first time we were ever separated for more than an hour or so. I never stayed overnight and she was always with my husband but she took it really hard.
>
> The feeling was compounded when an older friend of hers (12) told her about hell. We are Muslims and this girl told her some pretty hard stuff about going to Hell. I was in the next room while they were playing together on a computer and the next thing my daughter came in petrified.
>
> Both of those things have had a major effect on her I think. It manifests itself at nighttime. We will lay in bed together (we cosleep) and she will tell me she is scared of me and her father dying. That she wants to die first or will kill herself when we die. She asks about hell and if we will go there.
>
> Sometimes she gets so worked up about she can't stop crying and it has actually made her vomit.
>
> I tell her I understand that those are scary thoughts. That no we won't go to hell and try and calm her down. She takes deep breaths and we hug and talk. Sometimes she says she will bury us in the garden or imagines all sorts of scenarios where she can preserve our bodies. I listen and answer all her questions.
>
> Sometimes I tell her that I think it's better if she can be positive and think about how wonderful our life is now and how long that will continue for. Or maybe its not a good idea right before we go to sleep to talk about how long our flesh will stay before we decompose and become skeletons.
>
> I'm not sure how to handle it. She gets so hurt and upset and I want to help her deal with these feelings. Is it ok to tell her to try not to think about these things? We talk about feelings a lot anyway. I don't want to dismiss her feelings. I want to help her cope with them.
>
> We've tried listening to relaxation podcasts before bed and she also likes to be read to or listen to audio books. I've also tried massages. Sometimes she falls asleep during those and it's fine, but others times not. I've asked her what will help or what first makes her think those feelings in the first place but shes not sure.
>
> I look forward to hearing your suggestions.
>
> Rachel, mum to Leila x
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
I've just read a book with short stories, many of them funny, by undertakers (funeral directors). It's called
Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt. I wish it had been longer.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0806531797/ref=oh_details_o06_s00_i00
When I was in England this summer, I happened to look out the window just as a man was walking in the middle of the road in a tophat, and tails, and there was a hearse behind him, and it was covered, on the top of the vehicle, with flowers. He was walking, and the hearse was being driven, at the pace he was walking. This was on a residential street right outside Julie's house. I was shocked. I wish I had taken a photo. I can't find any photos like it on google.
Julie wasn't shocked. It was normal. They pick the family (and the body?) up at the house. The man walks in front, for a way (maybe all the way if they're not going far).
One of the stories in that book was about an Englishwoman living in the U.S. who wanted that done at her husband's funeral, in the U.S. and described it.
Also, I've seen lots of times a hearse with a coffin covered with flowers inside. But this had the flowers OUTside, on the roof.
So I'm writing this, but there are probably people here (in India, for instance) who have never seen a hearse with a coffin.
And I was surprised, when I was in India, to learn that when a body is cremated, the family doesn't go down there to watch. Just a few of the male relatives. The women stay at the house. I saw the smoke of a cremation at a distance, and I saw a platform by a river, and I asked, and they said that's what it was for. It was concrete, and foat and had raised sides. It was about like the foundation of a small house, to my mind, until I was told what it was for.
Maybe if you share stories like those with your daughter she will be able to think about death in a larger more historical and geographical way, and it won't seem so immediate and personal. Maybe.
There ARE people who make a good living dealing with death. And if you read the book above, you'll see lots of stories of ways they were able to really help the families, too.
When my kids were afraid about death (a stage many kids go through) I said I was afraid too, when I was little, but look how old I am (I'd say; and now I'm 20 years older still).
MIght it help her to see an animal decompose? If you find a dead bird, maybe you could leave it in a place in the yard where you can look at it periodically. If you live in an apartment, maybe you could find pictures that aren't gross.
Here's a time-lapse of a rabbit decomposing naturally:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6sFP_7Vezg
It wouldn't have gone that quickly in New Mexico.
Sandra
Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt. I wish it had been longer.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0806531797/ref=oh_details_o06_s00_i00
When I was in England this summer, I happened to look out the window just as a man was walking in the middle of the road in a tophat, and tails, and there was a hearse behind him, and it was covered, on the top of the vehicle, with flowers. He was walking, and the hearse was being driven, at the pace he was walking. This was on a residential street right outside Julie's house. I was shocked. I wish I had taken a photo. I can't find any photos like it on google.
Julie wasn't shocked. It was normal. They pick the family (and the body?) up at the house. The man walks in front, for a way (maybe all the way if they're not going far).
One of the stories in that book was about an Englishwoman living in the U.S. who wanted that done at her husband's funeral, in the U.S. and described it.
Also, I've seen lots of times a hearse with a coffin covered with flowers inside. But this had the flowers OUTside, on the roof.
So I'm writing this, but there are probably people here (in India, for instance) who have never seen a hearse with a coffin.
And I was surprised, when I was in India, to learn that when a body is cremated, the family doesn't go down there to watch. Just a few of the male relatives. The women stay at the house. I saw the smoke of a cremation at a distance, and I saw a platform by a river, and I asked, and they said that's what it was for. It was concrete, and foat and had raised sides. It was about like the foundation of a small house, to my mind, until I was told what it was for.
Maybe if you share stories like those with your daughter she will be able to think about death in a larger more historical and geographical way, and it won't seem so immediate and personal. Maybe.
There ARE people who make a good living dealing with death. And if you read the book above, you'll see lots of stories of ways they were able to really help the families, too.
When my kids were afraid about death (a stage many kids go through) I said I was afraid too, when I was little, but look how old I am (I'd say; and now I'm 20 years older still).
MIght it help her to see an animal decompose? If you find a dead bird, maybe you could leave it in a place in the yard where you can look at it periodically. If you live in an apartment, maybe you could find pictures that aren't gross.
Here's a time-lapse of a rabbit decomposing naturally:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6sFP_7Vezg
It wouldn't have gone that quickly in New Mexico.
Sandra
Joyce Fetteroll
On Dec 16, 2012, at 9:13 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
There's even some with horse drawn hearses.
Here's a good page with descriptions of how to "pomp your funeral" :-) (which I read initially as pimp)
http://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/2009/03/pomp-your-funeral/
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I can't find any photos like it on googleTry Googling cortege.
There's even some with horse drawn hearses.
Here's a good page with descriptions of how to "pomp your funeral" :-) (which I read initially as pimp)
http://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/2009/03/pomp-your-funeral/
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Claire
My daughter Ashlin, who'll be 8 in February, has a sort of panic attack from time to time, where she says she's terrified of dying or she feels like she isn't real. I hold her close and tell her that we are alive, right here and now, that life is precious and we should make our lives wonderful and fun and amazing. Usually she calms quickly, but the feelings are very intense.
In more playful moments, in the context of whatever imaginative game the kids have concocted, they will play dead or have me or one of their toys play dead. I wonder if this is a way to sort of domesticate the idea of death, make it much less scary by deliberately bringing it closer, while still keeping it in the realm of fantasy. Maybe this sort of imaginative play would help your daughter to reframe in idea of death in a context that she has more control over.
To quote Maurice Sendak:
In more playful moments, in the context of whatever imaginative game the kids have concocted, they will play dead or have me or one of their toys play dead. I wonder if this is a way to sort of domesticate the idea of death, make it much less scary by deliberately bringing it closer, while still keeping it in the realm of fantasy. Maybe this sort of imaginative play would help your daughter to reframe in idea of death in a context that she has more control over.
To quote Maurice Sendak:
>>>>>>>>>>"Grown-ups desperately need to feel safe, and then they project onto the kids. But what none of us seem to realize is how smart kids are. They don't like what we write for them, what we dish up for them, because it's vapid, so they'll go for the hard words, they'll go for the hard concepts, they'll go for the stuff where they can learn something, not didactic things, but passionate things.">>>>Claire
rachel kay
Thanks for the answers so far. I'm not sure how to multi quote so I will be copying and pasting inot here. I hope that's alright.
Claire wrote:
+Sandra Dodd wrote:
+Maybe if you share stories like those with your daughter she will be able +to think about death in a larger more historical and geographical way, and +it won't seem so immediate and personal. Maybe.
+When my kids were afraid about death (a stage many kids go through) I said +I was afraid too, when I was little, but look how old I am (I'd say; and +now I'm 20 years older still).
+MIght it help her to see an animal decompose?
We've seen a ghecko decompose here is Saudi. It happened very quickly and over the past year have buried a hamster, a guinea pig and two goldfish. She liked making them and decorating their graves. We also go and visit them.
She knows that as Muslims we will be buried whole and that her grandma, who is not Muslim wants tobe cremated. I think looking at other stories will help too.
Last night she asked me what I would do if she dies before me and I said I would want to kill myself too. I mentioned a recent post on the unschooling facebook page where someone said that having cildren made them want to be immortal for the first time. I said I had those feelings too.
+Genevieve wrote:
+I don't know that I have advice for you about how to ease her anxiety in +the moment--I think the best we can do is to be there with them and for +them while they're going through it, and to give them lots of cuddly +space to process through it. I've always been truthful with my kids +about death--saying we don't know when we'll die, though it's likely not +for many years. My mom died when I was 4, so it's never felt right to me +to brush it off, saying, "oh, we're going to live a long time, don't +worry about it."
My husband's dad died when he was 7. Leila doesn't know about that but it has made me very aware and not want to brush it off either. Lately though I have been ssaying more that it is not likely to happen for a very very long time whereas before I was more likely to say lets think about now and not what's going to happen in the future. I think that might not have been enough and she wanted more reassurance.
+It may help *you* to be more calm and centered with her if you're not +thinking about it as something that you need to solve for her, but rather +a period that she's going through, the intensity of which will likely +pass.
Yes, I think so. It's horrible though to watch her being so confused and upset.
Thanks again.
Rachel x
Claire wrote:
> My daughter Ashlin, who'll be 8 in February, has a sort ofLeila has those feelings too. She doesn't get as stressed with them as the dying feeling though. She asks how we know that this whole thing isn't a dream and how to tell if we are real.
> panic attack from time to time, where she says she's
> terrified of dying or she feels like she isn't real. I
> hold her close and tell her that we are alive, right here
> and now, that life is precious and we should make our lives
> wonderful and fun and amazing. Usually she calms quickly,
> but the feelings are very intense.
>Maybe this sort of
> imaginative play would help your daughter to reframe in ideaShe does often play dead or injured for both me and my husband. Not somuch with her friends. It has increased lately and I didn't connect the two.
> of death in a context that she has more control over.
+Sandra Dodd wrote:
+Maybe if you share stories like those with your daughter she will be able +to think about death in a larger more historical and geographical way, and +it won't seem so immediate and personal. Maybe.
+When my kids were afraid about death (a stage many kids go through) I said +I was afraid too, when I was little, but look how old I am (I'd say; and +now I'm 20 years older still).
+MIght it help her to see an animal decompose?
We've seen a ghecko decompose here is Saudi. It happened very quickly and over the past year have buried a hamster, a guinea pig and two goldfish. She liked making them and decorating their graves. We also go and visit them.
She knows that as Muslims we will be buried whole and that her grandma, who is not Muslim wants tobe cremated. I think looking at other stories will help too.
Last night she asked me what I would do if she dies before me and I said I would want to kill myself too. I mentioned a recent post on the unschooling facebook page where someone said that having cildren made them want to be immortal for the first time. I said I had those feelings too.
+Genevieve wrote:
+I don't know that I have advice for you about how to ease her anxiety in +the moment--I think the best we can do is to be there with them and for +them while they're going through it, and to give them lots of cuddly +space to process through it. I've always been truthful with my kids +about death--saying we don't know when we'll die, though it's likely not +for many years. My mom died when I was 4, so it's never felt right to me +to brush it off, saying, "oh, we're going to live a long time, don't +worry about it."
My husband's dad died when he was 7. Leila doesn't know about that but it has made me very aware and not want to brush it off either. Lately though I have been ssaying more that it is not likely to happen for a very very long time whereas before I was more likely to say lets think about now and not what's going to happen in the future. I think that might not have been enough and she wanted more reassurance.
+It may help *you* to be more calm and centered with her if you're not +thinking about it as something that you need to solve for her, but rather +a period that she's going through, the intensity of which will likely +pass.
Yes, I think so. It's horrible though to watch her being so confused and upset.
Thanks again.
Rachel x
Sandra Dodd
Joyce, you're a marvel. "Cortege." I had no idea. I was looking for "funeral UK hearse walker" and getting nothing useful. There you found the guy in the hat and the flowers on the top.
More knowledge of the range of ceremonies, seems to me, would demystify bodies and death. Maybe not the fear of death, which I think most kids have for a while, but it can help with thinking.
The idea of heaven is a great comfort. I don't think parents should say "there's no heaven, nothing happens," even if they believe it. I think they could say "Lots of people think that..." and tell them about heaven, or about reincarnation, or describe both ideas. Or that souls go back into a big cosmic vat of soul, and that's they way they're "with God"--not in bodies but in spirit. It's true to say people think it, whether the parents believe it or not. And a parent who feels absolutely certain of heaven, or of reincarnation, might be honest enough to say "Some people think..." and give other thoughts for the child to ponder. (And without saying "Some people think this, but they are idiots.")
Sandra
More knowledge of the range of ceremonies, seems to me, would demystify bodies and death. Maybe not the fear of death, which I think most kids have for a while, but it can help with thinking.
The idea of heaven is a great comfort. I don't think parents should say "there's no heaven, nothing happens," even if they believe it. I think they could say "Lots of people think that..." and tell them about heaven, or about reincarnation, or describe both ideas. Or that souls go back into a big cosmic vat of soul, and that's they way they're "with God"--not in bodies but in spirit. It's true to say people think it, whether the parents believe it or not. And a parent who feels absolutely certain of heaven, or of reincarnation, might be honest enough to say "Some people think..." and give other thoughts for the child to ponder. (And without saying "Some people think this, but they are idiots.")
Sandra
Rachel
We mention heaven a lot. Especially since hell was mentioned, and yes it has been very comforting. Our larger family is made up of three religions and counting, so there are a lot of discussions beginning with "some people believe".
Rachel
Rachel
On 17 Dec 2012, at 15:54, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> Joyce, you're a marvel. "Cortege." I had no idea. I was looking for "funeral UK hearse walker" and getting nothing useful. There you found the guy in the hat and the flowers on the top.
>
> More knowledge of the range of ceremonies, seems to me, would demystify bodies and death. Maybe not the fear of death, which I think most kids have for a while, but it can help with thinking.
>
> The idea of heaven is a great comfort. I don't think parents should say "there's no heaven, nothing happens," even if they believe it. I think they could say "Lots of people think that..." and tell them about heaven, or about reincarnation, or describe both ideas. Or that souls go back into a big cosmic vat of soul, and that's they way they're "with God"--not in bodies but in spirit. It's true to say people think it, whether the parents believe it or not. And a parent who feels absolutely certain of heaven, or of reincarnation, might be honest enough to say "Some people think..." and give other thoughts for the child to ponder. (And without saying "Some people think this, but they are idiots.")
>
> Sandra
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
Sandra Dodd
Joyce Fetteroll
On Dec 17, 2012, at 7:49 AM, rachel kay wrote:
I don't know if it will help for vague fears of death, but for a specific death, lots of kids find comfort in creating a memorial shrine for the person (or pet). Lots of cultures do it, but the Mexicans really do it up big for Day of the Dead. There's loads of websites devoted to creating ofrenda which can include a photo, favorite foods and things or miniature replicas.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> lets think about now and not what's going to happen in the futureIt's good to be cautious of trying to "move" a child's thoughts to what Mom believes is a healthier place. It can seem to work .. but that's because the child hesitates to bring up the thoughts Mom apparently doesn't want expressed.
I don't know if it will help for vague fears of death, but for a specific death, lots of kids find comfort in creating a memorial shrine for the person (or pet). Lots of cultures do it, but the Mexicans really do it up big for Day of the Dead. There's loads of websites devoted to creating ofrenda which can include a photo, favorite foods and things or miniature replicas.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rachel
Thank you for that. I would not want her to hesitate to tell me something because she thinks I don't want to hear it at all.
I was reluctant to do that but at the same time wanted to find some sort of balance and not cause her to dwell too much on it, making her more sad.
Rachel
I was reluctant to do that but at the same time wanted to find some sort of balance and not cause her to dwell too much on it, making her more sad.
Rachel
On 17 Dec 2012, at 17:21, Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...> wrote:
>
> On Dec 17, 2012, at 7:49 AM, rachel kay wrote:
>
>> lets think about now and not what's going to happen in the future
>
> It's good to be cautious of trying to "move" a child's thoughts to what Mom believes is a healthier place. It can seem to work .. but that's because the child hesitates to bring up the thoughts Mom apparently doesn't want expressed.
>
> I don't know if it will help for vague fears of death, but for a specific death, lots of kids find comfort in creating a memorial shrine for the person (or pet). Lots of cultures do it, but the Mexicans really do it up big for Day of the Dead. There's loads of websites devoted to creating ofrenda which can include a photo, favorite foods and things or miniature replicas.
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
Meredith
rachel kay <rachk2000@...> wrote:
It might interest her to know that's something adults wonder about, too. It's a fairly universal theme in art and philosophy and mysticism - life is but a dream; just a dream withing a dream; I was part of his dream, but he was part of my dream, too...
---Meredith
> She asks how we know that this whole thing isn't a dream and how to tell if we are real.*************
It might interest her to know that's something adults wonder about, too. It's a fairly universal theme in art and philosophy and mysticism - life is but a dream; just a dream withing a dream; I was part of his dream, but he was part of my dream, too...
---Meredith
ioana voiculescu
You could also explain about the fact that different religions have different approaches to heaven and hell. If her friend has another religion than including that makes it more relative.
depending how far you can/want to go with explaining other religions there are some books for children that talk about reincarnation and how the soul may choose where to incarnate next, etc. For example I saw some books of Neal Donald Walsh and while they are not everybody's cup of tea he makes some points about birth - rebirth there.
ioana
depending how far you can/want to go with explaining other religions there are some books for children that talk about reincarnation and how the soul may choose where to incarnate next, etc. For example I saw some books of Neal Donald Walsh and while they are not everybody's cup of tea he makes some points about birth - rebirth there.
ioana
apprentice_mom
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd wrote:
-=- When I was in England this summer, I happened to look out the window just as a man was walking in the middle of the road in a tophat, and tails, and there was a hearse behind him, and it was covered, on the top of the vehicle, with flowers. He was walking, and the hearse was being driven, at the pace he was walking. This was on a residential street right outside Julie's house. I was shocked. I wish I had taken a photo. I can't find any photos like it on google.
-=- Julie wasn't shocked. It was normal. They pick the family (and the body?) up at the house. The man walks in front, for a way (maybe all the way if they're not going far).-=-
We live in Canada, but my dad's family is from England. When my grandfather died in 2000, my dad and I went to London for the funeral. They did exactly as you describe. The thing that I thought was so touching too was that as we drove the streets, people stopped and nodded, men took off their hats, that kind of thing. It was a different experience than you see in North America. My grandfather was just a regular person, but he was acknowledged as a member of the community as his body passed through the streets.
Justine:)
Dola Dasgupta
It is often common for children that age to suddenly begin to get a glimpse
of mortality. In Indian scriptures and Vedas and Upanishads, the wisdom
books, talk of deeper meaning of life and mortality and the immortality of
the spirit.
The child suddenly goes out more into the world and sees more of life and
sickness and gets a sinking feeling that it is possible for people to die.
My dear friend Hema from Pune, India had a long conversation about death
with Raghu, her 9 year old son, when their pet fish died. So they had a
small ceremonial burial!
It is beginning of the first bout of what many call 'existential angst'. It
is natural and children are beginning to feel and understand the world in
new and complex ways.
I don't know how religious your family is as you mentioned you are
Muslims..so depending on that you might make choices...about hell and
heaven...and death and birth...and so you can always take help from the
Koran. Some Christian homeschoolers here in India use the Bible for such
situations...
In our family we don't make differences between hell and heaven..but talk
of death as matter and energy...
You could read to her stories ..or show her movie versions of "Marley and
Me'', 'Jungle Book', 'Bambi', 'Tarzan' in which death in the animal world
is dealt with. So she would perhaps see how all living beings die..it is
natural.
The Life of Pi is also a great story and you may like to read that to her
if she is open and receptive...
Don't push it though...but stay with her questions and queries...and answer
them as gently and kindly as possible..the more calm and peace you have
within yourself about death and mortality she too will start to settle...
My DD is 11 and she refused to go and see the film version of Life of Pi as
she had seen in the rushes animals dying...But my son is 6 and he enjoyed
it...
So each child has certain inherent capacities and thresholds to pain,,
suffering, death...
My DD also has many intense conversations about death and why people die
and why we are born...
Once when she was younger and my son was watching the film Titanic over and
over again...she fell sick with nausea..and refused to ever see that film
again...
But she later liked the film Step Mom..You might quietly slip that one in...
I happened to stumble upon this amazing old film starring a young Jody
Foster and Richard Harris as her dad..I cannot recall the name now..Summer
Song or something like that.Does anyone know the name I missed the
credits?...In that film Jody is a 12 year old who is dying of some terminal
disease..and she has a 7 year boy as a friend..it was so lovely...
Dola
of mortality. In Indian scriptures and Vedas and Upanishads, the wisdom
books, talk of deeper meaning of life and mortality and the immortality of
the spirit.
The child suddenly goes out more into the world and sees more of life and
sickness and gets a sinking feeling that it is possible for people to die.
My dear friend Hema from Pune, India had a long conversation about death
with Raghu, her 9 year old son, when their pet fish died. So they had a
small ceremonial burial!
It is beginning of the first bout of what many call 'existential angst'. It
is natural and children are beginning to feel and understand the world in
new and complex ways.
I don't know how religious your family is as you mentioned you are
Muslims..so depending on that you might make choices...about hell and
heaven...and death and birth...and so you can always take help from the
Koran. Some Christian homeschoolers here in India use the Bible for such
situations...
In our family we don't make differences between hell and heaven..but talk
of death as matter and energy...
You could read to her stories ..or show her movie versions of "Marley and
Me'', 'Jungle Book', 'Bambi', 'Tarzan' in which death in the animal world
is dealt with. So she would perhaps see how all living beings die..it is
natural.
The Life of Pi is also a great story and you may like to read that to her
if she is open and receptive...
Don't push it though...but stay with her questions and queries...and answer
them as gently and kindly as possible..the more calm and peace you have
within yourself about death and mortality she too will start to settle...
My DD is 11 and she refused to go and see the film version of Life of Pi as
she had seen in the rushes animals dying...But my son is 6 and he enjoyed
it...
So each child has certain inherent capacities and thresholds to pain,,
suffering, death...
My DD also has many intense conversations about death and why people die
and why we are born...
Once when she was younger and my son was watching the film Titanic over and
over again...she fell sick with nausea..and refused to ever see that film
again...
But she later liked the film Step Mom..You might quietly slip that one in...
I happened to stumble upon this amazing old film starring a young Jody
Foster and Richard Harris as her dad..I cannot recall the name now..Summer
Song or something like that.Does anyone know the name I missed the
credits?...In that film Jody is a 12 year old who is dying of some terminal
disease..and she has a 7 year boy as a friend..it was so lovely...
Dola
On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 3:26 AM, rachel k <rachk2000@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> Hi,
>
> My daughter (6) has had what she calls the dying feeling on and off for
> over two years.
>
> I think it stemmed from a time when I was in and out of hospital and was
> the first time we were ever separated for more than an hour or so. I never
> stayed overnight and she was always with my husband but she took it really
> hard.
>
> The feeling was compounded when an older friend of hers (12) told her
> about hell. We are Muslims and this girl told her some pretty hard stuff
> about going to Hell. I was in the next room while they were playing
> together on a computer and the next thing my daughter came in petrified.
>
> Both of those things have had a major effect on her I think. It manifests
> itself at nighttime. We will lay in bed together (we cosleep) and she will
> tell me she is scared of me and her father dying. That she wants to die
> first or will kill herself when we die. She asks about hell and if we will
> go there.
>
> Sometimes she gets so worked up about she can't stop crying and it has
> actually made her vomit.
>
> I tell her I understand that those are scary thoughts. That no we won't go
> to hell and try and calm her down. She takes deep breaths and we hug and
> talk. Sometimes she says she will bury us in the garden or imagines all
> sorts of scenarios where she can preserve our bodies. I listen and answer
> all her questions.
>
> Sometimes I tell her that I think it's better if she can be positive and
> think about how wonderful our life is now and how long that will continue
> for. Or maybe its not a good idea right before we go to sleep to talk about
> how long our flesh will stay before we decompose and become skeletons.
>
> I'm not sure how to handle it. She gets so hurt and upset and I want to
> help her deal with these feelings. Is it ok to tell her to try not to think
> about these things? We talk about feelings a lot anyway. I don't want to
> dismiss her feelings. I want to help her cope with them.
>
> We've tried listening to relaxation podcasts before bed and she also likes
> to be read to or listen to audio books. I've also tried massages. Sometimes
> she falls asleep during those and it's fine, but others times not. I've
> asked her what will help or what first makes her think those feelings in
> the first place but shes not sure.
>
> I look forward to hearing your suggestions.
>
> Rachel, mum to Leila x
>
>
>
--
http://homeschoolers.in
<http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/>
http://childrenmypartners.wordpress.com/
http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/
http://ourcreaivealtar.wordpress.com/
*"Be kind to yourself and others,*
*Come from love every moment you can,*
*Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose,*
*Never give up hope,*
*Know that you are loved." - Deepak Chopra from Love Sutras...*
*
*
*'Laughter we share generates more laughter, and the love we create
together spreads by leaps and bounds.' *
*
*
*Much love and warmth*
* Dola Dasgupta*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rachel
On 18 Dec 2012, at 06:17, Dola Dasgupta wrote
Humans less so until now. She won't play angry birds for example but is quite happy blasting humans whilst playing grand theft auto with her dad. She has only recently started playing minecraft after trying it and finding out that you can kill animals on there.
I read the synopsis of most programmes and books to see if any animal is going to get hurt or die. I didn't do that recently and we watched Bridge to Terabithia. It has a very sad ending and she was inconsolable for a few hours after the film.
She has a large collection of plushies that she treats like real animals and gets very upset if they are 'hurt' during play. Most of her friends know how sensitive she is about this and respect it, but that was quite hard for them and her to adjust to at the beginning.
>She is extremely sensitive to any sort of pain and death in films, programmes, books and games especially to animals.
>
> You could read to her stories ..or show her movie versions of "Marley and
> Me'', 'Jungle Book', 'Bambi', 'Tarzan' in which death in the animal world
> is dealt with. So she would perhaps see how all living beings die..it is
> natural.
>
> The Life of Pi is also a great story and you may like to read that to her
> if she is open and receptive...
Humans less so until now. She won't play angry birds for example but is quite happy blasting humans whilst playing grand theft auto with her dad. She has only recently started playing minecraft after trying it and finding out that you can kill animals on there.
I read the synopsis of most programmes and books to see if any animal is going to get hurt or die. I didn't do that recently and we watched Bridge to Terabithia. It has a very sad ending and she was inconsolable for a few hours after the film.
>This has been my approach so far and also to shield her as much as possible from stories about death and pain. I think I am not very calm about death and mortality but to my knowledge have not vocalized it. I wonder if she has picked it up somehow.
> Don't push it though...but stay with her questions and queries...and answer
> them as gently and kindly as possible..the more calm and peace you have
> within yourself about death and mortality she too will start to settle...
She has a large collection of plushies that she treats like real animals and gets very upset if they are 'hurt' during play. Most of her friends know how sensitive she is about this and respect it, but that was quite hard for them and her to adjust to at the beginning.
>Thank you. I will mention the films. She actually watched the beginning of Bridge to Terabithia again yesterday, but said she wanted to stop before the sad bit. In the end she got distracted after a while anyway and we stopped watching to do something else.
> My DD is 11 and she refused to go and see the film version of Life of Pi as
> she had seen in the rushes animals dying...But my son is 6 and he enjoyed
> it...
>
> So each child has certain inherent capacities and thresholds to pain,,
> suffering, death...
>
> My DD also has many intense conversations about death and why people die
> and why we are born...
>
> Once when she was younger and my son was watching the film Titanic over and
> over again...she fell sick with nausea..and refused to ever see that film
> again...
>
> But she later liked the film Step Mom..You might quietly slip that one in...
>
> I happened to stumble upon this amazing old film starring a young Jody
> Foster and Richard Harris as her dad..I cannot recall the name now..Summer
> Song or something like that.Does anyone know the name I missed the
> credits?...In that film Jody is a 12 year old who is dying of some terminal
> disease..and she has a 7 year boy as a friend..it was so lovely...
>
> Dola
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 3:26 AM, rachel k <rachk2000@...> wrote:
>
>> **
>>
>>
>> Hi,
>>
>> My daughter (6) has had what she calls the dying feeling on and off for
>> over two years.
>>
>> I think it stemmed from a time when I was in and out of hospital and was
>> the first time we were ever separated for more than an hour or so. I never
>> stayed overnight and she was always with my husband but she took it really
>> hard.
>>
>> The feeling was compounded when an older friend of hers (12) told her
>> about hell. We are Muslims and this girl told her some pretty hard stuff
>> about going to Hell. I was in the next room while they were playing
>> together on a computer and the next thing my daughter came in petrified.
>>
>> Both of those things have had a major effect on her I think. It manifests
>> itself at nighttime. We will lay in bed together (we cosleep) and she will
>> tell me she is scared of me and her father dying. That she wants to die
>> first or will kill herself when we die. She asks about hell and if we will
>> go there.
>>
>> Sometimes she gets so worked up about she can't stop crying and it has
>> actually made her vomit.
>>
>> I tell her I understand that those are scary thoughts. That no we won't go
>> to hell and try and calm her down. She takes deep breaths and we hug and
>> talk. Sometimes she says she will bury us in the garden or imagines all
>> sorts of scenarios where she can preserve our bodies. I listen and answer
>> all her questions.
>>
>> Sometimes I tell her that I think it's better if she can be positive and
>> think about how wonderful our life is now and how long that will continue
>> for. Or maybe its not a good idea right before we go to sleep to talk about
>> how long our flesh will stay before we decompose and become skeletons.
>>
>> I'm not sure how to handle it. She gets so hurt and upset and I want to
>> help her deal with these feelings. Is it ok to tell her to try not to think
>> about these things? We talk about feelings a lot anyway. I don't want to
>> dismiss her feelings. I want to help her cope with them.
>>
>> We've tried listening to relaxation podcasts before bed and she also likes
>> to be read to or listen to audio books. I've also tried massages. Sometimes
>> she falls asleep during those and it's fine, but others times not. I've
>> asked her what will help or what first makes her think those feelings in
>> the first place but shes not sure.
>>
>> I look forward to hearing your suggestions.
>>
>> Rachel, mum to Leila x
>
>
>
> --
> http://homeschoolers.in
> <http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/>
> http://childrenmypartners.wordpress.com/
> http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/
> http://ourcreaivealtar.wordpress.com/
>
> *"Be kind to yourself and others,*
> *Come from love every moment you can,*
> *Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose,*
> *Never give up hope,*
> *Know that you are loved." - Deepak Chopra from Love Sutras...*
> *
> *
> *'Laughter we share generates more laughter, and the love we create
> together spreads by leaps and bounds.' *
> *
> *
> *Much love and warmth*
> * Dola Dasgupta*
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
ioana voiculescu
Dola, waa that "Echoes of a Summer" (1974)?
here is a link to the first part, you can see it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwIU8BY0NuE
ioana
here is a link to the first part, you can see it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwIU8BY0NuE
ioana
Robyn Coburn
On a slight tangent...There is a book you may find interesting, "Philosophy and the Young Child" by Gareth B. Matthews. I am slowly reading it.
From the preface:
Many (college) students seemed to resist the idea that doing philosophy could be natural. In response to their resistance I hit on the strategy of showing them that as children many of them had already done philosophy.....to reintroduce my students to an activity that they had once enjoyed and found natural, but that they had later been socialized to abandon.
The author uses snippets from Alice in Wonderland quite frequently. He finds a lot deep philosophy in all kinds of children's stories.
Robyn L Coburn
Http://iggyjingles.etsy.com
Sent from my iPad
From the preface:
Many (college) students seemed to resist the idea that doing philosophy could be natural. In response to their resistance I hit on the strategy of showing them that as children many of them had already done philosophy.....to reintroduce my students to an activity that they had once enjoyed and found natural, but that they had later been socialized to abandon.
The author uses snippets from Alice in Wonderland quite frequently. He finds a lot deep philosophy in all kinds of children's stories.
Robyn L Coburn
Http://iggyjingles.etsy.com
Sent from my iPad
Herb
I remember when a friend of mine's son was concerned about his parent's dying. She talked to him about all the things they did to decrease that chance. I think it was things like eating healthy, exercise, wearing a seat belt, smoke alarms etc. That might help your daughter feel like there is some actions you are taking to try to be around as long as possible.
You could also talk about what can be done medically if you get sick or hurt. It might make her feel like there are things that can be done to help people not die when serious things happen.
I was also reminded by one of the posts of the time I volunteered with children in the hospital. There were many that were facing their own death. There was a excellent play therapist at the hospital. She had a huge collection of children's books that dealt with death, but often not directly. They were not written especially for sick and dying children. They were your average children's stories. It wasn't even obvious to me that the books could be interpreted to be discussing death until the play therapist point it out to me. You might look at children's books in that light and might find some that would help your daughter with her anxiety.
Meg
cfebsleb@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
You could also talk about what can be done medically if you get sick or hurt. It might make her feel like there are things that can be done to help people not die when serious things happen.
I was also reminded by one of the posts of the time I volunteered with children in the hospital. There were many that were facing their own death. There was a excellent play therapist at the hospital. She had a huge collection of children's books that dealt with death, but often not directly. They were not written especially for sick and dying children. They were your average children's stories. It wasn't even obvious to me that the books could be interpreted to be discussing death until the play therapist point it out to me. You might look at children's books in that light and might find some that would help your daughter with her anxiety.
Meg
cfebsleb@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dola Dasgupta
My DD also would watch Titanic till the the iceberg hit! And then she would
not...
She is still very sensitive to death and pain...
Recently she broke her hand while playing football!
And she was in grave pain..She had to be given general anesthesia for the
cast to be put and the forearm bone was displaced.
I was with her all the way..but they did not allow me into the OT...here in
India they are pretty insensitive when it comes to hospitals...
I stood out as she fearfully went in and with tears streaming down her eyes
went into the OT...
Then when she was brought out and started to revive she kept calling for
me...
I was with her since then..holding her hand and just saying 'Here I am"...
Later when she was fully revived she described the whole OT experience in
detail...
And then told me.."Now I can tell people what happens when you get a
fracture."
I often see that my kids don't want a clarification for their fears and
doubts...but just want me to hold them through it...as they process stuff
within their heads...
But sometimes they want elaborate explanations..then I try and explain...
Dola
not...
She is still very sensitive to death and pain...
Recently she broke her hand while playing football!
And she was in grave pain..She had to be given general anesthesia for the
cast to be put and the forearm bone was displaced.
I was with her all the way..but they did not allow me into the OT...here in
India they are pretty insensitive when it comes to hospitals...
I stood out as she fearfully went in and with tears streaming down her eyes
went into the OT...
Then when she was brought out and started to revive she kept calling for
me...
I was with her since then..holding her hand and just saying 'Here I am"...
Later when she was fully revived she described the whole OT experience in
detail...
And then told me.."Now I can tell people what happens when you get a
fracture."
I often see that my kids don't want a clarification for their fears and
doubts...but just want me to hold them through it...as they process stuff
within their heads...
But sometimes they want elaborate explanations..then I try and explain...
Dola
On Tue, Dec 18, 2012 at 10:38 AM, Rachel <rachk2000@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
>
>
> On 18 Dec 2012, at 06:17, Dola Dasgupta wrote
>
> >
> >
> > You could read to her stories ..or show her movie versions of "Marley and
> > Me'', 'Jungle Book', 'Bambi', 'Tarzan' in which death in the animal world
> > is dealt with. So she would perhaps see how all living beings die..it is
> > natural.
> >
> > The Life of Pi is also a great story and you may like to read that to her
> > if she is open and receptive...
>
> She is extremely sensitive to any sort of pain and death in films,
> programmes, books and games especially to animals.
>
> Humans less so until now. She won't play angry birds for example but is
> quite happy blasting humans whilst playing grand theft auto with her dad.
> She has only recently started playing minecraft after trying it and finding
> out that you can kill animals on there.
>
> I read the synopsis of most programmes and books to see if any animal is
> going to get hurt or die. I didn't do that recently and we watched Bridge
> to Terabithia. It has a very sad ending and she was inconsolable for a few
> hours after the film.
>
>
> >
> > Don't push it though...but stay with her questions and queries...and
> answer
> > them as gently and kindly as possible..the more calm and peace you have
> > within yourself about death and mortality she too will start to settle...
>
> This has been my approach so far and also to shield her as much as
> possible from stories about death and pain. I think I am not very calm
> about death and mortality but to my knowledge have not vocalized it. I
> wonder if she has picked it up somehow.
>
> She has a large collection of plushies that she treats like real animals
> and gets very upset if they are 'hurt' during play. Most of her friends
> know how sensitive she is about this and respect it, but that was quite
> hard for them and her to adjust to at the beginning.
> >
> > My DD is 11 and she refused to go and see the film version of Life of Pi
> as
> > she had seen in the rushes animals dying...But my son is 6 and he enjoyed
> > it...
> >
> > So each child has certain inherent capacities and thresholds to pain,,
> > suffering, death...
> >
> > My DD also has many intense conversations about death and why people die
> > and why we are born...
> >
> > Once when she was younger and my son was watching the film Titanic over
> and
> > over again...she fell sick with nausea..and refused to ever see that film
> > again...
> >
> > But she later liked the film Step Mom..You might quietly slip that one
> in...
> >
> > I happened to stumble upon this amazing old film starring a young Jody
> > Foster and Richard Harris as her dad..I cannot recall the name
> now..Summer
> > Song or something like that.Does anyone know the name I missed the
> > credits?...In that film Jody is a 12 year old who is dying of some
> terminal
> > disease..and she has a 7 year boy as a friend..it was so lovely...
>
> Thank you. I will mention the films. She actually watched the beginning of
> Bridge to Terabithia again yesterday, but said she wanted to stop before
> the sad bit. In the end she got distracted after a while anyway and we
> stopped watching to do something else.
> >
> > Dola
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 3:26 AM, rachel k <rachk2000@...> wrote:
> >
> >> **
>
> >>
> >>
> >> Hi,
> >>
> >> My daughter (6) has had what she calls the dying feeling on and off for
> >> over two years.
> >>
> >> I think it stemmed from a time when I was in and out of hospital and was
> >> the first time we were ever separated for more than an hour or so. I
> never
> >> stayed overnight and she was always with my husband but she took it
> really
> >> hard.
> >>
> >> The feeling was compounded when an older friend of hers (12) told her
> >> about hell. We are Muslims and this girl told her some pretty hard stuff
> >> about going to Hell. I was in the next room while they were playing
> >> together on a computer and the next thing my daughter came in petrified.
> >>
> >> Both of those things have had a major effect on her I think. It
> manifests
> >> itself at nighttime. We will lay in bed together (we cosleep) and she
> will
> >> tell me she is scared of me and her father dying. That she wants to die
> >> first or will kill herself when we die. She asks about hell and if we
> will
> >> go there.
> >>
> >> Sometimes she gets so worked up about she can't stop crying and it has
> >> actually made her vomit.
> >>
> >> I tell her I understand that those are scary thoughts. That no we won't
> go
> >> to hell and try and calm her down. She takes deep breaths and we hug and
> >> talk. Sometimes she says she will bury us in the garden or imagines all
> >> sorts of scenarios where she can preserve our bodies. I listen and
> answer
> >> all her questions.
> >>
> >> Sometimes I tell her that I think it's better if she can be positive and
> >> think about how wonderful our life is now and how long that will
> continue
> >> for. Or maybe its not a good idea right before we go to sleep to talk
> about
> >> how long our flesh will stay before we decompose and become skeletons.
> >>
> >> I'm not sure how to handle it. She gets so hurt and upset and I want to
> >> help her deal with these feelings. Is it ok to tell her to try not to
> think
> >> about these things? We talk about feelings a lot anyway. I don't want to
> >> dismiss her feelings. I want to help her cope with them.
> >>
> >> We've tried listening to relaxation podcasts before bed and she also
> likes
> >> to be read to or listen to audio books. I've also tried massages.
> Sometimes
> >> she falls asleep during those and it's fine, but others times not. I've
> >> asked her what will help or what first makes her think those feelings in
> >> the first place but shes not sure.
> >>
> >> I look forward to hearing your suggestions.
> >>
> >> Rachel, mum to Leila x
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > http://homeschoolers.in
> > <http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/>
>
> > http://childrenmypartners.wordpress.com/
> > http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/
> > http://ourcreaivealtar.wordpress.com/
> >
> > *"Be kind to yourself and others,*
> > *Come from love every moment you can,*
> > *Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose,*
> > *Never give up hope,*
> > *Know that you are loved." - Deepak Chopra from Love Sutras...*
> > *
> > *
> > *'Laughter we share generates more laughter, and the love we create
> > together spreads by leaps and bounds.' *
> > *
> > *
> > *Much love and warmth*
> > * Dola Dasgupta*
>
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
> >
> > ------------------------------------
> >
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
--
http://homeschoolers.in
<http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/>
http://childrenmypartners.wordpress.com/
http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/
http://ourcreaivealtar.wordpress.com/
*"Be kind to yourself and others,*
*Come from love every moment you can,*
*Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose,*
*Never give up hope,*
*Know that you are loved." - Deepak Chopra from Love Sutras...*
*
*
*'Laughter we share generates more laughter, and the love we create
together spreads by leaps and bounds.' *
*
*
*Much love and warmth*
* Dola Dasgupta*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dola Dasgupta
Yes yes.."Echoes of a Summer"..truly and amazing film about death and
coming to terms with it..awesome film...
Thanks a ton for this link...
Dola
coming to terms with it..awesome film...
Thanks a ton for this link...
Dola
On Wed, Dec 19, 2012 at 12:30 AM, ioana voiculescu <caioprod@...>wrote:
> **
>
>
> Dola, waa that "Echoes of a Summer" (1974)?
>
> here is a link to the first part, you can see it on youtube:
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwIU8BY0NuE
>
> ioana
>
>
--
http://homeschoolers.in
<http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/>
http://childrenmypartners.wordpress.com/
http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/
http://ourcreaivealtar.wordpress.com/
*"Be kind to yourself and others,*
*Come from love every moment you can,*
*Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose,*
*Never give up hope,*
*Know that you are loved." - Deepak Chopra from Love Sutras...*
*
*
*'Laughter we share generates more laughter, and the love we create
together spreads by leaps and bounds.' *
*
*
*Much love and warmth*
* Dola Dasgupta*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-My DD also would watch Titanic till the the iceberg hit! And then she would
not...-=-
Little Kirby and Marty knew the first 2/3 of West Side Story very well, but lunch always came, or something else happened, before the guns came out.
One day I was out of the room doing laundry or something, and walked it to see Maria sitting on the ground with a gun threatening her own friends and relatives, and Kirby standing in the middle of the living room staring, and Marty standing near toys behind him, staring.
OOOOOPS!!!
There's a Friends episode about Phoebe never having seen the end of Bambi. My kids hadn't, either. Just the happy beginning, that's all. Until they were older and might've seen it on their own somewhere. I didn't buy it. I don't like death-of-animal stories at all myself. I don't like the lion-gets-gazelle parts of nature documentaries. Yes, they have to eat, but I don't need to watch.
Shelter your kids from what you know is ugly. Shelter me too, if I'm around.
It's really okay to "cherry pick" in regard to the stories you let into your day. There's enough horrow somewhere on the planet at any moment to make us all suicidal, so make it a habit NOT to collect or dwell on those stories. You have a responsibility to create as safe and peaceful a nest as you can for your own family.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
not...-=-
Little Kirby and Marty knew the first 2/3 of West Side Story very well, but lunch always came, or something else happened, before the guns came out.
One day I was out of the room doing laundry or something, and walked it to see Maria sitting on the ground with a gun threatening her own friends and relatives, and Kirby standing in the middle of the living room staring, and Marty standing near toys behind him, staring.
OOOOOPS!!!
There's a Friends episode about Phoebe never having seen the end of Bambi. My kids hadn't, either. Just the happy beginning, that's all. Until they were older and might've seen it on their own somewhere. I didn't buy it. I don't like death-of-animal stories at all myself. I don't like the lion-gets-gazelle parts of nature documentaries. Yes, they have to eat, but I don't need to watch.
Shelter your kids from what you know is ugly. Shelter me too, if I'm around.
It's really okay to "cherry pick" in regard to the stories you let into your day. There's enough horrow somewhere on the planet at any moment to make us all suicidal, so make it a habit NOT to collect or dwell on those stories. You have a responsibility to create as safe and peaceful a nest as you can for your own family.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cara Barlow
When I was in my 20's I worked as a children's librarian. One of my
favorite children's books about death was by Australian author Jenny
Wagner. It's called John Brown, Rose and the Midnight Cat. It was made into
a short movie (6.5 minutes) in the 1980s and someone's uploaded it to
youtube.
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8rOvHJf98I>.
Warning: adults usually find the story much sadder than children do.
Best wishes, Cara
favorite children's books about death was by Australian author Jenny
Wagner. It's called John Brown, Rose and the Midnight Cat. It was made into
a short movie (6.5 minutes) in the 1980s and someone's uploaded it to
youtube.
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8rOvHJf98I>.
Warning: adults usually find the story much sadder than children do.
Best wishes, Cara
On Tue, Dec 18, 2012 at 8:23 PM, Herb <Cfebsleb@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> I remember when a friend of mine's son was concerned about his parent's
> dying. She talked to him about all the things they did to decrease that
> chance. I think it was things like eating healthy, exercise, wearing a seat
> belt, smoke alarms etc. That might help your daughter feel like there is
> some actions you are taking to try to be around as long as possible.
>
> You could also talk about what can be done medically if you get sick or
> hurt. It might make her feel like there are things that can be done to help
> people not die when serious things happen.
>
> I was also reminded by one of the posts of the time I volunteered with
> children in the hospital. There were many that were facing their own death.
> There was a excellent play therapist at the hospital. She had a huge
> collection of children's books that dealt with death, but often not
> directly. They were not written especially for sick and dying children.
> They were your average children's stories. It wasn't even obvious to me
> that the books could be interpreted to be discussing death until the play
> therapist point it out to me. You might look at children's books in that
> light and might find some that would help your daughter with her anxiety.
>
> Meg
> cfebsleb@...
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robert and Colleen
****Shelter your kids from what you know is ugly. Shelter me too, if I'm around. It's really okay to "cherry pick" in regard to the stories you let into your day. There's enough horrow somewhere on the planet at any moment to make us all suicidal, so make it a habit NOT to collect or dwell on those stories. You have a responsibility to create as safe and peaceful a nest as you can for your own family.****
My 9 year old would happily spend time most any day strolling through a cemetery. He *loves* walking around old graveyards, looking for interesting gravestones, seeing the names and dates on the stones and imagining who the people might have been, figuring out how old people were when they died, searching for the oldest stones we can find, wondering if we’ll see a ghost (and hoping we will :-)), visiting the gravesites of dead US presidents, etc.
At the same time, he doesn’t want to watch the movie We Bought A Zoo because when we looked it up on the imdb database, it said the story centers around the mother of the children dying, and he says that’s way too sad to think about. He wanted to watch the TV show Duck Dynasty, until he saw part of one episode where the family goes hunting for frogs which they then cook and eat. He was ok with the hunting part and knows some people hunt for food – but he said he didn’t want to actually watch anything die.
Our family has experienced the passing of two close relatives this year – and he’s so far processed their deaths as simple facts – they were alive, and now they’re not. He doesn’t ask questions about what happens when someone dies or about an afterlife or heaven or such – but he does seem to like the idea that he heard on a Stephen Hawking documentary that energy can’t be created or destroyed and so even in death, a person’s energy is still around somehow.
Watching him process the experience of relatives dying, going to cemeteries with him, watching and talking about movies and TV shows and documentaries that touch on death and dying, etc. has confirmed once again for me how very important it is to make sure to pay attention to each individual child’s interest level and comfort level with particular topics of conversation and exploration – to follow their lead to where they want to go, and not try to get in front and pull them along with you :-)
Some kids might find cemeteries to be a big yawn :-) but would be really into dissection, decomposition, mummies, and such. Others, when trying to process the idea of death, might want to go to church or talk about heaven, think about angels and reincarnation, etc. Some kids go hunting and fishing, and others don’t want to give one thought to the idea that the meat they eat was once alive.
If I had assumed that because my son likes cemeteries, I should introduce a whole bunch of other stuff about death and dying - I’d have scared him and upset him rather than supporting his interests in a way that works for him. So we take him to all sorts of gravesites, look up how different presidents died, get Haunted Hikes books out of the library and try to find local ghosts :-) and we leave We Bought A Zoo for those who like that sort of story.
Colleen
My 9 year old would happily spend time most any day strolling through a cemetery. He *loves* walking around old graveyards, looking for interesting gravestones, seeing the names and dates on the stones and imagining who the people might have been, figuring out how old people were when they died, searching for the oldest stones we can find, wondering if we’ll see a ghost (and hoping we will :-)), visiting the gravesites of dead US presidents, etc.
At the same time, he doesn’t want to watch the movie We Bought A Zoo because when we looked it up on the imdb database, it said the story centers around the mother of the children dying, and he says that’s way too sad to think about. He wanted to watch the TV show Duck Dynasty, until he saw part of one episode where the family goes hunting for frogs which they then cook and eat. He was ok with the hunting part and knows some people hunt for food – but he said he didn’t want to actually watch anything die.
Our family has experienced the passing of two close relatives this year – and he’s so far processed their deaths as simple facts – they were alive, and now they’re not. He doesn’t ask questions about what happens when someone dies or about an afterlife or heaven or such – but he does seem to like the idea that he heard on a Stephen Hawking documentary that energy can’t be created or destroyed and so even in death, a person’s energy is still around somehow.
Watching him process the experience of relatives dying, going to cemeteries with him, watching and talking about movies and TV shows and documentaries that touch on death and dying, etc. has confirmed once again for me how very important it is to make sure to pay attention to each individual child’s interest level and comfort level with particular topics of conversation and exploration – to follow their lead to where they want to go, and not try to get in front and pull them along with you :-)
Some kids might find cemeteries to be a big yawn :-) but would be really into dissection, decomposition, mummies, and such. Others, when trying to process the idea of death, might want to go to church or talk about heaven, think about angels and reincarnation, etc. Some kids go hunting and fishing, and others don’t want to give one thought to the idea that the meat they eat was once alive.
If I had assumed that because my son likes cemeteries, I should introduce a whole bunch of other stuff about death and dying - I’d have scared him and upset him rather than supporting his interests in a way that works for him. So we take him to all sorts of gravesites, look up how different presidents died, get Haunted Hikes books out of the library and try to find local ghosts :-) and we leave We Bought A Zoo for those who like that sort of story.
Colleen
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dola Dasgupta
It is interesting to observe how DD would not watch Titanic but DS watched
that film over and over again..he infact was bored with the romance..but
the moment the ship hit the iceberg he would be all eyes and ears...
So Titanic was always watched bu two different audiences..first half
DD..second half DS...
For a year in between he stopped watching this film...then with 100 years
of Titanic..early this year again it got revived...
This time not the movie but..YouTube videos of the graphics of the
sinking...
Over and over again..Then he started making sketches of this...
Actually for him the dynamics of the sinking and the large ship and its
structure was interesting!
I always respect what my kids feel like watching and what they don't...
I also was surprised when DD wanted to watch Step Mom and a Hindi version
of the same film..and then she started watching this year a TV serial about
a young woman with cancer!
But she did not want to watch Life of Pi...
Last evening Ishaan was watching this program on Nat Geo or Discovery I
think, called Prehistoric Predators..gory..
Dola
that film over and over again..he infact was bored with the romance..but
the moment the ship hit the iceberg he would be all eyes and ears...
So Titanic was always watched bu two different audiences..first half
DD..second half DS...
For a year in between he stopped watching this film...then with 100 years
of Titanic..early this year again it got revived...
This time not the movie but..YouTube videos of the graphics of the
sinking...
Over and over again..Then he started making sketches of this...
Actually for him the dynamics of the sinking and the large ship and its
structure was interesting!
I always respect what my kids feel like watching and what they don't...
I also was surprised when DD wanted to watch Step Mom and a Hindi version
of the same film..and then she started watching this year a TV serial about
a young woman with cancer!
But she did not want to watch Life of Pi...
Last evening Ishaan was watching this program on Nat Geo or Discovery I
think, called Prehistoric Predators..gory..
Dola
On Wed, Dec 19, 2012 at 5:45 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> -=-My DD also would watch Titanic till the the iceberg hit! And then she
> would
> not...-=-
>
> Little Kirby and Marty knew the first 2/3 of West Side Story very well,
> but lunch always came, or something else happened, before the guns came
> out.
>
> One day I was out of the room doing laundry or something, and walked it to
> see Maria sitting on the ground with a gun threatening her own friends and
> relatives, and Kirby standing in the middle of the living room staring, and
> Marty standing near toys behind him, staring.
>
> OOOOOPS!!!
>
> There's a Friends episode about Phoebe never having seen the end of Bambi.
> My kids hadn't, either. Just the happy beginning, that's all. Until they
> were older and might've seen it on their own somewhere. I didn't buy it. I
> don't like death-of-animal stories at all myself. I don't like the
> lion-gets-gazelle parts of nature documentaries. Yes, they have to eat, but
> I don't need to watch.
>
> Shelter your kids from what you know is ugly. Shelter me too, if I'm
> around.
>
> It's really okay to "cherry pick" in regard to the stories you let into
> your day. There's enough horrow somewhere on the planet at any moment to
> make us all suicidal, so make it a habit NOT to collect or dwell on those
> stories. You have a responsibility to create as safe and peaceful a nest as
> you can for your own family.
>
> Sandra
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
--
http://homeschoolers.in
<http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/>
http://childrenmypartners.wordpress.com/
http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/
http://ourcreaivealtar.wordpress.com/
*"Be kind to yourself and others,*
*Come from love every moment you can,*
*Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose,*
*Never give up hope,*
*Know that you are loved." - Deepak Chopra from Love Sutras...*
*
*
*'Laughter we share generates more laughter, and the love we create
together spreads by leaps and bounds.' *
*
*
*Much love and warmth*
* Dola Dasgupta*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tress m
When my daughter was little, we discovered a 30-minute VHS tape at the
library entitiled "Granpa." We liked it so much that I bought us a used
copy from amazon.com. It's an animated version of the book by John
Burningham. You can still get used tapes and used copies of the book from
amazon.com. You might check your public library, too, for the book and/or
the videotape.
It's about a little girl's close relationship with her grandfather. As my
daughter got older, and my father got older, my daughter has not wanted to
watch it anymore. She says it makes her sad. I think it reminds her that
there will come a day when her grandfather is not around .
Tress
library entitiled "Granpa." We liked it so much that I bought us a used
copy from amazon.com. It's an animated version of the book by John
Burningham. You can still get used tapes and used copies of the book from
amazon.com. You might check your public library, too, for the book and/or
the videotape.
It's about a little girl's close relationship with her grandfather. As my
daughter got older, and my father got older, my daughter has not wanted to
watch it anymore. She says it makes her sad. I think it reminds her that
there will come a day when her grandfather is not around .
Tress
On Wed, Dec 19, 2012 at 7:39 AM, Cara Barlow <carabarlow@...> wrote:
> When I was in my 20's I worked as a children's librarian. One of my
> favorite children's books about death was by Australian author Jenny
> Wagner. It's called John Brown, Rose and the Midnight Cat. It was made into
> a short movie (6.5 minutes) in the 1980s and someone's uploaded it to
> youtube.
>
> <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8rOvHJf98I>.
>
> Warning: adults usually find the story much sadder than children do.
>
> Best wishes, Cara
>
>
>
> On Tue, Dec 18, 2012 at 8:23 PM, Herb <Cfebsleb@...> wrote:
>
> > **
> >
> >
> > I remember when a friend of mine's son was concerned about his parent's
> > dying. She talked to him about all the things they did to decrease that
> > chance. I think it was things like eating healthy, exercise, wearing a
> seat
> > belt, smoke alarms etc. That might help your daughter feel like there is
> > some actions you are taking to try to be around as long as possible.
> >
> > You could also talk about what can be done medically if you get sick or
> > hurt. It might make her feel like there are things that can be done to
> help
> > people not die when serious things happen.
> >
> > I was also reminded by one of the posts of the time I volunteered with
> > children in the hospital. There were many that were facing their own
> death.
> > There was a excellent play therapist at the hospital. She had a huge
> > collection of children's books that dealt with death, but often not
> > directly. They were not written especially for sick and dying children.
> > They were your average children's stories. It wasn't even obvious to me
> > that the books could be interpreted to be discussing death until the play
> > therapist point it out to me. You might look at children's books in that
> > light and might find some that would help your daughter with her anxiety.
> >
> > Meg
> > cfebsleb@...
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jencookies43
My children went through a period of fear of me dying and then fear of their Daddy dying or of themselves. I had cancer for 5 long years and I could not honestly say to them that I would not die. I told them that I am doing all I can do to be here with them for as long as I can. My husband and I also had a will made and told them about it. In the will we specify a very loving family member to care for them and that we have money put aside to help take care of them and that they would be able to continue an unschooling lifestyle.
I am a Christian and have shared what I believe what will happen to me when I die. They mostly believe in the Christian faith and were satisfied with my explanations.
I think you should share your faith with your daughter, if that is the same faith she/he embraces and let her know of your plans for her care should anything happen to you.
Yes, there will be sorrow and pain and a horrible sense of loss. That you can be sure of. However, you can give her some comfort now by loving her up, sharing plans should your death happen and that its okay to grieve and then move on with life and find her own peace and happiness.
I hope this helps you somehow. Death can be a very scary concept for anyone.
PS: I am now in my 5 th year of being cancer free!!! :)
~Jen
I am a Christian and have shared what I believe what will happen to me when I die. They mostly believe in the Christian faith and were satisfied with my explanations.
I think you should share your faith with your daughter, if that is the same faith she/he embraces and let her know of your plans for her care should anything happen to you.
Yes, there will be sorrow and pain and a horrible sense of loss. That you can be sure of. However, you can give her some comfort now by loving her up, sharing plans should your death happen and that its okay to grieve and then move on with life and find her own peace and happiness.
I hope this helps you somehow. Death can be a very scary concept for anyone.
PS: I am now in my 5 th year of being cancer free!!! :)
~Jen
Pam Sorooshian
A six-year-old can't even slightly grasp statistics and probability. So the
problem for a really sensitive and imaginative child is that anything they
can imagine seems pretty much equally likely. Once they've imagined their
parents' deaths, they have no way to soothe themselves with words like, "It
isn't likely to happen anytime soon." That's all we adults really have to
soothe ours own fears - outside of religious beliefs - and children do not
have that ability. For that reason, I'd support my children's religious
ideas even if I had my own doubts. If they said, "I think people go to
heaven," I would agree with them without much comment. If that comforts
them, I'd be happy they have that.
I would be pretty strong, as a mom, in saying to my own children, "I'm not
going to die for a REALLY long time." Some people might object to that
because you can't really know it. But, that's as close to giving an
accurate estimate of the probability as the child can understand. The
probability is very small that you are going to die during her childhood
years. The probability that a 30 year old American woman will die in the
next year is .00059 - that is less than 6 hundredths of a percent - it
rounds off to zero percent. I'd go with that. If you've made it to 30 years
old, your life expectancy is another 51 years. You could say, "I am
probably going to live to be really old - more than 80 years old or maybe
even 100 years old." She still won't understand "probably" and it might
sound like a promise to her. I'd let her take it that way, myself. If she
said, "Really?" I would say, "That's what I think, yes."
-pam
On Sun, Dec 23, 2012 at 10:47 PM, jencookies43
<cookiesforthree@...>wrote:
problem for a really sensitive and imaginative child is that anything they
can imagine seems pretty much equally likely. Once they've imagined their
parents' deaths, they have no way to soothe themselves with words like, "It
isn't likely to happen anytime soon." That's all we adults really have to
soothe ours own fears - outside of religious beliefs - and children do not
have that ability. For that reason, I'd support my children's religious
ideas even if I had my own doubts. If they said, "I think people go to
heaven," I would agree with them without much comment. If that comforts
them, I'd be happy they have that.
I would be pretty strong, as a mom, in saying to my own children, "I'm not
going to die for a REALLY long time." Some people might object to that
because you can't really know it. But, that's as close to giving an
accurate estimate of the probability as the child can understand. The
probability is very small that you are going to die during her childhood
years. The probability that a 30 year old American woman will die in the
next year is .00059 - that is less than 6 hundredths of a percent - it
rounds off to zero percent. I'd go with that. If you've made it to 30 years
old, your life expectancy is another 51 years. You could say, "I am
probably going to live to be really old - more than 80 years old or maybe
even 100 years old." She still won't understand "probably" and it might
sound like a promise to her. I'd let her take it that way, myself. If she
said, "Really?" I would say, "That's what I think, yes."
-pam
On Sun, Dec 23, 2012 at 10:47 PM, jencookies43
<cookiesforthree@...>wrote:
> **[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> My children went through a period of fear of me dying and then fear of
> their Daddy dying or of themselves. I had cancer for 5 long years and I
> could not honestly say to them that I would not die. I told them that I am
> doing all I can do to be here with them for as long as I can. My husband
> and I also had a will made and told them about it. In the will we specify a
> very loving family member to care for them and that we have money put aside
> to help take care of them and that they would be able to continue an
> unschooling lifestyle.
>
> I am a Christian and have shared what I believe what will happen to me
> when I die. They mostly believe in the Christian faith and were satisfied
> with my explanations.
>
> I think you should share your faith with your daughter, if that is the
> same faith she/he embraces and let her know of your plans for her care
> should anything happen to you.
>
> Yes, there will be sorrow and pain and a horrible sense of loss. That you
> can be sure of. However, you can give her some comfort now by loving her
> up, sharing plans should your death happen and that its okay to grieve and
> then move on with life and find her own peace and happiness.
>
> I hope this helps you somehow. Death can be a very scary concept for
> anyone.
>
> PS: I am now in my 5 th year of being cancer free!!! :)
>
> ~Jen
>
>
>
Dola Dasgupta
I too am a cancer survivor and live through the possibility of it coming
back each time I go for check ups and monitoring...I also feel if religious
faith can give comfort to a child...then so be it...
Why not? In my family we talk a lot about different faiths and belief
systems...and my children believe in the rebirth faith..that each time the
soul sheds a dress when its worn off and then puts on another to come back
and play another role...for a play that is divine...
Once my son Ishaan and another boy were playing with a bow and arrow
each..and I heard Ishaan tell this other boy.."You cannot kill me as I am
already dead and will be born again..."
He got this from the Krishna Avatar stories that I often tell them...
DD loves Jesus for the pain he went through...we saw Passion of Christ
together..and she was touched by the film in very deep ways...this is from
a girl who does not like to still watch Titanic...
I sometimes feel I as a mother can perhaps never know what is in their
hearts and heads...I can try all the time to tune in...
They also ask me.."Will I die soon?"....I try to be honest...and say.."Well
I cannot really say the time of my death? But I know for sure that you will
still be loved and taken care of by family and friends."
On Mon, Dec 24, 2012 at 12:17 PM, jencookies43
<cookiesforthree@...>wrote:
http://homeschoolers.in
<http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/>
http://childrenmypartners.wordpress.com/
http://thouartthycreator.wordpress.com/
http://ourcreaivealtar.wordpress.com/
*"Be kind to yourself and others,*
*Come from love every moment you can,*
*Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose,*
*Never give up hope,*
*Know that you are loved." - Deepak Chopra from Love Sutras...*
*
*
*'Laughter we share generates more laughter, and the love we create
together spreads by leaps and bounds.' *
*
*
*Much love and warmth*
* Dola Dasgupta*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
back each time I go for check ups and monitoring...I also feel if religious
faith can give comfort to a child...then so be it...
Why not? In my family we talk a lot about different faiths and belief
systems...and my children believe in the rebirth faith..that each time the
soul sheds a dress when its worn off and then puts on another to come back
and play another role...for a play that is divine...
Once my son Ishaan and another boy were playing with a bow and arrow
each..and I heard Ishaan tell this other boy.."You cannot kill me as I am
already dead and will be born again..."
He got this from the Krishna Avatar stories that I often tell them...
DD loves Jesus for the pain he went through...we saw Passion of Christ
together..and she was touched by the film in very deep ways...this is from
a girl who does not like to still watch Titanic...
I sometimes feel I as a mother can perhaps never know what is in their
hearts and heads...I can try all the time to tune in...
They also ask me.."Will I die soon?"....I try to be honest...and say.."Well
I cannot really say the time of my death? But I know for sure that you will
still be loved and taken care of by family and friends."
On Mon, Dec 24, 2012 at 12:17 PM, jencookies43
<cookiesforthree@...>wrote:
> **--
>
>
> My children went through a period of fear of me dying and then fear of
> their Daddy dying or of themselves. I had cancer for 5 long years and I
> could not honestly say to them that I would not die. I told them that I am
> doing all I can do to be here with them for as long as I can. My husband
> and I also had a will made and told them about it. In the will we specify a
> very loving family member to care for them and that we have money put aside
> to help take care of them and that they would be able to continue an
> unschooling lifestyle.
>
> I am a Christian and have shared what I believe what will happen to me
> when I die. They mostly believe in the Christian faith and were satisfied
> with my explanations.
>
> I think you should share your faith with your daughter, if that is the
> same faith she/he embraces and let her know of your plans for her care
> should anything happen to you.
>
> Yes, there will be sorrow and pain and a horrible sense of loss. That you
> can be sure of. However, you can give her some comfort now by loving her
> up, sharing plans should your death happen and that its okay to grieve and
> then move on with life and find her own peace and happiness.
>
> I hope this helps you somehow. Death can be a very scary concept for
> anyone.
>
> PS: I am now in my 5 th year of being cancer free!!! :)
>
> ~Jen
>
>
>
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*"Be kind to yourself and others,*
*Come from love every moment you can,*
*Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose,*
*Never give up hope,*
*Know that you are loved." - Deepak Chopra from Love Sutras...*
*
*
*'Laughter we share generates more laughter, and the love we create
together spreads by leaps and bounds.' *
*
*
*Much love and warmth*
* Dola Dasgupta*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Evelyn Callioux
When my daughter was going thru this I also told her what would happen if I did die, that she would live with her brother and he would look after her. That put the issue to rest more than anything else. Ultimately the root of the anxiety was 'what will happen to me?' Once she could grasp that life could be different but still ok she was able to set the fear aside.