My major issue
beckytgtl
Hello,
We have been trying a few things at a time to gradually move us to unschooling. No bed times, trying to say yes more.
My biggest issue right now is how I can say yes to differing requests without someone feeling their request is being delayed or denied?
I have 5 sons, and it is very rare that their needs all coordinate with each other. Three may ask to go to the playground on the way home from the library, but the other two just want to go home.
Always, one asks to use the laptop and 30 seconds later someone else wants it. Is the first one asked to give it up? Do we make a time limit rule? I cannot purchase 5 laptops so everyone has there own. Many times we will go to the library so each person can use a computer there, but time is limited and they will ask for the laptop afterwards.
I guess that is my biggest problem right now, is how 1 me, meets the needs of 5 of them?
We have been trying a few things at a time to gradually move us to unschooling. No bed times, trying to say yes more.
My biggest issue right now is how I can say yes to differing requests without someone feeling their request is being delayed or denied?
I have 5 sons, and it is very rare that their needs all coordinate with each other. Three may ask to go to the playground on the way home from the library, but the other two just want to go home.
Always, one asks to use the laptop and 30 seconds later someone else wants it. Is the first one asked to give it up? Do we make a time limit rule? I cannot purchase 5 laptops so everyone has there own. Many times we will go to the library so each person can use a computer there, but time is limited and they will ask for the laptop afterwards.
I guess that is my biggest problem right now, is how 1 me, meets the needs of 5 of them?
Sandra Dodd
-=- No bed times, trying to say yes more.-=-
"No bedtimes" shouldn't be the goal. No arbitrary bedtimes, maybe so. If "bedtime" is a number assigned by age or something, that's the kind of bedtime to reconsider, but a family doesn't become unschoolers by telling the kids "stay awake as long as you can."
-=-I guess that is my biggest problem right now, is how 1 me, meets the needs of 5 of them?-=-
How would you have done it without unschooling?
Find things that all of them want to do. If one wants to stay out and the rest want to go home, see if you can arrange for you or someone to take the other one out to do something later, maybe, or make that one's favorite dinner, or snack, or something special an dinteresting as a consolation, maybe, while the others are doing the thigns they wanted to come home to do.
-=-My biggest issue right now is how I can say yes to differing requests without someone feeling their request is being delayed or denied?
-=-
Nobody here is magic.
Saying yes more is an absolute more! Be glad for the smiles and happiness and don't look for trouble.
See the times you've said yes, and be glad for those.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"No bedtimes" shouldn't be the goal. No arbitrary bedtimes, maybe so. If "bedtime" is a number assigned by age or something, that's the kind of bedtime to reconsider, but a family doesn't become unschoolers by telling the kids "stay awake as long as you can."
-=-I guess that is my biggest problem right now, is how 1 me, meets the needs of 5 of them?-=-
How would you have done it without unschooling?
Find things that all of them want to do. If one wants to stay out and the rest want to go home, see if you can arrange for you or someone to take the other one out to do something later, maybe, or make that one's favorite dinner, or snack, or something special an dinteresting as a consolation, maybe, while the others are doing the thigns they wanted to come home to do.
-=-My biggest issue right now is how I can say yes to differing requests without someone feeling their request is being delayed or denied?
-=-
Nobody here is magic.
Saying yes more is an absolute more! Be glad for the smiles and happiness and don't look for trouble.
See the times you've said yes, and be glad for those.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
"beckytgtl" <beckytgtl@...> wrote:
Look for patterns and ways to think ahead. It might help to make notes or lists so you don't forget.
Think ahead. Why do kids tend to want to go home? Food? Bring more food. Games/movies/toys? Bring things along with you. Travel with enough stuff to make stops easier on the kids who are ready to be in their own space. Maybe bring blankets so kids can make little "dens" in the car if they need some time alone. Make it easier to do both.
Alternately, go to the playground before the library - or instead. If certain kids are more outdoorsy than others, maybe plan for some to go to the library with another family while you take the energetic ones to the park - or vice versa.
If there's a delay, help the person waiting to cope with that - don't expect little kids to wait gracefully. Sometimes it can help to "count down" to whatever it is they want - I used to make checklists for my daughter as a way for her to see progress toward what she wanted. The checklists also helped me to keep from adding more things ahead of what I said I'd do with/for her.
You might need to be sensitive to who gets to be "first" - that's a bigger deal for some kids than for others!
Most importantly, be sensitive to kids feelings. There Will be times when you can't help or not right away, but that doesn't mean they should suck it up and pretend everything's fine. Be understanding and compassionate when things don't work out.
---Meredith
> I guess that is my biggest problem right now, is how 1 me, meets the needs of 5 of them?***********
Look for patterns and ways to think ahead. It might help to make notes or lists so you don't forget.
>one asks to use the laptop and 30 seconds later someone else wants itMaybe not five laptops, but see what sorts of things kids are wanting to do and look for ways they can do those things most easily/cheaply. That might mean a couple hand-held games, a laptop, a desktop computer, and a couple console systems, plus another tv just for movies - mix and match. Look at pawn shops for cheap used electronics. And help kids to wait - don't Expect them to wait gracefully, make it easier on them.
>>Three may ask to go to the playground on the way home from the library, but the other two just want to go home.**************
Think ahead. Why do kids tend to want to go home? Food? Bring more food. Games/movies/toys? Bring things along with you. Travel with enough stuff to make stops easier on the kids who are ready to be in their own space. Maybe bring blankets so kids can make little "dens" in the car if they need some time alone. Make it easier to do both.
Alternately, go to the playground before the library - or instead. If certain kids are more outdoorsy than others, maybe plan for some to go to the library with another family while you take the energetic ones to the park - or vice versa.
>>how I can say yes to differing requests without someone feeling their request is being delayed or denied?***********
If there's a delay, help the person waiting to cope with that - don't expect little kids to wait gracefully. Sometimes it can help to "count down" to whatever it is they want - I used to make checklists for my daughter as a way for her to see progress toward what she wanted. The checklists also helped me to keep from adding more things ahead of what I said I'd do with/for her.
You might need to be sensitive to who gets to be "first" - that's a bigger deal for some kids than for others!
Most importantly, be sensitive to kids feelings. There Will be times when you can't help or not right away, but that doesn't mean they should suck it up and pretend everything's fine. Be understanding and compassionate when things don't work out.
---Meredith
Pam Sorooshian
On Thu, Nov 29, 2012 at 6:37 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
involve being as supportive and kind and generous as possible. "As
possible!" Multiple kids means that they will experience delays and
disappointments - that's inevitable. So - prioritize - try to meet all of
their really important (to them) needs all the time, most of their pretty
important needs most of the time, some of their less important needs some
of the time. Over the years, they come to know that you are trying - that
you are on their team and want to help them.
Also - staying solution-oriented and not too quickly giving up on finding a
solution or compromise is pretty hard - but REALLY worth it. The kids will
pick up that skill from you.
-pam
> -=-My biggest issue right now is how I can say yes to differing requestsNobody gets every want and wish fulfilled. The ideas we talk about here
> without someone feeling their request is being delayed or denied.
involve being as supportive and kind and generous as possible. "As
possible!" Multiple kids means that they will experience delays and
disappointments - that's inevitable. So - prioritize - try to meet all of
their really important (to them) needs all the time, most of their pretty
important needs most of the time, some of their less important needs some
of the time. Over the years, they come to know that you are trying - that
you are on their team and want to help them.
Also - staying solution-oriented and not too quickly giving up on finding a
solution or compromise is pretty hard - but REALLY worth it. The kids will
pick up that skill from you.
-pam
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]