Kids sneaking
teresa
When kids get sneaky, what might that signal to a parent?
My almost-6 year old can get sneaky giving his 2 1/2-year-old brother a punch on the arm, or grabbing a toy away from him. He can also sometimes get sneaky if we've got a favorite food to share, but we've asked that some be left in the bag for tomorrow, or for when dad wakes up, etc.
The simple solution, or at least stop-gap, in these moments has been to spend the rest of the day Right There with my boys (in the case of the bigger messing with the littler) and to just make sure I buy more of the favorite thing next time. But I'm wondering if I'm missing something.
Thanks for any feedback.
Teresa
My almost-6 year old can get sneaky giving his 2 1/2-year-old brother a punch on the arm, or grabbing a toy away from him. He can also sometimes get sneaky if we've got a favorite food to share, but we've asked that some be left in the bag for tomorrow, or for when dad wakes up, etc.
The simple solution, or at least stop-gap, in these moments has been to spend the rest of the day Right There with my boys (in the case of the bigger messing with the littler) and to just make sure I buy more of the favorite thing next time. But I'm wondering if I'm missing something.
Thanks for any feedback.
Teresa
Jenny Cyphers
*** He can also sometimes get sneaky if we've got a favorite food to share, but we've asked that some be left in the bag for tomorrow, or for when dad wakes up, etc.***
He's not ready for that. Why not take out what you want to leave for dad and the next day. Do it in such a way that he never sees it. Then give him what he can eat and let him eat all of it. Don't ask him to eat part and leave part. That's clearly too hard for him to do!
If my oldest child was regularly doing sneaky punching or hitting of my younger child, I'd ask directly if that's what happened every time the younger one got upset, if I hadn't been right there to see it happen. It's enough of an age gap where it might be hard to have each other as play mates. A little brother can be very frustrating to a bigger brother, one who might be entering an age of higher motor function and understanding. It helps if you don't expect them to play and share together with everything. Maybe think about what they do share and expand on that and the things they don't share, separate out for time away play, or side by side play.
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He's not ready for that. Why not take out what you want to leave for dad and the next day. Do it in such a way that he never sees it. Then give him what he can eat and let him eat all of it. Don't ask him to eat part and leave part. That's clearly too hard for him to do!
If my oldest child was regularly doing sneaky punching or hitting of my younger child, I'd ask directly if that's what happened every time the younger one got upset, if I hadn't been right there to see it happen. It's enough of an age gap where it might be hard to have each other as play mates. A little brother can be very frustrating to a bigger brother, one who might be entering an age of higher motor function and understanding. It helps if you don't expect them to play and share together with everything. Maybe think about what they do share and expand on that and the things they don't share, separate out for time away play, or side by side play.
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Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 29, 2011, at 10:42 AM, teresa wrote:
the bad guys when they disobey what adults want them to do. See the
behavior for what it is. He has a need. He sees you as an obstacle, as
someone who not only won't help him meet his need but will probably
stop him. So he's avoiding the obstacle to try to meet the need himself.
It's the essence of every story: The protagonist has a need. He finds
ways around what stands between him and what he needs.
Rather than being an obstacle, be his partner in meeting his needs. Be
the one keeping an eye on the needs of those around him as you find
respectful, safe, doable ways for him to meet his needs. Be the one
manipulating the environment so he's not in a situation he can't
handle yet.
Joyce
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> He can also sometimes get sneaky if we've got a favorite food toDon't see his behavior through adult eyes. That view casts children as
> share, but we've asked that some be left in the bag for tomorrow, or
> for when dad wakes up, etc.
the bad guys when they disobey what adults want them to do. See the
behavior for what it is. He has a need. He sees you as an obstacle, as
someone who not only won't help him meet his need but will probably
stop him. So he's avoiding the obstacle to try to meet the need himself.
It's the essence of every story: The protagonist has a need. He finds
ways around what stands between him and what he needs.
Rather than being an obstacle, be his partner in meeting his needs. Be
the one keeping an eye on the needs of those around him as you find
respectful, safe, doable ways for him to meet his needs. Be the one
manipulating the environment so he's not in a situation he can't
handle yet.
Joyce
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