What is "an attack" on someone else's idea?
Sandra Dodd
This is most of an exchange on facebook, on a page marked for unschoolers. I took some names off.
It's another example from this week of someone accusing someone else of "attacking," and Lyla's question was quite mild.
Original poster
There is something that I can't make a desicion about... I go back and forthe with this and maybe someone can give me a different perspective or advice! To take the c. ell phone and Ipod away, or not to take it away? I am unschooling 2 girls and I have found that when I take their electronics away for various reasons...they are interested in tons of other stuff! I took [one kid's]'s Ipod away the other day and she carved out gourdes to make birdhouses, I gave her the Ipod back and the gourds have been just sitting there waiting to get painted for days. I took my teen's cell phone away and she played a game of volleyball with us and trivia games at a BBQ, she normally would of not played these games because she would of been too busy texting. What do I do
Sandra Dodd 3:44pm Aug 6
How would you treat a spouse or an adult friend? Holly and I attended the funeral of a 16 year old suicide yesterday. How important are painted gourds compared to your child's ability to make choices on her own?
someoneelse:
[original poster's name], I see the same thing with my son and the ds and such. I believe there are times for ipods and texting and other times we need to have family time, non brain frying time and relaxing time. I didn't grow up with all these things. I didn't have cable. I was allowed things certain times of the day and had an early bed time, etc. I am more against electronics lol. I think they should be limited and we should use our brains.
Lyla Wolfenstein 5:17pm Aug 6
my children's brains are not being fried when they use electronics, nor are mine. is yours?
same someone else:
Wow no need to get on attack mode. I guess ill delete myself from this group. [original poster's name], hon you know where to find me.
Sandra Dodd It's hypocritical and ironic for someone to say electronics fry brains---when it's being said on facebook. :-)
Sandra Dodd Lyla wrote "my children's brains are not being fried when they use electronics, nor are mine. is yours?" and someone else said "wow no need to get on attack mode." That was NOT an attack. Characterizing electronics as "brain frying" and non-brain-use seems to be an insult to people who use or encourage "electronics" (which is a very big category, and certainly includes facebook). For someone to ask "really? that's happening?" is *not* an attack.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It's another example from this week of someone accusing someone else of "attacking," and Lyla's question was quite mild.
Original poster
There is something that I can't make a desicion about... I go back and forthe with this and maybe someone can give me a different perspective or advice! To take the c. ell phone and Ipod away, or not to take it away? I am unschooling 2 girls and I have found that when I take their electronics away for various reasons...they are interested in tons of other stuff! I took [one kid's]'s Ipod away the other day and she carved out gourdes to make birdhouses, I gave her the Ipod back and the gourds have been just sitting there waiting to get painted for days. I took my teen's cell phone away and she played a game of volleyball with us and trivia games at a BBQ, she normally would of not played these games because she would of been too busy texting. What do I do
Sandra Dodd 3:44pm Aug 6
How would you treat a spouse or an adult friend? Holly and I attended the funeral of a 16 year old suicide yesterday. How important are painted gourds compared to your child's ability to make choices on her own?
someoneelse:
[original poster's name], I see the same thing with my son and the ds and such. I believe there are times for ipods and texting and other times we need to have family time, non brain frying time and relaxing time. I didn't grow up with all these things. I didn't have cable. I was allowed things certain times of the day and had an early bed time, etc. I am more against electronics lol. I think they should be limited and we should use our brains.
Lyla Wolfenstein 5:17pm Aug 6
my children's brains are not being fried when they use electronics, nor are mine. is yours?
same someone else:
Wow no need to get on attack mode. I guess ill delete myself from this group. [original poster's name], hon you know where to find me.
Sandra Dodd It's hypocritical and ironic for someone to say electronics fry brains---when it's being said on facebook. :-)
Sandra Dodd Lyla wrote "my children's brains are not being fried when they use electronics, nor are mine. is yours?" and someone else said "wow no need to get on attack mode." That was NOT an attack. Characterizing electronics as "brain frying" and non-brain-use seems to be an insult to people who use or encourage "electronics" (which is a very big category, and certainly includes facebook). For someone to ask "really? that's happening?" is *not* an attack.
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dapsign
Seems to me that the person asking the question didn't get the answer he or she expected to get and wound up feeling "attacked". It also seems to me that the person is more of an academic unschooler. I've read posts from a few people who call themselves unschoolers on Facebook posting things on their personal pages about putting their kids in time out, taking away toys/gadgets and calling themselves unschoolers because it's summer time and they're not doing lessons.
I don't think anyone was attacking the original poster's ideas at all. I see Sandra's and Lyla's posts (among others) more as questioning of the ideas of the original poster. I also don't think a unschooling group on Facebook will ever have the kind of in-depth discussions that happen on this list.
Dina
I don't think anyone was attacking the original poster's ideas at all. I see Sandra's and Lyla's posts (among others) more as questioning of the ideas of the original poster. I also don't think a unschooling group on Facebook will ever have the kind of in-depth discussions that happen on this list.
Dina
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> This is most of an exchange on facebook, on a page marked for unschoolers. I took some names off.
> It's another example from this week of someone accusing someone else of "attacking," and Lyla's question was quite mild.
>
>
> Original poster
> There is something that I can't make a desicion about... I go back and forthe with this and maybe someone can give me a different perspective or advice! To take the c. ell phone and Ipod away, or not to take it away? I am unschooling 2 girls and I have found that when I take their electronics away for various reasons...they are interested in tons of other stuff! I took [one kid's]'s Ipod away the other day and she carved out gourdes to make birdhouses, I gave her the Ipod back and the gourds have been just sitting there waiting to get painted for days. I took my teen's cell phone away and she played a game of volleyball with us and trivia games at a BBQ, she normally would of not played these games because she would of been too busy texting. What do I do
>
> Sandra Dodd 3:44pm Aug 6
> How would you treat a spouse or an adult friend? Holly and I attended the funeral of a 16 year old suicide yesterday. How important are painted gourds compared to your child's ability to make choices on her own?
>
> someoneelse:
>
> [original poster's name], I see the same thing with my son and the ds and such. I believe there are times for ipods and texting and other times we need to have family time, non brain frying time and relaxing time. I didn't grow up with all these things. I didn't have cable. I was allowed things certain times of the day and had an early bed time, etc. I am more against electronics lol. I think they should be limited and we should use our brains.
> Lyla Wolfenstein 5:17pm Aug 6
> my children's brains are not being fried when they use electronics, nor are mine. is yours?
>
> same someone else:
> Wow no need to get on attack mode. I guess ill delete myself from this group. [original poster's name], hon you know where to find me.
>
> Sandra Dodd It's hypocritical and ironic for someone to say electronics fry brains---when it's being said on facebook. :-)
> Sandra Dodd Lyla wrote "my children's brains are not being fried when they use electronics, nor are mine. is yours?" and someone else said "wow no need to get on attack mode." That was NOT an attack. Characterizing electronics as "brain frying" and non-brain-use seems to be an insult to people who use or encourage "electronics" (which is a very big category, and certainly includes facebook). For someone to ask "really? that's happening?" is *not* an attack.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Lisa
My interpretation of this is that the people responding came across as harsh and judgmental.
I would have been put off if I were the person asking the question.
He/She was simply asking a question and seeking help.
There is a sensitive and appropriate way to answer questions without being dogmatic and hurtful.
And there is not only one way to live. People interpret unschooling in their own way and have to live in ways that feel right to them.
Implying that suicide is caused by parents not giving their children electronic gadgets is a rather narrow and harsh perspective and thing to say to a parent. Just saying.
I would have been put off if I were the person asking the question.
He/She was simply asking a question and seeking help.
There is a sensitive and appropriate way to answer questions without being dogmatic and hurtful.
And there is not only one way to live. People interpret unschooling in their own way and have to live in ways that feel right to them.
Implying that suicide is caused by parents not giving their children electronic gadgets is a rather narrow and harsh perspective and thing to say to a parent. Just saying.
Marina DeLuca-Howard
The OP was looking for accolades for taking a popular position. The
rhetoric garners lots of attention. Anyone advocating for children's
autonomy or questioning the orthodoxy is seen as "attacking".
I am sure the OP is shocked by someone who casually mentions having to beat
his wife so she'll have dinner on the table or if she claimed she whips the
kids until they find acceptable hobbies and interests. Somehow "stealing"
from kids isn't seen as a theft. People draw arbitrary lines and balk at
defending them. But if the mantra is "electronics are bad" and you ask why
they are outside the comfort zone.
Marina
--
"Insomnia is almost an oasis in which those who have to think or suffer
darkly take refuge." --Colette--
Rent our cottage: http://davehoward.ca/cottage/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rhetoric garners lots of attention. Anyone advocating for children's
autonomy or questioning the orthodoxy is seen as "attacking".
I am sure the OP is shocked by someone who casually mentions having to beat
his wife so she'll have dinner on the table or if she claimed she whips the
kids until they find acceptable hobbies and interests. Somehow "stealing"
from kids isn't seen as a theft. People draw arbitrary lines and balk at
defending them. But if the mantra is "electronics are bad" and you ask why
they are outside the comfort zone.
Marina
--
"Insomnia is almost an oasis in which those who have to think or suffer
darkly take refuge." --Colette--
Rent our cottage: http://davehoward.ca/cottage/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Implying that suicide is caused by parents not giving their children electronic gadgets is a rather narrow and harsh perspective and thing to say to a parent. Just saying.-=-
If anything you could say when you're "just sayin'" could bring a single dead teen back to life, I would want you to just say it to everybody.
I didn't imply the parents contribute to suicide. I stated it plain out.
If parents dismiss a child's angst or justify their own controlling nature with "life goes on," they are deluding themselves.
Kieran Archuleta has been dead for six days.
Charles Montoya has been dead since 1968; "Electronics" weren't even really invented yet."
http://sandradodd.com/people/charlesmontoya
Alice Law, also in band with us, killed herself the next year.
Kids do commit suicide. Not about gadgets. About lack of regard and respect. About too much control and belittlement.
Sandra
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If anything you could say when you're "just sayin'" could bring a single dead teen back to life, I would want you to just say it to everybody.
I didn't imply the parents contribute to suicide. I stated it plain out.
If parents dismiss a child's angst or justify their own controlling nature with "life goes on," they are deluding themselves.
Kieran Archuleta has been dead for six days.
Charles Montoya has been dead since 1968; "Electronics" weren't even really invented yet."
http://sandradodd.com/people/charlesmontoya
Alice Law, also in band with us, killed herself the next year.
Kids do commit suicide. Not about gadgets. About lack of regard and respect. About too much control and belittlement.
Sandra
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Sandra Dodd
-=-He/She was simply asking a question and seeking help.-=-
Right. And people were offering help, freely, based on their knowledge and experience. And it was being batted away.
It wasn't "simply asking a question." It was seeking affirmation for a position, and permission not to change. Approval for harsh parenting.
-=-There is a sensitive and appropriate way to answer questions without being dogmatic and hurtful.-=-
The think to do, then, is to model that and do it, not to criticize others for the way they voluntarily communicate. If you can do better, do so. If you can't do better, sitting on the side saying "I could have done better" isn't helpful at all.
-=-And there is not only one way to live. People interpret unschooling in their own way and have to live in ways that feel right to them.-=-
There are lots of ways to get to Santa Fe. If you were at my house and wanted to go to Santa Fe, there are three pretty cool ways to get there. Four if you wanted to drive through the Jemez mountains, but there are forest fires there. Depending what the factors were in your desire (Speed? High roads? Small towns?), I could advise you.
You *could* get to Santa Fe by going hundreds of miles out of your way, from Albuquerque. Grand Canyon, then Santa Fe. Austin, then Santa Fe. Mexico City, then Santa Fe. So technically, I guess, there are other ways. But those wouldn't "feel right" to anyone who actually did want to go to Santa Fe.
People interpret unschooling in MANY ways that don't lead to unschooling. I've seen hundreds of families do it well. I've also seen hundreds of people come through and insist that the ideas they came with were as good as anything any experienced unschooler might share, and many of those people's kids ended up back in school (either after using a curriculum, or directly).
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Asking someone whether they have really thought about what they're saying is not an attack.
Sandra
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Right. And people were offering help, freely, based on their knowledge and experience. And it was being batted away.
It wasn't "simply asking a question." It was seeking affirmation for a position, and permission not to change. Approval for harsh parenting.
-=-There is a sensitive and appropriate way to answer questions without being dogmatic and hurtful.-=-
The think to do, then, is to model that and do it, not to criticize others for the way they voluntarily communicate. If you can do better, do so. If you can't do better, sitting on the side saying "I could have done better" isn't helpful at all.
-=-And there is not only one way to live. People interpret unschooling in their own way and have to live in ways that feel right to them.-=-
There are lots of ways to get to Santa Fe. If you were at my house and wanted to go to Santa Fe, there are three pretty cool ways to get there. Four if you wanted to drive through the Jemez mountains, but there are forest fires there. Depending what the factors were in your desire (Speed? High roads? Small towns?), I could advise you.
You *could* get to Santa Fe by going hundreds of miles out of your way, from Albuquerque. Grand Canyon, then Santa Fe. Austin, then Santa Fe. Mexico City, then Santa Fe. So technically, I guess, there are other ways. But those wouldn't "feel right" to anyone who actually did want to go to Santa Fe.
People interpret unschooling in MANY ways that don't lead to unschooling. I've seen hundreds of families do it well. I've also seen hundreds of people come through and insist that the ideas they came with were as good as anything any experienced unschooler might share, and many of those people's kids ended up back in school (either after using a curriculum, or directly).
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Asking someone whether they have really thought about what they're saying is not an attack.
Sandra
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plaidpanties666
>I believe there are times for ipods and texting and other times we need to have family time, non brain frying time and relaxing time.*******************
The trouble is, most adults don't realize that it's statements like the one above which are "attacking" - they're at the least dismissive of the interersts and pleasures of children and teens. Having been on "the other side" of statements like that (with reading and crafts rather than electronics) I know *I* felt attacked by the suggestion that I was bad and wrong for wanting to do things which made me happy.
> Wow no need to get on attack mode.I wonder how that parent would respond if her kid said that to her? I'm willing to bet her kids aren't allowed to make statements like that to their parents, on pain of having something they love taken away from them.
---Meredith
Deb Lewis
***There is a sensitive and appropriate way to answer questions without being dogmatic and hurtful.***
Is it sensitive to call something a child enjoys "brain frying time"? If someone isn't sensitive enough to know that "brain frying" is not a universally accepted description of computer use or video game use *especially within an unschooling group* and is not a kind thing to say about something her child enjoys, how are we to guess they are too sensitive to endure such a question as, " my children's brains are not being fried when they use electronics, nor are mine. is yours?"
I do so wish that people who are too sensitive to be disagreed with would display a bit more sensitivity and refrain from saying mean things about their children in public places.
Deb Lewis
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Is it sensitive to call something a child enjoys "brain frying time"? If someone isn't sensitive enough to know that "brain frying" is not a universally accepted description of computer use or video game use *especially within an unschooling group* and is not a kind thing to say about something her child enjoys, how are we to guess they are too sensitive to endure such a question as, " my children's brains are not being fried when they use electronics, nor are mine. is yours?"
I do so wish that people who are too sensitive to be disagreed with would display a bit more sensitivity and refrain from saying mean things about their children in public places.
Deb Lewis
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Sandra Dodd
-=-I do so wish that people who are too sensitive to be disagreed with would display a bit more sensitivity and refrain from saying mean things about their children in public places. -=-
People who are too sensitive to be disagreed with should not ask questions in public places.
When a parent is needy, emotionally, and in need of soothing parenting herself, THE SINGLE BEST THING she can do is become, directly and swiftly, the best, most compassionate mother she can be and that way she can parent herself along with her children.
When an emotionally needy parent decides to treat (or stumbles into treating) her children the way she was treated, there is a 100% guarantee that things will not get better for her OR for her children.
Better is better. Same is same.
Bad enough to ask for help in public is not "better." It's not even good.
Bad enough to ask for help and then to coldly dismiss that help with an insult is evidence of worse.
People reveal their emotional states without knowing they've done it, when they're fragile. But when they do it in a place where people come for help to do better, the assumption that they *wanted* help to see a different, better way is not wrong, or an attack, or harsh, or judgmental.
If I were suidical and called a suicide hotline and they suggested I was suicidal and I said "how dare you," then what does that say about my awareness of my own state?
If someone feels her parenting is lacking and comes to a group called "unschooling" anything and asks for help, and FOR FREE, and quickly, she GETS help and says "how dare you," I think she should put her children in school.
Sandra
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People who are too sensitive to be disagreed with should not ask questions in public places.
When a parent is needy, emotionally, and in need of soothing parenting herself, THE SINGLE BEST THING she can do is become, directly and swiftly, the best, most compassionate mother she can be and that way she can parent herself along with her children.
When an emotionally needy parent decides to treat (or stumbles into treating) her children the way she was treated, there is a 100% guarantee that things will not get better for her OR for her children.
Better is better. Same is same.
Bad enough to ask for help in public is not "better." It's not even good.
Bad enough to ask for help and then to coldly dismiss that help with an insult is evidence of worse.
People reveal their emotional states without knowing they've done it, when they're fragile. But when they do it in a place where people come for help to do better, the assumption that they *wanted* help to see a different, better way is not wrong, or an attack, or harsh, or judgmental.
If I were suidical and called a suicide hotline and they suggested I was suicidal and I said "how dare you," then what does that say about my awareness of my own state?
If someone feels her parenting is lacking and comes to a group called "unschooling" anything and asks for help, and FOR FREE, and quickly, she GETS help and says "how dare you," I think she should put her children in school.
Sandra
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renee_cabatic
I've been thinking about this also. Since I posted Pam Sooroshian's quote about being your childs friend on Facebook and some of my college friends commented with "Yeah, but..." kind of responses. They got defensive when their ideas were challenged. They said they were being attacked. No one was attacked. Ideas were discussed, assumptions and misconceptions were teased out....but I saw no attacks.
So I have been wondering if it's even possible for some people to have their ideas challenged without feeling attacked.
Discussing ideas is not necessarily personal. But parenting ideas can feel very personal. Loaded with emotions like guilt, fear, hope, and love for our children we attach ourselves to our decisions and we cannot seperate even for the sake of discussion. And maybe we shouldn't detach...it's partly because of the importance of the questions and my attachment to my children that I have challenged myself to learn and apply unschooling principles to my life.
But when someone says something like, "If you don't use punishments children will be monsters" or "If you don't require algebra children will never be able to go to college or be smart or go into certain fields like engineering." --I don't feel attacked. Is this an "attack" on my idea? Sometimes I've wondered if I should defend my kids or kids like mine? But I usually don't respond because I know my kids. And what they are saying is just not true.
Stay attached, connected to your kid but detach from the ideas while discussing them? Is this a solution to feeling attacked?
Renee Cabatic
p.s.-I want to edit/write better but I also want to play and be with my family so I hope I have made sense...:-)
So I have been wondering if it's even possible for some people to have their ideas challenged without feeling attacked.
Discussing ideas is not necessarily personal. But parenting ideas can feel very personal. Loaded with emotions like guilt, fear, hope, and love for our children we attach ourselves to our decisions and we cannot seperate even for the sake of discussion. And maybe we shouldn't detach...it's partly because of the importance of the questions and my attachment to my children that I have challenged myself to learn and apply unschooling principles to my life.
But when someone says something like, "If you don't use punishments children will be monsters" or "If you don't require algebra children will never be able to go to college or be smart or go into certain fields like engineering." --I don't feel attacked. Is this an "attack" on my idea? Sometimes I've wondered if I should defend my kids or kids like mine? But I usually don't respond because I know my kids. And what they are saying is just not true.
Stay attached, connected to your kid but detach from the ideas while discussing them? Is this a solution to feeling attacked?
Renee Cabatic
p.s.-I want to edit/write better but I also want to play and be with my family so I hope I have made sense...:-)
Jenny Cyphers
***Implying that suicide is caused by parents not giving their children electronic gadgets is a rather narrow and harsh perspective and thing to say to a parent. Just saying.***
I didn't get that message at all from what Sandra wrote. From my perspective, she was saying something like, "Hey, reconsider your stance, kids don't always live forever. What you do now matters."
***And there is not only one way to live. People interpret unschooling in their own way and have to live in ways that feel right to them.***
Right, anyone can do whatever they want to. They can even call it unschooling. Does that make it so? I've met enough unschoolers to know that there are things that work towards unschooling and things that work against unschooling. A parent judging and ruling against a child's love of their phone or DS doesn't move in the direction of happy unschooling. I know, I've seen it. I've seen worse by an unschooling parent. I can guarantee this, putting the label of unschooling on yourself doesn't automatically give you a pass to happy wonderful relationships with your children. You have to actually DO those things that work towards unschooling and happier relationships.
One unschooling mom we knew, never let go of her own unrealistic expectations of her daughter. Her daughter ended up back in school and ran away from home twice, then was forced, by her mother to go to a reform ranch for bad children. That girl has been greatly damaged, that relationship between mother and child was greatly damaged because the mom wouldn't let go of her ideas of what felt right to her. That's hugely tragic.
Another unschooling mom we know has done worse and her oldest daughter hates her, HATES her. That woman still claims to be unschooling her kids and claims to know what's right for her family. She does what feels right.
I had vowed to never talk about that latter family, but it seriously pisses me off when people use that excuse, to do what feels right for them. What is right, is so subjective and some parents have so much baggage and personal damage that they don't even know what is right anymore.
So, you are right, there is not only one way to live. I want something better. I HAVE something better. I have done a lot of personal work and growth to make unschooling work for me and my kids. My oldest is 17 and doesn't hate me, she doesn't want to run away from home, she doesn't want to kill herself, and she doesn't want to escape with drugs or alcohol. She has vision and passion and is a genuinely happy person. There are about a million things I could have done to screw that up. There were a million things I did that made it better. I assure you that doing what felt right to me was not one of those that made things better, questioning myself and my motives and doing what was peaceful and kind and happy is what made things better. Taking away another's personal belongings isn't peaceful, kind, or happy.
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I didn't get that message at all from what Sandra wrote. From my perspective, she was saying something like, "Hey, reconsider your stance, kids don't always live forever. What you do now matters."
***And there is not only one way to live. People interpret unschooling in their own way and have to live in ways that feel right to them.***
Right, anyone can do whatever they want to. They can even call it unschooling. Does that make it so? I've met enough unschoolers to know that there are things that work towards unschooling and things that work against unschooling. A parent judging and ruling against a child's love of their phone or DS doesn't move in the direction of happy unschooling. I know, I've seen it. I've seen worse by an unschooling parent. I can guarantee this, putting the label of unschooling on yourself doesn't automatically give you a pass to happy wonderful relationships with your children. You have to actually DO those things that work towards unschooling and happier relationships.
One unschooling mom we knew, never let go of her own unrealistic expectations of her daughter. Her daughter ended up back in school and ran away from home twice, then was forced, by her mother to go to a reform ranch for bad children. That girl has been greatly damaged, that relationship between mother and child was greatly damaged because the mom wouldn't let go of her ideas of what felt right to her. That's hugely tragic.
Another unschooling mom we know has done worse and her oldest daughter hates her, HATES her. That woman still claims to be unschooling her kids and claims to know what's right for her family. She does what feels right.
I had vowed to never talk about that latter family, but it seriously pisses me off when people use that excuse, to do what feels right for them. What is right, is so subjective and some parents have so much baggage and personal damage that they don't even know what is right anymore.
So, you are right, there is not only one way to live. I want something better. I HAVE something better. I have done a lot of personal work and growth to make unschooling work for me and my kids. My oldest is 17 and doesn't hate me, she doesn't want to run away from home, she doesn't want to kill herself, and she doesn't want to escape with drugs or alcohol. She has vision and passion and is a genuinely happy person. There are about a million things I could have done to screw that up. There were a million things I did that made it better. I assure you that doing what felt right to me was not one of those that made things better, questioning myself and my motives and doing what was peaceful and kind and happy is what made things better. Taking away another's personal belongings isn't peaceful, kind, or happy.
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Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 7, 2011, at 3:44 PM, renee_cabatic wrote:
doesn't have a solid foundation for her ideas and doesn't have
confidence she can make the right decisions.
That place is where statements like "We just do the best we can and
hope for the best," come from. If someone's choices come not from
analysis and understanding but come from a feeling of rightness that
needs backed by other moms, questioning is going to feel unnerving. It
suggests gut feeling isn't good enough.
I can feel like that when someone starts talking politics with
confidence. They come across as having a bucket load of information
that I don't have or haven't thought about. I really want gut feelings
to be enough to guide my choices but being questioned by someone with
confidence who seems to know more is like an attack on that.
Joyce
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> So I have been wondering if it's even possible for some people toI've been thinking that feeling of being attacked comes when someone
> have their ideas challenged without feeling attacked.
doesn't have a solid foundation for her ideas and doesn't have
confidence she can make the right decisions.
That place is where statements like "We just do the best we can and
hope for the best," come from. If someone's choices come not from
analysis and understanding but come from a feeling of rightness that
needs backed by other moms, questioning is going to feel unnerving. It
suggests gut feeling isn't good enough.
I can feel like that when someone starts talking politics with
confidence. They come across as having a bucket load of information
that I don't have or haven't thought about. I really want gut feelings
to be enough to guide my choices but being questioned by someone with
confidence who seems to know more is like an attack on that.
Joyce
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BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
I am amazed when people that feel attacked because their ideas or words are being challenged and they go on and personally attack to the point of using curse words and "wtf".
Is an advice good because it it "heartfelt"?
A lot of heartfelt advice is really bad or at least won't help you towards better unschooling.
Alex Polikowsky
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Is an advice good because it it "heartfelt"?
A lot of heartfelt advice is really bad or at least won't help you towards better unschooling.
Alex Polikowsky
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