Why do you unschool?
schuyler_waynforth
I've been wondering what makes someone unschool, or even, just
homeschool. It is this huge investment of self.
Okay. I watched Frontier House a week ago, I guess. For those of
you who didn't see it one family who was voluntarily hauled off into
the wilderness were relatively divorced from each other. That is
they spent very little time together. By the end of their
experience on "the frontier", terminal though it was, they had grown
much closer and spoke of enjoying each other quite a bit. When they
got back to their real lives they abandoned much of what they had
experienced on "the frontier".
See, I had expected that when you discovered the joys of spending
time with each other it would be obvious that anything else was a
less than experience. But by three months post frontiering they
were doing very little to embrace each other.
So, what brought you to the decision that not only being with your
children was more valuable than the potential cash and status you
could earn in the workplace (even recognizing that when two parents
are working outside of the home one income is almost entirely eaten
up by the expenses that are incurred by working outside of the home,
but that these children aer people who are able to voice their own
opinions, recognize their own needs, and choose their own paths?
Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice?
I don't know if I can answer these questions. So, maybe it is
absurd to ask others before I really explore my own choices.
Schuyler
homeschool. It is this huge investment of self.
Okay. I watched Frontier House a week ago, I guess. For those of
you who didn't see it one family who was voluntarily hauled off into
the wilderness were relatively divorced from each other. That is
they spent very little time together. By the end of their
experience on "the frontier", terminal though it was, they had grown
much closer and spoke of enjoying each other quite a bit. When they
got back to their real lives they abandoned much of what they had
experienced on "the frontier".
See, I had expected that when you discovered the joys of spending
time with each other it would be obvious that anything else was a
less than experience. But by three months post frontiering they
were doing very little to embrace each other.
So, what brought you to the decision that not only being with your
children was more valuable than the potential cash and status you
could earn in the workplace (even recognizing that when two parents
are working outside of the home one income is almost entirely eaten
up by the expenses that are incurred by working outside of the home,
but that these children aer people who are able to voice their own
opinions, recognize their own needs, and choose their own paths?
Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice?
I don't know if I can answer these questions. So, maybe it is
absurd to ask others before I really explore my own choices.
Schuyler
[email protected]
<<So, what brought you to the decision that not only being with your
children was more valuable than the potential cash and status you
could earn in the workplace (even recognizing that when two parents
are working outside of the home one income is almost entirely eaten
up by the expenses that are incurred by working outside of the home,
but that these children aer people who are able to voice their own
opinions, recognize their own needs, and choose their own paths?
Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice? >>
Sometimes I wonder if this isn't a "chicken or the egg" kind of thing. I
knew from the moment I held Lanora that nothing would matter more to me
than her well being. Unschooling was a natural outcome of loving and
valuing my kids. I don't think that unless one has this base already
that unschooling would be acceptable.
I tend to think that there is something fundamental about people that
makes them able to see how amazing and valuable their children are. It
makes no sense to me that someone can see their jobs, financial status
and/or "stuff" as more interesting than their own children. It's a state
of mind that I can't begin to understand, that leads me to believe that
it's a difference that goes right to the core of a person.
I also believe that a LOT of people have children because it's one of
those things you do to prove you are normal. You get married, have a
baby and buy a house, thus we have all manner of surrogate parent
institutions.
Kris
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children was more valuable than the potential cash and status you
could earn in the workplace (even recognizing that when two parents
are working outside of the home one income is almost entirely eaten
up by the expenses that are incurred by working outside of the home,
but that these children aer people who are able to voice their own
opinions, recognize their own needs, and choose their own paths?
Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice? >>
Sometimes I wonder if this isn't a "chicken or the egg" kind of thing. I
knew from the moment I held Lanora that nothing would matter more to me
than her well being. Unschooling was a natural outcome of loving and
valuing my kids. I don't think that unless one has this base already
that unschooling would be acceptable.
I tend to think that there is something fundamental about people that
makes them able to see how amazing and valuable their children are. It
makes no sense to me that someone can see their jobs, financial status
and/or "stuff" as more interesting than their own children. It's a state
of mind that I can't begin to understand, that leads me to believe that
it's a difference that goes right to the core of a person.
I also believe that a LOT of people have children because it's one of
those things you do to prove you are normal. You get married, have a
baby and buy a house, thus we have all manner of surrogate parent
institutions.
Kris
________________________________________________________________
GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO!
Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less!
Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit:
http://dl.www.juno.com/get/web/.
schuyler_waynforth
--- In AlwaysLearning@y..., louisam1@j... wrote:
and love their children, too. There seems to be a trade-off between
children and self that goes on in people and for many self wins.
Not that I think unschooling isn't good for me, too. But, people
seem to be spending huge amounts of time away from their children by
choice. There are lots of people for whom their distance from their
children is not so voluntary, I recognize that.
When I was a kid our neighborhood was filled with children. They
were around because their mothers didn't work outside the home, so
they weren't in daycare after school and over the summer. Why are
so many mothers working 15 years later?
occasionally envy moments of solitude, but the resultant loss is far
too great to ever let go of being at home with my kids.
pressure to prove normalcy must be on the decline. And among my
friends who work with their children in school and daycare for far
more hours than they are home are some of the most maternalesque
women I have met. There seems to be a desperate need to work.
I wonder if it is that I am so very lucky to not be married to
someone who uses their income against me.
Schuyler
> Sometimes I wonder if this isn't a "chicken or the egg" kind ofthing. I
> knew from the moment I held Lanora that nothing would matter moreto me
> than her well being. Unschooling was a natural outcome of lovingand
> valuing my kids. I don't think that unless one has this basealready
> that unschooling would be acceptable.I guess it is hard for me to imagine that other people don't value
and love their children, too. There seems to be a trade-off between
children and self that goes on in people and for many self wins.
Not that I think unschooling isn't good for me, too. But, people
seem to be spending huge amounts of time away from their children by
choice. There are lots of people for whom their distance from their
children is not so voluntary, I recognize that.
When I was a kid our neighborhood was filled with children. They
were around because their mothers didn't work outside the home, so
they weren't in daycare after school and over the summer. Why are
so many mothers working 15 years later?
> I tend to think that there is something fundamental about peoplethat
> makes them able to see how amazing and valuable their childrenare. It
> makes no sense to me that someone can see their jobs, financialstatus
> and/or "stuff" as more interesting than their own children. It'sa state
> of mind that I can't begin to understand, that leads me to believethat
> it's a difference that goes right to the core of a person.I can't understand that state of mind, either. Not that I don't
occasionally envy moments of solitude, but the resultant loss is far
too great to ever let go of being at home with my kids.
>of
> I also believe that a LOT of people have children because it's one
> those things you do to prove you are normal. You get married,have a
> baby and buy a house, thus we have all manner of surrogate parentThere are a lot of people now who aren't having children, the
> institutions.
pressure to prove normalcy must be on the decline. And among my
friends who work with their children in school and daycare for far
more hours than they are home are some of the most maternalesque
women I have met. There seems to be a desperate need to work.
I wonder if it is that I am so very lucky to not be married to
someone who uses their income against me.
Schuyler
zenmomma *
>>Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice?>>Maybe because it's not always recognized as a choice people have. You have
kids, you send 'em to school. That's the way it was done for (to) you, so
that's the way you'll do it with your own kids.
I knew from the moment I got pregnant with Conor that I'd never put him in
daycare. I broke lots of currently accepted parenting techniques to be with
him and fully attend to his needs. And yet, I still sent him to school for a
few years. I just never realized there was a different way. Duh!
Someone has to set a different example, open a few doors in people's minds
to let the cobwebs air out. Maybe that's where *we* fit in. ;-)
Life is good.
~Mary
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Hi,
Years ago, as a friend of a friend's husband was complaining to her about her
"unusual" choices for their family (homeschooling, family bed, etc), she
replied - "Don't you think I'd rather be like everybody else, don't you think
that would be easier for me too??? But I just can't."
Who knows why we take this path? My former husband (military) used to ask me
why we couldn't be a "normal" family. I told him to define normal!
Basically he supported my unusual choices, but I think he occassionally got
tired of be so "special" surrounded by much more traditional families. I
surrounded my self with LLL people and un/homeschoolers. He used to tell me
I didn't live in the real world, I told him it was certainly my "real" world
- designed by choice.
And, I think once we commit to this life style for whatever reason, we can
certainly see so many advantages. Now, after over 20 years, when my oldest
son has married a woman who simply doesn't tolerate his family, therefore he
has cut us all out of his life (long painful story), I feel so blessed that I
had all that time with him thro his growing up years. When my daughter
decided to continue to live with her father after our marriage ended, I once
again feel happy that I had so much time with her for the first 13 years.
How far would you go? I went as far as working at the local casino (on the
weekends) for a stint to keep things going and to maintain our
un'/homeschooling situation. After the court dismissed my teaching of the
children at home as not counting at all - so I ended up paying child support
(strange but true!), I wrote and told them I would do whatever it took to
keep that part of my children's lives the same (learning at home). Actually
the casino was as extreme as it got.
I believe the "why" is simply one more of life's great mysteries!! And a
wonderful one that it is!
Connie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Years ago, as a friend of a friend's husband was complaining to her about her
"unusual" choices for their family (homeschooling, family bed, etc), she
replied - "Don't you think I'd rather be like everybody else, don't you think
that would be easier for me too??? But I just can't."
Who knows why we take this path? My former husband (military) used to ask me
why we couldn't be a "normal" family. I told him to define normal!
Basically he supported my unusual choices, but I think he occassionally got
tired of be so "special" surrounded by much more traditional families. I
surrounded my self with LLL people and un/homeschoolers. He used to tell me
I didn't live in the real world, I told him it was certainly my "real" world
- designed by choice.
And, I think once we commit to this life style for whatever reason, we can
certainly see so many advantages. Now, after over 20 years, when my oldest
son has married a woman who simply doesn't tolerate his family, therefore he
has cut us all out of his life (long painful story), I feel so blessed that I
had all that time with him thro his growing up years. When my daughter
decided to continue to live with her father after our marriage ended, I once
again feel happy that I had so much time with her for the first 13 years.
How far would you go? I went as far as working at the local casino (on the
weekends) for a stint to keep things going and to maintain our
un'/homeschooling situation. After the court dismissed my teaching of the
children at home as not counting at all - so I ended up paying child support
(strange but true!), I wrote and told them I would do whatever it took to
keep that part of my children's lives the same (learning at home). Actually
the casino was as extreme as it got.
I believe the "why" is simply one more of life's great mysteries!! And a
wonderful one that it is!
Connie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen
I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a minute. (Deep breath.)
How does unschooling differ from good parenting? Sandra's account of the
multiple wrecks (be careful out there, by the way!), while pointing out the
serendipitous learning that can occur anywhere, does not strike me as
"unschooling" as much as it does just being a good parent. Maybe I define
"good parenting" differently than others. But even when my kids were in
school way back, I still did the things I do now; I just had less time to do
them in. Having them home gives me more time to show them things, have fun
together, experience things. How do I explain that to someone who's asking
about unschooling? When I try, I end up sounding defensive (to my ears,
anyway.) How do you explain unschooling without justifying it?
It's quite possible I should stop trying to explain it (I just about have)
or just choose my audiences more carefully.
It's also possible that unschooling IS good parenting, and education is what
has separated us from that fact. Wow. I may need to think on that awhile!
Karen
How does unschooling differ from good parenting? Sandra's account of the
multiple wrecks (be careful out there, by the way!), while pointing out the
serendipitous learning that can occur anywhere, does not strike me as
"unschooling" as much as it does just being a good parent. Maybe I define
"good parenting" differently than others. But even when my kids were in
school way back, I still did the things I do now; I just had less time to do
them in. Having them home gives me more time to show them things, have fun
together, experience things. How do I explain that to someone who's asking
about unschooling? When I try, I end up sounding defensive (to my ears,
anyway.) How do you explain unschooling without justifying it?
It's quite possible I should stop trying to explain it (I just about have)
or just choose my audiences more carefully.
It's also possible that unschooling IS good parenting, and education is what
has separated us from that fact. Wow. I may need to think on that awhile!
Karen
Karen
[>> And, I think once we commit to this life style for whatever reason, we
can
certainly see so many advantages. Now, after over 20 years, when my oldest
son has married a woman who simply doesn't tolerate his family, therefore he
has cut us all out of his life (long painful story), I feel so blessed that
I
had all that time with him thro his growing up years. When my daughter
decided to continue to live with her father after our marriage ended, I once
again feel happy that I had so much time with her for the first 13 years. <<
I was just thinking that the other day. If the absolute worst were to
happen, and something took me away from my kids (death, divorce, their
decision, whatever), then I would have no regrets about the last few years.
How many people can say that? What a gift we've given ourselves!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
can
certainly see so many advantages. Now, after over 20 years, when my oldest
son has married a woman who simply doesn't tolerate his family, therefore he
has cut us all out of his life (long painful story), I feel so blessed that
I
had all that time with him thro his growing up years. When my daughter
decided to continue to live with her father after our marriage ended, I once
again feel happy that I had so much time with her for the first 13 years. <<
I was just thinking that the other day. If the absolute worst were to
happen, and something took me away from my kids (death, divorce, their
decision, whatever), then I would have no regrets about the last few years.
How many people can say that? What a gift we've given ourselves!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/8/02 9:26:04 AM, kbmatlock@... writes:
<< Sandra's account of the
multiple wrecks (be careful out there, by the way!), while pointing out the
serendipitous learning that can occur anywhere, does not strike me as
"unschooling" as much as it does just being a good parent. >>
If Holly needed to be in school Tuesday morning, having her outside at 11:30
at night (the whole deal lasted an hour, and started just after 10:30) would
be considered BAD parenting--she would be up past her bedtime, not "preparing
for school" by getting enough sleep.
<<How do you explain unschooling without justifying it?>>
When people who aren't doing it try to explain it, it seems they usually get
it wrong.
I think those who are living this way, who explain it to others, come across
as justifying because they are being asked to do so!
Sandra
<< Sandra's account of the
multiple wrecks (be careful out there, by the way!), while pointing out the
serendipitous learning that can occur anywhere, does not strike me as
"unschooling" as much as it does just being a good parent. >>
If Holly needed to be in school Tuesday morning, having her outside at 11:30
at night (the whole deal lasted an hour, and started just after 10:30) would
be considered BAD parenting--she would be up past her bedtime, not "preparing
for school" by getting enough sleep.
<<How do you explain unschooling without justifying it?>>
When people who aren't doing it try to explain it, it seems they usually get
it wrong.
I think those who are living this way, who explain it to others, come across
as justifying because they are being asked to do so!
Sandra
Nanci Kuykendall
<<So, what brought you to the decision that not only
being with your children was more valuable than the
potential cash and status you could earn in the
workplace .......that these children aer people who
are able to voice their own opinions, recognize their
own needs, and choose their own paths? Why is it that
this choice is not the obvious choice? >>
that my brother and I were status children, trophies
if you will. My parents were never very interested in
spending time with us, in what our thoughts, feelings
or dreams were. They never had any parental
"hear-to-hearts" with us or other examples of
closeness. They were more concerned with what we
would achieve, what our "potential" was (as though we
had to earn their love and respect by proving
ourselves worthy by our status and income level later
in life.) Every personal or academic failure was
treated as a personal offense against them. They lied
to their peers to have more acceptable explanations
for our behaviors. They threatened us with dire
consequences (like being kicked out or beaten) if we
did not meet their academic expectations. Externally,
they were the stepford parents with the big, nice
house, stay at home mom, professional dad and all the
trimmings of a successful life in the 80's.
Internally they were dysfunctional, alcoholic,
codependent, abusive, guilt driven and manipulative.
So why do I unschool? Why are my kids so important to
me? I think these are things that I came to
unconsciously as a child and I could never concieve of
being any other way. Certainly I could never be what
my parents were to me. I forcibly persued my own
unschooling (without the labels for it) throughout my
education, more agressively after I was 14. I never
want my children to feel pushed into the corner that I
was, or to feel unloved or unwanted. I never want
them to feel that sting of knowing you are a
dissappointment to your parents, or that they tell
their friends lies about you so you'll sound more
impressive or under control.
I have other reasons for Unschooling now, but it began
there.
Nanci K.
__________________________________________________
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Yahoo! Health - your guide to health and wellness
http://health.yahoo.com
being with your children was more valuable than the
potential cash and status you could earn in the
workplace .......that these children aer people who
are able to voice their own opinions, recognize their
own needs, and choose their own paths? Why is it that
this choice is not the obvious choice? >>
>Unschooling was a natural outcome of loving andThose are my parents you are talking about. I believe
>valuing my kids. ......I tend to think that there is
>something fundamental about people that
>makes them able to see how amazing and valuable their
>children are. It makes no sense to me that someone
>can see their jobs, financial status and/or "stuff"
>as more interesting than their own children. It's a
>state of mind that I can't begin to understand, that
>leads me to believe that it's a difference that goes
>right to the core of a person.
>I also believe that a LOT of people have children
>because it's one ofthose things you do to prove you
>are normal. Kris
that my brother and I were status children, trophies
if you will. My parents were never very interested in
spending time with us, in what our thoughts, feelings
or dreams were. They never had any parental
"hear-to-hearts" with us or other examples of
closeness. They were more concerned with what we
would achieve, what our "potential" was (as though we
had to earn their love and respect by proving
ourselves worthy by our status and income level later
in life.) Every personal or academic failure was
treated as a personal offense against them. They lied
to their peers to have more acceptable explanations
for our behaviors. They threatened us with dire
consequences (like being kicked out or beaten) if we
did not meet their academic expectations. Externally,
they were the stepford parents with the big, nice
house, stay at home mom, professional dad and all the
trimmings of a successful life in the 80's.
Internally they were dysfunctional, alcoholic,
codependent, abusive, guilt driven and manipulative.
So why do I unschool? Why are my kids so important to
me? I think these are things that I came to
unconsciously as a child and I could never concieve of
being any other way. Certainly I could never be what
my parents were to me. I forcibly persued my own
unschooling (without the labels for it) throughout my
education, more agressively after I was 14. I never
want my children to feel pushed into the corner that I
was, or to feel unloved or unwanted. I never want
them to feel that sting of knowing you are a
dissappointment to your parents, or that they tell
their friends lies about you so you'll sound more
impressive or under control.
I have other reasons for Unschooling now, but it began
there.
Nanci K.
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Health - your guide to health and wellness
http://health.yahoo.com
Jocelyn Vilter
I don't think that three months in the wilderness can make up for a lifetime
pattern of (my first thought was to write selfishness, but I don't think
that's quite right) thinking certain ways about things - rigidity.
When we found out we were having a baby, it seemed to me that nothing was
the way it was before - everything was to be questioned and examined. I
knew pretty early on that I wasn't going back to work after the birth, but I
was still thinking in terms of sending him to kindergarten. We lived in
this pretty ideal neighborhood, lots of young children, the stroller brigade
every evening, front porch sitting etc. EVERYBODY there sent their kids to
school though. Then when Matthew was 9 months old, I started attending LLL
meetings. Not for breastfeeding support, but because I wanted to meet some
folks who were understanding about keeping a family bed. Turned out, lots
of them homeschooled. They never pushed that as part of the meetings, but
just watching their kids in action was enough to convince me.
The older he got, the less natural it felt to us to send him away for so
many hours of the day. I think we made the decision to homeschool when he
was about three. At the beginning, we said we'd just try it for a year at a
time. Haven't said that for awhile now.
We started out homeschooling, but never in what I would call a rigid way - I
bought workbooks and manipulatives that looked fun to me, and if he didn't
want to mess with something we let it go. Then I discovered the homeschool
connection at AOL, and katie bar the door <G>.
Someone new came to our homeschool group today and the conversation turned
to charter schools and curriculum - I had to just walk away. I have no
patience for that anymore.
jocelyn,
the old and cranky and long winded
pattern of (my first thought was to write selfishness, but I don't think
that's quite right) thinking certain ways about things - rigidity.
When we found out we were having a baby, it seemed to me that nothing was
the way it was before - everything was to be questioned and examined. I
knew pretty early on that I wasn't going back to work after the birth, but I
was still thinking in terms of sending him to kindergarten. We lived in
this pretty ideal neighborhood, lots of young children, the stroller brigade
every evening, front porch sitting etc. EVERYBODY there sent their kids to
school though. Then when Matthew was 9 months old, I started attending LLL
meetings. Not for breastfeeding support, but because I wanted to meet some
folks who were understanding about keeping a family bed. Turned out, lots
of them homeschooled. They never pushed that as part of the meetings, but
just watching their kids in action was enough to convince me.
The older he got, the less natural it felt to us to send him away for so
many hours of the day. I think we made the decision to homeschool when he
was about three. At the beginning, we said we'd just try it for a year at a
time. Haven't said that for awhile now.
We started out homeschooling, but never in what I would call a rigid way - I
bought workbooks and manipulatives that looked fun to me, and if he didn't
want to mess with something we let it go. Then I discovered the homeschool
connection at AOL, and katie bar the door <G>.
Someone new came to our homeschool group today and the conversation turned
to charter schools and curriculum - I had to just walk away. I have no
patience for that anymore.
jocelyn,
the old and cranky and long winded
> From: "schuyler_waynforth" <dwaynf@...>
> Reply-To: [email protected]
> Date: Tue, 07 May 2002 16:12:05 -0000
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Why do you unschool?
>
> I've been wondering what makes someone unschool, or even, just
> homeschool. It is this huge investment of self.
>
> Okay. I watched Frontier House a week ago, I guess. For those of
> you who didn't see it one family who was voluntarily hauled off into
> the wilderness were relatively divorced from each other. That is
> they spent very little time together. By the end of their
> experience on "the frontier", terminal though it was, they had grown
> much closer and spoke of enjoying each other quite a bit. When they
> got back to their real lives they abandoned much of what they had
> experienced on "the frontier".
>
> See, I had expected that when you discovered the joys of spending
> time with each other it would be obvious that anything else was a
> less than experience. But by three months post frontiering they
> were doing very little to embrace each other.
>
> So, what brought you to the decision that not only being with your
> children was more valuable than the potential cash and status you
> could earn in the workplace (even recognizing that when two parents
> are working outside of the home one income is almost entirely eaten
> up by the expenses that are incurred by working outside of the home,
> but that these children aer people who are able to voice their own
> opinions, recognize their own needs, and choose their own paths?
> Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice?
>
> I don't know if I can answer these questions. So, maybe it is
> absurd to ask others before I really explore my own choices.
>
> Schuyler
moonmeghan
<<<<--- In AlwaysLearning@y..., "schuyler_waynforth"
<dwaynf@u...> wrote:
So, what brought you to the decision that not only being with your
can remember.
I was in an experimental class from 3rd to 6th grade. It was
multi-grades, cubby holes, reading loft, math dome, etc., and no
desks. We all filled out an 'estimate form' every Monday for the
week. On it we said how much work we would/could do during
the week. There was always stuff going on in the class (like
making a stained glass windows, pottery, science experiments,
etc.) that you could get involved in if you wanted to. You could go
out to play anytime you wanted to. It was pure heaven (and as
close to unschooling that you could get to in a public school)! I
think it was probably then that I realized that this is what learning
is all about. I did terrible in school and hated it from 7th grade
on. After all, I had experienced the best that school could offer
me in the previous years.
I have also never been particularly ambitious. I am happy to live
simply and do not feel the need for recognition. I have always
been very intuitive and I generally do what 'feels right' to me. So
far my intuition has served me well. Every bit of intuition I have
tells me that this is the right thing for me to be doing. And if
doubts creep in, the universe always finds a way to show me that
I'm on the right track.
I knew from the moment Tamzin was born, that we were on this
journey in partnership. I look at my role in her life as a facilitator
and guide, and to provide unconditional love. I learn from her
and she learns from me.
Meghan
<dwaynf@u...> wrote:
So, what brought you to the decision that not only being with your
> children was more valuable than the potential cash and statusyou
> could earn in the workplace (even recognizing that when twoparents
> are working outside of the home one income is almost entirelyeaten
> up by the expenses that are incurred by working outside of thehome,
> but that these children aer people who are able to voice theirown
> opinions, recognize their own needs, and choose their ownpaths?
> Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice? >>>>I guess for me it has been 'the obvious choice' for as long as I
can remember.
I was in an experimental class from 3rd to 6th grade. It was
multi-grades, cubby holes, reading loft, math dome, etc., and no
desks. We all filled out an 'estimate form' every Monday for the
week. On it we said how much work we would/could do during
the week. There was always stuff going on in the class (like
making a stained glass windows, pottery, science experiments,
etc.) that you could get involved in if you wanted to. You could go
out to play anytime you wanted to. It was pure heaven (and as
close to unschooling that you could get to in a public school)! I
think it was probably then that I realized that this is what learning
is all about. I did terrible in school and hated it from 7th grade
on. After all, I had experienced the best that school could offer
me in the previous years.
I have also never been particularly ambitious. I am happy to live
simply and do not feel the need for recognition. I have always
been very intuitive and I generally do what 'feels right' to me. So
far my intuition has served me well. Every bit of intuition I have
tells me that this is the right thing for me to be doing. And if
doubts creep in, the universe always finds a way to show me that
I'm on the right track.
I knew from the moment Tamzin was born, that we were on this
journey in partnership. I look at my role in her life as a facilitator
and guide, and to provide unconditional love. I learn from her
and she learns from me.
Meghan
Kinkade
<< So, what brought you to the decision that not only being with your children was more valuable than the potential cash and status
you could earn in the workplace (even recognizing that when two parents are working outside of the home one income is almost entirely eaten up by the expenses that are incurred by working outside of the home), but that these children are people who are able to voice their own opinions, recognize their own needs, and choose their own paths? >>
What brought me to the decision I have made? When my children were very young, 3 and under, I did work. I had a great job working for Martin Marietta, as an assistant to the head of a dept. My husband worked as a Programmer for the same company. At the time I was making very good money. I was able to put my girls in a "great" daycare, with a very good reputation. But as time went on, I saw more and more problems with it. Serious fighting with between kids, my youngest daughter getting sick, having an allergic reaction, and noone called me, and so on. So, my husband and I sat down one night, and talked about what we really wanted. I wanted to be a part of their lives. I didn't want to be like my mother, she worked all the time, we were raised by babysitters, and now I have vurtually no relationship with either of my parents. I loved my children more that I could imagine. The idea of not being with them was torture. So, we decided I would leave my job. As a result we found that we actually had more finances available, since I wasn't buying clothes for work, paying daycare, less doctor visits as the girls were healthier, less eating out as I was home more.
As for homeschooling? That idea had never occured to me. I had never even heard of it. I didn't know that we could teach our own children... Sounds funny now. : ) My husband new about it, and "informed" me that we should do this. I wasn't sure I could teach my own child... I even enrolled her in Kindergarten. But I talked with other hs moms, who gently laughed at me when I told them I didn't think I could teach my own child. One mom, said, "You seem to be doing good so far", then explained to me that, I had taught her to walk, talk, dress herself, and more... why couldn't I just continue. So I did it... And it was such a joy, I wouldn't change a thing.
<< Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice? >>
Some people don't see their children as the woderful people they are. They don't see the joy that children bring to their lives. I had a mom tell me once, that she couldn't wait for kindergarten to start for her oldes child, she was looking forward to "getting rid of him" for the day. She spoke very badly about him. She told me how difficult he was, always wanting something, needing to eat first thing in the morning, wanting to play outside, asking for his crayons... and the list went on. I was completely shocked. This is so oposite for how I feel about my kids. It is just natural for me to love them. I wish I had the answer for why it isn't the most obvious choice... perhaps some parents don't "love" their children. Perhaps it is that some parents have children as a status symble.
Rebecca
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you could earn in the workplace (even recognizing that when two parents are working outside of the home one income is almost entirely eaten up by the expenses that are incurred by working outside of the home), but that these children are people who are able to voice their own opinions, recognize their own needs, and choose their own paths? >>
What brought me to the decision I have made? When my children were very young, 3 and under, I did work. I had a great job working for Martin Marietta, as an assistant to the head of a dept. My husband worked as a Programmer for the same company. At the time I was making very good money. I was able to put my girls in a "great" daycare, with a very good reputation. But as time went on, I saw more and more problems with it. Serious fighting with between kids, my youngest daughter getting sick, having an allergic reaction, and noone called me, and so on. So, my husband and I sat down one night, and talked about what we really wanted. I wanted to be a part of their lives. I didn't want to be like my mother, she worked all the time, we were raised by babysitters, and now I have vurtually no relationship with either of my parents. I loved my children more that I could imagine. The idea of not being with them was torture. So, we decided I would leave my job. As a result we found that we actually had more finances available, since I wasn't buying clothes for work, paying daycare, less doctor visits as the girls were healthier, less eating out as I was home more.
As for homeschooling? That idea had never occured to me. I had never even heard of it. I didn't know that we could teach our own children... Sounds funny now. : ) My husband new about it, and "informed" me that we should do this. I wasn't sure I could teach my own child... I even enrolled her in Kindergarten. But I talked with other hs moms, who gently laughed at me when I told them I didn't think I could teach my own child. One mom, said, "You seem to be doing good so far", then explained to me that, I had taught her to walk, talk, dress herself, and more... why couldn't I just continue. So I did it... And it was such a joy, I wouldn't change a thing.
<< Why is it that this choice is not the obvious choice? >>
Some people don't see their children as the woderful people they are. They don't see the joy that children bring to their lives. I had a mom tell me once, that she couldn't wait for kindergarten to start for her oldes child, she was looking forward to "getting rid of him" for the day. She spoke very badly about him. She told me how difficult he was, always wanting something, needing to eat first thing in the morning, wanting to play outside, asking for his crayons... and the list went on. I was completely shocked. This is so oposite for how I feel about my kids. It is just natural for me to love them. I wish I had the answer for why it isn't the most obvious choice... perhaps some parents don't "love" their children. Perhaps it is that some parents have children as a status symble.
Rebecca
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/9/02 8:05:23 AM, kinkade@... writes:
<< then explained to me that, I had taught her to walk, talk, dress herself,
and more... why couldn't I just continue. So I did it... And it was such a
joy, I wouldn't change a thing.
was inspired.
I just want to comment on what your friends told you, and teaching kids to
walk and talk.
If more people were told "You didn't teach your kids to walk and talk, you
won't have to teach them to read or learn math either," I think it would make
homeschooling even easier!
The way my kids learned to walk is the way they learned to do math. The way
they learned to talk is the way they learned to read. They had a natural
human curiosity and desire to do what other humans were doing, to
communicate, and make sense of the world. We provided them a safe,
supportive environment with encouraging feedback while they figured it out,
with our help when they needed help.
Sometimes when a parent thinks she taught her child to walk and talk, she
comes to think she will have to teach him everything else in life too.
I think its a wonderful unschooling tool for people to look at how natural
learning takes place in such HUGE things as walking/running/climbing, and
speaking a complex language with correct verbs and pronouns.
Sandra
<< then explained to me that, I had taught her to walk, talk, dress herself,
and more... why couldn't I just continue. So I did it... And it was such a
joy, I wouldn't change a thing.
>>Rebecca, I liked what you wrote, and this isn't criticism of it at all! I
was inspired.
I just want to comment on what your friends told you, and teaching kids to
walk and talk.
If more people were told "You didn't teach your kids to walk and talk, you
won't have to teach them to read or learn math either," I think it would make
homeschooling even easier!
The way my kids learned to walk is the way they learned to do math. The way
they learned to talk is the way they learned to read. They had a natural
human curiosity and desire to do what other humans were doing, to
communicate, and make sense of the world. We provided them a safe,
supportive environment with encouraging feedback while they figured it out,
with our help when they needed help.
Sometimes when a parent thinks she taught her child to walk and talk, she
comes to think she will have to teach him everything else in life too.
I think its a wonderful unschooling tool for people to look at how natural
learning takes place in such HUGE things as walking/running/climbing, and
speaking a complex language with correct verbs and pronouns.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/9/02 1:27:26 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I knew from the moment Tamzin was born, that we were on this
journey in partnership. I look at my role in her life as a facilitator
and guide, and to provide unconditional love. I learn from her
and she learns from me. >>
That was really sweet Meghan, I like that.
Ren
[email protected] writes:
<< I knew from the moment Tamzin was born, that we were on this
journey in partnership. I look at my role in her life as a facilitator
and guide, and to provide unconditional love. I learn from her
and she learns from me. >>
That was really sweet Meghan, I like that.
Ren
[email protected]
Pat,
It sounds to me like you really understand unschooling. So in my opinion,
there is fear motivating you right now.
Once you lose the fear and embrace joy, I think it will make the journey
easier.
Try to narrow down what it is you are fearing. That the children won't be
successful in life? That they won't learn what they need? What exactly is
creating this fear of totally letting go?
Live for today. Make today as joyful and fun as possible and the future will
take care of itself.
I recently wrote a little essay on joy vs. fear and how unschooling has
affected all aspects of my life. Maybe a little journaling would help you
put these feelings into perspective?
I know that can really help me and then later, I get to read back on how much
I've changed and see the progress.
You don't have to do amazing projects every day, when you come to these
messages and read about all the cool stuff people are doing, try to remember
it comes in spurts usually. And you're reading about many different families
so it only sounds like there are a million exceptionally cool things going on
every single moment.
Most families have quiet time just hanging out (or not so quiet in my case),
watching tv, playing video games, just going for walks, swimming....just
"normal" family activity.
The really amazing moments and fascinating projects can't be scheduled,
because the best things happen in a serendipitous kind of way.
If you look at the world with fascination,
If you can tap into your own curiosity...you will be well on your way.
Ren
It sounds to me like you really understand unschooling. So in my opinion,
there is fear motivating you right now.
Once you lose the fear and embrace joy, I think it will make the journey
easier.
Try to narrow down what it is you are fearing. That the children won't be
successful in life? That they won't learn what they need? What exactly is
creating this fear of totally letting go?
Live for today. Make today as joyful and fun as possible and the future will
take care of itself.
I recently wrote a little essay on joy vs. fear and how unschooling has
affected all aspects of my life. Maybe a little journaling would help you
put these feelings into perspective?
I know that can really help me and then later, I get to read back on how much
I've changed and see the progress.
You don't have to do amazing projects every day, when you come to these
messages and read about all the cool stuff people are doing, try to remember
it comes in spurts usually. And you're reading about many different families
so it only sounds like there are a million exceptionally cool things going on
every single moment.
Most families have quiet time just hanging out (or not so quiet in my case),
watching tv, playing video games, just going for walks, swimming....just
"normal" family activity.
The really amazing moments and fascinating projects can't be scheduled,
because the best things happen in a serendipitous kind of way.
If you look at the world with fascination,
If you can tap into your own curiosity...you will be well on your way.
Ren
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/9/02 8:39:44 AM, starsuncloud@... writes:
<< I recently wrote a little essay on joy vs. fear and how unschooling has
affected all aspects of my life. >>
Is it public? Awaiting publication? Published in a local newsletter?
(The real question is: Can we see it?)
Sandra
<< I recently wrote a little essay on joy vs. fear and how unschooling has
affected all aspects of my life. >>
Is it public? Awaiting publication? Published in a local newsletter?
(The real question is: Can we see it?)
Sandra
moonmeghan
<<<<--- In AlwaysLearning@y..., starsuncloud@c... wrote:
somewhere?
Meghan
> I recently wrote a little essay on joy vs. fear and howunschooling has
> affected all aspects of my life. >>>>Ooh Ren! Could we see this? I'd love to read it. Is it published
somewhere?
Meghan
Dan Vilter
on 5/7/02 9:12 AM, schuyler_waynforth at dwaynf@... wrote:
large education program and many of the students who were getting their
teaching credential were taking my drama classes. These students just seemed
so unprepared to me. I couldn't see turning over my child to someone who
didn't know the difference between the Greek and Roman cultures or why we
went to the moon or that 2 + 2 doesn't always equal four or even how to
utilize the classroom experience. So the choice to homeschool was easy for
me to make when Jocelyn suggested it.
Embracing unschooling took a bit longer. It was a very hard for me to stop
wanting the proof. I wanted the worksheets or tests or something to "prove"
that he was learning. But Jocelyn just kept sending me the occasional post
from the AOL homeschooling connection, many from Sandra, and it started to
make a lot of sense to me. Somebody had posted about how humans learn. It
had to do with obtaining food and not being eaten by lion. Illustrating how
a great deal is learned when the interest comes from within. There was also
discussion about how damaging test taking can be. I identified with this.
Then I heard Sandra speak at a conference. I can't remember specifically
what she talked about. But the concepts that I had examined were reinforced.
It was seeing people in person that embraced unschooling that gave validity
to the idea for me. I meet and became friends with Pam and her kids. I also
sought out adults that were homeschooled children and I saw pleasant,
intelligent, engaging people. I then felt confidence in our chosen journey.
-Dan Vilter
> I've been wondering what makes someone unschool, or even, juston 5/8/02 7:56 PM, Jocelyn Vilter at JVilter@... wrote:
> homeschool. It is this huge investment of self.
> The older he got, the less natural it felt to us to send him away for soAt this same time I was teaching at a large university in Texas. It had a
> many hours of the day. I think we made the decision to homeschool when he
> was about three. At the beginning, we said we'd just try it for a year at a
> time. Haven't said that for awhile now.
>
large education program and many of the students who were getting their
teaching credential were taking my drama classes. These students just seemed
so unprepared to me. I couldn't see turning over my child to someone who
didn't know the difference between the Greek and Roman cultures or why we
went to the moon or that 2 + 2 doesn't always equal four or even how to
utilize the classroom experience. So the choice to homeschool was easy for
me to make when Jocelyn suggested it.
Embracing unschooling took a bit longer. It was a very hard for me to stop
wanting the proof. I wanted the worksheets or tests or something to "prove"
that he was learning. But Jocelyn just kept sending me the occasional post
from the AOL homeschooling connection, many from Sandra, and it started to
make a lot of sense to me. Somebody had posted about how humans learn. It
had to do with obtaining food and not being eaten by lion. Illustrating how
a great deal is learned when the interest comes from within. There was also
discussion about how damaging test taking can be. I identified with this.
Then I heard Sandra speak at a conference. I can't remember specifically
what she talked about. But the concepts that I had examined were reinforced.
It was seeing people in person that embraced unschooling that gave validity
to the idea for me. I meet and became friends with Pam and her kids. I also
sought out adults that were homeschooled children and I saw pleasant,
intelligent, engaging people. I then felt confidence in our chosen journey.
-Dan Vilter
[email protected]
<<I guess it is hard for me to imagine that other people don't value
and love their children, too. There seems to be a trade-off between
children and self that goes on in people and for many self wins>>
That's a good point too, a deeper picture into why we unschool. I can't
separate my well being from my children's. This doesn't mean being alike
or agreeing on our preferences but enjoying one another's differences and
satisfaction. Lanora and I are beginning to see our differences of taste
in the "fashion" realm now. It's nice when she likes what I like but I
would rather see her in something that she enjoys even if it makes no
aesthetic sense to me. It would be no fun to see her feeling less than
satisfied with how she looks even if it means complying with my ideas.
Their happiness and peace are mingled with mine. I unschool because it
is what's best for them AND for all of us. I would be miserable if I put
them in school and went back to a job that kept me from doing what I'm
doing now. I don't see the financial choices I've made as "sacrifices",
I am happy here.
Kris
________________________________________________________________
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and love their children, too. There seems to be a trade-off between
children and self that goes on in people and for many self wins>>
That's a good point too, a deeper picture into why we unschool. I can't
separate my well being from my children's. This doesn't mean being alike
or agreeing on our preferences but enjoying one another's differences and
satisfaction. Lanora and I are beginning to see our differences of taste
in the "fashion" realm now. It's nice when she likes what I like but I
would rather see her in something that she enjoys even if it makes no
aesthetic sense to me. It would be no fun to see her feeling less than
satisfied with how she looks even if it means complying with my ideas.
Their happiness and peace are mingled with mine. I unschool because it
is what's best for them AND for all of us. I would be miserable if I put
them in school and went back to a job that kept me from doing what I'm
doing now. I don't see the financial choices I've made as "sacrifices",
I am happy here.
Kris
________________________________________________________________
GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO!
Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less!
Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit:
http://dl.www.juno.com/get/web/.