mascire2

Just wondering if anyone can share their child's experience with deciding to go to school after being unschooled? My son is considering school, but is looking for others' experiences on how they prepared themselves.

Thank you!
Amie

m_aduhene

My daughter tried school when she was 8. She decided to go and knew she could change her mind when she wanted to. She stayed for 2 and 1/2 terms and then chose to come out. My daughter fitted in sociallyj very well. I had explained to the school that we had not followed a curriculum and so i was unable to tell them where she was up to academically but that I was confidetn she would be ok. Her reading was fine and the teacher said her comprehension was great. With maths she was moved to the next group within a month of being there. I realise now I was a bit lax with the homework and further reading here has made me realise that I should have perhaps folllowed her up on it more as she had made the commitment to go to school.
We did not really do much preparation prior to her going other than talk about what might happen in a school day and she already had friends who were in school and had shared their experiences.
hth
blessings
michelle

--- In [email protected], "mascire2" <amiersa2@...> wrote:
>
> Just wondering if anyone can share their child's experience with deciding to go to school after being unschooled? My son is considering school, but is looking for others' experiences on how they prepared themselves.
>
> Thank you!
> Amie
>

[email protected]

My daughter wanted to try school from about 4th grade on. I realize now I wasn't very respectful or supportive of it, I bashed school quite a bit. She eventually did try in 6th grade, unsuccessfully, and I take most of that blame. She went again in 8th grade and I FINALLY got on board (I still kick myself for not being supportive sooner) and she's half way thru 9th grade and loving it.

She was mostly upset because she didn't like her handwriting compared to everyone else's (which has improved immensely, cause dang, they write a lot in school),and once she got used to the work load she has been just fine. We never fight about homework, she never complains about getting up and she always knows that she can come home whenever she wants. But she swears she never will. I blame that due to my lack of support when she originally wanted to go. Maybe she doesn't believe me anymore because her experience with school has been completely the opposite of what I said it would be like?

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't obvious, I was quite good at manipulating a situation she knew nothing about. I wish I would have supported her choice, really supported it. Not just say you can do whatever you want, but really gotten behind her and encouraged her even when it went against what I wanted. At least encouraged her to try and when she hit bumps in the road encouraged her to keep trying, instead of saying "you wouldn't have that to deal with at home" type stuff. She always knew (and knows) she can come home...that wasn't the solution she was looking for, ever.

Maybe she would have come back home, maybe she wouldn't. But I can tell you that my daughter is happy where she's at, and that's what matters. And hopefully my support of it now will repair my lack of suppport in the past.

Next year my always unschooled son wants to give it a try, he has had my full support. :)

amy g

--- In [email protected], "mascire2" <amiersa2@...> wrote:
>
> Just wondering if anyone can share their child's experience with deciding to go to school after being unschooled? My son is considering school, but is looking for others' experiences on how they prepared themselves.
>
> Thank you!
> Amie
>

cindyg

I am curious as to why they want/wanted to go to school? My daughter who is 18 now said she really wanted to go to school. Mostly she said so she would always be around kids. She said she knows she would have gone with the wrong kids and partied. She is thankful she is with good friends but says she feels like she missed something. I know she holds some anger towards me with that. I would not supported her choice to go to school. We always told the downside of school. I told her that what she feels she missed she will get from colleve. Which she hasn't made a choice yet about nor does she have a job. My one son said he would only have gone to school to make friends. He wishes he could meet someone more like himself. They find their choice of friends is limited and and they can never find that friend they really click with. My 6 uear old is showing an interest to vo to school. This way she said she can see friends every day. My goal for this year is to really work on get togethers with other kids.
Cindy

--- In [email protected], "m_aduhene" <m_aduhene@...> wrote:
>
> My daughter tried school when she was 8. She decided to go
and knew she could change her mind when she wanted to. She stayed for 2 and 1/2 terms and then chose to come out. My daughter fitted in sociallyj very well. I had explained to the school that we had not followed a curriculum and so i was unable to tell them where she was up to academically but that I was confidetn she would be ok. Her reading was fine and the teacher said her comprehension was great. With maths she was moved to the next group within a month of being there. I realise now I was a bit lax with the homework and further reading here has made me realise that I should have perhaps folllowed her up on it more as she had made the commitment to go to school.
> We did not really do much preparation prior to her going other than talk about what might happen in a school day and she already had friends who were in school and had shared their experiences.
> hth
> blessings
> michelle
>
> --- In [email protected], "mascire2" <amiersa2@> wrote:
> >
> > Just wondering if anyone can share their child's experience with deciding to go to school after being unschooled? My son is considering school, but is looking for others' experiences on how they prepared themselves.
> >
> > Thank you!
> > Amie
> >
>

Sandra Dodd

-=- I know she holds some anger towards me with that. I would not supported her choice to go to school. We always told the downside of school. I told her that what she feels she missed she will get from colleve. -=-

So if she doesn't go to college...

I think it is as much a mistake for a parent to keep a child home who wants school as it is to leave a child in school who wants to come home. But there is more justification for leaving a child in school, for lots of societal and financial reasons.

When a child doesn't have a choice, she is powerless.
If a child chooses school but has the option to come home, she is empowered.

If a child doesn't like school and doesn't have an option, at least she gets to go home at the end of the day, and be away from school on weekends and holidays.

If a child doesn't like homeschooling and doesn't have an option, she's there 24 hours a day for years and years.

-=-My goal for this year is to really work on get togethers with other kids.-=

For 18 years of your daughter life you did NOT have the goal to get together with other kids?
(Please don't answer that, because if your answer is affirmative, I would have bad dreams.)

Homeschooling, unschooling, should be better, happier, more joyful than the life the child might have had in good school circumstances. If it isn't, or can't be, then the children might be better off in school.

Sandra

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[email protected]

Each child has their own reason for why they want to go, it could be curiosity or a plethora of other reasons. For my daughter I just wasn't able to meet her social needs. And we had a 4-h group, a girl scout troupe, went to park days, tried book clubs, science club, dance party date, signed her up for any class she wanted, I feel like I exhausted all my resources. None of what I could offer had 400 + kids her age for her to chose from. And that's what she needed and wanted.

When she first started saying she wanted to try school, I don't feel like I was deliberately sabotaging her desire to go to school at the time (I realize that now). In fact I told myself I was being supportive of it, I took her to school so she could have lunch with friends, made arrangements so she could ride the bus, even signed her up for half days...all which in hind-site made her feel that much more different. And yes, I have one of those kids who like to "fit in".

So, I'm mainly responding cause if I can help someone avoid the 2nd guessing and guilt of them growing up and saying they wished they were never homeschooled then I suggest you put their desires first. Let them try it, if home is a better match for them, they'll be back, if it's not, they'll be happy. At that is ultimately the most important thing.

I can tell you that having a parent at home with an unschooling mindset is a great asset for a kid who chooses school.:) So enjoy each day that they chose to be home. :) :)

amy g

--- In [email protected], "cindyg" <luvkadcl@...> wrote:
>
> I am curious as to why they want/wanted to go to school? My daughter who is 18 now said she really wanted to go to school. Mostly she said so she would always be around kids. She said she knows she would have gone with the wrong kids and partied. She is thankful she is with good friends but says she feels like she missed something. I know she holds some anger towards me with that. I would not supported her choice to go to school. We always told the downside of school. I told her that what she feels she missed she will get from colleve. Which she hasn't made a choice yet about nor does she have a job. My one son said he would only have gone to school to make friends. He wishes he could meet someone more like himself. They find their choice of friends is limited and and they can never find that friend they really click with. My 6 uear old is showing an interest to vo to school. This way she said she can see friends every day. My goal for this year is to really work on get togethers with other kids.
> Cindy
>
> --- In [email protected], "m_aduhene" <m_aduhene@> wrote:
> >
> > My daughter tried school when she was 8. She decided to go
> and knew she could change her mind when she wanted to. She stayed for 2 and 1/2 terms and then chose to come out. My daughter fitted in sociallyj very well. I had explained to the school that we had not followed a curriculum and so i was unable to tell them where she was up to academically but that I was confidetn she would be ok. Her reading was fine and the teacher said her comprehension was great. With maths she was moved to the next group within a month of being there. I realise now I was a bit lax with the homework and further reading here has made me realise that I should have perhaps folllowed her up on it more as she had made the commitment to go to school.
> > We did not really do much preparation prior to her going other than talk about what might happen in a school day and she already had friends who were in school and had shared their experiences.
> > hth
> > blessings
> > michelle
> >
> > --- In [email protected], "mascire2" <amiersa2@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Just wondering if anyone can share their child's experience with deciding to go to school after being unschooled? My son is considering school, but is looking for others' experiences on how they prepared themselves.
> > >
> > > Thank you!
> > > Amie
> > >
> >
>

Sandra Dodd

-=-I can tell you that having a parent at home with an unschooling mindset is a great asset for a kid who chooses school.:)-=-

Yes it is.

I think it's better than a parent at home with a controlling mindset, persuading a child that school is evil.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Cara Barlow

<<<<< My one son said he would only have gone to school to make friends. He
wishes he could meet someone more like himself. They find their choice of
friends is limited and and they can never find that friend they really
click with. My 6 uear old is showing an interest to vo to school. This way
she said she can see friends every day. My goal for this year is to really
work on get togethers with other kids. >>>>>


I think that when unschooled kids say that they want to go to school, what
they sometimes mean is that they want bigger, more active social lives.
School is just the obvious vehicle to make that happen.

When my oldest daughter (Anna) was 10 or 11years old she said she was
interested in attending school. After talking with her, I realized that she
wasn't really interested in school - she was interested in making new
friends and seeing her old friends more often.

So I began to put more thought and energy into cultivating her and her
younger sister Molly's, social lives. I found or created situations where
they could meet people who shared their interests. Not just unschoolers and
not just same-age peers, but people who were interested in the same things
they were, people I thought they'd think were funny and interesting and
would enjoy.

My husband and I organized and hosted occasional activities and
get-togethers at our house, I would drive the girls to meet friends or pick
friends up and bring them to our house. We got them cell phones and I
bought laptops so they could play online games with each other and friends.
This wasn't all done at once; it was gradual, as we could afford it. I went
back to work, doing about 15 hours a week - my job subsidizes gas for the
car, music lessons, theatrical fees, computer equipment and other stuff.

I shouldn't be writing about this in the past tense - we're still doing
these things for both of our daughters. They're now 15 and 13 years old.
Fostering an interesting, lively, happy life for them is an important part
of my job as an unschooling parent.

It helps to talk with and observe your children; think about where they are
developmentally and consider what you know about their interests and needs.
Sometimes asking to go to school is really an indication that you, the
unschooling parent, need to step up your game.

Best wishes, Cara


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Sandra Dodd

-=-It helps to talk with and observe your children; think about where they are
developmentally and consider what you know about their interests and needs.
Sometimes asking to go to school is really an indication that you, the
unschooling parent, need to step up your game.-=-

I think so, too.

http://sandradodd.com/being/with

There is being in the same house, and then there is sharing being. Being *with* a child, in a close and conscious way.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nancy Machaj

**She is thankful she is with good friends but says she feels like she
missed something.**

but, you cant have everything. you always "miss" something by doing
something else.

If she had gone to school, what other experiences, adventures,
relationships, etc would she have not had the opportunity to do?

If she goes to one college, she will miss out on attending another. If
she takes one job, she misses out on a different one. Thats life. I
would maybe point out, that yes, she maybe "missed" out on something
or that there were parts of it she might have liked, but also think
about what she liked about the way that things actually were. Maybe
point out that most movies that use this idea as a plot device often
show that the charater was truly better off with the way things really
were. :) Could be an interesting discussion.

Best,

Nancy Machaj
blogging at http://happychildhood.homeschooljournal.net






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