Funeral/wake for 2.10 year old?
catfish_friend
I tried the archives but I can hardly spare the time.
My grandmother's wake is tonight (8.5 hours from now) and I am trying to figure out if I should bring my 2.10 year old, Izzy, to see her great grandmother for the last time at the wake. We had not visited for almost a year, but Izzy had an immediate connection to her great grandma -- crawling into her lap, giving her hugs and kisses whenever we said hello and goodbye.
I asked my 5.5 year old I she wanted to see her great grandma one more time -- that she would look like she was sleeping peacefully in her casket before being buried and going back to the earth. My 5.5 year old nodded with tears in her eyes.
We've been watching a lot of documentary type shows about ancient Egypt and mummies before this. My older daughter it is clear that she wants to go to the wake, but my younger one -- the last time Izzy saw her great grandma, was a third of her life ago.
I will be speaking at the service tonight and will probably be a mess. Izzy prefers to be with me over anyone. My husband is a close second, maybe a tie with her 5.5 year old sister. While we are now in my hometown, Izzy is not really connected to anyone else here in a way that it would be easy to have someone else occupy her away from me.
I am a little concerned that if I am holding her when I say goodbye to my grandma, that it may be disturbing and/or too much for Izzy. I'll likely be emotionally wrecked (as I have been -- my grandma raised me, living with our family until I was 8) and between seeing my state and seeing her great grandmother dead, I am wondering if there's something better I can do for my 2.10 year old?
Not even sure how I can decide how to approach the wake for her...
Any help is greatly appreciated. I read one older thread but it was for older kids than a 2 year old.
Thank you,
Ceci
Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
My grandmother's wake is tonight (8.5 hours from now) and I am trying to figure out if I should bring my 2.10 year old, Izzy, to see her great grandmother for the last time at the wake. We had not visited for almost a year, but Izzy had an immediate connection to her great grandma -- crawling into her lap, giving her hugs and kisses whenever we said hello and goodbye.
I asked my 5.5 year old I she wanted to see her great grandma one more time -- that she would look like she was sleeping peacefully in her casket before being buried and going back to the earth. My 5.5 year old nodded with tears in her eyes.
We've been watching a lot of documentary type shows about ancient Egypt and mummies before this. My older daughter it is clear that she wants to go to the wake, but my younger one -- the last time Izzy saw her great grandma, was a third of her life ago.
I will be speaking at the service tonight and will probably be a mess. Izzy prefers to be with me over anyone. My husband is a close second, maybe a tie with her 5.5 year old sister. While we are now in my hometown, Izzy is not really connected to anyone else here in a way that it would be easy to have someone else occupy her away from me.
I am a little concerned that if I am holding her when I say goodbye to my grandma, that it may be disturbing and/or too much for Izzy. I'll likely be emotionally wrecked (as I have been -- my grandma raised me, living with our family until I was 8) and between seeing my state and seeing her great grandmother dead, I am wondering if there's something better I can do for my 2.10 year old?
Not even sure how I can decide how to approach the wake for her...
Any help is greatly appreciated. I read one older thread but it was for older kids than a 2 year old.
Thank you,
Ceci
Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
Sandra Dodd
Someone (you could hire a teen from that town) could play with her in another part of the church, with toys, walking her around, showing her things, while you speak. So she could be with you before, and right after.
There are other people's needs to consider in this case, too. If you're speaking and people came there, some from a long way, they want to hear what you're saying in peace.
Maybe your husband could take her out and away--to McDonald's or somewhere where she could run--if he's willing to miss the service.
If it's in a church, maybe you could hire the person who runs the nursery to open it up and watch her in there.
Sandra
There are other people's needs to consider in this case, too. If you're speaking and people came there, some from a long way, they want to hear what you're saying in peace.
Maybe your husband could take her out and away--to McDonald's or somewhere where she could run--if he's willing to miss the service.
If it's in a church, maybe you could hire the person who runs the nursery to open it up and watch her in there.
Sandra
Kelly Hunt
I would take her. My daughter was 2 1/2 at my mother's funeral. I wanted
her in the church nursery, but they didn't open it. I didn't want to have
to be trying to keep her quiet, or for her to be upset by my grieving.
Someone else with a similar age child kept her in their row. She did
fine, but in hindsight, I wished I'd had her in my arms. She should have
been with the rest of us (me, my husband, and her brother and sister). And
it's so comforting to embrace my babies. My mom loved my kids so much,
I'm sure she would have been delighted to see smiles and hear squeals from
an innocent child.
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
her in the church nursery, but they didn't open it. I didn't want to have
to be trying to keep her quiet, or for her to be upset by my grieving.
Someone else with a similar age child kept her in their row. She did
fine, but in hindsight, I wished I'd had her in my arms. She should have
been with the rest of us (me, my husband, and her brother and sister). And
it's so comforting to embrace my babies. My mom loved my kids so much,
I'm sure she would have been delighted to see smiles and hear squeals from
an innocent child.
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rippy and Graham Dusseldorp
Our children have been to two funerals - one for an elderly neighbour and the other was for a father of a close family friend. My daughter was two years at our neighbour's funeral.
We sat at the back and we were prepared to make a graceful exit if the children started to be distracting in any way. The children behaved really well. At both funerals, grieving family members told us they appreciated us bringing the children and let us know that seeing such young children at the funeral had uplifted their spirits.
If your husband doesn't mind leaving the wake, maybe Izzy could sit in his lap and you all could sit together somewhere close to a side exit. He could have a doll or a silent telephone game that keeps Izzy's attention while you speak at the service. You could go a bit early to see the layout of the building and have a backup plan in case it is too much for Izzy. Maybe you can have some toys, a book or small flashlights in a bag (or in the car) and your husband could take her to another room to play or go outside for a little walk. Maybe have another family member sit close to your 5 year old, in case your husband has to leave while you are speaking. Or she could join them.
After you finish speaking, it might be comforting for all of you to be close to each other and to have her in your arms.
Wishing you strength for tonight.
Rippy
(Gianluca 7, Gisele 5)
We sat at the back and we were prepared to make a graceful exit if the children started to be distracting in any way. The children behaved really well. At both funerals, grieving family members told us they appreciated us bringing the children and let us know that seeing such young children at the funeral had uplifted their spirits.
If your husband doesn't mind leaving the wake, maybe Izzy could sit in his lap and you all could sit together somewhere close to a side exit. He could have a doll or a silent telephone game that keeps Izzy's attention while you speak at the service. You could go a bit early to see the layout of the building and have a backup plan in case it is too much for Izzy. Maybe you can have some toys, a book or small flashlights in a bag (or in the car) and your husband could take her to another room to play or go outside for a little walk. Maybe have another family member sit close to your 5 year old, in case your husband has to leave while you are speaking. Or she could join them.
After you finish speaking, it might be comforting for all of you to be close to each other and to have her in your arms.
Wishing you strength for tonight.
Rippy
(Gianluca 7, Gisele 5)
mkangj
Don't know if it's too late to offer advice. We were in this exact situation where my husband's grandmother passed away and he was to speak. We sat on the side where the immediate members of the family sat. I brought books and paper and markers/crayons for our daughter as well as snacks. She and I roamed freely throughout the service in the rooms that were not being used and I read quietly to her or she colored and drew with her crayons and markers. When my husband spoke, we were outside and came in towards the end of his eulogy, where she ran into his arms and it was a very touching moment. At the burial, she wanted to drop dirt on top of the coffin - which my husband encouraged and everyone said it was touching because my daughter wanted to say good bye to her great grandmother, whom she was close to. In the end, having our daughter be there at the service and burial meant a lot to the family members who felt seeing our daughter being herself lifted their spirits. We were honest with her in what was happening - honest in an age appropriate way.
All the best,
M.J.
All the best,
M.J.
Marjorie
When my daughter Jossilyn died in 2007, all her siblings attended the service and my youngest was just the age of yours. I was a mess, of course, but I actually found the children's presence comforting. It was important to me that they be there and it was helpful to them as well. Maybe our situation was different, being the loss of the sibling, but the process of mourning and grieving is an important part of life. I believe it is important for kids to be included.
I remember when my grandfather died when I was 5 and I was not allowed to go. I really wanted to be able to go, to see him one last time and say goodbye. Even though I hadn't seen him many times because he lived halfway across the country, I felt close to him. His death seemed very unreal to me for years.
Marge
I remember when my grandfather died when I was 5 and I was not allowed to go. I really wanted to be able to go, to see him one last time and say goodbye. Even though I hadn't seen him many times because he lived halfway across the country, I felt close to him. His death seemed very unreal to me for years.
Marge
--- In [email protected], catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
>
> I tried the archives but I can hardly spare the time.
>
> My grandmother's wake is tonight (8.5 hours from now) and I am trying to figure out if I should bring my 2.10 year old, Izzy, to see her great grandmother for the last time at the wake. We had not visited for almost a year, but Izzy had an immediate connection to her great grandma -- crawling into her lap, giving her hugs and kisses whenever we said hello and goodbye.
>
> I asked my 5.5 year old I she wanted to see her great grandma one more time -- that she would look like she was sleeping peacefully in her casket before being buried and going back to the earth. My 5.5 year old nodded with tears in her eyes.
>
> We've been watching a lot of documentary type shows about ancient Egypt and mummies before this. My older daughter it is clear that she wants to go to the wake, but my younger one -- the last time Izzy saw her great grandma, was a third of her life ago.
>
> I will be speaking at the service tonight and will probably be a mess. Izzy prefers to be with me over anyone. My husband is a close second, maybe a tie with her 5.5 year old sister. While we are now in my hometown, Izzy is not really connected to anyone else here in a way that it would be easy to have someone else occupy her away from me.
>
> I am a little concerned that if I am holding her when I say goodbye to my grandma, that it may be disturbing and/or too much for Izzy. I'll likely be emotionally wrecked (as I have been -- my grandma raised me, living with our family until I was 8) and between seeing my state and seeing her great grandmother dead, I am wondering if there's something better I can do for my 2.10 year old?
>
> Not even sure how I can decide how to approach the wake for her...
>
> Any help is greatly appreciated. I read one older thread but it was for older kids than a 2 year old.
>
> Thank you,
> Ceci
>
> Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
>
Schuyler
At my grandfather's funeral, my cousin brought his, then, very young daughter. He spoke and she came up on the stage with him at one point, and spent other points crawling around under the pews peering up at the rest of the family. I don't think her presence, her joy in life detracted from the moment. I think that it made it more poignant. My grandfather loved children. Having a happy toddler at his funeral seemed better than flowers or wreath or monument. It seemed an honest monument to him. I remember my grandmother smiling at her great-granddaughter, but maybe that isn't right, maybe that is faulty memory. But she was pleased, she was so pleased that people came to help her and to honour him. Even if she wasn't any kind of pleased.
Schuyler
________________________________
My grandmother's wake is tonight (8.5 hours from now) and I am trying to figure out if I should bring my 2.10 year old, Izzy, to see her great grandmother for the last time at the wake. We had not visited for almost a year, but Izzy had an immediate connection to her great grandma -- crawling into her lap, giving her hugs and kisses whenever we said hello and goodbye.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
________________________________
My grandmother's wake is tonight (8.5 hours from now) and I am trying to figure out if I should bring my 2.10 year old, Izzy, to see her great grandmother for the last time at the wake. We had not visited for almost a year, but Izzy had an immediate connection to her great grandma -- crawling into her lap, giving her hugs and kisses whenever we said hello and goodbye.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
apprentice_mom
I know this will be after the fact for you, but I thought I would share our experience with this. When my oldest was 2.5, my husband's father died suddenly at home. We went to the house in the middle of the night and my daughter got to see her grandfather and everyone else who was there and clearly in shock. No problem. She also went to the funeral, and did kind of walk around and do 2 year old things, and again, no problem. I think it makes people stay connected with what remains important - young, growing lives - rather than sinking too far down into the sadness of the situation. It helps them remain hopeful that they will feel happy again. Maybe not soon, but it will happen.
Justine
Justine
--- In [email protected], "Marjorie" <jorie6568@...> wrote:
>
> When my daughter Jossilyn died in 2007, all her siblings attended the service and my youngest was just the age of yours. I was a mess, of course, but I actually found the children's presence comforting. It was important to me that they be there and it was helpful to them as well. Maybe our situation was different, being the loss of the sibling, but the process of mourning and grieving is an important part of life. I believe it is important for kids to be included.
>
> I remember when my grandfather died when I was 5 and I was not allowed to go. I really wanted to be able to go, to see him one last time and say goodbye. Even though I hadn't seen him many times because he lived halfway across the country, I felt close to him. His death seemed very unreal to me for years.
>
> Marge
>
> --- In [email protected], catfish_friend <catfish_friend@> wrote:
> >
> > I tried the archives but I can hardly spare the time.
> >
> > My grandmother's wake is tonight (8.5 hours from now) and I am trying to figure out if I should bring my 2.10 year old, Izzy, to see her great grandmother for the last time at the wake. We had not visited for almost a year, but Izzy had an immediate connection to her great grandma -- crawling into her lap, giving her hugs and kisses whenever we said hello and goodbye.
> >
> > I asked my 5.5 year old I she wanted to see her great grandma one more time -- that she would look like she was sleeping peacefully in her casket before being buried and going back to the earth. My 5.5 year old nodded with tears in her eyes.
> >
> > We've been watching a lot of documentary type shows about ancient Egypt and mummies before this. My older daughter it is clear that she wants to go to the wake, but my younger one -- the last time Izzy saw her great grandma, was a third of her life ago.
> >
> > I will be speaking at the service tonight and will probably be a mess. Izzy prefers to be with me over anyone. My husband is a close second, maybe a tie with her 5.5 year old sister. While we are now in my hometown, Izzy is not really connected to anyone else here in a way that it would be easy to have someone else occupy her away from me.
> >
> > I am a little concerned that if I am holding her when I say goodbye to my grandma, that it may be disturbing and/or too much for Izzy. I'll likely be emotionally wrecked (as I have been -- my grandma raised me, living with our family until I was 8) and between seeing my state and seeing her great grandmother dead, I am wondering if there's something better I can do for my 2.10 year old?
> >
> > Not even sure how I can decide how to approach the wake for her...
> >
> > Any help is greatly appreciated. I read one older thread but it was for older kids than a 2 year old.
> >
> > Thank you,
> > Ceci
> >
> > Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
> >
>