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Hello Pat and all -
I had such a similar situation with ds (5yo) who was on the computer ALL the
time...it was quite obsessive, imo....I REALLY struggled with whether it was
'appropriate', whether I should do something, etc.....

He LOVES playing the Disney Tarzan computer game and any Magic School Bus
games....neither of the other 2 kids in the house are so
computer-oriented.....

Even when we were on vacation in a rental house with a computer last fall, he
played the Tarzan game....he identified who in the family was good at each
level and would summon that person to play....he showed incredible
persistence bec. at that time we didn't know you could go back to a level
when you 'died' - we thought you had to start all over and even though we
started from the beginning again and again, he still pursued trying to
'master' the game....I would have quit after starting over once or twice but
he really persisted....kind of like Thomas Edison and the lightbulb!

As I said, he really loves the magic school bus computer games....and altho,
I felt more 'comfortable' with these games bec. they were 'educational', he
was still on the computer a lot.....like you, it would be a beautiful day and
he would be drawn to the computer....

He and his sister (7yo) would have discussions about how she missed him bec.
he was on the computer so much.....they made a schedule so that she could
play with him and then he could be on the computer and back and forth....

He asked for all the Magic School Bus computer games that were advertised on
the ones he had.....I REALLY hesitated bec. I thought, "I'll NEVER see him
then!" But he was serious so we got the ones he was missing.....he was so
eager....after they arrived, he played with each one intently for a short
while....that was in February.....he is hardly on the computer at all right
now.....

My point is that you never really know how situations will play
out....Imagine if you could know that they will be on the computer for a
whole month of the year and then hardly at all for the rest of the time -
would that be 'balanced'? Does 'balance' mean in a day? In a week? In a
year?

Also, look at the value in the computer game....that's what helped me
tolerate Tarzan....I admired his persistence at the game and how he asked for
help in levels that he was not comfortable with....What would happen if I
denied him the experience of persisting at an activity until he figured it
out? What would happen if I denied him the experience of working at
something when the motivation was there - as opposed to "it's 9am, time to
work...it's 5pm time to not work"?.....I want him to follow his heart and
intuition - and I can't do that if I decide for him what he 'should' do.....

Try to do what is right in each situation.....sometimes you've got to step
away from the big picture and look at each step....It felt right to honor his
request for the computer games.....it didn't feel right to deny him something
he really wanted based on my own bias and concern for how he spent his
time....it's not all up to me.....I wanted to be respectful, and being so
meant finding the games.....Similarly, it never felt respectful - always
arrogant the way I did it - when I would fuss about his computer time.....and
now it is not an issue and I wish I had trusted him that it would work
out.....in whatever way......

I wish I could say that I handled it all so smoothly....I had many days of
frustration and 'it's such a beautiful day!' and 'exercise' etc etc
etc.....You 'should' _____ .....

Oh, yeah, one way I thought to help me through it was to join the play - I
told myself that I could join him for an hour of computer play - can do
anything for an hour, right?....so I put myself there by him on the computer
and we did have fun......

So there's the computer story here.....hope you can work things out in your
home....
Jane


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