New, Intro & Question
[email protected]
Hi All..I just joined a few days ago. We live in the Southern part of USA. Our family consists of Me, dh, ds (6), dd (10). We've been homeschooling for almost 5yrs. I started looking into unschooling nearly 2yrs ago.
Over the past year, I've been trying to ease my dd into it and it just doesn't seem to work for her--AT ALL, really, not at all. For ds, he's thrived. It's obvious by a conversation with him, that he has great thinking skills. He's just great academically and I have no worries at all (about him). He does have a couple "rules" for school but that is to listen when I read, for example. Everyone is impressed by him, especially since he can read very well and has never taught--you know, things like this.
DD on the other hand, seems to not even like the idea of unschooling. I'm a laid-back, no calendar, go-with-the-flow person (as are dh and ds). She just seems to be a VERY STRUCTURED, needs a calendar, needs instructions, needs reviews, tests, grades, feedback. Is it possible that unschooling just won't work with certain personality types?
Thanks,
Anne
Over the past year, I've been trying to ease my dd into it and it just doesn't seem to work for her--AT ALL, really, not at all. For ds, he's thrived. It's obvious by a conversation with him, that he has great thinking skills. He's just great academically and I have no worries at all (about him). He does have a couple "rules" for school but that is to listen when I read, for example. Everyone is impressed by him, especially since he can read very well and has never taught--you know, things like this.
DD on the other hand, seems to not even like the idea of unschooling. I'm a laid-back, no calendar, go-with-the-flow person (as are dh and ds). She just seems to be a VERY STRUCTURED, needs a calendar, needs instructions, needs reviews, tests, grades, feedback. Is it possible that unschooling just won't work with certain personality types?
Thanks,
Anne
Sandra Dodd
-= He does have a couple "rules" for school but that is to listen when I read, for example. -=-
Why?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Why?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anne Bradley
Well, it's not like you can force someone to "listen", poor choice of words, I suppose. But, if he doesn't sit still or is distracting I put the book down...he is either interested or not; I'm not going to try to read over him doing other things, especially if I am reading something to him that he can read to himself whenever he wants....but he is older now and this is seldom an issue anymore as he mostly curls in the chair and reads by himself and sometimes I am lucky to hear him read aloud.
________________________________
From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 12:43 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] New, Intro & Question
-= He does have a couple "rules" for school but that is to listen when I read, for example. -=-
Why?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
________________________________
From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 12:43 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] New, Intro & Question
-= He does have a couple "rules" for school but that is to listen when I read, for example. -=-
Why?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 7, 2012, at 1:29 AM, annehomeschooling@... wrote:
If your vision of unschooling is that it looks like school or that it looks like anything other than playing, then that's why it's not working for you.
What do you mean by your son is "great academically"? Does that mean on his own he does things that look like school? Or that he has skills that schools work hard to get kids to do like reading, writing, addition?
Are you expecting your daughter to do the same?
Why not just ask if he wants you to continue? Some kids need to move around or do other things while they're listening. It helps them listen!
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Is it possible that unschooling just won't work with certain personality types?What do you expect unschooling to look like? What does not working look like?
If your vision of unschooling is that it looks like school or that it looks like anything other than playing, then that's why it's not working for you.
What do you mean by your son is "great academically"? Does that mean on his own he does things that look like school? Or that he has skills that schools work hard to get kids to do like reading, writing, addition?
Are you expecting your daughter to do the same?
> But, if he doesn't sit still or is distracting I put the book down...Why is that a rule?
Why not just ask if he wants you to continue? Some kids need to move around or do other things while they're listening. It helps them listen!
> especially if I am reading something to him that he can read to himself whenever he wantsWhy is that a consideration? It's more relationship building to take his needs seriously. If he's asking you to read when he can do it himself, it's because you reading to him is meeting some other need, perhaps for your attention, to be close to you, to hear your voice.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Well, it's not like you can force someone to "listen", poor choice of words, I suppose. But, if he doesn't sit still or is distracting I put the book down...he is either interested or not-=-
My question was intended to help you think about the purpose of reading to him, and whether there was a principle or benefit beneath your rule.
He can be a good listener (in your model) meaning "sit still," or he can be punished (or maybe from his point of view rewarded) by you ceasing to read.
That sounds more antagonistic than necessary.
If he were coloring or playing with Lego while you were reading, would you assume he wasn't listening?
Even when a child has the ability to read to himself, he can't do so as fluidly as you probably can. You know the pronunciations of more words than he knows. He could be soothed by the sound of your voice. There are many benefits other than him taking in the story or information.
If you know WHY you're reading to him, decisions about how, where, when, etc. are easier to negotiate on a case-by-case, moment-by-moment basis.
http:///sandradodd.com/partners/child
http://sandradodd.com/rules
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My question was intended to help you think about the purpose of reading to him, and whether there was a principle or benefit beneath your rule.
He can be a good listener (in your model) meaning "sit still," or he can be punished (or maybe from his point of view rewarded) by you ceasing to read.
That sounds more antagonistic than necessary.
If he were coloring or playing with Lego while you were reading, would you assume he wasn't listening?
Even when a child has the ability to read to himself, he can't do so as fluidly as you probably can. You know the pronunciations of more words than he knows. He could be soothed by the sound of your voice. There are many benefits other than him taking in the story or information.
If you know WHY you're reading to him, decisions about how, where, when, etc. are easier to negotiate on a case-by-case, moment-by-moment basis.
http:///sandradodd.com/partners/child
http://sandradodd.com/rules
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
I am one of those that need to be doing something while listening to a story.
I am an avid reader but having a busy life makes it harder to just sit and read like I would like
so I gave audio books a try not long ago.
What I found out was that I love them while I am cleaning the house, gardening, folding clothes and doing laundry, washing dishes,
mowing , feeding my farm animals. I cannot do it while sitting down or staying still at all!
So making someone sit still to listen to a story may only be making them not really listen at all.
If I sit down to listen to a story I cannot pay attention to it. I space out and zone out the story.
I need to be moving and doing.
Some kids listen better while they are jumping in a trampoline. Or playing lego or....
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I am an avid reader but having a busy life makes it harder to just sit and read like I would like
so I gave audio books a try not long ago.
What I found out was that I love them while I am cleaning the house, gardening, folding clothes and doing laundry, washing dishes,
mowing , feeding my farm animals. I cannot do it while sitting down or staying still at all!
So making someone sit still to listen to a story may only be making them not really listen at all.
If I sit down to listen to a story I cannot pay attention to it. I space out and zone out the story.
I need to be moving and doing.
Some kids listen better while they are jumping in a trampoline. Or playing lego or....
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kimberly Sims
~"Some kids listen better while they are jumping in a trampoline. Or playing
lego or...."~
Or playing Minecraft or Nintendo DS turned all the way down. :)
I question "reading time", is this because your children *want* to be read to or
because *you* want to try to get in their "academics"?
I am a *huge* book lover, my girls not so much. My girls are 11 and 6. The
oldest likes to read comic books, magazines, newspaper articles (I leave
around), the comics. They read reviews on-line, video game guides, read while
playing Animal Jam or Wizard 101. They read subtitles on the television, you
name it they are reading. Do you feel that books are the only way to get
information? Maybe this could be helpful http://sandradodd.com/bookworship.
Kim
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lego or...."~
Or playing Minecraft or Nintendo DS turned all the way down. :)
I question "reading time", is this because your children *want* to be read to or
because *you* want to try to get in their "academics"?
I am a *huge* book lover, my girls not so much. My girls are 11 and 6. The
oldest likes to read comic books, magazines, newspaper articles (I leave
around), the comics. They read reviews on-line, video game guides, read while
playing Animal Jam or Wizard 101. They read subtitles on the television, you
name it they are reading. Do you feel that books are the only way to get
information? Maybe this could be helpful http://sandradodd.com/bookworship.
Kim
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I am a *huge* book lover, my girls not so much. -=-
I was too, my kids not as much.
After years of thinking about it, I figured this much out:
http://sandradodd.com/bookandsax
and the book worship link didn't work because there was a period right after it.
http://sandradodd.com/bookworship
Anytime you leave a link in an e-mail, make sure it's not touching anything else. Quotation marks, hyphens, commas, periods... any of that will keep it from working.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I was too, my kids not as much.
After years of thinking about it, I figured this much out:
http://sandradodd.com/bookandsax
and the book worship link didn't work because there was a period right after it.
http://sandradodd.com/bookworship
Anytime you leave a link in an e-mail, make sure it's not touching anything else. Quotation marks, hyphens, commas, periods... any of that will keep it from working.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
"annehomeschooling@..." <annehomeschooling@...> wrote:
Lots of people like routines, calendars, instructions, and feedback - including kids, but that doesn't mean they aren't compatible with unschooling, it means they like a bit more order and predictability in their lives. My 10yo daughter is like that. It might help you to consider that your daughter's "flow" is more regular than yours - when you go with Your flow it throws hers out of kilter. To support her, you'll need to adapt to her need for regularity. Otherwise, you're trying to fit her into a mold just as surely as if she was in school.
If she likes a calendar, be sure she has one - maybe a regular one and one of those page-a-day calendars, those can be a lot of fun for a kid who likes to mark the day. Check the calender with her every day. Check the weather, perhaps, if she likes that. Or if you have a page-a-day calender, read or do the daily project with her at some regular time, like right after breakfast. Make solid plans to do things with her and write them down. If you're wishy-washy about plans, to her it probably seems like you don't care.
If she likes instructions, do things with her that use instructions. Get how-to books and kits. My daughter loves how-to books and kits. For years, although she read early, she was only interested in reading instructions not stories. Even now, nothing satisfies her like a good manual.
If she likes feedback, give her what she wants. If she's asking "is this right/good?" and you're saying something like "whatever you do is wonderful" that may, again, feel like you don't really care. Give her Solid feedback. If she draws something and asks if it's good, you can comment on perspective or proportion or color balance - give her Information she can use to make choices.
Also consider the fact that some people like praise. That's often thought of as a character flaw or a sign on emotional damage, but it can be an aspect of personality. Some people feel more cared for when others say good things about them. It may be your daughter needs some affirming words to know you love her.
---Meredith
> I'm a laid-back, no calendar, go-with-the-flow person (as are dh and ds). She just seems to be a VERY STRUCTURED, needs a calendar, needs instructions, needs reviews, tests, grades, feedback. Is it possible that unschooling just won't work with certain personality types?****************
Lots of people like routines, calendars, instructions, and feedback - including kids, but that doesn't mean they aren't compatible with unschooling, it means they like a bit more order and predictability in their lives. My 10yo daughter is like that. It might help you to consider that your daughter's "flow" is more regular than yours - when you go with Your flow it throws hers out of kilter. To support her, you'll need to adapt to her need for regularity. Otherwise, you're trying to fit her into a mold just as surely as if she was in school.
If she likes a calendar, be sure she has one - maybe a regular one and one of those page-a-day calendars, those can be a lot of fun for a kid who likes to mark the day. Check the calender with her every day. Check the weather, perhaps, if she likes that. Or if you have a page-a-day calender, read or do the daily project with her at some regular time, like right after breakfast. Make solid plans to do things with her and write them down. If you're wishy-washy about plans, to her it probably seems like you don't care.
If she likes instructions, do things with her that use instructions. Get how-to books and kits. My daughter loves how-to books and kits. For years, although she read early, she was only interested in reading instructions not stories. Even now, nothing satisfies her like a good manual.
If she likes feedback, give her what she wants. If she's asking "is this right/good?" and you're saying something like "whatever you do is wonderful" that may, again, feel like you don't really care. Give her Solid feedback. If she draws something and asks if it's good, you can comment on perspective or proportion or color balance - give her Information she can use to make choices.
Also consider the fact that some people like praise. That's often thought of as a character flaw or a sign on emotional damage, but it can be an aspect of personality. Some people feel more cared for when others say good things about them. It may be your daughter needs some affirming words to know you love her.
---Meredith
Lesa Owens
------------------------------
On Fri, May 11, 2012 4:26 AM PDT Meredith wrote:
>
>Also consider the fact that some people like praise. That's often thought of as a character flaw or a sign on emotional damage, but it can be an aspect of personality. Some people feel more cared for when others say good things about them. It may be your daughter needs some affirming words to know you love her.
>
>---Meredith
>
I really liked all of what you wrote but this part in particular sticks out to me. Years ago, when I was younger and single, I went to a marriage workshop. The only thing I have ever remembered from it is that, people receive and give love differently and when you care or because you care, you should go with their flow and give them the love the way the need it. I am a person who likes to hear it. Giving me things doesn't make me believe I'm loved. When I got married I used this and when I started having children also. I have 3 children and they all have different ways that I had to adjust to show them love in a way they would know that I care. Some physical, some verbal, some material. I have to be careful with my youngest because he is an artist an daily, several times a day brings me pictures he's done. Right now he draws a lot of Marvel characters. I have on a occasion said, "That's nice Jalen" and not been specific. He is very verbal and likes me to
be specifically verbal with him. I've adjusted me to fit him even though I'm more comfortable expressing love physically and materially.
His reaction when I give him what he needs is completely different than when I'm casual about what he's excited about...
Lesa~