Candy was Re: TV/DVDs and under-2s
Sarah Stone-Francisco
Sandra said:
-=-I don't know that it's "a rule"--but the principle of allowing choices should apply from the start for sure!-=-
-=-Arbitrary rules and fearful superstitions and judging by an age on a calendar instead of knowing one's own child... those things can be harmful.-=-
I have a question about candy. Yesterday our 18mo daughter tasted candy for the first time. She was having a great time passing it out to the trick-or-treaters and then kept holding a piece while she watched tv with Grandma. When i looked, I noticed that she had something in her mouth. She had opened the Kit Kat and started eating some. It had gotten really crumbly and slimy from her eating it, so I asked for that one and opened a new one and gave a piece to her. (My gut reaction was to say no, take it away and say that candy isn't for Sparrow. However, that didn't feel kind at all. So I chose the kinder option.)
This morning she spotted the orange pumpkin with the candy she collected last night and really wanted it. I realized that if I didn't want her to have it, it would have been better to put it away. Alas it was too late, so I said that i didn't want her eating candy first thing in the morning, put the candy out of sight (which made her very upset), and found an all fruit leather (which made her much happier), that is still pretty much all sugar, but fructose, so in my mind more appropriate for a little one.
These are my challenges:
1) I want to offer choices from the start, but I'm having a hard time including candy (and other super sugary foods like juice) in that because I still feel like 18 months is too young to be eating candy. She eats a variety of food and we pretty much only offer food we approve of, so it doesn't come up often. But I have no idea what arbitrary age I'm setting that would make me say yes to as much candy as she chose to eat.
2) which leads to my second challenge of not trusting her to make all her own food choices yet because of my underlying fear of her getting unhealthy eating habits and becoming overweight later in life.
I'd love help getting a better perspective on this and hearing about what's worked with really little ones and candy/food.
Thank you!
love, sarah
-=-I don't know that it's "a rule"--but the principle of allowing choices should apply from the start for sure!-=-
-=-Arbitrary rules and fearful superstitions and judging by an age on a calendar instead of knowing one's own child... those things can be harmful.-=-
I have a question about candy. Yesterday our 18mo daughter tasted candy for the first time. She was having a great time passing it out to the trick-or-treaters and then kept holding a piece while she watched tv with Grandma. When i looked, I noticed that she had something in her mouth. She had opened the Kit Kat and started eating some. It had gotten really crumbly and slimy from her eating it, so I asked for that one and opened a new one and gave a piece to her. (My gut reaction was to say no, take it away and say that candy isn't for Sparrow. However, that didn't feel kind at all. So I chose the kinder option.)
This morning she spotted the orange pumpkin with the candy she collected last night and really wanted it. I realized that if I didn't want her to have it, it would have been better to put it away. Alas it was too late, so I said that i didn't want her eating candy first thing in the morning, put the candy out of sight (which made her very upset), and found an all fruit leather (which made her much happier), that is still pretty much all sugar, but fructose, so in my mind more appropriate for a little one.
These are my challenges:
1) I want to offer choices from the start, but I'm having a hard time including candy (and other super sugary foods like juice) in that because I still feel like 18 months is too young to be eating candy. She eats a variety of food and we pretty much only offer food we approve of, so it doesn't come up often. But I have no idea what arbitrary age I'm setting that would make me say yes to as much candy as she chose to eat.
2) which leads to my second challenge of not trusting her to make all her own food choices yet because of my underlying fear of her getting unhealthy eating habits and becoming overweight later in life.
I'd love help getting a better perspective on this and hearing about what's worked with really little ones and candy/food.
Thank you!
love, sarah
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 1, 2012, at 8:26 PM, Sarah Stone-Francisco wrote:
Choices means let her have choices.
Right now you can let her have what you'd like to give her. That still gives her lots of choice.
Once she's old enough to be curious about the world, support her explorations.
http://sandradodd.com/food
And there's a few pages here, down the right side:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
Joyce
> 1) I want to offer choices from the start,Choices doesn't mean every choice in the world right now.
Choices means let her have choices.
Right now you can let her have what you'd like to give her. That still gives her lots of choice.
Once she's old enough to be curious about the world, support her explorations.
> 2) which leads to my second challenge of not trusting her toFortunately you have plenty of time to read. Despite the current message in society, it isn't freedom to choose that causes bad food choices. It's control and stress. Read here:
> make all her own food choices yet because of my underlying
> fear of her getting unhealthy eating habits and becoming
> overweight later in life.
http://sandradodd.com/food
And there's a few pages here, down the right side:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
Joyce
Julie
This is obviously anecdotal, but my three kids (3, 5, and 7 years old) have full access to about the 3 pounds of Halloween candy collected and left over and it is simply not special or overly tempting to them. My 3 yo daughter typically has a sweet tooth (loves Nerds, especially) but even she is eating very little of the booty. They have always had choice in what and when they eat and is probably why they enjoy this stuff in moderation. A tightly controlled 6 year old neighbor friend of ours regularly eats himself sick on candy when he can get it, which becomes self-reinforcing as he is caught, punished and further restricted. All that drama, over sugar!
Julie
James, 7
Tyler, 5
Audrey, 3
Julie
James, 7
Tyler, 5
Audrey, 3
>
> I have a question about candy. Yesterday our 18mo daughter tasted candy for the first time. She was having a great time passing it out to the trick-or-treaters and then kept holding a piece while she watched tv with Grandma. When i looked, I noticed that she had something in her mouth. She had opened the Kit Kat and started eating some. It had gotten really crumbly and slimy from her eating it, so I asked for that one and opened a new one and gave a piece to her. (My gut reaction was to say no, take it away and say that candy isn't for Sparrow. However, that didn't feel kind at all. So I chose the kinder option.)
>
> This morning she spotted the orange pumpkin with the candy she collected last night and really wanted it. I realized that if I didn't want her to have it, it would have been better to put it away. Alas it was too late, so I said that i didn't want her eating candy first thing in the morning, put the candy out of sight (which made her very upset), and found an all fruit leather (which made her much happier), that is still pretty much all sugar, but fructose, so in my mind more appropriate for a little one.
>
> These are my challenges:
> 1) I want to offer choices from the start, but I'm having a hard time including candy (and other super sugary foods like juice) in that because I still feel like 18 months is too young to be eating candy. She eats a variety of food and we pretty much only offer food we approve of, so it doesn't come up often. But I have no idea what arbitrary age I'm setting that would make me say yes to as much candy as she chose to eat.
> 2) which leads to my second challenge of not trusting her to make all her own food choices yet because of my underlying fear of her getting unhealthy eating habits and becoming overweight later in life.
>
> I'd love help getting a better perspective on this and hearing about what's worked with really little ones and candy/food.
>
> Thank you!
> love, sarah
>
Meredith
Sarah Stone-Francisco <stone_francisco@...> wrote:
Another option would have been to give her a piece of candy and still put the rest out of sight. That way its not all or nothing, it's "yes, And you can have some later, too".
While you still have a toddler, it's fairly easy to make decisions based on what you feel comfortable with her eating and only bring those things into the house. Very young children are most interested in very immediate choices. Somewhere between age 3 and 5 though, kids become much more interested in discovering how things get into the house in the first place - and they want to be involved in the decision making. It's part of how they learn about the world. Around that same time, children's taste in food often becomes very conservative and they develop strong preferences for sweet and mild foods.
---Meredith
> I realized that if I didn't want her to have it, it would have been better to put it away. Alas it was too late, so I said that i didn't want her eating candy first thing in the morning, put the candy out of sight (which made her very upset)****************
Another option would have been to give her a piece of candy and still put the rest out of sight. That way its not all or nothing, it's "yes, And you can have some later, too".
>> But I have no idea what arbitrary age I'm setting that would make me say yes to as much candy as she chose to eat.**************
While you still have a toddler, it's fairly easy to make decisions based on what you feel comfortable with her eating and only bring those things into the house. Very young children are most interested in very immediate choices. Somewhere between age 3 and 5 though, kids become much more interested in discovering how things get into the house in the first place - and they want to be involved in the decision making. It's part of how they learn about the world. Around that same time, children's taste in food often becomes very conservative and they develop strong preferences for sweet and mild foods.
---Meredith
Sandra Dodd
-=- But I have no idea what arbitrary age I'm setting that would make me say yes to as much candy as she chose to eat. -=-
Your controls and expressed fears will create the situation you fear. You are making the sugar bigger than it is.
Read these two things:
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
http://sandradodd.com/eating/sweets
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Your controls and expressed fears will create the situation you fear. You are making the sugar bigger than it is.
Read these two things:
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
http://sandradodd.com/eating/sweets
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
keetry
> -=- But I have no idea what arbitrary age I'm setting that would make me say yes to as much candy as she chose to eat. -=-I think I have a good example of that. My 2 middle sons, ages 5 and 8, can eat as much of their Halloween candy as they want the night they get it and every day until it runs out. They can eat it first thing in the morning if they want. I don't put it up or away or try to dole it out a piece at a time.
>
> Your controls and expressed fears will create the situation you fear. You are making the sugar bigger than it is.
>
We went around the neighborhood with some friends whose parents are very strict and controlling about candy. We had some left over candy so I figured we'd all share that. My kids only took one or two pieces out of the share bowl. The friends grabbed handfuls of as much as they could possibly hold. They wanted to hoard it.
That bowl is sitting out for everyone to take some candy whenever they want. Again, my kids might take a piece here or there while the friends grab handfuls. My kids don't get upset if someone else (their little brother) gets in their candy buckets. They say the other person can have something they like. The other kids get upset and don't want to share anything.
Alysia
Robert and Colleen
***We went around the neighborhood with some friends whose parents are very
strict and controlling about candy. We had some left over candy so I figured
we'd all share that. My kids only took one or two pieces out of the share
bowl. The friends grabbed handfuls of as much as they could possibly hold.
They wanted to hoard it.***
My 9 year old asked us to buy him "a seriously colossal container of
Twizzlers" after he only received one Twizzler (red licorice for those who
aren't familiar) in his trick-or-treat haul.
We found a container of 105 pieces and he decided that was colossal enough
:-)
He ate one piece when he opened them on Thursday afternoon.
Later in the day, as we were cooking dinner, he announced loudly, with a big
smile, "I am now going to do like they say on TV and RUIN MY DINNER with
candy." He ate two Twizzlers, and then a huge meal :-)
Yesterday, he told me each time he went to get one. He ate three.
Today the container was sitting next to him on the kitchen island as he ate
lunch. He didn't eat any - didn't even mention them being there - and he is
now off playing with Pokemon cards.
He's more a fan of salty snacks than candy, so that may have some bearing on
the story. But he likes red licorice and Peeps. And we've never restricted
his intake of those or of any other food. When we have Peeps around, we
throw away more that go stale than he ever eats - and the Colossal Container
of Twizzlers is not any more a draw for him than the sweet potato chips,
bananas, and cinnamon toast that made up his lunch.
I believe others linked the article earlier in this thread, but what Pam
Sorooshian wrote about restricting TV, which in turn applies to restricting
anything, is well worth a read by anyone who hasn't seen it yet:
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
Colleen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
strict and controlling about candy. We had some left over candy so I figured
we'd all share that. My kids only took one or two pieces out of the share
bowl. The friends grabbed handfuls of as much as they could possibly hold.
They wanted to hoard it.***
My 9 year old asked us to buy him "a seriously colossal container of
Twizzlers" after he only received one Twizzler (red licorice for those who
aren't familiar) in his trick-or-treat haul.
We found a container of 105 pieces and he decided that was colossal enough
:-)
He ate one piece when he opened them on Thursday afternoon.
Later in the day, as we were cooking dinner, he announced loudly, with a big
smile, "I am now going to do like they say on TV and RUIN MY DINNER with
candy." He ate two Twizzlers, and then a huge meal :-)
Yesterday, he told me each time he went to get one. He ate three.
Today the container was sitting next to him on the kitchen island as he ate
lunch. He didn't eat any - didn't even mention them being there - and he is
now off playing with Pokemon cards.
He's more a fan of salty snacks than candy, so that may have some bearing on
the story. But he likes red licorice and Peeps. And we've never restricted
his intake of those or of any other food. When we have Peeps around, we
throw away more that go stale than he ever eats - and the Colossal Container
of Twizzlers is not any more a draw for him than the sweet potato chips,
bananas, and cinnamon toast that made up his lunch.
I believe others linked the article earlier in this thread, but what Pam
Sorooshian wrote about restricting TV, which in turn applies to restricting
anything, is well worth a read by anyone who hasn't seen it yet:
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
Colleen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-My 9 year old asked us to buy him "a seriously colossal container of
Twizzlers" after he only received one Twizzler (red licorice for those who
aren't familiar) in his trick-or-treat haul. -=-
When Kirby was 13, 15, in there, he always wanted to own a big container of Red Vines (very much like twizzlers; fans of one or the other will argue as if they were as different as Coke and Pepsi ;-P
What Kirby wanted to do with his was take them with him when he went to conventions (anime, gaming, sci fi) and give them away. We would get them at Costco, in a round container like candy stores put out sometimes.
When people from the world of limits and "candy will kill you" try to communicate with unschoolers whose kids haven't grown up that way, it can seem like they're talking about two entirely different substances, but it's not the candy that's different. It's the people.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Twizzlers" after he only received one Twizzler (red licorice for those who
aren't familiar) in his trick-or-treat haul. -=-
When Kirby was 13, 15, in there, he always wanted to own a big container of Red Vines (very much like twizzlers; fans of one or the other will argue as if they were as different as Coke and Pepsi ;-P
What Kirby wanted to do with his was take them with him when he went to conventions (anime, gaming, sci fi) and give them away. We would get them at Costco, in a round container like candy stores put out sometimes.
When people from the world of limits and "candy will kill you" try to communicate with unschoolers whose kids haven't grown up that way, it can seem like they're talking about two entirely different substances, but it's not the candy that's different. It's the people.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
keetry
I thought of another example.
I made hot chocolate for the kids and put marshmallows in it. The two friends also wanted some marshmallows to eat so I gave them some. My kids didn't ask for any. Their friend said, "Don't you want to eat some marshmallows?" My 5 year old said, "No. We can have them whenever we want."
Alysia
I made hot chocolate for the kids and put marshmallows in it. The two friends also wanted some marshmallows to eat so I gave them some. My kids didn't ask for any. Their friend said, "Don't you want to eat some marshmallows?" My 5 year old said, "No. We can have them whenever we want."
Alysia
[email protected]
I thought of many occasions with candy, here is just one :)
Hanging out on a deck the sun with another unschooling family, and my son 5 says "I would really love some candy!" The other mum pops inside and brings out a bowl of lovely soft eating candy and some apples and a peeler. The candy went onto a low chair nearby to her youngest sons (2.5) little playing possie, and the apples next to the mum as she wanted to make those long spirals out of the peel, and cut lovely chunks for who ever felt like it...
My then 20 month old and the other mum's two year old leapt up to take some candy, I noticed that my daughter wanted to see if they would float, so after testing it with her mouth and teeth she plopped the candy into a bucket full of water that we had a small mechanical goldfish in, she ended up plopping lots of it into that bucket no longer interested in the taste. D's (the mum) two and half year old wanted his own bowl of candy, which he received, but ate hardly any!
The other mum's oldest (6) said no thanks to candy and asked for apples, and in fact didn't have any candy on that occasion, preferring to munch apples in the sunshine.
My little guy who asked for the candy actually helped the other mum peel the apples and ate lots before grabbing a couple of pieces of candy and going to bounce on the trampoline.
It is beautiful to see kids who are not restricted from any age being real and in touch with what they need and what feels good for them in that moment!
Holly
Hanging out on a deck the sun with another unschooling family, and my son 5 says "I would really love some candy!" The other mum pops inside and brings out a bowl of lovely soft eating candy and some apples and a peeler. The candy went onto a low chair nearby to her youngest sons (2.5) little playing possie, and the apples next to the mum as she wanted to make those long spirals out of the peel, and cut lovely chunks for who ever felt like it...
My then 20 month old and the other mum's two year old leapt up to take some candy, I noticed that my daughter wanted to see if they would float, so after testing it with her mouth and teeth she plopped the candy into a bucket full of water that we had a small mechanical goldfish in, she ended up plopping lots of it into that bucket no longer interested in the taste. D's (the mum) two and half year old wanted his own bowl of candy, which he received, but ate hardly any!
The other mum's oldest (6) said no thanks to candy and asked for apples, and in fact didn't have any candy on that occasion, preferring to munch apples in the sunshine.
My little guy who asked for the candy actually helped the other mum peel the apples and ate lots before grabbing a couple of pieces of candy and going to bounce on the trampoline.
It is beautiful to see kids who are not restricted from any age being real and in touch with what they need and what feels good for them in that moment!
Holly
--- In [email protected], "keetry" <keetry@...> wrote:
>
> I thought of another example.
>
> I made hot chocolate for the kids and put marshmallows in it. The two friends also wanted some marshmallows to eat so I gave them some. My kids didn't ask for any. Their friend said, "Don't you want to eat some marshmallows?" My 5 year old said, "No. We can have them whenever we want."
>
> Alysia
>