parental pressure
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/23/02 12:56:41 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< If a person wants to take a class, he or she will set an alarm and get
there.
The more they want to take it, the more likely they'll arrange their lives
around it.
player for Christmas with a built in alarm. I never even showed him how to
use it, but it gets used quite often because he is a late night person and
wants to get up in the morning for various reasons.
A few years ago he borrowed an alarm to help him get to a neighbors house on
time because she was paying him to help out around her yard. I never
reminded him what time he'd have to be there, or how dissapointed she might
be if he weren't on time.
The whole idea to get the job had been his, he worked out the payment
arrangement with her and the motivation to get there was strong.
She hired him several times over that year before we moved into town, because
he was entirely dependable and worked hard.
It is totally natural for humans to desire wages and access to the world
through work.
Assisting my kids in finding something they love to do is not a worry for me
at all.
I know that all my work experiences had NOTHING to do with my years in HS.
Not one class I took, not one test, not one iota of anything I did there
affected a single job I've had since then.
That isn't true for everyone. But it does make a person question the sanity
of "preparing" a 16 y.o. for a vocation.
I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life then.
I still change my mind quite a bit.
Motivation/desire is the only way to true success in my opinion.
http://www.students.mcneese.edu/lc1374/
This is a link to a webpage about an unschooler that learned her
multiplication tables for the purpose of making the college entrance exam
easier on herself.
She took higher level math and excelled at college....she has graduated now
and with almost a 4.0 grade average.
I only put this here to encourage anyone with questions about "preparing"
children to see another side of this.
I think it is shortsighted to think we can help impart a body of knowledge
that they will use for life.
Desire will help them seek any knowledge they need....and our job then, as it
is now, is to be an avenue to the information they need.
Ren
[email protected] writes:
<< If a person wants to take a class, he or she will set an alarm and get
there.
The more they want to take it, the more likely they'll arrange their lives
around it.
>>I have found this to be true over and over again!! My 12yo ds got a radio/CD
player for Christmas with a built in alarm. I never even showed him how to
use it, but it gets used quite often because he is a late night person and
wants to get up in the morning for various reasons.
A few years ago he borrowed an alarm to help him get to a neighbors house on
time because she was paying him to help out around her yard. I never
reminded him what time he'd have to be there, or how dissapointed she might
be if he weren't on time.
The whole idea to get the job had been his, he worked out the payment
arrangement with her and the motivation to get there was strong.
She hired him several times over that year before we moved into town, because
he was entirely dependable and worked hard.
It is totally natural for humans to desire wages and access to the world
through work.
Assisting my kids in finding something they love to do is not a worry for me
at all.
I know that all my work experiences had NOTHING to do with my years in HS.
Not one class I took, not one test, not one iota of anything I did there
affected a single job I've had since then.
That isn't true for everyone. But it does make a person question the sanity
of "preparing" a 16 y.o. for a vocation.
I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life then.
I still change my mind quite a bit.
Motivation/desire is the only way to true success in my opinion.
http://www.students.mcneese.edu/lc1374/
This is a link to a webpage about an unschooler that learned her
multiplication tables for the purpose of making the college entrance exam
easier on herself.
She took higher level math and excelled at college....she has graduated now
and with almost a 4.0 grade average.
I only put this here to encourage anyone with questions about "preparing"
children to see another side of this.
I think it is shortsighted to think we can help impart a body of knowledge
that they will use for life.
Desire will help them seek any knowledge they need....and our job then, as it
is now, is to be an avenue to the information they need.
Ren
homeschoolmd
I thought I'd add a little something to the discussion of parental
pressure.
There is a danger when applying parental pressure. Perfectionists
are people who have been molded by parental pressure. These people
have learned to perform to standards other people have set. They
have a very difficult time feeling satisfaction with their lives
because they are striving to reach someone elses goals.
*I* had a difficult day today. I run a sign language club where we
play games to learn sign language. More people showed up for the
meeting than I had planned for so the games had to be modified. It
was not perfect.
What could have been a very enjoyable afternoon with other
homeschoolers was very stressful for no reason other than my
perfectionism. I decided to do some research and see if I could get
some pointers on how to reduce my stress.
What I found after doing a search on Google was helpful and very
interesting. Most of the sights on the first page of the search were
from Universities. The information was for their students struggling
with perfectionism. It appears perfectionism is a problem for
college students. I wonder why? (rhetorical question)
Anyone struggling with perfectionist tendencies or questioning
whether children *need* parental pressure might enjoy reading a
commencement speech by Anna Quindlen at the following address:
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/offices/comm/oped/Quindlen.shtml
Are we as parents willing to risk turning our children into
perfectionists in order to give them some future advantage that they
themselves have not decided they want?
I think all children need is parental *insight* and support. I hope I
can offer this to my children without them feeling any pressure.
This is difficult for me because as a perfectionist I worry about
what other people will think I should be doing. I also have a
tendency to want everyone to achieve to my overly high standards.
Pat
pressure.
There is a danger when applying parental pressure. Perfectionists
are people who have been molded by parental pressure. These people
have learned to perform to standards other people have set. They
have a very difficult time feeling satisfaction with their lives
because they are striving to reach someone elses goals.
*I* had a difficult day today. I run a sign language club where we
play games to learn sign language. More people showed up for the
meeting than I had planned for so the games had to be modified. It
was not perfect.
What could have been a very enjoyable afternoon with other
homeschoolers was very stressful for no reason other than my
perfectionism. I decided to do some research and see if I could get
some pointers on how to reduce my stress.
What I found after doing a search on Google was helpful and very
interesting. Most of the sights on the first page of the search were
from Universities. The information was for their students struggling
with perfectionism. It appears perfectionism is a problem for
college students. I wonder why? (rhetorical question)
Anyone struggling with perfectionist tendencies or questioning
whether children *need* parental pressure might enjoy reading a
commencement speech by Anna Quindlen at the following address:
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/offices/comm/oped/Quindlen.shtml
Are we as parents willing to risk turning our children into
perfectionists in order to give them some future advantage that they
themselves have not decided they want?
I think all children need is parental *insight* and support. I hope I
can offer this to my children without them feeling any pressure.
This is difficult for me because as a perfectionist I worry about
what other people will think I should be doing. I also have a
tendency to want everyone to achieve to my overly high standards.
Pat