Mary Hickman

Thank you Sandra and Dar, you gave me much to think about. I do find Ashley
totally able to handle her brother when other outsiders are not part of the
picture. She does want freedom from him and she gets alot. Playdates,
sleepovers, weekends at friends houses. When she asks for time with just her
friends she gets it. She is involved in lots of out of the home activities
because she loves them. She does take up a huge amount of my time and I'm
feeling way overwhelmed by her constant negative to her brother. I have
flubbed at times and have tried control parenting, it doesn't work, so maybe
she is sending some of it back. As for the game, yes, Riley maybe should
have played something different. The 3 of them picked the game. Ashley was
actually suppose to be at the 4-H meeting and slipped out when I wasn't
looking. OK with me, we unschool, right, if you want to be out go ahead.
Ashley and 17 year old friend each got a turn being it. Logic says he should
be next, but they wouldn't budge about him being a non speller. The 17 year
old is a girl scout conselor and very intune with the kids, it suprised me
too, but I see favoritism sometimes. My daughter is a magnet for friends,
she makes them all over the place. My son is having a harder time and his
best friends keep moving away. He also wails loudly when hurt, physically
and emotionally, so I think people in our court are ignoring him when he
cries as a way to cope. He really wants to be listened too, which seems hard
for the friends we have here, mostly 7, 8, and 9 year olds.

When you tell your kids you can not be mean and they continue to be mean,
what do you do? I have told my daughter the things you said Sandra about my
job is to protect all the people in the house from meanness, she doesn't
seem to get my seriousness. She keeps being mean. She is also a teaser,
which really frustrates the little ones. Just this morning Tessa ,who is 2,
asked for no kisses. Ashley kissed her 3 more times, so what did Tessa do,
she pinched her, hard, making Ashley cry. Tell me how you would handle this.
Ashley sets herself up all the time like this. Pushing to find peoples
limits. Her brother will tell her a story and she tells him he is wrong.
Ouch.

Any more thoughts or mom ideas when dealing with respect would be helpful.

Mary I




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