Letting go?
Karen
I hear the phrase "letting go" a lot, and I am wondering what people thing of it in terms of their evolving relationships with their children. I find it to be a sad phrase. I like to thing of life with my son as "going together" through the many stages of growing, but maybe that is me hanging on. When I think of how my son might feel if I said I need to learn to let go, I think he might feel sad too, and a bit frightened. Maybe I'm not seeing this clearly?
Sandra Dodd
-=-I hear the phrase "letting go" a lot, and I am wondering what people thing of it in terms of their evolving relationships with their children.-=-
Have you heard it on this list?
Can you quote it in context, please?
We can't defend every use of "letting go."
Are they talking about letting go of the need to control and manage other peoples' lives?
Letting go of schoolishness?
http://sandradodd.com/control
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Sandra
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Have you heard it on this list?
Can you quote it in context, please?
We can't defend every use of "letting go."
Are they talking about letting go of the need to control and manage other peoples' lives?
Letting go of schoolishness?
http://sandradodd.com/control
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
"Karen" <semajrak@...> wrote:
If you're imagining your kids always at your side, always coming to you with questions or for help, then you may find you need to do some "letting go" of those expectations. Unschooling kids don't necessarily turn to their parents for everything - often as they get older they trust their own judgement and make decisions without checking in with mom and dad first. If that's the kind of thing you're worried about, Ronnie Maier has some nice blog posts on the subject of unschooling with teens (scroll down aways):
http://sites.google.com/site/dragonflykaizen/unschooling-1
Are you equating "let go" with the idea of pushing children to be more independent than they want to be? If other parents - school parents - are telling you to "let go" then that might be what they're talking about.
---Meredith
>******************
> I hear the phrase "letting go" a lot, and I am wondering what people thing of it in terms of their evolving relationships with their children. I find it to be a sad phrase. I like to thing of life with my son as "going together" through the many stages of growing, but maybe that is me hanging on.
If you're imagining your kids always at your side, always coming to you with questions or for help, then you may find you need to do some "letting go" of those expectations. Unschooling kids don't necessarily turn to their parents for everything - often as they get older they trust their own judgement and make decisions without checking in with mom and dad first. If that's the kind of thing you're worried about, Ronnie Maier has some nice blog posts on the subject of unschooling with teens (scroll down aways):
http://sites.google.com/site/dragonflykaizen/unschooling-1
>> When I think of how my son might feel if I said I need to learn to let go, I think he might feel sad too, and a bit frightened.*************
Are you equating "let go" with the idea of pushing children to be more independent than they want to be? If other parents - school parents - are telling you to "let go" then that might be what they're talking about.
---Meredith
Karen
> Have you heard it on this list?My apologies, I was not referring to anything posted on this list. My son is 8. The circle of friends I have, have children around that age as well. What I hear a from many of these parents, and parents of older children, is that this is the age we need to begin to let go.
> Can you quote it in context, please?
> Are they talking about letting go of the need to control and manage other peoples' lives?Yes, I think that must be it. I have heard it and wondered what we should be letting go of. I wanted to respond, but I didn't understand the sentiment. It just felt sad to me. Not that I haven't had my share of needing to "let go" of my own control issues. I still do. I think it is the way it is said that confused me a bit. "Our children are growing up now. We need to learn to let go."
Karen
>Unschooling kids don't necessarily turn to their parents for everything - often as they >get older they trust their own judgement and make decisions without checking in with >mom and dad first. If that's the kind of thing you're worried about, Ronnie Maier has >some nice blog posts on the subject of unschooling with teens (scroll down aways):Yes, I think I am worried about that, now that I read this. I was imagining and hoping for a growing level of self-confidence in our son that would allow him to make is own choices, but perhaps the reality of that happening is harder for me to accept than I realize. Thanks for the link.
> http://sites.google.com/site/dragonflykaizen/unschooling-1
>Are you equating "let go" with the idea of pushing children to be more independent than >they want to be? If other parents - school parents - are telling you to "let go" then that >might be what they're talking about.Almost all of our friends have schooled children. Other families homeschool, but do not unschool. My days are so great. I love the time I get to spend with our son. We are so close. I am not afraid of Ethan's independence. I want that for him, (although, as I said above, there may be some fears I need to address there). I think I am saddened by the thought of losing our connection.
Sandra Dodd
-=-What I hear a from many of these parents, and parents of older children, is that this is the age we need to begin to let go. -=-
Oh. Schools tell them that. If you're talking about school kids, parents recite "parents need to let go of their kids." It means break the bonds, so kids aren't homesick when they're at school.
If you're talking about school-at-home, I don't know.
If you're talking about unschooling, more likely it would be "detach" from expectations or false images of how it might be, in favor of seeing what really is (with your kids, their personalities, your home and resources).
Sandra
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Oh. Schools tell them that. If you're talking about school kids, parents recite "parents need to let go of their kids." It means break the bonds, so kids aren't homesick when they're at school.
If you're talking about school-at-home, I don't know.
If you're talking about unschooling, more likely it would be "detach" from expectations or false images of how it might be, in favor of seeing what really is (with your kids, their personalities, your home and resources).
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- I think I am saddened by the thought of losing our connection. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/moment
http://sandradodd.com/being
If you are saddened, then he has a sad mom. You're losing your connection by being sad.
Pam Sorooshian wrote
"As we get older and our kids grow up, we eventually come to realize that all the big things in our lives are really the direct result of how we've handled all the little things." �Pam Sorooshian, June 4, 2007
The result of being sad now about things that haven't happened is that neither the present nor the future will be as good as if you can find ways to be happy now.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://sandradodd.com/moment
http://sandradodd.com/being
If you are saddened, then he has a sad mom. You're losing your connection by being sad.
Pam Sorooshian wrote
"As we get older and our kids grow up, we eventually come to realize that all the big things in our lives are really the direct result of how we've handled all the little things." �Pam Sorooshian, June 4, 2007
The result of being sad now about things that haven't happened is that neither the present nor the future will be as good as if you can find ways to be happy now.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanna
-=-I think I am saddened by the thought of losing our connection.-=-
There is no automatic loss of connection as kids get older. In regular parenting there often is--but it's usually because kids need to push back against their parents in order to make room for their growing sense of selves. If they encounter resistance, they push.
If you have a flexible, connected relationship, as your child requires more room for his "self" to expand, you can react by moving back to allow for it. But there doesn't need to be any loss of connection. In fact, I have a growing sense of connection with my teens as they become bigger and bigger people, in all senses. It's so much better than I could have ever imagined.
Joanna
There is no automatic loss of connection as kids get older. In regular parenting there often is--but it's usually because kids need to push back against their parents in order to make room for their growing sense of selves. If they encounter resistance, they push.
If you have a flexible, connected relationship, as your child requires more room for his "self" to expand, you can react by moving back to allow for it. But there doesn't need to be any loss of connection. In fact, I have a growing sense of connection with my teens as they become bigger and bigger people, in all senses. It's so much better than I could have ever imagined.
Joanna