On Behalf of Anna Barnes - In Vietnam
Jo Isaac
Hi,
My friend Anna Barnes asked me to post this here for her, as she doesn't have access to Yahoo in Vietnam - most of you know she is travelling with her 3-year-old in Vietnam for a few months. She will be able to read repliesby email.
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I am traveling Vietnam alone (husband not here) with my almost 4 year old boy. After initial problems with no safe places to walk or play (we were in Saigon), we have found a quiter town where we can walk and bike more easily.
We are at a home where there are two Vietnamese boys 3 and 6. They are at school 6 days a week from 7am till 8pm. The house is fully tiled with marble stair case and a small concrete yard which is chock full of everyone's bikes and motor bikes.
I feel safe here, and am enjoying the town.
My problem is that when the two Vietnamese boys come home, they interact with my boy by pinching, chasing, pulling hair, teasing, blocking the way of the tv, fighting over who sits where and racing up the hallway. It's noisy, violent and my boy has suffered numerous injuries.
My boy comes from a large farm in Australia where he races around on grass, climbs trees, had soft carpet inside, a cushion corner, beds to bounce on etc. the environment here is all hard surfaces, no carpet, cushions or grass to run around on.
All my boys injuries have been from getting away from the boys or being pushed by them onto marble and hard sharp furniture
I've tried bringing toys into the common room, but the father of the home asks me to take them back to our room. The Vietnamese boys don't have toys that they play with here (don't know what they do at school). They come home from school and watch tv till bedtime. Occasionally other traveller's leave something lying around (like a water bottle), or a mandarin, and these items get thrown around, smashed or used as weapons against each other.
My boys experience of playing with other kids has always been with an abundance of toys, and watchful parents stepping in then things get too violent.
It's becoming apparent to me that even going into the kitchen to make a cup of tea is too long to let them be unsupervised. The main reason I choose a Homestay over a hotel is because I thought my boy would enjoy the company on the other kids. I find that during the day, when my boy comes across other traveller's kids, he plays well with them. Laughs, giggles, tells stories etc. But when playing with the kids in this house it's full on war, and my boy keeps getting hurt.
I would love your thoughts on this. should I "let them be"? I am not coping with the injuries. Do I need to find grass paddocks for him to run in? ( I have no idea how to do that... Everything is a rice paddy or vegetable garden if it's not paved of a road).
I was planning to stay here until our flight home end of April, as the consistency of our space and our routines in the town are comforting now. Changing accommodation or towns will be quiet a big upheaval for both of us
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My friend Anna Barnes asked me to post this here for her, as she doesn't have access to Yahoo in Vietnam - most of you know she is travelling with her 3-year-old in Vietnam for a few months. She will be able to read repliesby email.
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I am traveling Vietnam alone (husband not here) with my almost 4 year old boy. After initial problems with no safe places to walk or play (we were in Saigon), we have found a quiter town where we can walk and bike more easily.
We are at a home where there are two Vietnamese boys 3 and 6. They are at school 6 days a week from 7am till 8pm. The house is fully tiled with marble stair case and a small concrete yard which is chock full of everyone's bikes and motor bikes.
I feel safe here, and am enjoying the town.
My problem is that when the two Vietnamese boys come home, they interact with my boy by pinching, chasing, pulling hair, teasing, blocking the way of the tv, fighting over who sits where and racing up the hallway. It's noisy, violent and my boy has suffered numerous injuries.
My boy comes from a large farm in Australia where he races around on grass, climbs trees, had soft carpet inside, a cushion corner, beds to bounce on etc. the environment here is all hard surfaces, no carpet, cushions or grass to run around on.
All my boys injuries have been from getting away from the boys or being pushed by them onto marble and hard sharp furniture
I've tried bringing toys into the common room, but the father of the home asks me to take them back to our room. The Vietnamese boys don't have toys that they play with here (don't know what they do at school). They come home from school and watch tv till bedtime. Occasionally other traveller's leave something lying around (like a water bottle), or a mandarin, and these items get thrown around, smashed or used as weapons against each other.
My boys experience of playing with other kids has always been with an abundance of toys, and watchful parents stepping in then things get too violent.
It's becoming apparent to me that even going into the kitchen to make a cup of tea is too long to let them be unsupervised. The main reason I choose a Homestay over a hotel is because I thought my boy would enjoy the company on the other kids. I find that during the day, when my boy comes across other traveller's kids, he plays well with them. Laughs, giggles, tells stories etc. But when playing with the kids in this house it's full on war, and my boy keeps getting hurt.
I would love your thoughts on this. should I "let them be"? I am not coping with the injuries. Do I need to find grass paddocks for him to run in? ( I have no idea how to do that... Everything is a rice paddy or vegetable garden if it's not paved of a road).
I was planning to stay here until our flight home end of April, as the consistency of our space and our routines in the town are comforting now. Changing accommodation or towns will be quiet a big upheaval for both of us
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Sandra Dodd
She should go home. The advice she got when she asked before was that if her son wasn't happy there, it wasn't a good place to be. If she can afford a hotel, she can afford to pay the penalty to go back to Australia early.
I don't see this as an unschooling question at all. If her son isn't happy and he isn't learning, she's doing damage to him and to his trust.
-=-I feel safe here...-=-
Is she delusional? Or does she see her safety and the safety of her son being hurt every day on hard sharp furniture being very separate things?
Her team is losing.
-=-I would love your thoughts on this. should I "let them be"? I am not coping with the injuries. Do I need to find grass paddocks for him to run in?-=-
She should go home to Australia. Asking us can't possibly be helping her. If a thousand people said "stay there even though your son is being harmed daily" it would still be negligent parenting.
Sandra
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I don't see this as an unschooling question at all. If her son isn't happy and he isn't learning, she's doing damage to him and to his trust.
-=-I feel safe here...-=-
Is she delusional? Or does she see her safety and the safety of her son being hurt every day on hard sharp furniture being very separate things?
Her team is losing.
-=-I would love your thoughts on this. should I "let them be"? I am not coping with the injuries. Do I need to find grass paddocks for him to run in?-=-
She should go home to Australia. Asking us can't possibly be helping her. If a thousand people said "stay there even though your son is being harmed daily" it would still be negligent parenting.
Sandra
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Lg
This is the only post I have ever responded too. I have not been able to get her email out of my heart and mind. My heart is screaming, go home! I see no pleasure happening in these emails, nothing that indicates a time of freedom, love....... I , myself , my children would have cut the trip off weeks ago if we were experiencing as she describes.
LisaGupton
LisaGupton
On Mar 7, 2012, at 6:21 PM, Jo Isaac <joanneisaac@...> wrote:
>
> Hi,
> My friend Anna Barnes asked me to post this here for her, as she doesn't have access to Yahoo in Vietnam - most of you know she is travelling with her 3-year-old in Vietnam for a few months. She will be able to read repliesby email.
>
> ------------------------
>
> I am traveling Vietnam alone (husband not here) with my almost 4 year old boy. After initial problems with no safe places to walk or play (we were in Saigon), we have found a quiter town where we can walk and bike more easily.
> We are at a home where there are two Vietnamese boys 3 and 6. They are at school 6 days a week from 7am till 8pm. The house is fully tiled with marble stair case and a small concrete yard which is chock full of everyone's bikes and motor bikes.
> I feel safe here, and am enjoying the town.
> My problem is that when the two Vietnamese boys come home, they interact with my boy by pinching, chasing, pulling hair, teasing, blocking the way of the tv, fighting over who sits where and racing up the hallway. It's noisy, violent and my boy has suffered numerous injuries.
> My boy comes from a large farm in Australia where he races around on grass, climbs trees, had soft carpet inside, a cushion corner, beds to bounce on etc. the environment here is all hard surfaces, no carpet, cushions or grass to run around on.
> All my boys injuries have been from getting away from the boys or being pushed by them onto marble and hard sharp furniture
> I've tried bringing toys into the common room, but the father of the home asks me to take them back to our room. The Vietnamese boys don't have toys that they play with here (don't know what they do at school). They come home from school and watch tv till bedtime. Occasionally other traveller's leave something lying around (like a water bottle), or a mandarin, and these items get thrown around, smashed or used as weapons against each other.
> My boys experience of playing with other kids has always been with an abundance of toys, and watchful parents stepping in then things get too violent.
> It's becoming apparent to me that even going into the kitchen to make a cup of tea is too long to let them be unsupervised. The main reason I choose a Homestay over a hotel is because I thought my boy would enjoy the company on the other kids. I find that during the day, when my boy comes across other traveller's kids, he plays well with them. Laughs, giggles, tells stories etc. But when playing with the kids in this house it's full on war, and my boy keeps getting hurt.
> I would love your thoughts on this. should I "let them be"? I am not coping with the injuries. Do I need to find grass paddocks for him to run in? ( I have no idea how to do that... Everything is a rice paddy or vegetable garden if it's not paved of a road).
> I was planning to stay here until our flight home end of April, as the consistency of our space and our routines in the town are comforting now. Changing accommodation or towns will be quiet a big upheaval for both of us
> --------------------------------------
>
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Schuyler
They are home hardly at all. Gone 6 days a week from 7am until 8 pm. Arrange your time so that you aren't in their space when they are home. Why on earth would you step away for a cup of tea when you have two boys who have proven themselves to not be trustworthy with your son in the room?
It seems to me that you still have an expectation that Vietnam is going to be a halcyon experience for you and your son, where he will be cared for by lovely local families while you get to slip away for moments exploring the lives of those same people. If you are fully intending to stay for another 10 weeks I would recommend moving out of this home stay and into a nice hotel where you aren't impinging on the little bit of free time that these 2 little boys with your dreams of a peaceful playdate in the shared space. Goodness, these boys have no time of their own, they must be so wound up, so in need of unwinding. I think all your dreams are pipe dreams, are so unhinged from the reality of having a little boy and travelling with him. This trip is clearly about you. And while you've made the concession of moving from Saigon to a more rural Vietnam, you are still not making it good for your son.
Schuyler
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It seems to me that you still have an expectation that Vietnam is going to be a halcyon experience for you and your son, where he will be cared for by lovely local families while you get to slip away for moments exploring the lives of those same people. If you are fully intending to stay for another 10 weeks I would recommend moving out of this home stay and into a nice hotel where you aren't impinging on the little bit of free time that these 2 little boys with your dreams of a peaceful playdate in the shared space. Goodness, these boys have no time of their own, they must be so wound up, so in need of unwinding. I think all your dreams are pipe dreams, are so unhinged from the reality of having a little boy and travelling with him. This trip is clearly about you. And while you've made the concession of moving from Saigon to a more rural Vietnam, you are still not making it good for your son.
Schuyler
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Vanessa Orsborn
I agree with Schuyler, you can spend their free day elsewhere and evenings at a restaurant or in your room. If you do have to be in the communal area together then you need to be his bodyguard!
I don't understand how moving can be such a big hassle, surely you only have what you can carry as you are travelling? A rucksack? How can moving be more hassle than having to protect your son. How can his being hurt be less important than moving?
Re hard surfaces etc, all accommodation is like that there. Where are you in Viet Nam? Could you go elsewhere like Nha Trang? Lots of soft beach and western children for your son to play with (if finding other children is what you are looking for). Hanoi in the north is a serene city with parks. There is also a city in the middle somewhere which has a lot of parks and a river running through, but I can't remember the name now.
If you are determined to stay, you do at least need to find somewhere that is safe for your son.
One more question though- how happy does your son seem?
Vanessa
Sent from my iPhone
I don't understand how moving can be such a big hassle, surely you only have what you can carry as you are travelling? A rucksack? How can moving be more hassle than having to protect your son. How can his being hurt be less important than moving?
Re hard surfaces etc, all accommodation is like that there. Where are you in Viet Nam? Could you go elsewhere like Nha Trang? Lots of soft beach and western children for your son to play with (if finding other children is what you are looking for). Hanoi in the north is a serene city with parks. There is also a city in the middle somewhere which has a lot of parks and a river running through, but I can't remember the name now.
If you are determined to stay, you do at least need to find somewhere that is safe for your son.
One more question though- how happy does your son seem?
Vanessa
Sent from my iPhone
On 8 Mar 2012, at 09:53, Schuyler <s.waynforth@...> wrote:
> They are home hardly at all. Gone 6 days a week from 7am until 8 pm. Arrange your time so that you aren't in their space when they are home. Why on earth would you step away for a cup of tea when you have two boys who have proven themselves to not be trustworthy with your son in the room?
>
> It seems to me that you still have an expectation that Vietnam is going to be a halcyon experience for you and your son, where he will be cared for by lovely local families while you get to slip away for moments exploring the lives of those same people. If you are fully intending to stay for another 10 weeks I would recommend moving out of this home stay and into a nice hotel where you aren't impinging on the little bit of free time that these 2 little boys with your dreams of a peaceful playdate in the shared space. Goodness, these boys have no time of their own, they must be so wound up, so in need of unwinding. I think all your dreams are pipe dreams, are so unhinged from the reality of having a little boy and travelling with him. This trip is clearly about you. And while you've made the concession of moving from Saigon to a more rural Vietnam, you are still not making it good for your son.
>
> Schuyler
>
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christinebgilbert
I don't think she needs unschooling advice, I think she just needs travel advice. A lot of people travel in Vietnam with kids and they aren't getting roughed up by local children or having all these injuries.
A quick google search gave me:
http://mylittlenomads.com/trip-review-vietnam
http://www.ourtravellifestyle.com/tag/vietnam-with-kids/
(I happen to know these two bloggers and the second one is an Australian family traveling with a 3 & 5 year old and I met them in Malaysia and later in Thailand.)
http://www.travelandleisure.com/trips/vietnam-with-kids
There are hotel recommendations in there.
I would also go to Lonely Planet's forums or Travel Fish (they focus on SE Asia) and Bootsnall under Family travel and ask about safe places to stay in the area that you are in. Even if you have a small budget you should be able to find something. I don't think there's any reason for you to stay when a bus ride is so cheap.
Part of travel is being able to roll with the punches and it sounds like you're struggling with that. First: your child's safety. Second: it's all an adventure. Third: Don't have preconceived ideas about how other cultures should behave or how your trip will turn out.
(Finally, I will second Sandra's advice, it is also perfectly reasonable to just go home, if it's not working.)
A quick google search gave me:
http://mylittlenomads.com/trip-review-vietnam
http://www.ourtravellifestyle.com/tag/vietnam-with-kids/
(I happen to know these two bloggers and the second one is an Australian family traveling with a 3 & 5 year old and I met them in Malaysia and later in Thailand.)
http://www.travelandleisure.com/trips/vietnam-with-kids
There are hotel recommendations in there.
I would also go to Lonely Planet's forums or Travel Fish (they focus on SE Asia) and Bootsnall under Family travel and ask about safe places to stay in the area that you are in. Even if you have a small budget you should be able to find something. I don't think there's any reason for you to stay when a bus ride is so cheap.
Part of travel is being able to roll with the punches and it sounds like you're struggling with that. First: your child's safety. Second: it's all an adventure. Third: Don't have preconceived ideas about how other cultures should behave or how your trip will turn out.
(Finally, I will second Sandra's advice, it is also perfectly reasonable to just go home, if it's not working.)
Sandra Dodd
-=I don't think she needs unschooling advice, I think she just needs travel advice.-=-
Perhaps. But if she wants travel advice from attachment-parenting-minded people, the advice is that if the child is unhappy and unsafe, that some DEtachment parenting.
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Perhaps. But if she wants travel advice from attachment-parenting-minded people, the advice is that if the child is unhappy and unsafe, that some DEtachment parenting.
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