Re: Rescuing children from natural consequences/Thank You!
Christina Daharry
I am new to unschooling and in the deschooling "period". I've been reading on the lists and websites, asking myself a lot of questions, and working a lot of stuff through in my own mind and heart. I just wanted to say a big "THANK YOU!". I'm learning about unschooling and, as a surprise, now watching how it is working its way into so many other areas of my life. It is really causing me to take a "fresh look" at EVERYTHING! Sometimes, I am a bit overwhelmed at all the conditioning that I didn't realize I had, but I'm so grateful for the personal thoughts and stories shared through this list and on the websites. You are all opening my eyes, (and heart).
Gratefully,
Christina.
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Gratefully,
Christina.
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Pam Sorooshian
On Sun, Feb 19, 2012 at 7:26 AM, Christina Daharry <daharryrc@...>wrote:
certain triggers? Maybe give some examples and we can talk about them - in
my own experience that has been the best way to become more thoughtful and
change my reflexes for the better.
-pam
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> Sometimes, I am a bit overwhelmed at all the conditioning that I didn'tMeaning responses that are not thoughtful, but automatically set off by
> realize I had,....>>>>
certain triggers? Maybe give some examples and we can talk about them - in
my own experience that has been the best way to become more thoughtful and
change my reflexes for the better.
-pam
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Jenny Cyphers
***I'm learning about unschooling and, as a surprise, now watching how it is working its way into so many other areas of my life. It is really causing me to take a "fresh look" at EVERYTHING!***
Yes! This is why, when people talk about the difference between unschooling and radical unschooling, the radical unschoolers jump in and say, "yes, but...". It's really hard to see that shift and stop at academics when it opens up the world! It's fun isn't it?!
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Yes! This is why, when people talk about the difference between unschooling and radical unschooling, the radical unschoolers jump in and say, "yes, but...". It's really hard to see that shift and stop at academics when it opens up the world! It's fun isn't it?!
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Christina
> Meaning responses that are not thoughtful, but automatically set off by certain triggers? Maybe give some examples and we can talk about them - in my own experience that has been the best way to become more thoughtful and change my reflexes for the better.Oh wow! I have so many. I just shared about my son and daughter's relationship. That's an area where I struggle being knee-jerk. Thanks for the invitation to share more! I sure will! :-)
>
> -pam
All the "shoulds and shouldn'ts" in my head are quite tyrannizing...like "Izzy should be able to do or remember, (x,y,z)" or "Darius should be more compassionate towards his sister". These shoulds and shouldn'ts create so much anxiety in me and keep me from just seeing my child for who they are in the here and now.
Christina.
Christina
--- In [email protected], Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
Yes! This is why, when people talk about the difference between unschooling and radical unschooling, the radical unschoolers jump in and say, "yes, but...". It's really hard to see that shift and stop at academics when it opens up the world! It's fun isn't it?!
Parts of it have been SO fun for me, but I'm still in the "lots of anxiety" stage that gets in the way of the fun sometimes. I let the kids know when I'm struggling with anxiety in an area and just need a little time to work through it. Good moments and bad moments. :-/ I do definitely see more fun in our life though.
Christina.
Jenny Cyphers
***These shoulds and shouldn'ts create so much anxiety in me and keep me from just seeing my child for who they are in the here and now.***
I'll share what helped me! Every time I thought one of those thoughts, I would catch myself and try to think of at least 2 other thoughts to counter that one. Those 2 other thoughts had to be positive. For instance, if I thought, Chamille really should be able to clean up after her pets (a recent thought in my mind), I heard it in my head and then thought about the fact that she is a really good friend to people and spends a lot of time doing that and being that and then I added to that, the fact that she is generally a very considerate person who genuinely looks out for others, even her own family which, given what I've seen around, isn't that common outside of the unschooling community.
What I've found is that every time I start thinking about all the positive things, I can't STOP thinking about them. My internal thought process from that moment was shifted. Every time that happens it makes me a better mom to my children. The reason for more than one positive thought to counter each negative is because I wanted and needed the scale to tip in the other direction in my mind! Once I started doing this, I was able to see on a more regular basis how my kids are awesome and successful rather than how they were lame and failing.
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I'll share what helped me! Every time I thought one of those thoughts, I would catch myself and try to think of at least 2 other thoughts to counter that one. Those 2 other thoughts had to be positive. For instance, if I thought, Chamille really should be able to clean up after her pets (a recent thought in my mind), I heard it in my head and then thought about the fact that she is a really good friend to people and spends a lot of time doing that and being that and then I added to that, the fact that she is generally a very considerate person who genuinely looks out for others, even her own family which, given what I've seen around, isn't that common outside of the unschooling community.
What I've found is that every time I start thinking about all the positive things, I can't STOP thinking about them. My internal thought process from that moment was shifted. Every time that happens it makes me a better mom to my children. The reason for more than one positive thought to counter each negative is because I wanted and needed the scale to tip in the other direction in my mind! Once I started doing this, I was able to see on a more regular basis how my kids are awesome and successful rather than how they were lame and failing.
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chris ester
On Sun, Feb 19, 2012 at 4:30 PM, Christina <daharryrc@...> wrote:
members. My husband and I had one of our first arguments (many years ago,
before we were even married) over how towels should be folded. Can you
imagine?!?!?
I have to admit that I had some definite 'shoulds' about a lot of stupid
things, like towels being folded just so. The good news is that we ended
up laughing about how silly the argument was.
I like unschooling because it encourages you to examine your life and your
mindset.
Chris
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> >>>>> All the "shoulds and shouldn'ts" in my head are quitewith your child, but with everyone; your spouse, parents, other family
> tyrannizing...like "Izzy should be able to do or remember, (x,y,z)" or
> "Darius should be more compassionate towards his sister". These shoulds and
> shouldn'ts create so much anxiety in me and keep me from just seeing my
> child for who they are in the here and now. <<<<<<
>
> All of those shoulds and shouldnt's don't just affect your relationship
members. My husband and I had one of our first arguments (many years ago,
before we were even married) over how towels should be folded. Can you
imagine?!?!?
I have to admit that I had some definite 'shoulds' about a lot of stupid
things, like towels being folded just so. The good news is that we ended
up laughing about how silly the argument was.
I like unschooling because it encourages you to examine your life and your
mindset.
Chris
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Jenny Cyphers
*** I let the kids know when I'm struggling with anxiety in an area and just need a little time to work through it.***
Maybe, instead of letting them know, walk away, be silent. Let those anxious voices in your head stay in just your head instead of entering into your children's head. Take a bathroom break and breath and turn your thoughts to something pleasant, so that you can go back to your kids with pleasant thoughts in your head.
Sometimes it really is better to say nothing if you don't have something "nice" to say, not nice as the opposite of mean, but nice as in pleasant. Not saying anything at all can let your kids be free of your anxiety. Usually the parents need way more deschooling than the kids ;)
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Maybe, instead of letting them know, walk away, be silent. Let those anxious voices in your head stay in just your head instead of entering into your children's head. Take a bathroom break and breath and turn your thoughts to something pleasant, so that you can go back to your kids with pleasant thoughts in your head.
Sometimes it really is better to say nothing if you don't have something "nice" to say, not nice as the opposite of mean, but nice as in pleasant. Not saying anything at all can let your kids be free of your anxiety. Usually the parents need way more deschooling than the kids ;)
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Sandra Dodd
-=-*** I let the kids know when I'm struggling with anxiety in an area and just need a little time to work through it.***
-=-Maybe, instead of letting them know, walk away, be silent. -=-
I agree with Jenny.
Become an unschooling mom without talking about it to your kids as much as possible.
Learn to make choices without saying "I'm going to make a choice; watch me now"
Sandra
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-=-Maybe, instead of letting them know, walk away, be silent. -=-
I agree with Jenny.
Become an unschooling mom without talking about it to your kids as much as possible.
Learn to make choices without saying "I'm going to make a choice; watch me now"
Sandra
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Christina
**Maybe, instead of letting them know, walk away, be silent. Let those anxious voices in your head stay in just your head instead of entering into your children's head. Take a bathroom break and breath and turn your thoughts to something pleasant, so that you can go back to your kids with pleasant thoughts in your head.**
Thank you. Good idea. They "read" me really well and when I start to feel anxious they can sense it and unfortunately, often think it's "their fault". So sharing with them that I'm having a moment is my way of letting them know it's not them, it's me. I like your idea. I need to catch myself, before they do. :-)
**Sometimes it really is better to say nothing if you don't have something "nice" to say, not nice as the opposite of mean, but nice as in pleasant. Not saying anything at all can let your kids be free of your anxiety. Usually the parents need way more deschooling than the kids ;)**
So right on! haha!
christina.
Thank you. Good idea. They "read" me really well and when I start to feel anxious they can sense it and unfortunately, often think it's "their fault". So sharing with them that I'm having a moment is my way of letting them know it's not them, it's me. I like your idea. I need to catch myself, before they do. :-)
**Sometimes it really is better to say nothing if you don't have something "nice" to say, not nice as the opposite of mean, but nice as in pleasant. Not saying anything at all can let your kids be free of your anxiety. Usually the parents need way more deschooling than the kids ;)**
So right on! haha!
christina.