Dealing With Negativity About Food Choices
Julie van der Wekken
Wanted to know how to respond to other people's negativity concerning food. We've had a couple of instances come up recently concerning a mom's judgement about choices in foods. The first instance was concerning what her child was eating labeling it "not healthy", to which my son said "why isn't it healthy" (it was mozzarella sticks) and the same mom judging my son's choice of a snack out of a vending machine saying "we boycott that brand because they use monsanto beet sugar in their products". Actually the son chastised my son first and then the mom explained with a sort of righteous attitude with my son looking totally perplexed and a bit guilty for choosing said snack. My son is 10 years old by the way.
In the first instance, the mom never did explain to my son why the mozzarella sticks were unhealthy, but I guess my question is more about the latter scenario, the one that had to do with my child, as I felt like his joy of his chosen snack had been totally stomped on by their judgement, but was at a loss of what to say to him/them in the moment. We're a family that grows a lot of our own food, buys our meat from local farms, raises our own chickens, ect.. and I'm well aware of Monsanto, but I've don't felt the need to limit, dictate or judge what my children choose to eat.
Julie v.
In the first instance, the mom never did explain to my son why the mozzarella sticks were unhealthy, but I guess my question is more about the latter scenario, the one that had to do with my child, as I felt like his joy of his chosen snack had been totally stomped on by their judgement, but was at a loss of what to say to him/them in the moment. We're a family that grows a lot of our own food, buys our meat from local farms, raises our own chickens, ect.. and I'm well aware of Monsanto, but I've don't felt the need to limit, dictate or judge what my children choose to eat.
Julie v.
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 4, 2012, at 11:18 AM, Julie van der Wekken wrote:
Guilt is more deeply rooted. They'd have to tap into a feeling of being wrong that was already there.
You can say something like, "Everyone has different ways." And you can add, "Though I doesn't feel very nice when people try to push their ways on other people."
I he asks what their objection was you can say that some people take ideas like eating less fat to extremes and avoid any fat. Or avoid sugar. Or never eat snack foods.
Joyce
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> Actually the son chastised my son first and then the mom explained with aI wonder if you might be reading more into your son's reaction than was actually there. Perplexed by their emotion and embarrassed by the attention to what he was doing I'm thinking is a more likely child reaction.
> sort of righteous attitude with my son looking totally perplexed and a bit
> guilty for choosing said snack. My son is 10 years old by the way.
Guilt is more deeply rooted. They'd have to tap into a feeling of being wrong that was already there.
> I felt like his joy of his chosen snack had been totally stompedAnd if you project you're own feelings onto him it's going to make it harder to react calmly and rationally.
> on by their judgement, but was at a loss of what to say to him/them
> in the moment.
You can say something like, "Everyone has different ways." And you can add, "Though I doesn't feel very nice when people try to push their ways on other people."
I he asks what their objection was you can say that some people take ideas like eating less fat to extremes and avoid any fat. Or avoid sugar. Or never eat snack foods.
Joyce
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Julie van der Wekken
>>>I wonder if you might be reading more into your son's reaction than was actually there. Perplexed by their emotion and embarrassed by the attention to what he was doing I'm thinking is a more likely child reaction.<<<I think I definitely read more into it than was actually there, in regards to my sons feelings about it. I think I myself felt judged with it being my son. I guess confused is more the emotion I was getting from him and that's why the other mom explained why, even though the explaination didn't really clear up the confusion.
>>>And if you project you're own feelings onto him it's going to make it harder to react calmly and rationally.<<<I didn't say anything to him, have just been mulling it over the past few days. Didn't know if it required a more thorough explanation at the time and feeling confused about the whole situation myself. Knowing my son, if he required a more thorough explaination he would have asked, or might still if a connection to the subject comes up.
Julie v.
Sandra Dodd
-=In the first instance, the mom never did explain to my son why the mozzarella sticks were unhealthy, but I guess my question is more about the latter scenario, the one that had to do with my child-=-
But they both have to do with your child.
She wasn't treating him as a person who had a right to ask questions (and get answers) and to choose his own snack.
If she's paying for the snacks next time, maybe he should ask "Do you care what I get?" (Even if he does so in a kind of pointed or sarcastic way, and it's clear that it's that he doesn't want to get a lecture.)
-=-We're a family that grows a lot of our own food, buys our meat from local farms, raises our own chickens, ect.. and I'm well aware of Monsanto, but I've don't felt the need to limit, dictate or judge what my children choose to eat. -=-
Maybe you could coach him with a couple of phrases to use, and it's possible (not guaranteed) that a few humorous lines (if he can deliver them in a humorous tone) would change the balance. If he could say "I don't know... I'm afraid to eat around you because I have to hear how evil I am," or "Is THIS food safe to eat with you here?" or "Is it safe for me to eat this, with you here?"
Sandra
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But they both have to do with your child.
She wasn't treating him as a person who had a right to ask questions (and get answers) and to choose his own snack.
If she's paying for the snacks next time, maybe he should ask "Do you care what I get?" (Even if he does so in a kind of pointed or sarcastic way, and it's clear that it's that he doesn't want to get a lecture.)
-=-We're a family that grows a lot of our own food, buys our meat from local farms, raises our own chickens, ect.. and I'm well aware of Monsanto, but I've don't felt the need to limit, dictate or judge what my children choose to eat. -=-
Maybe you could coach him with a couple of phrases to use, and it's possible (not guaranteed) that a few humorous lines (if he can deliver them in a humorous tone) would change the balance. If he could say "I don't know... I'm afraid to eat around you because I have to hear how evil I am," or "Is THIS food safe to eat with you here?" or "Is it safe for me to eat this, with you here?"
Sandra
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Julie van der Wekken
>>>But they both have to do with your child.I guess in the grand scheme of things, since we spend a fair amount of time with them, her judgement is pretty solely towards her son and what he is choosing to eat. I do agree though that they both had to do with my son since he asked the question. I guess I could have answered and gave my own opinion since she didn't.
> She wasn't treating him as a person who had a right to ask questions (and get answers) and to choose his own snack.<<<
>>>Maybe you could coach him with a couple of phrases to use, and it's possible (not guaranteed) that a few humorous lines (if he can deliver them in a humorous tone) would change the balance. If he could say "I don't know... I'm afraid to eat around you because I have to hear how evil I am," or "Is THIS food safe to eat with you here?" or "Is it safe for me to eat this, with you here?"<<<I really like these suggestions, my son is a pretty funny kid too, always cracking jokes, if he isn't interested in saying something I think I will:)
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
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> -=In the first instance, the mom never did explain to my son why the mozzarella sticks were unhealthy, but I guess my question is more about the latter scenario, the one that had to do with my child-=-
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> If she's paying for the snacks next time, maybe he should ask "Do you care what I get?" (Even if he does so in a kind of pointed or sarcastic way, and it's clear that it's that he doesn't want to get a lecture.)
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> -=-We're a family that grows a lot of our own food, buys our meat from local farms, raises our own chickens, ect.. and I'm well aware of Monsanto, but I've don't felt the need to limit, dictate or judge what my children choose to eat. -=-
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> Sandra
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