Teen thinking of going to school
Chris Sanders
I have an almost 15 year old who mentioned a couple of days ago that she wants to go school. We were on a trip visiting my mom on a barrier island in Florida at the time and so I told her that I'd like to wait to discuss it with her when we got home. I didn't like putting her off but it really was not a good time or place to delve into it.
I'm looking for reminders of dos and don'ts on discussing this with her.
I suspect she's more interested in the social aspects of going to school as she's been struggling to make and nurture close friendships and that seems, understandably, to be very important to her. We've put quite a bit of effort into trying to help her meet others with her interests and values - she's joined a church choir, participated in some of that church's offerings for youth including joining the "High School Youth Group" and she takes dance lessons at a local studio and art lessons geared towards teen artists at our local art museum. Still, the in-person connections aren't being made quickly and solidly enough for her satisfaction. She knows that she is able to participate in extra-curricular clubs and activities at our local school without becoming a full-time enrolled student next year (it's too late to 'dual-enroll' her for this school year.)
She has a couple good long-distance friends that she skypes and texts with. We've traveled great distances to get her to be able to spend time with them in person but it's not enough to meet her needs.
She has also been thinking and talking about wanting to go to college in a few years. She knows, having watched her older brother do it, that she doesn't need to attend high-school to be able to go to college, but she says she wants "more education." Part of what I think we'll talk about is the option of doing more school-like learning from home and/or ways to advance her knowledge and skills outside of the traditional schooling methods.
Advice?
Chris
I'm looking for reminders of dos and don'ts on discussing this with her.
I suspect she's more interested in the social aspects of going to school as she's been struggling to make and nurture close friendships and that seems, understandably, to be very important to her. We've put quite a bit of effort into trying to help her meet others with her interests and values - she's joined a church choir, participated in some of that church's offerings for youth including joining the "High School Youth Group" and she takes dance lessons at a local studio and art lessons geared towards teen artists at our local art museum. Still, the in-person connections aren't being made quickly and solidly enough for her satisfaction. She knows that she is able to participate in extra-curricular clubs and activities at our local school without becoming a full-time enrolled student next year (it's too late to 'dual-enroll' her for this school year.)
She has a couple good long-distance friends that she skypes and texts with. We've traveled great distances to get her to be able to spend time with them in person but it's not enough to meet her needs.
She has also been thinking and talking about wanting to go to college in a few years. She knows, having watched her older brother do it, that she doesn't need to attend high-school to be able to go to college, but she says she wants "more education." Part of what I think we'll talk about is the option of doing more school-like learning from home and/or ways to advance her knowledge and skills outside of the traditional schooling methods.
Advice?
Chris
Heather
Hi Chris,
My daughter is also 14 & chose to go to school for the first time last
year. And she also went mainly for the social aspects. She is still
attending (8th grade, now) and still enjoys it. Like you, I had gotten her
involved in several not-school activities to fulfill her social needs, but
it still wasn't enough. I supported her decision to try school. And have
continued to support her while she's in school - helping with homework,
chaperoning at school functions (like the class camping trip this past Tues
& Wed nights), carpooling to school every day, and driving to/from all her
social functions (that she is usually planning) on the evenings & weekends
<g>. I think it was a bigger adjustment for ME, as the unschooling mom,
than it was for her.
Heather McLean
My daughter is also 14 & chose to go to school for the first time last
year. And she also went mainly for the social aspects. She is still
attending (8th grade, now) and still enjoys it. Like you, I had gotten her
involved in several not-school activities to fulfill her social needs, but
it still wasn't enough. I supported her decision to try school. And have
continued to support her while she's in school - helping with homework,
chaperoning at school functions (like the class camping trip this past Tues
& Wed nights), carpooling to school every day, and driving to/from all her
social functions (that she is usually planning) on the evenings & weekends
<g>. I think it was a bigger adjustment for ME, as the unschooling mom,
than it was for her.
Heather McLean
On Fri, Nov 9, 2012 at 11:27 AM, Chris Sanders <iowaunschoolers@...>wrote:
> **
>
>
> I have an almost 15 year old who mentioned a couple of days ago that she
> wants to go school. We were on a trip visiting my mom on a barrier island
> in Florida at the time and so I told her that I'd like to wait to discuss
> it with her when we got home. I didn't like putting her off but it really
> was not a good time or place to delve into it.
>
> I'm looking for reminders of dos and don'ts on discussing this with her.
>
> I suspect she's more interested in the social aspects of going to school
> as she's been struggling to make and nurture close friendships and that
> seems, understandably, to be very important to her. We've put quite a bit
> of effort into trying to help her meet others with her interests and values
> - she's joined a church choir, participated in some of that church's
> offerings for youth including joining the "High School Youth Group" and she
> takes dance lessons at a local studio and art lessons geared towards teen
> artists at our local art museum. Still, the in-person connections aren't
> being made quickly and solidly enough for her satisfaction. She knows that
> she is able to participate in extra-curricular clubs and activities at our
> local school without becoming a full-time enrolled student next year (it's
> too late to 'dual-enroll' her for this school year.)
>
> She has a couple good long-distance friends that she skypes and texts
> with. We've traveled great distances to get her to be able to spend time
> with them in person but it's not enough to meet her needs.
>
> She has also been thinking and talking about wanting to go to college in a
> few years. She knows, having watched her older brother do it, that she
> doesn't need to attend high-school to be able to go to college, but she
> says she wants "more education." Part of what I think we'll talk about is
> the option of doing more school-like learning from home and/or ways to
> advance her knowledge and skills outside of the traditional schooling
> methods.
>
> Advice?
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
We'd probably start making a list of pros and cons. I wouldn't get all
worked up over it and act angsty about it. I'd stay pretty neutral but
would, over the next weeks or months offer both pros and cons to add to the
list. I'd be VERY understanding and clear that I was sympathetic to her
reasons. (I think sometimes parents belittle the kids' reasons without
realizing that's what they're doing but they really want to make the
reasons seem less important.)
And if she decided to do it - I'd support it and try to help her have the
best possible experience while also making it a simple clear reality that
deciding to leave is always an available option at any time.
Also talk about how you'll handle school stuff if she goes. Just do this in
a conversational way, but talk about whether she'll want you to be involved
in keeping track of assignments or deadlines or getting her up in the
morning, etc.
-pam
worked up over it and act angsty about it. I'd stay pretty neutral but
would, over the next weeks or months offer both pros and cons to add to the
list. I'd be VERY understanding and clear that I was sympathetic to her
reasons. (I think sometimes parents belittle the kids' reasons without
realizing that's what they're doing but they really want to make the
reasons seem less important.)
And if she decided to do it - I'd support it and try to help her have the
best possible experience while also making it a simple clear reality that
deciding to leave is always an available option at any time.
Also talk about how you'll handle school stuff if she goes. Just do this in
a conversational way, but talk about whether she'll want you to be involved
in keeping track of assignments or deadlines or getting her up in the
morning, etc.
-pam
On Fri, Nov 9, 2012 at 10:27 AM, Chris Sanders <iowaunschoolers@...>wrote:
> **
>
>
> I have an almost 15 year old who mentioned a couple of days ago that she
> wants to go school. We were on a trip visiting my mom on a barrier island
> in Florida at the time and so I told her that I'd like to wait to discuss
> it with her when we got home. I didn't like putting her off but it really
> was not a good time or place to delve into it.
>
> I'm looking for reminders of dos and don'ts on discussing this with her.
>
> I suspect she's more interested in the social aspects of going to school
> as she's been struggling to make and nurture close friendships and that
> seems, understandably, to be very important to her. We've put quite a bit
> of effort into trying to help her meet others with her interests and values
> - she's joined a church choir, participated in some of that church's
> offerings for youth including joining the "High School Youth Group" and she
> takes dance lessons at a local studio and art lessons geared towards teen
> artists at our local art museum. Still, the in-person connections aren't
> being made quickly and solidly enough for her satisfaction. She knows that
> she is able to participate in extra-curricular clubs and activities at our
> local school without becoming a full-time enrolled student next year (it's
> too late to 'dual-enroll' her for this school year.)
>
> She has a couple good long-distance friends that she skypes and texts
> with. We've traveled great distances to get her to be able to spend time
> with them in person but it's not enough to meet her needs.
>
> She has also been thinking and talking about wanting to go to college in a
> few years. She knows, having watched her older brother do it, that she
> doesn't need to attend high-school to be able to go to college, but she
> says she wants "more education." Part of what I think we'll talk about is
> the option of doing more school-like learning from home and/or ways to
> advance her knowledge and skills outside of the traditional schooling
> methods.
>
> Advice?
>
> Chris
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-She knows, having watched her older brother do it, that she doesn't need to attend high-school to be able to go to college, but she says she wants "more education." Part of what I think we'll talk about is the option of doing more school-like learning from home and/or ways to advance her knowledge and skills outside of the traditional schooling methods.
-=-Advice?-=-
Maybe she wants the experience of being around more kids her age more than she wants "more education." That would BE an education, to be in a social situation in an ongoing way.
After all these years of unschooling, I don't think school could even begin to harm her in the way ten or eleven years of school against one's will can do.
It's a long time until next fall. If you accept it calmly as a liklihood and don't feed it, and don't try to starve it, then it will be her honest choice. Don't sabotage her.
Lots of kids who try school only do a year or less.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=-Advice?-=-
Maybe she wants the experience of being around more kids her age more than she wants "more education." That would BE an education, to be in a social situation in an ongoing way.
After all these years of unschooling, I don't think school could even begin to harm her in the way ten or eleven years of school against one's will can do.
It's a long time until next fall. If you accept it calmly as a liklihood and don't feed it, and don't try to starve it, then it will be her honest choice. Don't sabotage her.
Lots of kids who try school only do a year or less.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
m_aduhene
hi,
on the back of this. my daughter of 11 (12 in december) started school in september a she too was craving more social interaction than the home ed circle could provide. so far we have had a positive experience. the only thing is, she is not getting the grades that some of her peers are getting, and this is making her upset. i have reassured her that the grades don't matter and offered ways to help her achieve more if she wants too. it doesn't bother her all the time but when it does she gets very upset.
i am not pressuring her to "get the grades" at all but there is this deep down angsty feeling that it is my fault because i haven't done enough with her at home, and have somehow failed her. i then read stories where home ed children have slotted into school academically with no problem and feel worse.
how can i reassure her that she will be ok without my fears rearing their head?
blessings
michelle
on the back of this. my daughter of 11 (12 in december) started school in september a she too was craving more social interaction than the home ed circle could provide. so far we have had a positive experience. the only thing is, she is not getting the grades that some of her peers are getting, and this is making her upset. i have reassured her that the grades don't matter and offered ways to help her achieve more if she wants too. it doesn't bother her all the time but when it does she gets very upset.
i am not pressuring her to "get the grades" at all but there is this deep down angsty feeling that it is my fault because i haven't done enough with her at home, and have somehow failed her. i then read stories where home ed children have slotted into school academically with no problem and feel worse.
how can i reassure her that she will be ok without my fears rearing their head?
blessings
michelle
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-She knows, having watched her older brother do it, that she doesn't need to attend high-school to be able to go to college, but she says she wants "more education." Part of what I think we'll talk about is the option of doing more school-like learning from home and/or ways to advance her knowledge and skills outside of the traditional schooling methods.
>
> -=-Advice?-=-
>
> Maybe she wants the experience of being around more kids her age more than she wants "more education." That would BE an education, to be in a social situation in an ongoing way.
>
> After all these years of unschooling, I don't think school could even begin to harm her in the way ten or eleven years of school against one's will can do.
>
> It's a long time until next fall. If you accept it calmly as a liklihood and don't feed it, and don't try to starve it, then it will be her honest choice. Don't sabotage her.
>
> Lots of kids who try school only do a year or less.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-i am not pressuring her to "get the grades" at all but there is this deep down angsty feeling that it is my fault because i haven't done enough with her at home, and have somehow failed her. i then read stories where home ed children have slotted into school academically with no problem and feel worse. -=-
First, there are kids not doing well who have been in school all those years.
But she's gone back at 11. Those middlin' years--11, 12, 13--those are generally the times unschoolers are "behind."
I didn't find a lot about this on my site, but it's in this, which is a transcription of a radio interview:
http://sandradodd.com/interviews/radioFreeschoolTranscript.pdf
You can listen to it here:
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com/2008/09/corrections-and-comments.html
I would help her with her homework, lots, without making it seems as important as school likes it to seem.
When school kids start getting tired and frustrated is when unschoolers seem to zoom on ahead. I've seen it many times. Not promising it's universal, but there's something to it, definitely.
I did have some complaints about these ideas (about young teens and jobs) last summer from people in Europe (France, specifically) saying teens couldn't get jobs there as my kids had here. So if that part doesn't apply to some readers here, I'm sorry about that.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
First, there are kids not doing well who have been in school all those years.
But she's gone back at 11. Those middlin' years--11, 12, 13--those are generally the times unschoolers are "behind."
I didn't find a lot about this on my site, but it's in this, which is a transcription of a radio interview:
http://sandradodd.com/interviews/radioFreeschoolTranscript.pdf
You can listen to it here:
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com/2008/09/corrections-and-comments.html
I would help her with her homework, lots, without making it seems as important as school likes it to seem.
When school kids start getting tired and frustrated is when unschoolers seem to zoom on ahead. I've seen it many times. Not promising it's universal, but there's something to it, definitely.
I did have some complaints about these ideas (about young teens and jobs) last summer from people in Europe (France, specifically) saying teens couldn't get jobs there as my kids had here. So if that part doesn't apply to some readers here, I'm sorry about that.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jay Ford
My son (14) has voiced a similar thing. He is an introvert, like me, and doesn't like a lot of social interaction. However he is feeling bored (his words) and wants some friends in real life and not just the internet. He does have a large gaming network of people he talks with while playing games (headset, voice) but wants some friends to go to the movies with that are NOT DAD.
However, after thinking about it, he decided he did not want to get up at 6:30am. We decided to do classes at the homeschool coop next semester, and our local community college has non-credit courses in gaming next semester. So that is the plan for now. He may decide that is enough, or he may want to try school next fall. Part of it is his sister is now in community college out of state, and has a job, and he sees her having fun with friends and having her own life separate from the family, and wants some of that for himself.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
However, after thinking about it, he decided he did not want to get up at 6:30am. We decided to do classes at the homeschool coop next semester, and our local community college has non-credit courses in gaming next semester. So that is the plan for now. He may decide that is enough, or he may want to try school next fall. Part of it is his sister is now in community college out of state, and has a job, and he sees her having fun with friends and having her own life separate from the family, and wants some of that for himself.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-We decided to do classes at the homeschool coop next semester, and our local community college has non-credit courses in gaming next semester. So that is the plan for now. He may decide that is enough, or he may want to try school next fall. -=-
What about a gaming store, hobby shop, hiking club, volunteer group, scouts, 4-H, campfire, swimming pools? He might be old enough to get a job, depending where you live. Maybe you could arrange something with someone you know, for a very part-time job, if it's legal where you are. Some states say "sixteen" but what they really mean is that before sixteen, there's paperwork and they don't want to mess with that.
There are other ways to get with people without waiting for another school semester or school year to come around.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What about a gaming store, hobby shop, hiking club, volunteer group, scouts, 4-H, campfire, swimming pools? He might be old enough to get a job, depending where you live. Maybe you could arrange something with someone you know, for a very part-time job, if it's legal where you are. Some states say "sixteen" but what they really mean is that before sixteen, there's paperwork and they don't want to mess with that.
There are other ways to get with people without waiting for another school semester or school year to come around.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]