Me vs. The Inlaws (hubby included)
[email protected]
We have been homeschooling (and unschooling) for 3 months now. And I have loved every moment of it and am 110% committed to it--the relationships with my kids (and husband) have become so much deeper, I love watching my kids thrive in their environment and love learning right alongside them.
My husband was not on-board with unschooling at first and finally reached a point where he said, "I don't care. Do what you want." He was obviously frustrated and I have tried to help him understand about unschooling, but he just doesn't get it. I have a blog full of photos and at least twice a week I will write out a very detailed summary of what we do and talk about that day so he can see the progress we make. And this seemed to satiate him.
When the Free To Learn book came out, I read it and recommended it to him. He started reading it and said he was starting to understand where I was coming from. A week ago, I was out of town for 4 days and he seemed to be having a great time with the kids, asked for me to send him the book and said literally, "I want to know more--I want to be part of the team." Happy dance!
During that time, his mom came up (a HUGE supporter of education, particularly formal education). I didn't think anything of it until I came home and some of the comments that were made made me feel a bit awkward. Keep in mind that I am closer to this woman than my own mother--I very much enjoy her friendship and insight. We aren't super close, but we talk often and she tends to have good words of wisdom.
Shortly after returning from my trip, the kids and I went to stay with our in-laws for a few weeks (which is where we are currently). We've been here for 3 days and it's been so stressful for me. I have tried explaining why I so love unschooling and how it works, but my MIL has just as many reasons why she loves public education. I have a very difficult time with confrontation and formulating words that sound like anything intelligent...quite frustrating.
So today when she equated me allowing my 6 year old daughter to play on a play structure at the park with a lollipop in her mouth, she equated it to me letting her drive drunk (!?!??!), "When will you, having much more knowledge than she, put your foot down and just say "NO."??" I was so taken aback by the confrontation that I just said, "I don't know." and she walked away.
So I emailed my husband, asking for advice on what I should do or say because the tension is horrible here, and we still have another 2 1/2 weeks here, and I get an email telling me that he is "finally voicing his opinion." About how he felt good because our daughter was going to school like we did and our parents did, and look how good we all turned out. She liked it there, I got "me time"...now it's like we're saying 'eh, they'll turn out better THIS way' when in reality we don't know whether it'll make them better or worse, "but my gut says worse."
I don't even know what to feel...to be honest, I knew he wasn't hugely on-board at first, but he lead me to believe that he was good with the blogs, etc. and that he was so proud of our 6 year old reading at a third grade reading level... I feel almost betrayed because I had thought that he understood and he wanted to be more involved, and saw that progress can be made in this environment, and now this.
There is not one ounce of me that plans on putting my kids back into public education (my daughter thanks me nearly every day for letting her homeschool, and I absolutely love having her with me!). But I am at a loss as to what to do. It's obvious that my MIL has been talking to my husband and I just...I don't know what to do. Any insight would be extremely helpful.
Thank you so much!
My husband was not on-board with unschooling at first and finally reached a point where he said, "I don't care. Do what you want." He was obviously frustrated and I have tried to help him understand about unschooling, but he just doesn't get it. I have a blog full of photos and at least twice a week I will write out a very detailed summary of what we do and talk about that day so he can see the progress we make. And this seemed to satiate him.
When the Free To Learn book came out, I read it and recommended it to him. He started reading it and said he was starting to understand where I was coming from. A week ago, I was out of town for 4 days and he seemed to be having a great time with the kids, asked for me to send him the book and said literally, "I want to know more--I want to be part of the team." Happy dance!
During that time, his mom came up (a HUGE supporter of education, particularly formal education). I didn't think anything of it until I came home and some of the comments that were made made me feel a bit awkward. Keep in mind that I am closer to this woman than my own mother--I very much enjoy her friendship and insight. We aren't super close, but we talk often and she tends to have good words of wisdom.
Shortly after returning from my trip, the kids and I went to stay with our in-laws for a few weeks (which is where we are currently). We've been here for 3 days and it's been so stressful for me. I have tried explaining why I so love unschooling and how it works, but my MIL has just as many reasons why she loves public education. I have a very difficult time with confrontation and formulating words that sound like anything intelligent...quite frustrating.
So today when she equated me allowing my 6 year old daughter to play on a play structure at the park with a lollipop in her mouth, she equated it to me letting her drive drunk (!?!??!), "When will you, having much more knowledge than she, put your foot down and just say "NO."??" I was so taken aback by the confrontation that I just said, "I don't know." and she walked away.
So I emailed my husband, asking for advice on what I should do or say because the tension is horrible here, and we still have another 2 1/2 weeks here, and I get an email telling me that he is "finally voicing his opinion." About how he felt good because our daughter was going to school like we did and our parents did, and look how good we all turned out. She liked it there, I got "me time"...now it's like we're saying 'eh, they'll turn out better THIS way' when in reality we don't know whether it'll make them better or worse, "but my gut says worse."
I don't even know what to feel...to be honest, I knew he wasn't hugely on-board at first, but he lead me to believe that he was good with the blogs, etc. and that he was so proud of our 6 year old reading at a third grade reading level... I feel almost betrayed because I had thought that he understood and he wanted to be more involved, and saw that progress can be made in this environment, and now this.
There is not one ounce of me that plans on putting my kids back into public education (my daughter thanks me nearly every day for letting her homeschool, and I absolutely love having her with me!). But I am at a loss as to what to do. It's obvious that my MIL has been talking to my husband and I just...I don't know what to do. Any insight would be extremely helpful.
Thank you so much!
Sandra Dodd
-=-I don't even know what to feel...to be honest, I knew he wasn't hugely on-board at first, but he lead me to believe that he was good with the blogs, etc. and that he was so proud of our 6 year old reading at a third grade reading level... I feel almost betrayed because I had thought that he understood and he wanted to be more involved, and saw that progress can be made in this environment, and now this.-=-
Don't dwell on it.
He's changed, he's learning, he loves his mom. You said you had a hard time explaining it and defending it. He will have a worse time than you do!
-=-So I emailed my husband, asking for advice on what I should do or say because the tension is horrible here, and we still have another 2 1/2 weeks here, and I get an email telling me that he is "finally voicing his opinion." About how he felt good because our daughter was going to school like we did and our parents did, and look how good we all turned out. She liked it there, I got "me time"...now it's like we're saying 'eh, they'll turn out better THIS way' when in reality we don't know whether it'll make them better or worse, "but my gut says worse."-=-
You could say "I'll think about it."
Certainly you ARE thinking about it.
Some percentage of kids in school are pre-scheduled to fail. That's not true of unschooling. A few kids at school succeed--they win the contest. If every kid at the best school in the world worked really hard, how many valedictorians would there be? How many would get the top scores? How many on the honor roll or dean's list? ONE valedictorian, five or ten percent get A's--maybe 15%. Any more than that, and the A's are worthless. So 75 or 80% of the kids get B or lower, not because they're not learning, but because they didn't win the contest.
You can know this without mentioning it to your husband or in-laws.
One of the best things to say when someone is afraid about unschooling or critical is "It's working for now. If it stops working, we can put her back in school." It gives them hope that they might "get their way." Don't mention that what they're hoping for is unhappiness and failure. It might be true but they don't know it; it's not conscious.
Getting along with your husband is more important than unschooling. You can probably do both, but don't make an ultimatum out of it. You're three months in. It's okay if you don't make a beeline to the heart of unwavering unschooling in your fourth month.
There might be some ideas here, but maybe just do things that are fun and relaxing with them all, and don't focus on the irritating dispute.
http://sandradodd.com/relatives and the links at the bottom
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Don't dwell on it.
He's changed, he's learning, he loves his mom. You said you had a hard time explaining it and defending it. He will have a worse time than you do!
-=-So I emailed my husband, asking for advice on what I should do or say because the tension is horrible here, and we still have another 2 1/2 weeks here, and I get an email telling me that he is "finally voicing his opinion." About how he felt good because our daughter was going to school like we did and our parents did, and look how good we all turned out. She liked it there, I got "me time"...now it's like we're saying 'eh, they'll turn out better THIS way' when in reality we don't know whether it'll make them better or worse, "but my gut says worse."-=-
You could say "I'll think about it."
Certainly you ARE thinking about it.
Some percentage of kids in school are pre-scheduled to fail. That's not true of unschooling. A few kids at school succeed--they win the contest. If every kid at the best school in the world worked really hard, how many valedictorians would there be? How many would get the top scores? How many on the honor roll or dean's list? ONE valedictorian, five or ten percent get A's--maybe 15%. Any more than that, and the A's are worthless. So 75 or 80% of the kids get B or lower, not because they're not learning, but because they didn't win the contest.
You can know this without mentioning it to your husband or in-laws.
One of the best things to say when someone is afraid about unschooling or critical is "It's working for now. If it stops working, we can put her back in school." It gives them hope that they might "get their way." Don't mention that what they're hoping for is unhappiness and failure. It might be true but they don't know it; it's not conscious.
Getting along with your husband is more important than unschooling. You can probably do both, but don't make an ultimatum out of it. You're three months in. It's okay if you don't make a beeline to the heart of unwavering unschooling in your fourth month.
There might be some ideas here, but maybe just do things that are fun and relaxing with them all, and don't focus on the irritating dispute.
http://sandradodd.com/relatives and the links at the bottom
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On Mon, Mar 26, 2012 at 8:26 PM, tristaleann@... <
tristaleann@...> wrote:
There are nearly always things the teachers are offering that are
wonderful....and for many children it is the best part of their life. You
could be glad that there are good schools and good teachers out there if
you ever do put the kids into school.
As far as climbing on a play structure with a lollipop (candy on a stick)
in her mouth - I don't think it is safe either and it would have been easy
to offer to hold it for your child while she played and she could run back
and have a lick on it whenever she wanted. A safety issue like that seems a
pretty easy thing to go along with.
I don't think it is a good idea for you to be so completely inflexible
about unschooling in the face of your husband's concerns. HE has a right to
have his opinions count in his own children's lives AND if you completely
ignore his wishes you could end up divorced and very very possibly forced
by a court to put the kids in school.
Why don't you talk about a compromise? Maybe you could enroll them in a
charter school program. Are you involved with a homeschooling group? My
husband was persuaded by an official public school program run by
credentialed teachers. We only lasted one month IN the program, but
attending a meeting with about 15 credentialed teachers talking about how
wonderful homeschooling was - really helped him accept that homeschooling
was reasonable, legitimate, and potentially much better than standard
schools. Once over that hurdle, it wasn't too hard to move to unschooling.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tristaleann@...> wrote:
> but my MIL has just as many reasons why she loves public education. I haveYou could agree with her that there are good things about public education.
> a very difficult time with confrontation and formulating words that sound
> like anything intelligent...quite frustrating.
There are nearly always things the teachers are offering that are
wonderful....and for many children it is the best part of their life. You
could be glad that there are good schools and good teachers out there if
you ever do put the kids into school.
As far as climbing on a play structure with a lollipop (candy on a stick)
in her mouth - I don't think it is safe either and it would have been easy
to offer to hold it for your child while she played and she could run back
and have a lick on it whenever she wanted. A safety issue like that seems a
pretty easy thing to go along with.
I don't think it is a good idea for you to be so completely inflexible
about unschooling in the face of your husband's concerns. HE has a right to
have his opinions count in his own children's lives AND if you completely
ignore his wishes you could end up divorced and very very possibly forced
by a court to put the kids in school.
Why don't you talk about a compromise? Maybe you could enroll them in a
charter school program. Are you involved with a homeschooling group? My
husband was persuaded by an official public school program run by
credentialed teachers. We only lasted one month IN the program, but
attending a meeting with about 15 credentialed teachers talking about how
wonderful homeschooling was - really helped him accept that homeschooling
was reasonable, legitimate, and potentially much better than standard
schools. Once over that hurdle, it wasn't too hard to move to unschooling.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Trista Teeter
==You could agree with her that there are good things about public education.
There are nearly always things the teachers are offering that are
wonderful....and for many children it is the best part of their life. You
could be glad that there are good schools and good teachers out there if
you ever do put the kids into school.==
Yes, that is what those conversations generally revolve around, but they tend to end with a "so then why don't you?" tone. I guess that's where the "It's working for now. If it stops working, we can put her back in school." comes into play though.
==I don't think it is a good idea for you to be so completely inflexible
about unschooling in the face of your husband's concerns..==
I agree. I don't think inflexibility is a good idea either. I have not been nearly as good about listening to concerns, talking things out, etc. with him as I have been trying to be with the kids...so I guess it's time to step it up in that regard.
==Maybe you could enroll them in a
charter school program. Are you involved with a homeschooling group? ==
He has showed interest in charter school programs, so perhaps that's something to look into. And yes, we just joined an unschooling group just before heading out of town...I think some of his hesitance may be relieved by meeting others.
Thank you for your thoughts!! They are so very appreciated.
Trista
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
There are nearly always things the teachers are offering that are
wonderful....and for many children it is the best part of their life. You
could be glad that there are good schools and good teachers out there if
you ever do put the kids into school.==
Yes, that is what those conversations generally revolve around, but they tend to end with a "so then why don't you?" tone. I guess that's where the "It's working for now. If it stops working, we can put her back in school." comes into play though.
==I don't think it is a good idea for you to be so completely inflexible
about unschooling in the face of your husband's concerns..==
I agree. I don't think inflexibility is a good idea either. I have not been nearly as good about listening to concerns, talking things out, etc. with him as I have been trying to be with the kids...so I guess it's time to step it up in that regard.
==Maybe you could enroll them in a
charter school program. Are you involved with a homeschooling group? ==
He has showed interest in charter school programs, so perhaps that's something to look into. And yes, we just joined an unschooling group just before heading out of town...I think some of his hesitance may be relieved by meeting others.
Thank you for your thoughts!! They are so very appreciated.
Trista
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-we just joined an unschooling group just before heading out of town...I think some of his hesitance may be relieved by meeting others.-=-
If you're near any of these...
http://speakingsandradodd.blogspot.com/
Meeting other unschoolers helps lots of dads, especially (it seems) meeting other dads, and seeing older unschoolers interact with their parents and others.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you're near any of these...
http://speakingsandradodd.blogspot.com/
Meeting other unschoolers helps lots of dads, especially (it seems) meeting other dads, and seeing older unschoolers interact with their parents and others.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela
>> ==You could agree with her that there are good things about public education.==<<I have gotten my share of push back from in-laws. And even when they could agree that my son was miserable in school and that _something_ needed to be done, they didn't understand why I pulled my daughter out of school, too. One thing thing that I say that usually helps is something along the lines of:
>>Yes, that is what those conversations generally revolve around, but they tend to end with a "so then why don't you?" tone. I guess that's where the "It's working for now. If it stops working, we can put her back in school." comes into play though.<<
"I think of homeschooling -v- traditional school the same way I think of living in the city -v- living in the country: There are pros and cons to each situation and not every setting is right for every kid. I'm taking it one year at a time, and if it ever stops working for any one of us at any time for any reason, we can always make a different decision."
>> ==I don't think it is a good idea for you to be so completely inflexible about unschooling in the face of your husband's concerns..==<<When it came time to enroll my daughter in kindergarten -- the spring that she turned 5 and almost one year into the decision to homeschool our son -- my husband got very upset that I didn't want to enroll our daughter and give her a chance to decide for herself whether or not she liked school. I worried that, as the middle child who never feels like she gets enough attention, she would feel like we were "sending her away" if we kept her brother home and sent her to school. And I felt that logistically it would be much harder to homeschool our oldest if we were also beholden to the school schedule. I wanted to keep her home, too.
>>I agree. I don't think inflexibility is a good idea either. I have not been nearly as good about listening to concerns, talking things out, etc. with him as I have been trying to be with the kids...so I guess it's time to step it up in that regard. <<
What helped was talking with him and finding out what his goals were for her and saying that after we figured out what the goals were, we could 1) work on meeting them *right away* rather than looking 6-months ahead to the start of her kindergarten year, and 2) that it would help us objectively determine if one setting would be better for her than the other.
Once he made a list of goals her, he realized that the ONLY one he had for her that couldn't be met either place was "finding out for herself whether or not she likes school," it made it a lot easier for him to relax and let it be her choice, not ours. And talking about the registration process being for the schools benefit (planning, etc.) not ours, helped too. We could enroll her the day before school started, a week after, half-way through the year, etc.
And it's only now that we've been unschooling for almost three years that he's fully on board and thinks it's the preferred way to learn for every kid that has willing parents. But even so, he still struggles with required chores and punishments for "bad behavior", etc. It's a process.
-Angela in NJ
with Joseph, 9; Hannah, 7; and Miriam, 4
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
<<<"Meeting other unschoolers helps lots of dads, especially (it seems) meeting other dads, and seeing older unschoolers interact with their parents and others.">>>>
Absolutely!!!!!!!!
I do think my husband would not be as accepting as he is of unschooling if it was not for him meeting Schuyler and David Waynforth and Kelly and Ben Lovejoy.
Just this weekend we were talking about them and Brian was saying how he thought Schuyler and David were some of the most wonderful people he has even met
and how he really liked Kelly and Ben and would have loved to hang out with them more.
Knowing that those people choose to unschool their children ( he says David is probably the most intelligent person he has ever met) has made a huge difference
in the way he sees unschooling.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Absolutely!!!!!!!!
I do think my husband would not be as accepting as he is of unschooling if it was not for him meeting Schuyler and David Waynforth and Kelly and Ben Lovejoy.
Just this weekend we were talking about them and Brian was saying how he thought Schuyler and David were some of the most wonderful people he has even met
and how he really liked Kelly and Ben and would have loved to hang out with them more.
Knowing that those people choose to unschool their children ( he says David is probably the most intelligent person he has ever met) has made a huge difference
in the way he sees unschooling.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bun
Maybe eventually showing your husband some books and blogs by father's might help? Jeff Sabo has an excellent blog:
http://justabaldman.blogspot.com/
There are other links written by dads on a post that Meredith wrote in unschoolingbasics (yahoo group) - see post number 47935.
When my husband and I went to our first unschooling conference in NJ (which wasn't radical unschooling really, but excellent), we heard David Albert speak. Although he noticed our daughter learning and thriving already, he became even more comfortable with the idea of not sending her to school after hearing David Albert's presentation. I don't know if what David shared was what helped or also that my husband heard things from a father's point of view, but my husband felt even better and more comfortable about homeschooling afterward. David Albert wrote a few homeschooling books - I especially like "And The Skylark Sings With Me." (that's the one we bought at the conference and what his presentation was about).
If you can attend an unschooling conference at some point, that might help - to see families who are thriving while unschooling. If that doesn't work out, there are conference tapes you can order if he's willing to listen to them. Sandra has some free audio files and even some conference presentations on this site: http://sandradodd.com/listen/
And Kelly Lovejoy has some of the old Live and Learn Conference tapes available if you contact her. I listened to and absolutely loved the talk by Laura Flynn Endres from the Life Is Good 2011 Unschooling Conference titled, "The Kids are Fine, You're the Problem." Would your husband listen to an audio while driving maybe?
Rue Kream's book "Parenting A Free Child" and Sandra's "Big Book of Unschooling" might be picked up if left out in a visibe spot in the bathroom or somewhere your husband might sit for a little while.
Laurie
http://justabaldman.blogspot.com/
There are other links written by dads on a post that Meredith wrote in unschoolingbasics (yahoo group) - see post number 47935.
When my husband and I went to our first unschooling conference in NJ (which wasn't radical unschooling really, but excellent), we heard David Albert speak. Although he noticed our daughter learning and thriving already, he became even more comfortable with the idea of not sending her to school after hearing David Albert's presentation. I don't know if what David shared was what helped or also that my husband heard things from a father's point of view, but my husband felt even better and more comfortable about homeschooling afterward. David Albert wrote a few homeschooling books - I especially like "And The Skylark Sings With Me." (that's the one we bought at the conference and what his presentation was about).
If you can attend an unschooling conference at some point, that might help - to see families who are thriving while unschooling. If that doesn't work out, there are conference tapes you can order if he's willing to listen to them. Sandra has some free audio files and even some conference presentations on this site: http://sandradodd.com/listen/
And Kelly Lovejoy has some of the old Live and Learn Conference tapes available if you contact her. I listened to and absolutely loved the talk by Laura Flynn Endres from the Life Is Good 2011 Unschooling Conference titled, "The Kids are Fine, You're the Problem." Would your husband listen to an audio while driving maybe?
Rue Kream's book "Parenting A Free Child" and Sandra's "Big Book of Unschooling" might be picked up if left out in a visibe spot in the bathroom or somewhere your husband might sit for a little while.
Laurie
Sandra Dodd
http://sandradodd.com/dads
A collection of things by or for dads
A collection of things by or for dads
Bob Collier
--- In [email protected], "tristaleann@..." <tristaleann@...> wrote:
I'm 60 and went to school in the 1950s and 60s, and I'm pretty sure from conversations I've had that some of my contemporaries believe that nothing has changed since then and for others it's only slowly dawning on them that life isn't like that any more. Going to school remains a sacred cow and there are some people who will tie their thinking into knots rather than face facts. Maybe that will be the case for a while yet since so many people have emotional - and financial - investments to protect.
What made a crucial difference with me was that my two children were born ten years apart (1985 and 1995). There was a gap of actually almost eleven years between my daughter starting school in England in 1990 and my son starting school here in Australia in 2001. Given the dramatic changes that had begun to occur in our society between those two events, the contrast of my son's school experience against that of his ten years older sister was unavoidably apparent. Without a doubt, the 'killer' difference was that, by the time my son started school, we had the internet in our home. We were all using it without restriction and when my son became chronically unhappy at school in his second year, I could see that one of the problems was that he was not only learning so very little in the school classroom compared to what he was learning at home, he was getting upset with being constantly told what to be interested in and what to not be interested in. He wasn't used to that and he objected to it.
So he was removed from school when he was seven years old and now I have a well educated 16 year old son who is currently a student at a local Institute of Technology and doing just fine and in between we shared a perception changing adventure of, mainly, what I like to call free form 24/7 learning at the speed of thought through ubiquitous electronic media according to interest and/or need, but "unschooling" is less of a mouthful.
I've evolved a number of strategies over the years that I use in conversations on the subject of school vs. no school. Too complex to explain here, but one I use a lot is that it's 2012 now. Thanks to the "digital communications revolution", we can learn whatever *we* decide is important, valuable and useful to us, wherever we are, at whatever times suit us, in whichever ways we prefer. That's today's reality, whether a child is out of school or in school. That's my big thing personally for dealing with blind faith in the K-12 curriculum. What do schools teach that most adults never find a use for? What *don't* schools teach that every adult needs? "Don't get me started" as the saying goes.
I think it's a matter of finding your own inner conviction that what you're doing is right whatever anybody else believes. That can probably only emerge over time with the feedback of the actual adventure, perhaps pondering on your own school experiences and how they compare to how you like to learn as an adult (I found that very useful myself). Being aware of how "learning technology" is impacting everybody's daily lives in ways that schools simply cannot compete with. My own 'big thing' again. Judy Breck of www.handschooling.com is good to read in that respect (it's a shame she ties her ideas to school reform, which I wouldn't do, but they're still ideas worth exploring).
Bob
>Something I've observed in exchanges I've had with people on this subject is that their perceptions of public education often don't take into consideration the radical changes that have occurred in our society in the past decade. In other words, particularly for the "older generations", ideas about what it means to go to school are often out of date.
>I have tried explaining why I so love unschooling and how it works, but my MIL has just as many reasons why she loves public education. I have a very difficult time with confrontation and formulating words that sound like anything intelligent...quite frustrating.
>
>
I'm 60 and went to school in the 1950s and 60s, and I'm pretty sure from conversations I've had that some of my contemporaries believe that nothing has changed since then and for others it's only slowly dawning on them that life isn't like that any more. Going to school remains a sacred cow and there are some people who will tie their thinking into knots rather than face facts. Maybe that will be the case for a while yet since so many people have emotional - and financial - investments to protect.
What made a crucial difference with me was that my two children were born ten years apart (1985 and 1995). There was a gap of actually almost eleven years between my daughter starting school in England in 1990 and my son starting school here in Australia in 2001. Given the dramatic changes that had begun to occur in our society between those two events, the contrast of my son's school experience against that of his ten years older sister was unavoidably apparent. Without a doubt, the 'killer' difference was that, by the time my son started school, we had the internet in our home. We were all using it without restriction and when my son became chronically unhappy at school in his second year, I could see that one of the problems was that he was not only learning so very little in the school classroom compared to what he was learning at home, he was getting upset with being constantly told what to be interested in and what to not be interested in. He wasn't used to that and he objected to it.
So he was removed from school when he was seven years old and now I have a well educated 16 year old son who is currently a student at a local Institute of Technology and doing just fine and in between we shared a perception changing adventure of, mainly, what I like to call free form 24/7 learning at the speed of thought through ubiquitous electronic media according to interest and/or need, but "unschooling" is less of a mouthful.
I've evolved a number of strategies over the years that I use in conversations on the subject of school vs. no school. Too complex to explain here, but one I use a lot is that it's 2012 now. Thanks to the "digital communications revolution", we can learn whatever *we* decide is important, valuable and useful to us, wherever we are, at whatever times suit us, in whichever ways we prefer. That's today's reality, whether a child is out of school or in school. That's my big thing personally for dealing with blind faith in the K-12 curriculum. What do schools teach that most adults never find a use for? What *don't* schools teach that every adult needs? "Don't get me started" as the saying goes.
I think it's a matter of finding your own inner conviction that what you're doing is right whatever anybody else believes. That can probably only emerge over time with the feedback of the actual adventure, perhaps pondering on your own school experiences and how they compare to how you like to learn as an adult (I found that very useful myself). Being aware of how "learning technology" is impacting everybody's daily lives in ways that schools simply cannot compete with. My own 'big thing' again. Judy Breck of www.handschooling.com is good to read in that respect (it's a shame she ties her ideas to school reform, which I wouldn't do, but they're still ideas worth exploring).
Bob
Sandra Dodd
-=-I've evolved a number of strategies over the years that I use in conversations on the subject of school vs. no school. Too complex to explain here, but one I use a lot is that it's 2012 now. Thanks to the "digital communications revolution", we can learn whatever *we* decide is important, valuable and useful to us, wherever we are, at whatever times suit us, in whichever ways we prefer. That's today's reality, whether a child is out of school or in school. That's my big thing personally for dealing with blind faith in the K-12 curriculum. What do schools teach that most adults never find a use for? What *don't* schools teach that every adult needs? "Don't get me started" as the saying goes.-=-
Sometimes I've reminded people that when my grandparents went to school, it was because it was the only place with maps and multiple copies of Shakespeare. Now kids can get to google maps and searchable texts of Shakespeare and thousands of other books any time, day or night.
Sandra
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Sometimes I've reminded people that when my grandparents went to school, it was because it was the only place with maps and multiple copies of Shakespeare. Now kids can get to google maps and searchable texts of Shakespeare and thousands of other books any time, day or night.
Sandra
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madh4ofwaipu
You could also look at a curriculum like oak meadow...most of the suggested learning material is what you would be doing or have done. It gives your family something to hold onto as they become used to unschooling. Just because you have this curriculum does not mean you have given up but more working at becoming one family.
It does not mean your hooked in this curriculum just letting your family take a step a bit behind you. And you still get to keep the bond with your child, have fun
Look for something which encourages love, fun and a close bond with your child if you do look at a curriculum.
You'll find another way...just keep your love for your family in front.
Megan
It does not mean your hooked in this curriculum just letting your family take a step a bit behind you. And you still get to keep the bond with your child, have fun
Look for something which encourages love, fun and a close bond with your child if you do look at a curriculum.
You'll find another way...just keep your love for your family in front.
Megan
--- In [email protected], Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
> On Mon, Mar 26, 2012 at 8:26 PM, tristaleann@... <
> tristaleann@...> wrote:
>
> > but my MIL has just as many reasons why she loves public education. I have
> > a very difficult time with confrontation and formulating words that sound
> > like anything intelligent...quite frustrating.
>
>
> You could agree with her that there are good things about public education.
> There are nearly always things the teachers are offering that are
> wonderful....and for many children it is the best part of their life. You
> could be glad that there are good schools and good teachers out there if
> you ever do put the kids into school.
>
> As far as climbing on a play structure with a lollipop (candy on a stick)
> in her mouth - I don't think it is safe either and it would have been easy
> to offer to hold it for your child while she played and she could run back
> and have a lick on it whenever she wanted. A safety issue like that seems a
> pretty easy thing to go along with.
>
> I don't think it is a good idea for you to be so completely inflexible
> about unschooling in the face of your husband's concerns. HE has a right to
> have his opinions count in his own children's lives AND if you completely
> ignore his wishes you could end up divorced and very very possibly forced
> by a court to put the kids in school.
>
> Why don't you talk about a compromise? Maybe you could enroll them in a
> charter school program. Are you involved with a homeschooling group? My
> husband was persuaded by an official public school program run by
> credentialed teachers. We only lasted one month IN the program, but
> attending a meeting with about 15 credentialed teachers talking about how
> wonderful homeschooling was - really helped him accept that homeschooling
> was reasonable, legitimate, and potentially much better than standard
> schools. Once over that hurdle, it wasn't too hard to move to unschooling.
>
> -pam
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>