family
m_aduhene
hello,
just a couple of questions
just spent a few days with my brother who lives away and we only see him once or twice a year, if that. how do others handle family who think they can tell your children what to do. for example, we went for a walk and my dd 11 chatted away ... it was the first day with them. he told her she talked too much and she should be enjoying the scenery and contemplating. today ... the last day we were all together in the living room and my son asked if he could put a dvd on and was told he could with the sound down. i suggested earphone on the laptop but my son didnt want that so he accepted dvd with sound down. my dd was on the another laptop chatting to a friend and my brother was asking (as he does all the time) is that all she does and could she not join in the chatting. i feel a bit helpless in these situations. neither of children were doing anything wrong as far as i could see. when my dd had wanted to chat the prvious day she had been told not to and then when my brothr wanted to chat she was expected to join in. my ds is very active and was finding it tricky to sit still anyway and the dvd would have distracted him, but he was told he needed to join in the chatting. it's hard. i could have left the room with them but that would have meant disturbing three children. i also did want to see my brother on the last day. how do you meet the needs of your children without offending others...who see things differently?
blessings
michelle
just a couple of questions
just spent a few days with my brother who lives away and we only see him once or twice a year, if that. how do others handle family who think they can tell your children what to do. for example, we went for a walk and my dd 11 chatted away ... it was the first day with them. he told her she talked too much and she should be enjoying the scenery and contemplating. today ... the last day we were all together in the living room and my son asked if he could put a dvd on and was told he could with the sound down. i suggested earphone on the laptop but my son didnt want that so he accepted dvd with sound down. my dd was on the another laptop chatting to a friend and my brother was asking (as he does all the time) is that all she does and could she not join in the chatting. i feel a bit helpless in these situations. neither of children were doing anything wrong as far as i could see. when my dd had wanted to chat the prvious day she had been told not to and then when my brothr wanted to chat she was expected to join in. my ds is very active and was finding it tricky to sit still anyway and the dvd would have distracted him, but he was told he needed to join in the chatting. it's hard. i could have left the room with them but that would have meant disturbing three children. i also did want to see my brother on the last day. how do you meet the needs of your children without offending others...who see things differently?
blessings
michelle
Pam Sorooshian
Don't be attached to your brother's opinions. For example, when he says,
"Is that all she does?" you can smile sweetly and say, "She does a lot of
it." And then let it go. Just let it slide right off of you. You may know
that he still thinks it is too much - but you don't need to change his
mind. Let him think what he thinks. Be sweet and confident in your own
choices. Make sure you and your kids are not using unschooling as an excuse
to be rude (it doesn't sound like you were doing that), and then let go of
the urge to try to get others to approve.
If you get to the point where you really don't need their approval and you
are gently and nicely clear about that, the less open criticism you will
likely be subjected to.
-pam
"Is that all she does?" you can smile sweetly and say, "She does a lot of
it." And then let it go. Just let it slide right off of you. You may know
that he still thinks it is too much - but you don't need to change his
mind. Let him think what he thinks. Be sweet and confident in your own
choices. Make sure you and your kids are not using unschooling as an excuse
to be rude (it doesn't sound like you were doing that), and then let go of
the urge to try to get others to approve.
If you get to the point where you really don't need their approval and you
are gently and nicely clear about that, the less open criticism you will
likely be subjected to.
-pam
On Sun, Jul 29, 2012 at 7:49 AM, m_aduhene <m_aduhene@...> wrote:
> i also did want to see my brother on the last day. how do you meet the
> needs of your children without offending others...who see things
> differently?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
m_aduhene
it really hits deep down though. i know i need to stop being so sensitive. its's just he feels he can comment on lots of things. is there a list of responses somewhere that i can read through so i have them "up my sleeve" so to speak. i always just end up being quiet and not really defending my children which i know i should.
--- In [email protected], Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
> Don't be attached to your brother's opinions. For example, when he says,
> "Is that all she does?" you can smile sweetly and say, "She does a lot of
> it." And then let it go. Just let it slide right off of you. You may know
> that he still thinks it is too much - but you don't need to change his
> mind. Let him think what he thinks. Be sweet and confident in your own
> choices. Make sure you and your kids are not using unschooling as an excuse
> to be rude (it doesn't sound like you were doing that), and then let go of
> the urge to try to get others to approve.
>
> If you get to the point where you really don't need their approval and you
> are gently and nicely clear about that, the less open criticism you will
> likely be subjected to.
>
> -pam
>
> On Sun, Jul 29, 2012 at 7:49 AM, m_aduhene <m_aduhene@...> wrote:
>
> > i also did want to see my brother on the last day. how do you meet the
> > needs of your children without offending others...who see things
> > differently?
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
diana lea jenner
My favorite:
Your concern is appreciated, your approval unnecessary.
Even saying it to yourself helps strengthen the idea in yourself.
~diana jenner
Your concern is appreciated, your approval unnecessary.
Even saying it to yourself helps strengthen the idea in yourself.
~diana jenner
On Jul 29, 2012 9:44 AM, "m_aduhene" <m_aduhene@...> wrote:
>
>
>
> it really hits deep down though. i know i need to stop being so
sensitive. its's just he feels he can comment on lots of things. is there a
list of responses somewhere that i can read through so i have them "up my
sleeve" so to speak. i always just end up being quiet and not really
defending my children which i know i should.
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Here's something that might help a little bit:
http://anunschoolinglife.com/talking-to-an-unschooled-child/
Ideas for how to advise a relative on how to communicate with an unschooled child.
But you might have left out important information.
-=-just spent a few days with my brother who lives away and we only see him once or twice a year, if that. -=-
Where did you spend these days? His house? Your house? A rented vacation home? If so, who paid for it?
Those factors matter.
Other ideas for speaking with family members, though�.
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/responding
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://anunschoolinglife.com/talking-to-an-unschooled-child/
Ideas for how to advise a relative on how to communicate with an unschooled child.
But you might have left out important information.
-=-just spent a few days with my brother who lives away and we only see him once or twice a year, if that. -=-
Where did you spend these days? His house? Your house? A rented vacation home? If so, who paid for it?
Those factors matter.
Other ideas for speaking with family members, though�.
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/
http://sandradodd.com/relatives/responding
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
His relationship with his nieces and nephews is his own, and vice versa. I wouldn't worry about defending your life. I wouldn't worry, either, about protecting children who don't need protecting. If he's being a jerk, and they have the ability to avoid him, they will avoid him. If he is working to be fun and engaging and they will be more likely to enjoy him.
In my own experience, I've found that Simon and Linnaea are much less sensitive to the things that I bristle over. They don't notice so much when someone whose criticism I am sensitive to is critisizing them. They aren't sensitive to it.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
In my own experience, I've found that Simon and Linnaea are much less sensitive to the things that I bristle over. They don't notice so much when someone whose criticism I am sensitive to is critisizing them. They aren't sensitive to it.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]