Suzanna and Darrell

>Date: Thu, 18 Apr 2002 09:02:49 -0400
> From: <ElissaJC@...>
>Subject: Re: WAS RELUCTANT HUSBAND - NOW UNHEALTHY MARRIAGES ARE THE
PROBLEM

> It reminds me of going out with friends without Joe. Sometimes people
would
>say, Joe will *let* you go out? (What am I? His slave?)(he just looked over
>my shoulder and said, "Yes, you are" - In his dreams!!)


That's funny you should say that. It is interesting to note that my first
husband was an officer in the air force. Most of the wives that I
encountered while we were married wouldn't say boo without their husbands. I
was always going on day trips to a nearby city when we first got married
because there wasn't anything to do where we lived. And I would sometimes go
to the movies by myself. The other wives would say things like "you are so
lucky that your husband *lets* you do that." And I would say my husband was
at work when I went to the city so what would it even have to do with him.
And regarding the movies,I would tell them, if I wanted to see a movie, and
he didn't I would just go by myself. I would also remind them that I was an
adult and didn't need "permission". (I was just barely 20 when we married
and most of those wives were older than me) They would also tell me that
they were "afraid" to drive that far by themselves, or go to the movies by
themselves, even if their husband would *let* them. Some of those wives
wouldn't even go to a doctor's appointment without their husband! It really
agravated my ex that I wasn't more like those other wives, which explains
why he is my ex!

Now I am married to an enlisted man in the air force, and most of the wives
that I meet are very independent and never ask their husband's permission
for anything. Although they do discuss plans with their husbands. Since my
current dh and I have been married, he has gone on several hunting and
fishing trips. Now instead of anyone ever being surprised that my husband
"lets" me do something or go somewhere without him, they are surprised or
impressed that I "let" him go on these trips without me! No one ever asks me
about my husband "letting" me do anything. But when he goes hunting or
fishing they will say things like, "you *let* him go, for how long?" Or "How
wonderful that you *let* him do things like that!"

After my oldest ds turned 18, it took a while to break him of asking
permission to go places and do things. I had to keep telling him that he
only had to ask permission to use my car, not to go. I told him that he just
needed to let us know what his plans were, but he did not need permission
now that he was an adult. My daughter, however, had no problem making that
transission. As soon as she turned 18, she quit asking permission and just
started announcing that she was going to do something or go somewhere.

Suzanna