question for those parents who work at home
Joy
Hi everyone,
I just have a question for those parents who do work from home (especially on the computer).
How old are your kids, and what do they do while you have to work??
What did they do when they were younger (7 year and younger) while you had to work?
So far, from talking to a few other parents who worked from home while homeschooling/unschooling, it seems that their kids did
a lot of t.v. and video games while mom or dad or both had to be on the computer for work.
While there is nothing at all wrong with that if it works for the kids, we have noticed a considerable improvement in our kids joy and happiness when we did hire a part-time nanny to help engage our kids while we worked at home.
The problem now is that we can no longer afford the nanny.
However, it is undeniable that homeschooling/unschooling works best for those that can afford to live comfortably and without struggle on one income where one spouse supports the family.
Unfortunately, in my husband's line of work, he does not make enough to support us comfortably. We have been stretched thin and then some over the last 4 years and could not imagine continuing this for another 10-15 years especially since we are so close now to filing for bankruptcy.
So basically we are now wondering if we even can afford to unschool or if instead we should look for a good alternative school so we can both make money.
I am not convinced my kids would be happy watching tv/playing video games while I have to work at home. We've tried this and they were pretty darn miserable. Note I am not at all against kids wanting to play unlimited video games/watch t.v., just for our kids, it was pretty claer this was not their choice and was not making them happy, it's just something we did by default to distract them during the time we had to work to earn money.
Especially my 4 year old, he really needs the attention and dislikes playing alone vs my 2 year old daughter who can play alone but interestingly the 4 year old does not like playing with his sister but wants constant attention from an adult (the only time he does not seek my constant attention is when he is playing with friends).
Would appreciate any stories from parents who made this work (working at home and unschooling) AND had happy kids. And what did your kids do whole you worked to be happy?
And what works for different age groups? I mean, if you give me advice for something that worked for your 9 year old, could this also work for my 4 or 2 year old?
Thanks for the input!
-Joy
I just have a question for those parents who do work from home (especially on the computer).
How old are your kids, and what do they do while you have to work??
What did they do when they were younger (7 year and younger) while you had to work?
So far, from talking to a few other parents who worked from home while homeschooling/unschooling, it seems that their kids did
a lot of t.v. and video games while mom or dad or both had to be on the computer for work.
While there is nothing at all wrong with that if it works for the kids, we have noticed a considerable improvement in our kids joy and happiness when we did hire a part-time nanny to help engage our kids while we worked at home.
The problem now is that we can no longer afford the nanny.
However, it is undeniable that homeschooling/unschooling works best for those that can afford to live comfortably and without struggle on one income where one spouse supports the family.
Unfortunately, in my husband's line of work, he does not make enough to support us comfortably. We have been stretched thin and then some over the last 4 years and could not imagine continuing this for another 10-15 years especially since we are so close now to filing for bankruptcy.
So basically we are now wondering if we even can afford to unschool or if instead we should look for a good alternative school so we can both make money.
I am not convinced my kids would be happy watching tv/playing video games while I have to work at home. We've tried this and they were pretty darn miserable. Note I am not at all against kids wanting to play unlimited video games/watch t.v., just for our kids, it was pretty claer this was not their choice and was not making them happy, it's just something we did by default to distract them during the time we had to work to earn money.
Especially my 4 year old, he really needs the attention and dislikes playing alone vs my 2 year old daughter who can play alone but interestingly the 4 year old does not like playing with his sister but wants constant attention from an adult (the only time he does not seek my constant attention is when he is playing with friends).
Would appreciate any stories from parents who made this work (working at home and unschooling) AND had happy kids. And what did your kids do whole you worked to be happy?
And what works for different age groups? I mean, if you give me advice for something that worked for your 9 year old, could this also work for my 4 or 2 year old?
Thanks for the input!
-Joy
Jenny Cyphers
***Would appreciate any stories from parents who made this work (working at home and unschooling) AND had happy kids. And what did your kids do whole you worked to be happy?
And what works for different age groups? I mean, if you give me advice for something that worked for your 9 year old, could this also work for my 4 or 2 year old?***
When Chamille was 4, my husband and I both needed to work. We put her in a part time alternative day care. My husband worked a later shift than me and would take her there in the late morning and I worked an early shift and would pick her up in the early evening. She was usually there for 6 hrs each day. She was very social at 4 and really craved play time with other kids. Although, in my view, it wasn't ideal, she really liked going to that place. Every day she woke up excited to go and every day she was having so much fun that she was reluctant to leave. That lasted a year.
That's what it took for us to get financially stable so that we could bring her back home. I doubt it would have worked great if she'd been miserable there. It took up over a 1/3 of my income to pay for it.
Your kids are young enough that they aren't school age yet, so wherever you take them, school wise, would cost money. You want to unschool, but need to work. You can work really hard to make the living situation happier and work your schedule to fit, or you could take the kids somewhere during the day, pay for someone to watch them while you work. If you can't afford a nanny, how would you afford daycare?
People don't like to talk about bankruptcy, but sometimes it's not a bad thing to do that and change your circumstances. Would it make your life easier and happier? It's not as if you can default on all debt, you will still have some after a bankruptcy. Without going into all the details on this list, think about how much money you need to live and work with less stress and more joy. Imagine what a bankruptcy would do. Weigh the pros and cons.
If the goal is to keep the kids home, look at all the options. What if you guys changed jobs and worked tag team? What if one of you worked out of the home or at night? Don't look at those changes as forever things, think of them as temporary until things are better and easier. Your kids are 2 and 4, they require a LOT of time and energy and that would be true even if you both worked out of the home and put them in daycare.
Where else can you cut expenses? Sell a car? Move somewhere cheaper? Shop every other week? Make big meals and freeze them? Buy all items from the thrift stores? Buy cheaper insurance? Get cheaper phones? Get a Costco membership? Most people have more wiggle room than they think they do.
This helps me, I think of the worst case scenario and then look at what I have instead. It helps me re-frame what I DO have, as abundance. Once I can see the abundance around me, it helps me think less of where I'm lacking.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
And what works for different age groups? I mean, if you give me advice for something that worked for your 9 year old, could this also work for my 4 or 2 year old?***
When Chamille was 4, my husband and I both needed to work. We put her in a part time alternative day care. My husband worked a later shift than me and would take her there in the late morning and I worked an early shift and would pick her up in the early evening. She was usually there for 6 hrs each day. She was very social at 4 and really craved play time with other kids. Although, in my view, it wasn't ideal, she really liked going to that place. Every day she woke up excited to go and every day she was having so much fun that she was reluctant to leave. That lasted a year.
That's what it took for us to get financially stable so that we could bring her back home. I doubt it would have worked great if she'd been miserable there. It took up over a 1/3 of my income to pay for it.
Your kids are young enough that they aren't school age yet, so wherever you take them, school wise, would cost money. You want to unschool, but need to work. You can work really hard to make the living situation happier and work your schedule to fit, or you could take the kids somewhere during the day, pay for someone to watch them while you work. If you can't afford a nanny, how would you afford daycare?
People don't like to talk about bankruptcy, but sometimes it's not a bad thing to do that and change your circumstances. Would it make your life easier and happier? It's not as if you can default on all debt, you will still have some after a bankruptcy. Without going into all the details on this list, think about how much money you need to live and work with less stress and more joy. Imagine what a bankruptcy would do. Weigh the pros and cons.
If the goal is to keep the kids home, look at all the options. What if you guys changed jobs and worked tag team? What if one of you worked out of the home or at night? Don't look at those changes as forever things, think of them as temporary until things are better and easier. Your kids are 2 and 4, they require a LOT of time and energy and that would be true even if you both worked out of the home and put them in daycare.
Where else can you cut expenses? Sell a car? Move somewhere cheaper? Shop every other week? Make big meals and freeze them? Buy all items from the thrift stores? Buy cheaper insurance? Get cheaper phones? Get a Costco membership? Most people have more wiggle room than they think they do.
This helps me, I think of the worst case scenario and then look at what I have instead. It helps me re-frame what I DO have, as abundance. Once I can see the abundance around me, it helps me think less of where I'm lacking.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
aldq75
-=- We have been stretched thin and then some over the last 4 years
and could not imagine continuing this for another 10-15 years especially since
we are so close now to filing for bankruptcy. -=-
It probably won't be necessary to live so frugally for another decade or more. As they get older, they will likely be able to entertain themselves for longer periods of time, giving you more flexibility for at-home work.
Do you know any home schooled tweens that might want to earn some extra money working as a mother's helper? That would be less expensive than a nanny.
Andrea Q
and could not imagine continuing this for another 10-15 years especially since
we are so close now to filing for bankruptcy. -=-
It probably won't be necessary to live so frugally for another decade or more. As they get older, they will likely be able to entertain themselves for longer periods of time, giving you more flexibility for at-home work.
Do you know any home schooled tweens that might want to earn some extra money working as a mother's helper? That would be less expensive than a nanny.
Andrea Q
--- In [email protected], "Joy" <joy_bakker@...> wrote:
>
kristi_beguin
Are you considering doing work from home? Would it be possible to work early in the morning while the kids are asleep for a little bit, and a possibly during nap times, or in the evening?
Could you hire a teen to play with your kids while you are working, assuming you could pay a teen less than a nanny? Tag-teaming might work well, where you work for a certain amount of time, and then your husband can work for another period of time?
My husband works from home and I work outside the home 4 days a week. We still juggle schedules a lot. Sometimes I'll go into work really early so that I can get off in the early afternoon. Or I'll split my one day off between two days, so I can have two full half days with my kids. Sometimes I'll work from home in the mornings or evenings.
My husband sometimes gets up really early and works on bikes (he's a bike mechanic), and then is ready to take the kids when I go to work a bit later. He can often get 3 whole hours of bike work done before I go to work. He will sometimes work in the evenings when I get off, or on the weekends.
Sometimes the kids will play or ride their bikes or scooters outside while he works with the garage door open, or they'll play inside with polly pockets or hotwheels, or whatever games is their current fancy. My daughters are 5 and 9, and will play happily for a while, but it's really important for us to make sure they get a lot one on one interaction regardless of whether work is being done. This prevents squabbles and boredom. They haven't had much interest in watching TV or being on the computer during the daytime lately, but that hasn't often been a fall-back for them when one of us is working.
Could you hire a teen to play with your kids while you are working, assuming you could pay a teen less than a nanny? Tag-teaming might work well, where you work for a certain amount of time, and then your husband can work for another period of time?
My husband works from home and I work outside the home 4 days a week. We still juggle schedules a lot. Sometimes I'll go into work really early so that I can get off in the early afternoon. Or I'll split my one day off between two days, so I can have two full half days with my kids. Sometimes I'll work from home in the mornings or evenings.
My husband sometimes gets up really early and works on bikes (he's a bike mechanic), and then is ready to take the kids when I go to work a bit later. He can often get 3 whole hours of bike work done before I go to work. He will sometimes work in the evenings when I get off, or on the weekends.
Sometimes the kids will play or ride their bikes or scooters outside while he works with the garage door open, or they'll play inside with polly pockets or hotwheels, or whatever games is their current fancy. My daughters are 5 and 9, and will play happily for a while, but it's really important for us to make sure they get a lot one on one interaction regardless of whether work is being done. This prevents squabbles and boredom. They haven't had much interest in watching TV or being on the computer during the daytime lately, but that hasn't often been a fall-back for them when one of us is working.
kristi_beguin
Whoops, should have read my post once more...
"and a possibly during nap times" meaning, if your kids still nap, perhaps you can get work done while one or both is napping. Nap times makes it sound like a scheduled agenda. I didn't intend that
AND...
"so I can have two full half days with my kids" doesn't add up. But sometimes two half days feels full and happy, and can alleviate the pressure to try to squeeze everything into one day. My youngest has been very much needing my presence lately, and so being with her for a majority of time split over several days, rather than just one day off mid week has been very important for us.
"and a possibly during nap times" meaning, if your kids still nap, perhaps you can get work done while one or both is napping. Nap times makes it sound like a scheduled agenda. I didn't intend that
AND...
"so I can have two full half days with my kids" doesn't add up. But sometimes two half days feels full and happy, and can alleviate the pressure to try to squeeze everything into one day. My youngest has been very much needing my presence lately, and so being with her for a majority of time split over several days, rather than just one day off mid week has been very important for us.
aldq75
-=- However, it is undeniable that homeschooling/unschooling works best for those that can afford to live comfortably and without struggle on one income where one spouse supports the family. -=-
That's a pretty big assumption! There are many other scenarios out there that are being used successfully by unschoolers (and more traditional homeschoolers), including:
living in RVs/converted buses to reduce expenses
parents working opposite schedules (or juggling to avoid overlaps)
families that rent instead of owning to control housing costs
two parents working part time to make one "full-time" income
picking up odd jobs or seasonal work to supplement regular income
creative frugality
Andrea Q
That's a pretty big assumption! There are many other scenarios out there that are being used successfully by unschoolers (and more traditional homeschoolers), including:
living in RVs/converted buses to reduce expenses
parents working opposite schedules (or juggling to avoid overlaps)
families that rent instead of owning to control housing costs
two parents working part time to make one "full-time" income
picking up odd jobs or seasonal work to supplement regular income
creative frugality
Andrea Q
--- In [email protected], "Joy" <joy_bakker@...> wrote:
>
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-
-=- However, it is undeniable that homeschooling/unschooling works best for those that can afford to live comfortably and without struggle on one income where one spouse supports the family. -=-
That's a pretty big assumption! There are many other scenarios out there that are being used successfully by unschoolers (and more traditional homeschoolers), including:...-=-
Yes but she said "works best."
And some people can afford to opt to do some of these things better than others can:
living in RVs/converted buses to reduce expenses
parents working opposite schedules (or juggling to avoid overlaps)
families that rent instead of owning to control housing costs
two parents working part time to make one "full-time" income
picking up odd jobs or seasonal work to supplement regular income
creative frugality
-----------------IF
And thinking in terms of "if"
unschooling/homeschooling only worked for those who could afford to live without struggle on one income,
how guilty should people feel who unschooled?
IF unschooling only works when a parent is creative and flexible and willing to play,
how guilty should people feel who can unschool?
IF unschooling only works when a parent can persuade the other partner that it's a good idea,
how guilty should those people feel about families where the second partner can't be persuaded?
Some families own airplanes.
How guilty should they feel about families that don't?
Some families can afford two houses.
How guilty should they feel about families that don't own one?
Some families are really at peace, and have fun, and live lives of laughter, without fear.
How guilty should they feel that another family is negative and lives a life full of complaint and resentment?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=- However, it is undeniable that homeschooling/unschooling works best for those that can afford to live comfortably and without struggle on one income where one spouse supports the family. -=-
That's a pretty big assumption! There are many other scenarios out there that are being used successfully by unschoolers (and more traditional homeschoolers), including:...-=-
Yes but she said "works best."
And some people can afford to opt to do some of these things better than others can:
living in RVs/converted buses to reduce expenses
parents working opposite schedules (or juggling to avoid overlaps)
families that rent instead of owning to control housing costs
two parents working part time to make one "full-time" income
picking up odd jobs or seasonal work to supplement regular income
creative frugality
-----------------IF
And thinking in terms of "if"
unschooling/homeschooling only worked for those who could afford to live without struggle on one income,
how guilty should people feel who unschooled?
IF unschooling only works when a parent is creative and flexible and willing to play,
how guilty should people feel who can unschool?
IF unschooling only works when a parent can persuade the other partner that it's a good idea,
how guilty should those people feel about families where the second partner can't be persuaded?
Some families own airplanes.
How guilty should they feel about families that don't?
Some families can afford two houses.
How guilty should they feel about families that don't own one?
Some families are really at peace, and have fun, and live lives of laughter, without fear.
How guilty should they feel that another family is negative and lives a life full of complaint and resentment?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Aissa Boduch
Hi Joy,
I have wrestled with this exact question and dilemma.. Fortunately, my four
year old likes watching TV, but my 18 month old wants lots of my attention!
(and needs it, too.) My kids are the same age so I can't give much input
from an "unschooling" perspective, but maybe some of the things I do will
help you get through *now* and make unschooling more of a possibility for
you...
You've gotten some good strategies and ideas already, but implementation
probably depends heavily on the flexibility of your work schedule. Mine is
pretty flexible; I have responsibilities each day, but the time I perform
them is flexible.. of course after a full day w/ two little ones, I'm not
necessarily able to focus on work late at night after they go to bed, or
wake up early after a night of nursing to get my work done before my husband
goes to work.. So I try to keep a handful of strategies and use them when
they make sense...
I have my kids' toys separated into four toy boxes, and I rotate toy boxes.
I find that my kiddos are more interested in toys after they haven't seen
them in awhile- it's like getting new toys.. When the interest dies down, I
bring out a new box and put the old toys away.
I try to set up activities for them that they can do fairly independently.
This is facilitated by the fact that my computer is in the playroom, so I'm
not far from them and I can help and give input easily.. Usually it involves
art projects- things with stickers or crayons, sometimes puzzles or simple
games like "fishing" or matching. Colorwonder stuff might be a good idea
(maybe a gift idea if finances don't allow for it right now) because they
have products that are like paint, but they're not as messy if you can't be
right there :) Can your four year old tell you about things that he's
interested in, that he'd like to do? Maybe he could help you come up with
things that he can work on or do while you work..
For awhile I had set up a schedule for myself of times during the day where
I would focus on work and times when I would focus on the kids. While I
based it around our natural schedule (naptimes, meals, times that my kids
naturally had "downtimes" and times that they had higher activity levels),
it still felt unnatural to me at first. However, I found that it helped me
be more present with everything. When I was focusing on the kids, I felt
comfortable not thinking about work because I knew that I would have time to
dedicate to it later; and when I was focused on work I felt better about not
focusing on the kids for that time because I knew that they had my full
attention earlier and would get it again. If the kids needed me during my
"work" time I would certainly attend to them, but if they were entertaining
themselves I didn't let myself feel guilty for not being with them or doing
more with them. This helped me a lot because I found that I was just more
productive and better at both "jobs" when I gave each more of my full
attention. Otherwise I ended up doing each half..... and doing neither very
well.. I don't really have a schedule now because it doesn't really fit into
my life, but I still make it a point to be focused and present on each task
that I do during the day and I still find that it helps my productivity, and
it helps my relationship with my kiddos..
I'm really hoping to find someone (most likely another mom) who I can swap
childcare with, like she could take my kids for a day and I could take hers
for a day. I feel like if I could really focus on work for one full day I
could get a lot done and that would help relieve a lot of my pressure and
stress.. You said that your four year old enjoys playing with friends- do
you have parents who could come over for a playdate so the kids can play
while you work?
And one last thing- I try to remember that every once in awhile I have a day
where things really work out well. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like it
too, but I'm not sure it would even if I wasn't working. I hope that you
have those days every once in awhile too.. I know that sometimes when things
get to be too much it can be easy to forget about those days..
Best of luck to you and I hope you find something that works for your
family! If I think of anything else I'll be sure to post!
-aissa
I have wrestled with this exact question and dilemma.. Fortunately, my four
year old likes watching TV, but my 18 month old wants lots of my attention!
(and needs it, too.) My kids are the same age so I can't give much input
from an "unschooling" perspective, but maybe some of the things I do will
help you get through *now* and make unschooling more of a possibility for
you...
You've gotten some good strategies and ideas already, but implementation
probably depends heavily on the flexibility of your work schedule. Mine is
pretty flexible; I have responsibilities each day, but the time I perform
them is flexible.. of course after a full day w/ two little ones, I'm not
necessarily able to focus on work late at night after they go to bed, or
wake up early after a night of nursing to get my work done before my husband
goes to work.. So I try to keep a handful of strategies and use them when
they make sense...
I have my kids' toys separated into four toy boxes, and I rotate toy boxes.
I find that my kiddos are more interested in toys after they haven't seen
them in awhile- it's like getting new toys.. When the interest dies down, I
bring out a new box and put the old toys away.
I try to set up activities for them that they can do fairly independently.
This is facilitated by the fact that my computer is in the playroom, so I'm
not far from them and I can help and give input easily.. Usually it involves
art projects- things with stickers or crayons, sometimes puzzles or simple
games like "fishing" or matching. Colorwonder stuff might be a good idea
(maybe a gift idea if finances don't allow for it right now) because they
have products that are like paint, but they're not as messy if you can't be
right there :) Can your four year old tell you about things that he's
interested in, that he'd like to do? Maybe he could help you come up with
things that he can work on or do while you work..
For awhile I had set up a schedule for myself of times during the day where
I would focus on work and times when I would focus on the kids. While I
based it around our natural schedule (naptimes, meals, times that my kids
naturally had "downtimes" and times that they had higher activity levels),
it still felt unnatural to me at first. However, I found that it helped me
be more present with everything. When I was focusing on the kids, I felt
comfortable not thinking about work because I knew that I would have time to
dedicate to it later; and when I was focused on work I felt better about not
focusing on the kids for that time because I knew that they had my full
attention earlier and would get it again. If the kids needed me during my
"work" time I would certainly attend to them, but if they were entertaining
themselves I didn't let myself feel guilty for not being with them or doing
more with them. This helped me a lot because I found that I was just more
productive and better at both "jobs" when I gave each more of my full
attention. Otherwise I ended up doing each half..... and doing neither very
well.. I don't really have a schedule now because it doesn't really fit into
my life, but I still make it a point to be focused and present on each task
that I do during the day and I still find that it helps my productivity, and
it helps my relationship with my kiddos..
I'm really hoping to find someone (most likely another mom) who I can swap
childcare with, like she could take my kids for a day and I could take hers
for a day. I feel like if I could really focus on work for one full day I
could get a lot done and that would help relieve a lot of my pressure and
stress.. You said that your four year old enjoys playing with friends- do
you have parents who could come over for a playdate so the kids can play
while you work?
And one last thing- I try to remember that every once in awhile I have a day
where things really work out well. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like it
too, but I'm not sure it would even if I wasn't working. I hope that you
have those days every once in awhile too.. I know that sometimes when things
get to be too much it can be easy to forget about those days..
Best of luck to you and I hope you find something that works for your
family! If I think of anything else I'll be sure to post!
-aissa
On Fri, Sep 23, 2011 at 1:09 PM, Joy <joy_bakker@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> Hi everyone,
>
> I just have a question for those parents who do work from home (especially
> on the computer).
>
> How old are your kids, and what do they do while you have to work??
>
> What did they do when they were younger (7 year and younger) while you had
> to work?
>
> So far, from talking to a few other parents who worked from home while
> homeschooling/unschooling, it seems that their kids did
> a lot of t.v. and video games while mom or dad or both had to be on the
> computer for work.
>
> While there is nothing at all wrong with that if it works for the kids, we
> have noticed a considerable improvement in our kids joy and happiness when
> we did hire a part-time nanny to help engage our kids while we worked at
> home.
>
> The problem now is that we can no longer afford the nanny.
>
> However, it is undeniable that homeschooling/unschooling works best for
> those that can afford to live comfortably and without struggle on one income
> where one spouse supports the family.
>
> Unfortunately, in my husband's line of work, he does not make enough to
> support us comfortably. We have been stretched thin and then some over the
> last 4 years and could not imagine continuing this for another 10-15 years
> especially since we are so close now to filing for bankruptcy.
>
> So basically we are now wondering if we even can afford to unschool or if
> instead we should look for a good alternative school so we can both make
> money.
>
> I am not convinced my kids would be happy watching tv/playing video games
> while I have to work at home. We've tried this and they were pretty darn
> miserable. Note I am not at all against kids wanting to play unlimited video
> games/watch t.v., just for our kids, it was pretty claer this was not their
> choice and was not making them happy, it's just something we did by default
> to distract them during the time we had to work to earn money.
>
> Especially my 4 year old, he really needs the attention and dislikes
> playing alone vs my 2 year old daughter who can play alone but interestingly
> the 4 year old does not like playing with his sister but wants constant
> attention from an adult (the only time he does not seek my constant
> attention is when he is playing with friends).
>
> Would appreciate any stories from parents who made this work (working at
> home and unschooling) AND had happy kids. And what did your kids do whole
> you worked to be happy?
> And what works for different age groups? I mean, if you give me advice for
> something that worked for your 9 year old, could this also work for my 4 or
> 2 year old?
>
> Thanks for the input!
>
> -Joy
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
I really liked Aissa's suggestions about scheduling time to concentrate on kids and not think about work, and other times to put work first, after having provided some things the kids can do. If there are a couple of projects, and toys, and videos, the kids have choices and the mom shouldn't feel they are "stuck" or will become bored.
-=-And one last thing- I try to remember that every once in awhile I have a day
where things really work out well. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like it
too, but I'm not sure it would even if I wasn't working. I hope that you
have those days every once in awhile too.. I know that sometimes when things
get to be too much it can be easy to forget about those days..-=-
When a day goes well, look for what it was that helped, and try to do/find/induce that again. Make choices that lead toward repeating success.
And rather than thinking of these things in full days, especially at first, look at moments.
http://sandradodd.com/moment
Some people declare a day to be "a bad day" before it's even noon. That's not helpful to anyone. One bad moment doesn't need to affect the moment after that. It can be the cause of the next moment being better.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=-And one last thing- I try to remember that every once in awhile I have a day
where things really work out well. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like it
too, but I'm not sure it would even if I wasn't working. I hope that you
have those days every once in awhile too.. I know that sometimes when things
get to be too much it can be easy to forget about those days..-=-
When a day goes well, look for what it was that helped, and try to do/find/induce that again. Make choices that lead toward repeating success.
And rather than thinking of these things in full days, especially at first, look at moments.
http://sandradodd.com/moment
Some people declare a day to be "a bad day" before it's even noon. That's not helpful to anyone. One bad moment doesn't need to affect the moment after that. It can be the cause of the next moment being better.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joy
Hi Aissa, this great, exactly what I was looking for, thanks! I will try the toy rotation. I know what you mean, toys that were forgotten about all of a sudden are like brand new and fun again!
I also like the idea of scheduling time to focus on work vs the kids.
My work is flexible but I am one of those types that just gets so absorbed into work it is hard for me to just do it for 1 hr and then do something else becuase in that hour I am planning and creating and then I often feel I have to start from scratch. I would need a good 2-3 hr chunk to work so I will have to see.
I am also trying to learn to let go of house work, which is hard because as you know with an 18th month old and me with a 2 yr old, there are tons of spills and gross yucky messes that can't juts be ignored and then there are the poopy cloth diapers to watch!
I also like the idea of scheduling time to focus on work vs the kids.
My work is flexible but I am one of those types that just gets so absorbed into work it is hard for me to just do it for 1 hr and then do something else becuase in that hour I am planning and creating and then I often feel I have to start from scratch. I would need a good 2-3 hr chunk to work so I will have to see.
I am also trying to learn to let go of house work, which is hard because as you know with an 18th month old and me with a 2 yr old, there are tons of spills and gross yucky messes that can't juts be ignored and then there are the poopy cloth diapers to watch!
--- In [email protected], Aissa Boduch <aissaboduch@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Joy,
>
> I have wrestled with this exact question and dilemma.. Fortunately, my four
> year old likes watching TV, but my 18 month old wants lots of my attention!
> (and needs it, too.) My kids are the same age so I can't give much input
> from an "unschooling" perspective, but maybe some of the things I do will
> help you get through *now* and make unschooling more of a possibility for
> you...
>
> You've gotten some good strategies and ideas already, but implementation
> probably depends heavily on the flexibility of your work schedule. Mine is
> pretty flexible; I have responsibilities each day, but the time I perform
> them is flexible.. of course after a full day w/ two little ones, I'm not
> necessarily able to focus on work late at night after they go to bed, or
> wake up early after a night of nursing to get my work done before my husband
> goes to work.. So I try to keep a handful of strategies and use them when
> they make sense...
>
> I have my kids' toys separated into four toy boxes, and I rotate toy boxes.
> I find that my kiddos are more interested in toys after they haven't seen
> them in awhile- it's like getting new toys.. When the interest dies down, I
> bring out a new box and put the old toys away.
>
> I try to set up activities for them that they can do fairly independently.
> This is facilitated by the fact that my computer is in the playroom, so I'm
> not far from them and I can help and give input easily.. Usually it involves
> art projects- things with stickers or crayons, sometimes puzzles or simple
> games like "fishing" or matching. Colorwonder stuff might be a good idea
> (maybe a gift idea if finances don't allow for it right now) because they
> have products that are like paint, but they're not as messy if you can't be
> right there :) Can your four year old tell you about things that he's
> interested in, that he'd like to do? Maybe he could help you come up with
> things that he can work on or do while you work..
>
> For awhile I had set up a schedule for myself of times during the day where
> I would focus on work and times when I would focus on the kids. While I
> based it around our natural schedule (naptimes, meals, times that my kids
> naturally had "downtimes" and times that they had higher activity levels),
> it still felt unnatural to me at first. However, I found that it helped me
> be more present with everything. When I was focusing on the kids, I felt
> comfortable not thinking about work because I knew that I would have time to
> dedicate to it later; and when I was focused on work I felt better about not
> focusing on the kids for that time because I knew that they had my full
> attention earlier and would get it again. If the kids needed me during my
> "work" time I would certainly attend to them, but if they were entertaining
> themselves I didn't let myself feel guilty for not being with them or doing
> more with them. This helped me a lot because I found that I was just more
> productive and better at both "jobs" when I gave each more of my full
> attention. Otherwise I ended up doing each half..... and doing neither very
> well.. I don't really have a schedule now because it doesn't really fit into
> my life, but I still make it a point to be focused and present on each task
> that I do during the day and I still find that it helps my productivity, and
> it helps my relationship with my kiddos..
>
> I'm really hoping to find someone (most likely another mom) who I can swap
> childcare with, like she could take my kids for a day and I could take hers
> for a day. I feel like if I could really focus on work for one full day I
> could get a lot done and that would help relieve a lot of my pressure and
> stress.. You said that your four year old enjoys playing with friends- do
> you have parents who could come over for a playdate so the kids can play
> while you work?
>
> And one last thing- I try to remember that every once in awhile I have a day
> where things really work out well. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like it
> too, but I'm not sure it would even if I wasn't working. I hope that you
> have those days every once in awhile too.. I know that sometimes when things
> get to be too much it can be easy to forget about those days..
>
> Best of luck to you and I hope you find something that works for your
> family! If I think of anything else I'll be sure to post!
>
> -aissa
>
> On Fri, Sep 23, 2011 at 1:09 PM, Joy <joy_bakker@...> wrote:
>
> > **
> >
> >
> > Hi everyone,
> >
> > I just have a question for those parents who do work from home (especially
> > on the computer).
> >
> > How old are your kids, and what do they do while you have to work??
> >
> > What did they do when they were younger (7 year and younger) while you had
> > to work?
> >
> > So far, from talking to a few other parents who worked from home while
> > homeschooling/unschooling, it seems that their kids did
> > a lot of t.v. and video games while mom or dad or both had to be on the
> > computer for work.
> >
> > While there is nothing at all wrong with that if it works for the kids, we
> > have noticed a considerable improvement in our kids joy and happiness when
> > we did hire a part-time nanny to help engage our kids while we worked at
> > home.
> >
> > The problem now is that we can no longer afford the nanny.
> >
> > However, it is undeniable that homeschooling/unschooling works best for
> > those that can afford to live comfortably and without struggle on one income
> > where one spouse supports the family.
> >
> > Unfortunately, in my husband's line of work, he does not make enough to
> > support us comfortably. We have been stretched thin and then some over the
> > last 4 years and could not imagine continuing this for another 10-15 years
> > especially since we are so close now to filing for bankruptcy.
> >
> > So basically we are now wondering if we even can afford to unschool or if
> > instead we should look for a good alternative school so we can both make
> > money.
> >
> > I am not convinced my kids would be happy watching tv/playing video games
> > while I have to work at home. We've tried this and they were pretty darn
> > miserable. Note I am not at all against kids wanting to play unlimited video
> > games/watch t.v., just for our kids, it was pretty claer this was not their
> > choice and was not making them happy, it's just something we did by default
> > to distract them during the time we had to work to earn money.
> >
> > Especially my 4 year old, he really needs the attention and dislikes
> > playing alone vs my 2 year old daughter who can play alone but interestingly
> > the 4 year old does not like playing with his sister but wants constant
> > attention from an adult (the only time he does not seek my constant
> > attention is when he is playing with friends).
> >
> > Would appreciate any stories from parents who made this work (working at
> > home and unschooling) AND had happy kids. And what did your kids do whole
> > you worked to be happy?
> > And what works for different age groups? I mean, if you give me advice for
> > something that worked for your 9 year old, could this also work for my 4 or
> > 2 year old?
> >
> > Thanks for the input!
> >
> > -Joy
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Meredith
"Joy" <joy_bakker@...> wrote:
I used to be this way and it took some time to learn to work and focus differently. To some extent, it depends on what kind of work you have, but thinking about what kinds of tasks need more focus and what can be done with less may help you organize your time differently.
---Meredith
>> My work is flexible but I am one of those types that just gets so absorbed into work it is hard for me to just do it for 1 hr and then do something else becuase in that hour I am planning and creating and then I often feel I have to start from scratch. I would need a good 2-3 hr chunk to work so I will have to see.******************
I used to be this way and it took some time to learn to work and focus differently. To some extent, it depends on what kind of work you have, but thinking about what kinds of tasks need more focus and what can be done with less may help you organize your time differently.
---Meredith