Breastfeeding for comfort
avitaljourney
I looking for some advise on comfort breastfeeding and peaceful ways of working through this. I have a boy - 23 months and am 30 weeks pregnant.
I breastfed on demand for the first 16 months, we became pregnant and at 7 weeks I became really sick. My milk supply dwindled to a halt. I lost over 10kgs and wasn't keeping any food down. I choose to stop feeding about week 11. He was upset for the first week of not feeding. My husband and I did lots of validation of his feelings, my mum also came up and stayed with us for a few weeks and gave him lots of one on one time, and after a little while he stopped asking/signing for the breast.
When the morning sickness stopped (about 20 weeks) if he was unsettled during the night, or had a fall or such, I would offer the breast again. He happily took back to suckling, even though there was no milk and there is still no milk.
He now suckles in the morning when he wakes, to go down for a sleep during the day, if he is tired or just wants cuddle time, he'll ask for it. When he's teething he will suck for half an hour or longer, a number of times a day.
The challenge for me is the discomfort of his feeding. It hurts ALOT. It never hurt this much when I had milk. I think the pregnancy has made the nipples heaps more sensitive too. There are a few sores on the nipples that are having trouble healing, which is where most of the pain comes from.
I feel torn between wanting to respect his desire to suckle, especially as we stopped feeding when he didn't want to, and wanting to just stop offering the breast altogether.
I am finding myself getting so upset and frustrated especially during the night wake ups, he's been pretty unsettled in the last month (teething???) and wants to suckle and will just keep on going and going, and I can't relax or sleep through the pain of it.
I don't feel like I can keep going on as things are. I feel disempowered and I'm starting to resent his asking for the breast. Ongoing tiredness isn't helping either.
Things we are doing at the moment to cope are offering him a bottle of milk first before going on the breast and homeopathics for the teething.
Any suggestions on loving peaceful ways to get through this time?
Rosie
I breastfed on demand for the first 16 months, we became pregnant and at 7 weeks I became really sick. My milk supply dwindled to a halt. I lost over 10kgs and wasn't keeping any food down. I choose to stop feeding about week 11. He was upset for the first week of not feeding. My husband and I did lots of validation of his feelings, my mum also came up and stayed with us for a few weeks and gave him lots of one on one time, and after a little while he stopped asking/signing for the breast.
When the morning sickness stopped (about 20 weeks) if he was unsettled during the night, or had a fall or such, I would offer the breast again. He happily took back to suckling, even though there was no milk and there is still no milk.
He now suckles in the morning when he wakes, to go down for a sleep during the day, if he is tired or just wants cuddle time, he'll ask for it. When he's teething he will suck for half an hour or longer, a number of times a day.
The challenge for me is the discomfort of his feeding. It hurts ALOT. It never hurt this much when I had milk. I think the pregnancy has made the nipples heaps more sensitive too. There are a few sores on the nipples that are having trouble healing, which is where most of the pain comes from.
I feel torn between wanting to respect his desire to suckle, especially as we stopped feeding when he didn't want to, and wanting to just stop offering the breast altogether.
I am finding myself getting so upset and frustrated especially during the night wake ups, he's been pretty unsettled in the last month (teething???) and wants to suckle and will just keep on going and going, and I can't relax or sleep through the pain of it.
I don't feel like I can keep going on as things are. I feel disempowered and I'm starting to resent his asking for the breast. Ongoing tiredness isn't helping either.
Things we are doing at the moment to cope are offering him a bottle of milk first before going on the breast and homeopathics for the teething.
Any suggestions on loving peaceful ways to get through this time?
Rosie
jo kirby
Hi Rosie,
I think if it were me I would gently explain to him that at the moment, suckling on you has to stop because your breasts are too sore, but that he can try again soon when the baby comes, if he wants to. Perhaps it won't be so painful once you have milk again, and it might be a really nice thing to look forward to which is directly connected to his new baby brother or sister. In the meantime, whilst your breast isn't an option, try to find something else which he likes which he can use instead. A dummy maybe?, or a sensory necklace, or your finger???
I wish you all the best,
Jo
________________________________
From: avitaljourney <avitaljourney@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, 23 March 2012, 12:26
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Breastfeeding for comfort
I looking for some advise on comfort breastfeeding and peaceful ways of working through this. I have a boy - 23 months and am 30 weeks pregnant.
I breastfed on demand for the first 16 months, we became pregnant and at 7 weeks I became really sick. My milk supply dwindled to a halt. I lost over 10kgs and wasn't keeping any food down. I choose to stop feeding about week 11. He was upset for the first week of not feeding. My husband and I did lots of validation of his feelings, my mum also came up and stayed with us for a few weeks and gave him lots of one on one time, and after a little while he stopped asking/signing for the breast.
When the morning sickness stopped (about 20 weeks) if he was unsettled during the night, or had a fall or such, I would offer the breast again. He happily took back to suckling, even though there was no milk and there is still no milk.
He now suckles in the morning when he wakes, to go down for a sleep during the day, if he is tired or just wants cuddle time, he'll ask for it. When he's teething he will suck for half an hour or longer, a number of times a day.
The challenge for me is the discomfort of his feeding. It hurts ALOT. It never hurt this much when I had milk. I think the pregnancy has made the nipples heaps more sensitive too. There are a few sores on the nipples that are having trouble healing, which is where most of the pain comes from.
I feel torn between wanting to respect his desire to suckle, especially as we stopped feeding when he didn't want to, and wanting to just stop offering the breast altogether.
I am finding myself getting so upset and frustrated especially during the night wake ups, he's been pretty unsettled in the last month (teething???) and wants to suckle and will just keep on going and going, and I can't relax or sleep through the pain of it.
I don't feel like I can keep going on as things are. I feel disempowered and I'm starting to resent his asking for the breast. Ongoing tiredness isn't helping either.
Things we are doing at the moment to cope are offering him a bottle of milk first before going on the breast and homeopathics for the teething.
Any suggestions on loving peaceful ways to get through this time?
Rosie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think if it were me I would gently explain to him that at the moment, suckling on you has to stop because your breasts are too sore, but that he can try again soon when the baby comes, if he wants to. Perhaps it won't be so painful once you have milk again, and it might be a really nice thing to look forward to which is directly connected to his new baby brother or sister. In the meantime, whilst your breast isn't an option, try to find something else which he likes which he can use instead. A dummy maybe?, or a sensory necklace, or your finger???
I wish you all the best,
Jo
________________________________
From: avitaljourney <avitaljourney@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, 23 March 2012, 12:26
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Breastfeeding for comfort
I looking for some advise on comfort breastfeeding and peaceful ways of working through this. I have a boy - 23 months and am 30 weeks pregnant.
I breastfed on demand for the first 16 months, we became pregnant and at 7 weeks I became really sick. My milk supply dwindled to a halt. I lost over 10kgs and wasn't keeping any food down. I choose to stop feeding about week 11. He was upset for the first week of not feeding. My husband and I did lots of validation of his feelings, my mum also came up and stayed with us for a few weeks and gave him lots of one on one time, and after a little while he stopped asking/signing for the breast.
When the morning sickness stopped (about 20 weeks) if he was unsettled during the night, or had a fall or such, I would offer the breast again. He happily took back to suckling, even though there was no milk and there is still no milk.
He now suckles in the morning when he wakes, to go down for a sleep during the day, if he is tired or just wants cuddle time, he'll ask for it. When he's teething he will suck for half an hour or longer, a number of times a day.
The challenge for me is the discomfort of his feeding. It hurts ALOT. It never hurt this much when I had milk. I think the pregnancy has made the nipples heaps more sensitive too. There are a few sores on the nipples that are having trouble healing, which is where most of the pain comes from.
I feel torn between wanting to respect his desire to suckle, especially as we stopped feeding when he didn't want to, and wanting to just stop offering the breast altogether.
I am finding myself getting so upset and frustrated especially during the night wake ups, he's been pretty unsettled in the last month (teething???) and wants to suckle and will just keep on going and going, and I can't relax or sleep through the pain of it.
I don't feel like I can keep going on as things are. I feel disempowered and I'm starting to resent his asking for the breast. Ongoing tiredness isn't helping either.
Things we are doing at the moment to cope are offering him a bottle of milk first before going on the breast and homeopathics for the teething.
Any suggestions on loving peaceful ways to get through this time?
Rosie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Brady or Misti H
My daughter was a bit older than your son when I was 30 weeks along. I
kept at it and went on to tandem nurse for almost 2 years. I'm glad I did,
overall. I think what helped during pregnancy was deep breathing and
counting. It seemed the nursings took a very long time, but in all
actuality, it wasn't very long. If I was reallllllly not wanting to nurse,
I distracted my daughter with something else -- a game, special food,
outside, etc.
Nighttime was hard, no doubt. Even though it was hard, I personally felt
like night weaning at that time would have been more difficult for my
daughter than the hardship it was on me to continue nursing. Especially
during teething.
I wouldn't offer right now and definitely get some rest during the day to
help with tiredness.
Misti
kept at it and went on to tandem nurse for almost 2 years. I'm glad I did,
overall. I think what helped during pregnancy was deep breathing and
counting. It seemed the nursings took a very long time, but in all
actuality, it wasn't very long. If I was reallllllly not wanting to nurse,
I distracted my daughter with something else -- a game, special food,
outside, etc.
Nighttime was hard, no doubt. Even though it was hard, I personally felt
like night weaning at that time would have been more difficult for my
daughter than the hardship it was on me to continue nursing. Especially
during teething.
I wouldn't offer right now and definitely get some rest during the day to
help with tiredness.
Misti
On Fri, Mar 23, 2012 at 8:26 AM, avitaljourney <avitaljourney@...>wrote:
> **
>
>
> I looking for some advise on comfort breastfeeding and peaceful ways of
> working through this. I have a boy - 23 months and am 30 weeks pregnant.
>
> I breastfed on demand for the first 16 months, we became pregnant and at 7
> weeks I became really sick. My milk supply dwindled to a halt. I lost over
> 10kgs and wasn't keeping any food down. I choose to stop feeding about week
> 11. He was upset for the first week of not feeding. My husband and I did
> lots of validation of his feelings, my mum also came up and stayed with us
> for a few weeks and gave him lots of one on one time, and after a little
> while he stopped asking/signing for the breast.
>
> When the morning sickness stopped (about 20 weeks) if he was unsettled
> during the night, or had a fall or such, I would offer the breast again. He
> happily took back to suckling, even though there was no milk and there is
> still no milk.
> He now suckles in the morning when he wakes, to go down for a sleep during
> the day, if he is tired or just wants cuddle time, he'll ask for it. When
> he's teething he will suck for half an hour or longer, a number of times a
> day.
>
> The challenge for me is the discomfort of his feeding. It hurts ALOT. It
> never hurt this much when I had milk. I think the pregnancy has made the
> nipples heaps more sensitive too. There are a few sores on the nipples that
> are having trouble healing, which is where most of the pain comes from.
> I feel torn between wanting to respect his desire to suckle, especially as
> we stopped feeding when he didn't want to, and wanting to just stop
> offering the breast altogether.
> I am finding myself getting so upset and frustrated especially during the
> night wake ups, he's been pretty unsettled in the last month (teething???)
> and wants to suckle and will just keep on going and going, and I can't
> relax or sleep through the pain of it.
> I don't feel like I can keep going on as things are. I feel disempowered
> and I'm starting to resent his asking for the breast. Ongoing tiredness
> isn't helping either.
> Things we are doing at the moment to cope are offering him a bottle of
> milk first before going on the breast and homeopathics for the teething.
> Any suggestions on loving peaceful ways to get through this time?
>
> Rosie
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
m0n1ka05
Hi Rosie
I stopped breastfeeding Ayshah when she was around 2 and a half. I told her that my breasts were hurting and that it was pregnancy related. Ayshah discussed with me how the right breast was her breast and when baby arrived she could have the left breast :) When baby arrived I stuck to my agreement and she tried breastfeeding again.
I remember feeling so upset as I had planned in my head I would breastfeed during my pregnancy. I was not prepared for the discomfort.
Ayshah is now nearly 5 and she tries it out every so often.
Monika
I stopped breastfeeding Ayshah when she was around 2 and a half. I told her that my breasts were hurting and that it was pregnancy related. Ayshah discussed with me how the right breast was her breast and when baby arrived she could have the left breast :) When baby arrived I stuck to my agreement and she tried breastfeeding again.
I remember feeling so upset as I had planned in my head I would breastfeed during my pregnancy. I was not prepared for the discomfort.
Ayshah is now nearly 5 and she tries it out every so often.
Monika
--- In [email protected], "avitaljourney" <avitaljourney@...> wrote:
>
> I looking for some advise on comfort breastfeeding and peaceful ways of working through this. I have a boy - 23 months and am 30 weeks pregnant.
>
> I breastfed on demand for the first 16 months, we became pregnant and at 7 weeks I became really sick. My milk supply dwindled to a halt. I lost over 10kgs and wasn't keeping any food down. I choose to stop feeding about week 11. He was upset for the first week of not feeding. My husband and I did lots of validation of his feelings, my mum also came up and stayed with us for a few weeks and gave him lots of one on one time, and after a little while he stopped asking/signing for the breast.
>
> When the morning sickness stopped (about 20 weeks) if he was unsettled during the night, or had a fall or such, I would offer the breast again. He happily took back to suckling, even though there was no milk and there is still no milk.
> He now suckles in the morning when he wakes, to go down for a sleep during the day, if he is tired or just wants cuddle time, he'll ask for it. When he's teething he will suck for half an hour or longer, a number of times a day.
>
> The challenge for me is the discomfort of his feeding. It hurts ALOT. It never hurt this much when I had milk. I think the pregnancy has made the nipples heaps more sensitive too. There are a few sores on the nipples that are having trouble healing, which is where most of the pain comes from.
> I feel torn between wanting to respect his desire to suckle, especially as we stopped feeding when he didn't want to, and wanting to just stop offering the breast altogether.
> I am finding myself getting so upset and frustrated especially during the night wake ups, he's been pretty unsettled in the last month (teething???) and wants to suckle and will just keep on going and going, and I can't relax or sleep through the pain of it.
> I don't feel like I can keep going on as things are. I feel disempowered and I'm starting to resent his asking for the breast. Ongoing tiredness isn't helping either.
> Things we are doing at the moment to cope are offering him a bottle of milk first before going on the breast and homeopathics for the teething.
> Any suggestions on loving peaceful ways to get through this time?
>
> Rosie
>
Mary Kocak
I am new here and I am almost afraid to post. Afraid I might say something wrong. I really felt the need to share my own experience and thoughts on this though. When you believe in child lead weaning and need or want to stop for any reason it's a big decision.
I went through something similar when I had to wean my son when I was pregnant. Don't offer the breast and try to watch his signals for when he might want to suckle and distract before it happens. Those sores on your nipples need time to heal before the new baby comes or this might interfere with your new nursing relationship. As you well know, nursing is a very personal relationship. There are two people involved in this relationship and they BOTH need to want to continue it. If you are beginning to feel resentful then it may be time for you to stop.
I knew it was time for me to end it, only you know when that time comes for you.
I think it took my son about a week to stop asking for the breast but he was down to only a few times a day already. In my experience it was easier to distract him with something that didn't include cuddling. If I tried to sit and read a book or something he would try to get in my shirt so my distractions usually involved getting up and physically doing something. Usually he would want to nurse around the time he was ready for a nap so it would be a quiet activity like a puzzle or something and I would tell him that we could cuddle but he couldn't have a meemee. He would get mad and frustrated and once again I would try to calmly distract him. He didn't always stay calm but I had to be persistent. I just couldn't do it anymore, it was no longer a mutually rewarding relationship and I felt he was picking up on my negative feelings.
I wish I could remember more about how I distracted him. This was over 11 years ago.
I don't recall every telling him it was because I was pregnant. I didn't want to make him feel this relationship was ending because of the impending arrival of a new sibling. I think it took about a week, maybe less. Kevin seemed to just forget about nursing until after the new baby arrived. One day shortly after I brought Kolton home he asked to nurse and I let him try. He didn't even remember how. It was kind of sad and kind of funny at the same time. He pulled my shirt down, patted my breast and walked away and never asked again. I remember that moment like it was yesterday.
Don't stress yourself out if you feel it needs to come to an end. Try not to feel guilty because you think he may not be quite ready to give it up. Only you and your child know when it's time for this part of your relationship to end. It was wonderful while it lasted but we can't nurse them forever (sigh, if only they stayed babies a bit longer).
Please do whatever you have to to get those sores healed. I have had breast infections twice. I was in so much pain and so sick. I can't imagine how hard that would be if I had a newborn to take care of on top of one of those infections.
I kept getting distracted while typing this. I hope it's coherent.
I went through something similar when I had to wean my son when I was pregnant. Don't offer the breast and try to watch his signals for when he might want to suckle and distract before it happens. Those sores on your nipples need time to heal before the new baby comes or this might interfere with your new nursing relationship. As you well know, nursing is a very personal relationship. There are two people involved in this relationship and they BOTH need to want to continue it. If you are beginning to feel resentful then it may be time for you to stop.
I knew it was time for me to end it, only you know when that time comes for you.
I think it took my son about a week to stop asking for the breast but he was down to only a few times a day already. In my experience it was easier to distract him with something that didn't include cuddling. If I tried to sit and read a book or something he would try to get in my shirt so my distractions usually involved getting up and physically doing something. Usually he would want to nurse around the time he was ready for a nap so it would be a quiet activity like a puzzle or something and I would tell him that we could cuddle but he couldn't have a meemee. He would get mad and frustrated and once again I would try to calmly distract him. He didn't always stay calm but I had to be persistent. I just couldn't do it anymore, it was no longer a mutually rewarding relationship and I felt he was picking up on my negative feelings.
I wish I could remember more about how I distracted him. This was over 11 years ago.
I don't recall every telling him it was because I was pregnant. I didn't want to make him feel this relationship was ending because of the impending arrival of a new sibling. I think it took about a week, maybe less. Kevin seemed to just forget about nursing until after the new baby arrived. One day shortly after I brought Kolton home he asked to nurse and I let him try. He didn't even remember how. It was kind of sad and kind of funny at the same time. He pulled my shirt down, patted my breast and walked away and never asked again. I remember that moment like it was yesterday.
Don't stress yourself out if you feel it needs to come to an end. Try not to feel guilty because you think he may not be quite ready to give it up. Only you and your child know when it's time for this part of your relationship to end. It was wonderful while it lasted but we can't nurse them forever (sigh, if only they stayed babies a bit longer).
Please do whatever you have to to get those sores healed. I have had breast infections twice. I was in so much pain and so sick. I can't imagine how hard that would be if I had a newborn to take care of on top of one of those infections.
I kept getting distracted while typing this. I hope it's coherent.
----- Original Message -----
From: avitaljourney
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, March 23, 2012 8:26 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Breastfeeding for comfort
I looking for some advise on comfort breastfeeding and peaceful ways of working through this. I have a boy - 23 months and am 30 weeks pregnant.
I breastfed on demand for the first 16 months, we became pregnant and at 7 weeks I became really sick. My milk supply dwindled to a halt. I lost over 10kgs and wasn't keeping any food down. I choose to stop feeding about week 11. He was upset for the first week of not feeding. My husband and I did lots of validation of his feelings, my mum also came up and stayed with us for a few weeks and gave him lots of one on one time, and after a little while he stopped asking/signing for the breast.
When the morning sickness stopped (about 20 weeks) if he was unsettled during the night, or had a fall or such, I would offer the breast again. He happily took back to suckling, even though there was no milk and there is still no milk.
He now suckles in the morning when he wakes, to go down for a sleep during the day, if he is tired or just wants cuddle time, he'll ask for it. When he's teething he will suck for half an hour or longer, a number of times a day.
The challenge for me is the discomfort of his feeding. It hurts ALOT. It never hurt this much when I had milk. I think the pregnancy has made the nipples heaps more sensitive too. There are a few sores on the nipples that are having trouble healing, which is where most of the pain comes from.
I feel torn between wanting to respect his desire to suckle, especially as we stopped feeding when he didn't want to, and wanting to just stop offering the breast altogether.
I am finding myself getting so upset and frustrated especially during the night wake ups, he's been pretty unsettled in the last month (teething???) and wants to suckle and will just keep on going and going, and I can't relax or sleep through the pain of it.
I don't feel like I can keep going on as things are. I feel disempowered and I'm starting to resent his asking for the breast. Ongoing tiredness isn't helping either.
Things we are doing at the moment to cope are offering him a bottle of milk first before going on the breast and homeopathics for the teething.
Any suggestions on loving peaceful ways to get through this time?
Rosie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On Sat, Mar 24, 2012 at 9:44 AM, Mary Kocak <Mary_K@...> wrote:
I am new here and I am almost afraid to post. Afraid I might say something
> wrong.>>>
If you post something inappropriate for the list, moderators will let you
know on the side. But, otherwise, the worst thing that can happen here is
that some people strongly disagree with you and respond with criticisms of
whatever you said. That's the worst! And even if that happens, you would
have said what you wanted to say and a couple of thousand people (probably)
would have read it and they can decide for themselves what they think about
it.
AND if it happens that people do critique what you said or how you said it,
then you get a great opportunity to examine it yourself from a different
perspective. That is a good thing. If we can get over being defensive, it
really helps us learn and grow. It is unlikely that you have friends or
relatives who are going to critique you in that way and it is a gift to be
appreciated.
When this gift is offered to people who don't expect or want it feels
personal and hurtful to them. So we try, on this list, to be as clear as we
can possibly be that we are here for the purpose of engaging in active
critical analysis of any and all ideas posted.
There are times I think the criticisms are completely off-base. There are
times I think the critiquer has misunderstood the original poster's idea.
There are times I think the critiques could be offered in more helpful ways
- explained more, been a little gentler, been a little more to the point,
etc. In other words, there are times I feel the urge to critique the
critiques. But I resist that urge. I have learned to accept and appreciate
that there are different ways of expressing ideas and that what seems
brilliant to me might seem worthless to someone else. I have learned, over
time, whose ideas are generally most useful to me and I tend to pay more
attention to those and less to others. I have learned that what I have to
say will not be appreciated by everyone and that no matter how good my own
intentions, there will be people who take offense to the exact same posts
that other people appreciate.
I have also learned that people often do not read carefully. They very
often skim and don't see qualifiers. When I say, for example, "Maybe you
should consider that your stepson might be angry about the divorce and
blame you, " a person will respond angrily and defensively about what a
great relationship she has with her stepchild. But the word "maybe" at the
beginning of that sentence means what it says - "maybe" this is something
you should consider - maybe. It doesn't mean I'm accusing her of being a
bad stepmother - it means that this is an idea to consider, that he might
possibly be angry. That seems a lot better advice than saying, "I'm sure
you are a wonderful stepmother and he's got no reason for behaving the way
he is." What good does that do?
I don't know of anywhere else outside of a therapeutic relationship where
you can get this kind of direct, critical, and honest feedback. Over the
years, I have very often been amazed at the insights expressed here. I have
sometimes reacted emotionally and felt something was harshly said, and I
have felt defensive, but it is worth it to take the risk and learn to get
over it. I have learned SO much about myself and relationships and
parenting and, really, about living, through the interactions here.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Brady or Misti H
"There are a few sores on the nipples that are having trouble healing,
which is where most of the pain comes from. "
I didn't notice this the first time I read your post. Here's a link about
sores -- there are some treatment ideas that may give you relief:
http://www.lalecheleague.org/llleaderweb/lv/lvfebmar00p10.html
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
which is where most of the pain comes from. "
I didn't notice this the first time I read your post. Here's a link about
sores -- there are some treatment ideas that may give you relief:
http://www.lalecheleague.org/llleaderweb/lv/lvfebmar00p10.html
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
annavblack99
Hi,
I'm not unschooling yet, but I am a long-term breastfeeder.
I got pregnant when Abi was just over two and she fed throughout the pregnancy. It was really hard at times, especially at night when I would get the real skin-crawly aversion feeling.
I decided that her need to breastfeed was more important than my discomfort, but I did need to put some pretty firm boundaries in place. Here's what we did:
- night weaned when she was about 2 and a half. I tried earlier but it was too distressing. My husband would cuddle and walk her if she needed it to get back to sleep.
- I would also feed for as long as I could and then do a countdown, "Okay, I'll count down from ten and then Mi is finished". Sometimes it would be "till the end of this song" or "when we finish this book".
- I wouldn't offer, but I would try to say yes whenever she requested.
- we talked about how there would be lots of milk there again when the baby came and then they could both have mi. I ended up tandem feeding for two years, although after the first weeks, not with both of them together as it brought up the same aversion feelings.
Have you read 'Adventures in Tandem Nursing' by Hilary Flowers? That's a really good one. And I get the feeling you might be in Australia, are you a member of ABA? I found going to their support groups really helpful, as there were people there who had successfully fed through pregnancy and beyond.
Regarding the sores on the nipple, do you know why that's happened? Is your son's latch degrading? If he's correctly latched there shouldn't be actual damage done, even if you're pregnant. Again, the ABA might be able to help, or LLL if you're not in Australia.
I'm really glad I continued through pregnancy and beyond. My daughters have a beautiful bond, I remember them holding hands as they both fed, and I don't know if it's related, but Abi is incredibly loving, gentle and understanding with Evie. One of my main reasons for wanting to tandem feed was so that Abi didn't feel completely displaced and so that we could keep our connection, especially as breastfeeding was always really important to her.
Anna
Mother to Abigail, 5 and Evangeline, 2
I'm not unschooling yet, but I am a long-term breastfeeder.
I got pregnant when Abi was just over two and she fed throughout the pregnancy. It was really hard at times, especially at night when I would get the real skin-crawly aversion feeling.
I decided that her need to breastfeed was more important than my discomfort, but I did need to put some pretty firm boundaries in place. Here's what we did:
- night weaned when she was about 2 and a half. I tried earlier but it was too distressing. My husband would cuddle and walk her if she needed it to get back to sleep.
- I would also feed for as long as I could and then do a countdown, "Okay, I'll count down from ten and then Mi is finished". Sometimes it would be "till the end of this song" or "when we finish this book".
- I wouldn't offer, but I would try to say yes whenever she requested.
- we talked about how there would be lots of milk there again when the baby came and then they could both have mi. I ended up tandem feeding for two years, although after the first weeks, not with both of them together as it brought up the same aversion feelings.
Have you read 'Adventures in Tandem Nursing' by Hilary Flowers? That's a really good one. And I get the feeling you might be in Australia, are you a member of ABA? I found going to their support groups really helpful, as there were people there who had successfully fed through pregnancy and beyond.
Regarding the sores on the nipple, do you know why that's happened? Is your son's latch degrading? If he's correctly latched there shouldn't be actual damage done, even if you're pregnant. Again, the ABA might be able to help, or LLL if you're not in Australia.
I'm really glad I continued through pregnancy and beyond. My daughters have a beautiful bond, I remember them holding hands as they both fed, and I don't know if it's related, but Abi is incredibly loving, gentle and understanding with Evie. One of my main reasons for wanting to tandem feed was so that Abi didn't feel completely displaced and so that we could keep our connection, especially as breastfeeding was always really important to her.
Anna
Mother to Abigail, 5 and Evangeline, 2
--- In [email protected], "avitaljourney" <avitaljourney@...> wrote:
>
> I looking for some advise on comfort breastfeeding and peaceful ways of working through this. I have a boy - 23 months and am 30 weeks pregnant.
>
> I breastfed on demand for the first 16 months, we became pregnant and at 7 weeks I became really sick. My milk supply dwindled to a halt. I lost over 10kgs and wasn't keeping any food down. I choose to stop feeding about week 11. He was upset for the first week of not feeding. My husband and I did lots of validation of his feelings, my mum also came up and stayed with us for a few weeks and gave him lots of one on one time, and after a little while he stopped asking/signing for the breast.
>
> When the morning sickness stopped (about 20 weeks) if he was unsettled during the night, or had a fall or such, I would offer the breast again. He happily took back to suckling, even though there was no milk and there is still no milk.
> He now suckles in the morning when he wakes, to go down for a sleep during the day, if he is tired or just wants cuddle time, he'll ask for it. When he's teething he will suck for half an hour or longer, a number of times a day.
>
> The challenge for me is the discomfort of his feeding. It hurts ALOT. It never hurt this much when I had milk. I think the pregnancy has made the nipples heaps more sensitive too. There are a few sores on the nipples that are having trouble healing, which is where most of the pain comes from.
> I feel torn between wanting to respect his desire to suckle, especially as we stopped feeding when he didn't want to, and wanting to just stop offering the breast altogether.
> I am finding myself getting so upset and frustrated especially during the night wake ups, he's been pretty unsettled in the last month (teething???) and wants to suckle and will just keep on going and going, and I can't relax or sleep through the pain of it.
> I don't feel like I can keep going on as things are. I feel disempowered and I'm starting to resent his asking for the breast. Ongoing tiredness isn't helping either.
> Things we are doing at the moment to cope are offering him a bottle of milk first before going on the breast and homeopathics for the teething.
> Any suggestions on loving peaceful ways to get through this time?
>
> Rosie
>
Rippy and Graham Dusseldorp
----I don't know of anywhere else outside of a therapeutic relationship where you can get this kind of direct, critical, and honest feedback.----
While I was growing up, I used to get this type of feedback when my family went to 'sangat' - small fellowships in the Sikh faith where in part people learn about living with kindness and integrity. Sikhism believes that we are all on a path to reunite with the source (God) and for this to happen, you need to become kinder and more compassionate. "Direct, critical, and honest feedback" was highly valued and appreciated.
My family used to regularly travel to India to a Sikh ashram where we were encouraged to examine our thoughts and words. The philosophy there was that helping one another grow into more loving, mindful people is one of the greatest acts of service one can do. Some of the most valuable skills that I learned in life and use every day were learned in the fellowship and ashram.
I was frequently reminded that 'thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become your character and your character becomes your destiny'. My dad was gifted at helping me be more thoughtful with my words and actions, and make better choices. He was the kindest person I knew.
This list is especially dear to me because my dad passed away before I had children. Often when I read here, I realize the advice is probably similar to something my dad would have suggested. Reading here makes me feel closer to him. For me, Always Learning feels like my fellowship.
Rippy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
While I was growing up, I used to get this type of feedback when my family went to 'sangat' - small fellowships in the Sikh faith where in part people learn about living with kindness and integrity. Sikhism believes that we are all on a path to reunite with the source (God) and for this to happen, you need to become kinder and more compassionate. "Direct, critical, and honest feedback" was highly valued and appreciated.
My family used to regularly travel to India to a Sikh ashram where we were encouraged to examine our thoughts and words. The philosophy there was that helping one another grow into more loving, mindful people is one of the greatest acts of service one can do. Some of the most valuable skills that I learned in life and use every day were learned in the fellowship and ashram.
I was frequently reminded that 'thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become your character and your character becomes your destiny'. My dad was gifted at helping me be more thoughtful with my words and actions, and make better choices. He was the kindest person I knew.
This list is especially dear to me because my dad passed away before I had children. Often when I read here, I realize the advice is probably similar to something my dad would have suggested. Reading here makes me feel closer to him. For me, Always Learning feels like my fellowship.
Rippy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]