Food, control, trust
Sandra Dodd
Several of the hot topics of the past few weeks have come together in a little discussion on my radical unschooling info facebook page.
Someone asked a question and got a wave of advice from people who haven't thought much about those things. Help might be helpful. Here's some of what I've just written. Quotes might not all be the same person, but they were someone besides me. :-)
-=-My oldest and youngest I trust my middle child i fear she would only eat chocolate and junk if allowed! I try to encourage her to make healthier choices. I have let go a lot. but candy for breakfast? I am a work in progress-=-
Your children are not works in progress. They are whole people, now and from the day they were born. If you can try to see that, rather than think people are not finished until they're finished, it might help you. "I try to encourage her to make healthier choices" means you're telling her that her choices are wrong, unhealthy and bad. That doesn't help the relationship between you, and will hamper her ability to make thoughtful choices.
Alexandra Souza Lima Polikowsky wrote yesterday in a discussion: " i did that a couple times when MD was like 3 years old. Then the third time he said to me: " It is OK I want to eat that cookie even if it has unhealthy stuff". That made me see it more clearly what I was doing and the guilt I was inducing. THAT was not healthy"
A good companion piece to the page on the economics of restrictions is http://sandradodd.com/ifilet I won't include the "chocolate and junk" quote, because it was worded "I fear" rather than "If I let her she *would*" so it doesn't quite qualify, but the intent is the same. Calling some food "JUNK" is a problem for thought, logic and trust, too. Children will trust parents more if the parents are more calm and honest.
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If I let him, he would...
www.sandradodd.com
My son would have consistently picked only certain people to learn from - those with computer expertise - left to his own devices :)
The discussion is longer than that. It's here:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/303347574750/10150467651259751/
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Someone asked a question and got a wave of advice from people who haven't thought much about those things. Help might be helpful. Here's some of what I've just written. Quotes might not all be the same person, but they were someone besides me. :-)
-=-My oldest and youngest I trust my middle child i fear she would only eat chocolate and junk if allowed! I try to encourage her to make healthier choices. I have let go a lot. but candy for breakfast? I am a work in progress-=-
Your children are not works in progress. They are whole people, now and from the day they were born. If you can try to see that, rather than think people are not finished until they're finished, it might help you. "I try to encourage her to make healthier choices" means you're telling her that her choices are wrong, unhealthy and bad. That doesn't help the relationship between you, and will hamper her ability to make thoughtful choices.
Alexandra Souza Lima Polikowsky wrote yesterday in a discussion: " i did that a couple times when MD was like 3 years old. Then the third time he said to me: " It is OK I want to eat that cookie even if it has unhealthy stuff". That made me see it more clearly what I was doing and the guilt I was inducing. THAT was not healthy"
A good companion piece to the page on the economics of restrictions is http://sandradodd.com/ifilet I won't include the "chocolate and junk" quote, because it was worded "I fear" rather than "If I let her she *would*" so it doesn't quite qualify, but the intent is the same. Calling some food "JUNK" is a problem for thought, logic and trust, too. Children will trust parents more if the parents are more calm and honest.
----------
If I let him, he would...
www.sandradodd.com
My son would have consistently picked only certain people to learn from - those with computer expertise - left to his own devices :)
The discussion is longer than that. It's here:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/303347574750/10150467651259751/
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]