Breaking in New Shoes
barbaramatessa
I wanted to share some insights from my journey. I'm very new to this.
It's rainy season now on the California central coast, and my son still wants to wear his sandals to his charter program (two days a week). I've let him make his own decisions regarding clothing, footwear, etc. without too much interference since discovering unschooling. Sometimes I offer information, or suggest he go outside himself and check the weather.
Today I was in a gnarly mood, and I bluntly told him that sandal season was over, and that socks and shoes would protect his feet better from the rain. Did he want to have wet feet?
He told me that his new shoes hurt his feet, which was why he wanted to wear sandals. Without thinking, I impatiently informed him that all new shoes have to be broken in. I said that after a time or two of wearing them, his feet would adjust, and the shoes would start to feel more comfortable. I suggested he wear band-aids on his heels to help. With my tone and manner, I made it clear he didn't have much of a choice, so he complied and put on his new shoes.
Thinking about it now, several thoughts were swirling through my head. First, my baby was crying, and I was in a hurry to get out the door. Next, I was more concerned about what the teacher and other parents would think of him wearing sandals than his own comfort. Third, I felt angry that his new shoes would go to waste because he wasn't willing to deal with some discomfort. Finally, I wanted him to submit to my authority and experience of having worn shoes for 37 years. I knew better, dammit!
Of course, now I'm questioning myself. Do all new shoes have to be broken in, really? Is this true? Perhaps it's just my feet, or the shoes I've bought... and if I think carefully about it, not all new pairs of shoes have bothered my feet at first. Perhaps the shoes that hurt at first were really not so great for my feet, after all. Or perhaps there's ways to "break shoes in" without having to wear them all day. Perhaps there's a gentler way.
By telling my son my experience of the world, assuming that his experience would be the same, and expecting him to comply, I deprived him of a chance to learn and discover on his own. Our experience this morning certainly didn't empower him. And it left me feeling frustrated.
If he comes home today with hurt feet, he might be angry at me for forcing him to wear new shoes. I certainly don't want to be the target of his anger, and I certainly don't want to force him to do things that cause him pain.
I love that unschooling has led me to reflect about my assumptions about how the world works, especially those beliefs about enduring a certain amount of pain/discomfort...because that's just the way it's always been.
Barbara
http://www.healingfeet.com/blog/foot-care/how-to-break-in-new-shoes
It's rainy season now on the California central coast, and my son still wants to wear his sandals to his charter program (two days a week). I've let him make his own decisions regarding clothing, footwear, etc. without too much interference since discovering unschooling. Sometimes I offer information, or suggest he go outside himself and check the weather.
Today I was in a gnarly mood, and I bluntly told him that sandal season was over, and that socks and shoes would protect his feet better from the rain. Did he want to have wet feet?
He told me that his new shoes hurt his feet, which was why he wanted to wear sandals. Without thinking, I impatiently informed him that all new shoes have to be broken in. I said that after a time or two of wearing them, his feet would adjust, and the shoes would start to feel more comfortable. I suggested he wear band-aids on his heels to help. With my tone and manner, I made it clear he didn't have much of a choice, so he complied and put on his new shoes.
Thinking about it now, several thoughts were swirling through my head. First, my baby was crying, and I was in a hurry to get out the door. Next, I was more concerned about what the teacher and other parents would think of him wearing sandals than his own comfort. Third, I felt angry that his new shoes would go to waste because he wasn't willing to deal with some discomfort. Finally, I wanted him to submit to my authority and experience of having worn shoes for 37 years. I knew better, dammit!
Of course, now I'm questioning myself. Do all new shoes have to be broken in, really? Is this true? Perhaps it's just my feet, or the shoes I've bought... and if I think carefully about it, not all new pairs of shoes have bothered my feet at first. Perhaps the shoes that hurt at first were really not so great for my feet, after all. Or perhaps there's ways to "break shoes in" without having to wear them all day. Perhaps there's a gentler way.
By telling my son my experience of the world, assuming that his experience would be the same, and expecting him to comply, I deprived him of a chance to learn and discover on his own. Our experience this morning certainly didn't empower him. And it left me feeling frustrated.
If he comes home today with hurt feet, he might be angry at me for forcing him to wear new shoes. I certainly don't want to be the target of his anger, and I certainly don't want to force him to do things that cause him pain.
I love that unschooling has led me to reflect about my assumptions about how the world works, especially those beliefs about enduring a certain amount of pain/discomfort...because that's just the way it's always been.
Barbara
http://www.healingfeet.com/blog/foot-care/how-to-break-in-new-shoes
Meredith
"barbaramatessa" <bjelwell@...> wrote:
Some shoes are more comfortable right from the start. I wear steal-toes to work, though, and they take a bit of adjusting - every new pair takes a while for me to get used to. So I plan to adjust a little at a time. I wear them for a few hours and switch to my older shoes, or I wear them shopping or somewhere I'm only going to be in shoes a short time.
If you're picking your son up from the charter, you could bring his sandals and apologize. Even if you're not picking him up, you could tell him you did a little research and found out it's possible to break in shoes a little at a time, and that not all shoes are uncomfortable right away. Apologize and let him know you were wrong - it helps repair the relationship with your kid And it lets him see how an adult takes responsibility for being wrong - in a good way. That's valuable.
---Meredith
>Or perhaps there's ways to "break shoes in" without having to wear them all day. Perhaps there's a gentler way.*************
Some shoes are more comfortable right from the start. I wear steal-toes to work, though, and they take a bit of adjusting - every new pair takes a while for me to get used to. So I plan to adjust a little at a time. I wear them for a few hours and switch to my older shoes, or I wear them shopping or somewhere I'm only going to be in shoes a short time.
If you're picking your son up from the charter, you could bring his sandals and apologize. Even if you're not picking him up, you could tell him you did a little research and found out it's possible to break in shoes a little at a time, and that not all shoes are uncomfortable right away. Apologize and let him know you were wrong - it helps repair the relationship with your kid And it lets him see how an adult takes responsibility for being wrong - in a good way. That's valuable.
---Meredith
Sandra Dodd
-=- Without thinking, I impatiently informed him that all new shoes have to be broken in. -=-
Did you hae an adult say that to you?
It's easy, when we're grumpy, to default to some ghostly mother or grandmother that's inside us.
-=-Of course, now I'm questioning myself. Do all new shoes have to be broken in, really? Is this true? Perhaps it's just my feet, or the shoes I've bought... and if I think carefully about it, not all new pairs of shoes have bothered my feet at first. Perhaps the shoes that hurt at first were really not so great for my feet, after all. Or perhaps there's ways to "break shoes in" without having to wear them all day. Perhaps there's a gentler way.-=-
Buying shoes that hurt might have been necessary in 1930, but it's not 1930.
There are families spending big bucks on counsellors to repair relationships. Give those shoes away, or throw them away. They cost less than one sessions with a counsellor. Find him shoes that he loves. Not just shoes he will grudgingly accept so that you get your way. Shoes he LOVES. Shoes that don't hurt at all, not once, not ever.
And if you want to become an unschooler, take him out of school.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Did you hae an adult say that to you?
It's easy, when we're grumpy, to default to some ghostly mother or grandmother that's inside us.
-=-Of course, now I'm questioning myself. Do all new shoes have to be broken in, really? Is this true? Perhaps it's just my feet, or the shoes I've bought... and if I think carefully about it, not all new pairs of shoes have bothered my feet at first. Perhaps the shoes that hurt at first were really not so great for my feet, after all. Or perhaps there's ways to "break shoes in" without having to wear them all day. Perhaps there's a gentler way.-=-
Buying shoes that hurt might have been necessary in 1930, but it's not 1930.
There are families spending big bucks on counsellors to repair relationships. Give those shoes away, or throw them away. They cost less than one sessions with a counsellor. Find him shoes that he loves. Not just shoes he will grudgingly accept so that you get your way. Shoes he LOVES. Shoes that don't hurt at all, not once, not ever.
And if you want to become an unschooler, take him out of school.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
barbaramatessa
Merideth, I didn't think to bring the sandals, but I did apologize that I gave him incorrect information and took his choice away.
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=- Without thinking, I impatiently informed him that all new shoes have to be broken in. -=-
>
> Buying shoes that hurt might have been necessary in 1930, but it's not 1930.
Seriously. I'm amazed by the "life is hard, deal with it" scripts that run when Im stressed.
> There are families spending big bucks on counsellors to repair relationships. Give those shoes away, or throw them away. They cost less than one sessions with a counsellor. Find him shoes that he loves. Not just shoes he will grudgingly accept so that you get your way. Shoes he LOVES. Shoes that don't hurt at all, not once, not ever.
Thanks. It didn't occur to me to have him pick out shoes he loves. I don't have a pair of shoes I love. I'm pretty practical.
> And if you want to become an unschooler, take him out of school.
>
Well, to use your metaphor, I'm not ready to let go of that balloon yet. The program is non-schooly, and my son loves it. I appreciate the nudge.
One more insight I wanted to share. Having my son comply and wear the shoes I wanted did not ease my frustration. It wasn't until I reflected about my mistake and made plans to restore our relationship did I have a sense of lightness and peace.
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-> And if you want to become an unschooler, take him out of school.
That's Joyce's balloon metaphor: http://sandradodd.com/choice#balloon
-=-Thanks. It didn't occur to me to have him pick out shoes he loves. I don't have a pair of shoes I love. I'm pretty practical.-=-
I don't think "practical" means what you think it means.
Do you mean thrifty? Pragmatic? Impatient?
Priorities: http://sandradodd.com/priorities
http://sandradodd.com/joy
If joy isn't one of your goals, unschooling is not going to work. Read this post from Pam Sorooshian two days ago:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/69403
http://sandradodd.com/choices
When you have a choice, make the choice that will make your child's life more comfortable. Shoes is just one of very many things that can be comfortable or painful.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Well, to use your metaphor, I'm not ready to let go of that balloon yet.-=-
That's Joyce's balloon metaphor: http://sandradodd.com/choice#balloon
-=-Thanks. It didn't occur to me to have him pick out shoes he loves. I don't have a pair of shoes I love. I'm pretty practical.-=-
I don't think "practical" means what you think it means.
Do you mean thrifty? Pragmatic? Impatient?
Priorities: http://sandradodd.com/priorities
http://sandradodd.com/joy
If joy isn't one of your goals, unschooling is not going to work. Read this post from Pam Sorooshian two days ago:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/69403
http://sandradodd.com/choices
When you have a choice, make the choice that will make your child's life more comfortable. Shoes is just one of very many things that can be comfortable or painful.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Gwen Montoya
I've had to wear shoes that were uncomfortable. It is awful.
I don't have shoes I love (because I don't love shoes in general. Fashion isn't really my thing). But I do have a pair that is comfortable. I buy one pair of shoes and wear those
until they are not comfortable. Then I replace them.
I would rather visit five different stores
to find the right fit than have my kids be uncomfortable in their clothes. It isn't worth it.
Life is too short to wear uncomfortable shoes or itchy shirts or underwear that rides up.
Gwen
On Oct 25, 2012, at 7:08 PM, "barbaramatessa" <bjelwell@...>
I don't have shoes I love (because I don't love shoes in general. Fashion isn't really my thing). But I do have a pair that is comfortable. I buy one pair of shoes and wear those
until they are not comfortable. Then I replace them.
I would rather visit five different stores
to find the right fit than have my kids be uncomfortable in their clothes. It isn't worth it.
Life is too short to wear uncomfortable shoes or itchy shirts or underwear that rides up.
Gwen
On Oct 25, 2012, at 7:08 PM, "barbaramatessa" <bjelwell@...>
>
> Thanks. It didn't occur to me to have him pick out shoes he loves. I don't have a pair of shoes I love. I'm pretty practical.
>
Kristin
Re: A gentler way to break in shoes-This stuff is cheap & works.
It's called: "Shoe Stretch"
http://www.amazon.com/Railyn-Liquid-Shoe-Stretch-3-5/dp/B007K9CJBW/ref=pd_sbs_shoe_4
You saturate the shoe, the area where it is tight, then wear it with a bulky sock until it fits well. It usually takes less than 15 minutes & usually doesn't hurt to do it. You can also use a shoe form to do the stretching instead of your foot, although I never have tried that.
Here's an example:
http://www.amerimark.com/cgi-bin/amerimark/esearch.html?keywords=085414&media=2GOOG22A&days=XVQ&cm_mmc=PaidSearch-_-GooglePLA-_-199ship-_-08541401000&gclid=CNjP1PmWoLMCFUWo4Aodnh4A7w
I've used it for work on leathers & canvas.
Kristin
It's called: "Shoe Stretch"
http://www.amazon.com/Railyn-Liquid-Shoe-Stretch-3-5/dp/B007K9CJBW/ref=pd_sbs_shoe_4
You saturate the shoe, the area where it is tight, then wear it with a bulky sock until it fits well. It usually takes less than 15 minutes & usually doesn't hurt to do it. You can also use a shoe form to do the stretching instead of your foot, although I never have tried that.
Here's an example:
http://www.amerimark.com/cgi-bin/amerimark/esearch.html?keywords=085414&media=2GOOG22A&days=XVQ&cm_mmc=PaidSearch-_-GooglePLA-_-199ship-_-08541401000&gclid=CNjP1PmWoLMCFUWo4Aodnh4A7w
I've used it for work on leathers & canvas.
Kristin
--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> "barbaramatessa" <bjelwell@> wrote:
> >Or perhaps there's ways to "break shoes in" without having to wear them all day. Perhaps there's a gentler way.
> *************
>
> Some shoes are more comfortable right from the start. I wear steal-toes to work, though, and they take a bit of adjusting - every new pair takes a while for me to get used to. So I plan to adjust a little at a time. I wear them for a few hours and switch to my older shoes, or I wear them shopping or somewhere I'm only going to be in shoes a short time.
>
> If you're picking your son up from the charter, you could bring his sandals and apologize. Even if you're not picking him up, you could tell him you did a little research and found out it's possible to break in shoes a little at a time, and that not all shoes are uncomfortable right away. Apologize and let him know you were wrong - it helps repair the relationship with your kid And it lets him see how an adult takes responsibility for being wrong - in a good way. That's valuable.
>
> ---Meredith
>
Pam Sorooshian
I'm just really surprised that anybody would ever buy a pair of shoes that
didn't feel very comfortable. Okay - I get fashion - sometimes for fashion
purposes, maybe someone wears shoes that aren't the most comfy possible.
But not regularly. And mistakes happen, of course, and a pair of shoes that
felt fine in the shoe store can turn out later to be less comfortable than
expected. In that case there are ways to try to fix the situation (spray
shoe stretch stuff, for example).
But for the person who started this I think maybe you need to hear that 99
percent of the time for myself and 100 percent of the time for my children
I would shop for comfortable shoes and would not even consider taking home
a pair that didn't seem very very comfortable.
-pam
didn't feel very comfortable. Okay - I get fashion - sometimes for fashion
purposes, maybe someone wears shoes that aren't the most comfy possible.
But not regularly. And mistakes happen, of course, and a pair of shoes that
felt fine in the shoe store can turn out later to be less comfortable than
expected. In that case there are ways to try to fix the situation (spray
shoe stretch stuff, for example).
But for the person who started this I think maybe you need to hear that 99
percent of the time for myself and 100 percent of the time for my children
I would shop for comfortable shoes and would not even consider taking home
a pair that didn't seem very very comfortable.
-pam
On Fri, Oct 26, 2012 at 7:47 PM, Kristin <kristinames@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> Re: A gentler way to break in shoes-This stuff is cheap & works.
> It's called: "Shoe Stretch"
>
>
> http://www.amazon.com/Railyn-Liquid-Shoe-Stretch-3-5/dp/B007K9CJBW/ref=pd_sbs_shoe_4
>
> You saturate the shoe, the area where it is tight, then wear it with a
> bulky sock until it fits well. It usually takes less than 15 minutes &
> usually doesn't hurt to do it. You can also use a shoe form to do the
> stretching instead of your foot, although I never have tried that.
> Here's an example:
>
> http://www.amerimark.com/cgi-bin/amerimark/esearch.html?keywords=085414&media=2GOOG22A&days=XVQ&cm_mmc=PaidSearch-_-GooglePLA-_-199ship-_-08541401000&gclid=CNjP1PmWoLMCFUWo4Aodnh4A7w
>
> I've used it for work on leathers & canvas.
>
> Kristin
>
> --- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...>
> wrote:
> >
> > "barbaramatessa" <bjelwell@> wrote:
> > >Or perhaps there's ways to "break shoes in" without having to wear them
> all day. Perhaps there's a gentler way.
> > *************
> >
> > Some shoes are more comfortable right from the start. I wear steal-toes
> to work, though, and they take a bit of adjusting - every new pair takes a
> while for me to get used to. So I plan to adjust a little at a time. I wear
> them for a few hours and switch to my older shoes, or I wear them shopping
> or somewhere I'm only going to be in shoes a short time.
> >
> > If you're picking your son up from the charter, you could bring his
> sandals and apologize. Even if you're not picking him up, you could tell
> him you did a little research and found out it's possible to break in shoes
> a little at a time, and that not all shoes are uncomfortable right away.
> Apologize and let him know you were wrong - it helps repair the
> relationship with your kid And it lets him see how an adult takes
> responsibility for being wrong - in a good way. That's valuable.
> >
> > ---Meredith
> >
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]